Undead and Unwelcome u-8

by Maryjane Davidson

  When Laura called me away during my last entry, I had followed her into the kitchen. But not as her friend . . . I was more than a little alarmed at the symptoms of intense stress she was exhibiting. Since unpleasant things had a way of happening when she was angry or frightened, I had a more than passing interest in her state of mind.

  I was able to sit her down at the kitchen table and get her to drink a Snapple. The act of doing something nice and mundane seemed to calm her. That’s when I realized she was more humiliated than angry.

  “Marc, I am so sorry you had to see that. I just don’t know what to say.”

  “Laura, it’s not your fault. Hey,” I joked, “how do you think I’d feel if my old man showed up? You shouldn’t feel bad about something beyond your control.”

  “Maybe it isn’t beyond my control.”

  I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that. “It’s fine, Laura, I don’t mind. Satanists showing up in the foyer certainly add some spice to my day. Nobody likes the pop-​in. And like I said, it’s not your fault.”

  “No. It’s my mother’s.” That last was practically spit out. “I was going to ask you something and now I can’t, because of her.”

  “Ask me what? Drink your tea. So. Ask.”

  “Um.” Laura gazed into her bottle of Snapple, which I doubt held any answers. “It’s just, I told Betsy I’d look after you and Tina while she was gone. So instead of coming over when I can, I was hoping I could move in. Just for a little while,” she added, misreading my expression. “I won’t get in the way, I promise.”

  “How could you get in the way? There are twenty bedrooms in this thing. But come on, Laura. Cut the bullshit.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Betsy asked you to look over Tina, too?”

  “Well.” Laura looked down for a moment. “Mostly you, I guess. I think she felt bad about leaving you behind.”

  I shrugged. “It’s moot. I didn’t have the vacation time, anyway. Tina had to stay, too—somebody’s got to stay in Vampire Central and handle any undead-​related stuff that comes up while they’re gone. Which leaves thee and me. And of course you can move in. Heck, pick an entire wing to live in.”

  “No, I can’t, now.” Her knuckles whitened on the bottle. “Not with these—these people tracking me down all the time and asking—”

  “Wait. This has happened before?”

  Laura didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. The Snapple bottle shattered in her hand, spraying tea and glass all over the place.

  “Oh my God! I’m sorry, Marc, I didn’t mean to be so clumsy, I’ll get a towel and—”

  I was instantly on my feet, hauled her to hers, and hustled her over to the sink. “Laura, if you don’t mellow out, I’m going to slip some Valium into your next Frappuccino. Now hold still and let me look.”

  I carefully examined her hand, rinsed it, and examined it again. She had a couple of minor cuts on the pads of her left ring and middle fingers, and that was all. Nothing arterial, no damage to the tendons that I could see.

  “No more Snapple for you,” I said, handing her a dish towel and stepping around the broken glass. “From now on it’s strictly sippy cups.”

  The only reason I was letting her clean up was because it was the only thing that would make her feel better. Laura was nice—a little too nice. She always made me wonder when she was going to blow. Looked like this might be the week.

  “You said this has happened before?”

  “Yes.” She wiped up glass and tea, being careful to get even the smallest pieces. “Those people. They always find me. Always.”

  “So they show up at your apartment, too?”

  “My apartment. My parents’ house.”

  “I’ll bet the minister loved that,” I said dryly, earning a ghost of a smile. “What do they want with you?”

  “To serve me,” she replied shortly, wringing the now-​wet towel over the sink (after she’d shaken the glass into the garbage).

  “Serve you, what? With toast?”

  A real smile this time. “No, silly. To do my bidding.”

  “So what have you done in the past?”

  “I just tell them to go away.”

  “No, no, no.”

  Laura blinked. “No?”

  “You’re going about it all wrong.”

  “I am?”

  “It’s going to happen anyway, right? Because of that star or whatever heralding you like—I dunno—like January heralds weight-​loss resolutions.”

  “Yes, I suppose.” Laura was looking increasingly mystified, which was a big improvement over mortified. “But what else could I do?”

  “Lots of things.”

  Then I told her. And got another smile, this one even better than the last one. This was a smile of absolute delight.

  Chapter 21

  I got back in time to change into a black suit, black panty hose, and Carolina Herrera black pumps. Sinclair was up and working at the desk in our suite; he was also dressed for the service.

  Yes, indeed, my first werewolf funeral.

  I watched my husband work for a minute until he felt my gaze and turned. “Something on your mind, dear one?”

  “Several things,” I replied, thinking of Lara, future psycho werewolf leader. “Mostly about how awkward this is going to be. I mean, everyone there will know. They’ll know Antonia died saving me.”

  “I imagine they will, yes.” He watched me with his dark eyes, an unreadable expression on his face.

  “Like I don’t hate funerals enough.”

  “Yes, of course,” he soothed. “Everyone should realize how difficult this will be for you.”

  “Yeah, that’s—you jerk. I hate you.”

  “No, you worship the hallowed ground I trod upon, which is what any good wife should—” He ducked, and my left shoe went flying over his head. Fortunately, it missed the window. I couldn’t stand the thought of my new pump being torn by flying glass. “My sweet, I was only seeking to give comfort in your time of—”

  “Do you know how many pairs of shoes I packed?”

  “Ah . . . no. Perhaps a change of subject would be prudent. Where is Jessica?”

  “Watching BabyJon in her suite. You know, I didn’t want her to come, but now I’m awfully glad she did. I don’t trust the werewolves with him. There’s something weird going on there.”

  “Mmmmm. What were you up to until the sun set?”

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

  His eyes narrowed. “No one bothered you, did they?”

  “It’s not like that, Sinclair.” I sighed and sat down across from him. “This is a weird place. I’m not sure I like it. And this whole Council thing is making me nervous. I miss our house. I miss Tina and Laura and Marc. I just want to go home.”

  “At last,” he said, “we are of one mind. Perhaps it will help you to think of the funeral as part of the cost of returning to Minnesota.”

  “Or perhaps I’ll think of it as the werewolf version of Tailhook.”

  “Either way,” he said, glancing at his watch, “we had best get moving. Soonest done, soonest home.”

  “Dammit. No time for a quickie?”

  He smiled at me and shook his head, but I could tell he hated to do it.

  “Not even a quickie quickie?”

  “Stop that, vile temptress. Now let’s be off; people are waiting for us.”

  Hmph. I’d always thought that whole “jump in and get it over with” thing wasn’t always the way to go.

  But damned if I was going to cower in a room that wasn’t mine, in a house where nobody knew me and nobody cared to. No, I’d go to Antonia’s funeral and hold my head up, and if the fuzzy lollipop brigade didn’t like it, nuts to them.

  Chapter 22

  I knocked, then poked my head into Jessica’s room to see how BabyJon was doing. Jessica, resigned, was walking back and forth with him while he alternated crying with spitting up on her shoulder.

  “And onc
e again, I can’t thank you enough.”

  “And once again, I need to buy a new shirt.” She had to raise her voice to be heard over the baby. “Have fun at the funeral, anyway. Should be a piece of cake, right?”

  “It’s a joke, that’s what it is.” I held out my arms and she gladly surrendered him to me. BabyJon hushed at once, except for the occasional hiccup.

  “I wouldn’t say that around here if I were you,” she warned, scraping at the fusty left shoulder of her blouse.

  “It’s the truth, though.”

  “Come on, Bets. It’s hard for them. These guys—from what I’ve seen, they’re a tight bunch. It’s probably like losing a niece, or a sister, or—”

  “Bullshit. The Pack didn’t like Antonia, remember? They were glad when she left.”

  Jess snapped her fingers. “Jeez, you’re right! I’d forgotten all about that. It creeped them out that she couldn’t change, but could tell the future. They needed her, but they were all sorta scared of her, too.”

  I nodded. Antonia had gotten abysmally drunk (do you have any idea how much booze a werewolf has to drink before feeling it?) one night a few months back. She’d told us the whole story.

  How hardly any of them spoke to her.

  How frightened they were of her: Would she withhold her predictions? If she saw something bad in a Pack member’s future, would she spill it? Or keep it to herself?

  Worst of all, she’d told us how the Pack had been relieved when they’d found out she wasn’t coming back. They hadn’t missed her at all, or even worried about her.

  No. They’d been relieved.

  And now they expected me to face the music. The whole thing pissed me off.

  Jessica was shaking her head. “Glad I’m not in your shoes, Bets. Although they are pretty nice,” she added, peeking at my pumps.

  “They can do whatever they want with me,” I muttered. “But if they fuck with my shoes I’m going to kill them all in a variety of horrible ways.”

  “Gosh.” I kissed BabyJon on his sweet head. “I feel safer already.”

  Chapter 23

  Wyndham Manor, I had been told, was not only werewolf HQ and the seat of their power, it was also home to dozens of Pack members. And it had obviously been built to accommodate crowds, because the service was held in a room the size of a warehouse and nobody was crowded. I was guessing, when there wasn’t a coffin involved, it was a ballroom.

  Michael had spoken briefly, and then a minister (a werewolf Presbyterian minister!) had spoken, and then people started filing past the coffin, no doubt paying their respects.

  I had noticed right away that they’d switched Antonia to a much nicer coffin. It shone like polished jet and was just as black. An enormous spray of white calla lilies nearly covered the entire top. I wonder what they’d done with the old one—the one Derik had destroyed. Then I decided a) it was a morbid thought and b) none of my business.

  At least Jessica was missing this. This was actually fine by me—if I knew where she was, I wouldn’t worry about her.

  BabyJon was snuggled against my shoulder, thumb popped into his mouth, gazing around with bright-​eyed interest. I tried to pretend he wasn’t drooling on the lapel of my Ann Taylor.

  Weirdly, it had been Sinclair’s idea for me to bring him. It was the first time Sinclair had suggested we bring BabyJon anywhere, so on top of being sad for Antonia, and scared for us, I was suspicious of my husband’s motives.

  I didn’t move when people started getting up. I had already paid my respects. I had wept over her, called her Pack, and told them the unthinkable, had flown her home. It was more than I’d done for my own father.

  “Hello. It’s Betsy, right?”

  I looked up and almost gasped. One of the most striking women I had ever seen in my life was standing in front of me, with a pregnant belly out to here.

  “Uh, yeah.” I shifted BabyJon and held out a hand, which she shook briskly. “Betsy Taylor.”

  “The infamous queen of the dead.” But her blue eyes were kind, and she was smiling. Her hair was a rich auburn cloud around her shoulders. “I’m Sara, Derik’s wife.”

  “Undead,” I corrected, “and yeah, that’s me. Was Antonia a friend of yours? I s’pose she must have been; she and your husband were kind of tight, or so I heard. I’m very sorry about what happened to her.”

  “Thank you.” Sara eased herself into the chair beside me and massaged the small of her back. “But she wasn’t my friend. I couldn’t stand spending time with her.”

  I stared. And stared. And stared some more, feeling equal parts admiration and horror. Sara had a pair, that was for sure, to speak ill of the dead in this of all places. But she was telling the truth, which I admired tremendously.

  “She was kind of a grump,” I admitted. “You’re, um, not a werewolf. Are you?”

  “No, no.”

  “So Jeannie’s not the only human who, ah, runs with the Pack?”

  “No indeed. Although I’m not technically human,” she said.

  “Oh.”

  “I’m the reincarnation of the sorceress Morgan Le Fay.”

  Oh. Great. A crazy woman—a crazy pregnant woman—was sitting less than two feet away. My, what an interesting week this was turning out to be!

  Sara laughed, accurately reading my expression. “Never mind, you don’t have to believe it, just like I don’t have to convince you. Although I should warn you, if you try to hurt me, the chances are excellent that something awful will happen to you.”

  “I just met you. Why would I want to hurt you?”

  “Nobody knows. Just like no one can predict what you and your husband are up to at any given time. Are you going to finish that?”

  I handed her my cherry Coke—yes, now that the actual service was over, they’d broken out the bar drinks. “Predict . . . what the hell are you talking about?”

  Sara gestured to the room. I looked, but all I saw were hostile gazes pretty much everywhere I turned. “You’re just making them extremely nervous, that’s all.”

  “What? Me? But that’s—”

  “You don’t have a scent,” she interrupted gently. “So they can’t tell how you’re feeling at any given time. It makes them—all of them—extremely nervous.”

  Of course! I almost slapped my forehead. I had completely forgotten how much that had weirded Antonia out when she came to live with us. It took her weeks to get used to us for that exact reason.

  “Then how come you’re on this side of the room, talking to me?”

  Sara shrugged. “You don’t make me nervous. You’re still our guest, despite the circumstances. And you won’t be able to hurt me.”

  Back to that again. “What, are you a superstar pregnant ninja warrior or something?”

  “No, no. Nothing like that.”

  Silence.

  “Well? Jeez, you can’t make comments like that and then leave me hanging.”

  “But you won’t believe me anyway, so why waste my breath?”

  “Try me,” I retorted.

  She shrugged. “I affect the laws of probability. If someone tries to shoot me, the gun will jam. Or a pinprick aneurysm he had all his life will pick that second to blow. Or he’ll miss me and the bullet will ricochet back into his brain.”

  Sara sighed. “I knew you’d say that.”

  “I didn’t have a chance to say anything, you—” Poor crazy person, I’d been about to say, which wasn’t nice, under the circumstances. “So in order for you to—to—uh—”

  “Affect the laws of probability.”

  “Don’t you have to do tons of math all the time?”

  “Oh, no. My power’s completely unconscious. I have no control over it at all. After I won the lottery for the fourth time, I sort of hung it up.” She patted her belly. “Besides, there are more important things than buying lottery tickets.”

  “Yeah, I s’pose.”

  “And knowing I’ll win sort of takes the fun out of it.”

  “Sur
e, I can see that.” Looney tunes.

  “Is this your son?” Sara smiled and held her arms out. BabyJon smiled back and snuggled more firmly into my shoulder.

  “It’s not you,” I hastily assured the crazy pregnant woman. “He pretty much only likes me. He’s not my son, though. He’s my half brother.”

  “He’s charming,” Sara said admiringly. “What beautiful eyes!”

  “Thanks.” I perked up a little. “He’s really a sweet baby. He almost never cries, and he sleeps all day—”

  “I would imagine, with a vampire big sister.”

  “Yeah, we had to do some juggling with everybody’s schedule,” I admitted.

  “But weren’t you worried about bringing him here with—with everything that’s happened?”

  “I haven’t been his guardian very long. My husband and I need to get in the habit of thinking like parents, not ravenous, slavering monarchs of the undead.”

  Sara cracked up, holding her belly and clutching the table so she wouldn’t fall over. I perked up even more. At least someone at this funeral didn’t blame me for Antonia’s sacrifice. I could feel the disapproving stares, but Sara just laughed and laughed.

  Finally, she settled down and wiped her watering eyes. “Hormones,” she explained. “Sorry.”

  “Hey, I’m not offended. It’s kind of nice to see someone—” Lightening up, I’d been about to say, which would have been seriously uncool.

  “So! I’ve never met a vampire before.”

  “Well, I’ve never met a sorceress before.” I was trying to remember what I knew about Morgan Le Fay, but history was so not my strong point. I thought she’d been a witch during King Arthur’s time. She was one of the bad guys, I was pretty sure. Well, I could always ask Sinclair.

  “We can’t say that any longer, can we?” Sara was asking.

  “Not hardly .” I glanced over her shoulder and saw Derik stomping toward us, his normally smiling countenance twisted into a scowl. “Uh-​oh. Pissed off hubby at six o’clock.”

  Sara sighed. “It’s been awful for him; I’m sure you can relate. He doesn’t mean to act like you shoved Antonia into a hail of bullets. But it’s hard. You know?”