Cutting In

by Julia Wolf

  “Deal.” I leaned in to get a better view. “You know I’m going to be calling you for cupcakes in the middle of the night.”

  He met my eyes. “And you know I’ll always come when you call.”

  I squeezed his forearm, a rush of emotion filling me to the brim, threatening to spill out of my eyes. “I’ll be right back, okay? I’m gonna go change.”

  In my bedroom, I wiped my wet eyes, then I yanked off my dress and kicked it to the back of my closet where it would stay until the next formal event I went to. If I was lucky, that wouldn’t be for a very long time. Dresses were for the birds.

  I slipped off my bra and pulled on a black tank. Since my chest was on the small side, I only wore a bra to work and high school reunions. Usually the second I got home, I whipped my bra off and let the girls breathe. Home was also a no-pants zone, but I thought I’d better not walk back to the kitchen in my lacy pink boy shorts. More ass cheek was out than was covered, and while Will would probably appreciate the view, I slipped on a pair of old, ripped-up jeans anyway. We’d save the ass cheek for later.

  After pulling my long hair into a messy bun, I went back to the kitchen where Will was cooking the pancakes on my griddle.

  I took a long whiff of the air. “Mmm...that smells delicious,” I said from behind him.

  Will’s shoulders jumped. “Shit, Annie, you scared the hell out of me.”

  I laughed. “Sorry! It just smells so good and I’m so freaking hungry!”

  He flipped a pancake onto a plate and turned off the stove. “Well, you’re in luck then because they’re done.” He handed me a plate stacked with chocolate chip pancakes.

  “Oh my god, I’m going to inhale this. Watch out.” I grabbed forks and the syrup. “Want to go eat on my balcony? It’s still pretty nice out.”

  Picking up his plate, he said, “Sure. Lead the way.”

  My apartment was pretty cozy—just under seven hundred square feet—but my balcony was spacious. The whole thing was made of iron and overlooked the river that ran parallel to the town. My boss Rachel was the previous tenant of the apartment and she told me it had been her favorite spot when she lived here. I concurred. I spent more time out here than in my living room. I’d bought a comfy chaise lounge, and a mosaic table and chair set for two. As long as the weather was above freezing, I ate all of my meals on the balcony, and on my days off, I’d been known to curl up on the chaise with my Kindle and stay there all day.

  Will set down his plate and looked around. “When you said balcony, I pictured a narrow slice of space. This is awesome!”

  “I know, right? They’re gonna have to drag me out of this apartment kicking and screaming if they ever want me to move out.”

  He peered over the railing at the dark water below. “You might just have to do that to me.”

  I stuffed a forkful of pancake in my mouth and moaned when the flavor hit my tongue. Maybe it was just because Will had made it, or maybe he had some voodoo-magic pancake-cooking skills, but it was the best damn pancake I’d ever tasted in my life. The perfect balance of crispness and softness, with just the barest hint of vanilla.

  “If you keep making me pancakes like this, you never have to leave.”

  “I wish you could see yourself right now,” he said, his voice all growly again.

  I licked my lips. “What? Do I have syrup all over my face?”

  He reached out and wiped the corner of my lips. It took every ounce of my willpower not to lick his thumb. He dropped his hand and picked up his fork before I could make a fool of myself, thankfully.

  Six

  Will

  She still had no clue. She came out of her bedroom in a tiny tank top, no bra, nipples threatening to spear a hole through the thin fabric. Her tattered jeans hung low, leaving a wide slash of stomach and hip exposed. And her hair pulled off her face left her creamy, elegant neck bare, begging to be bitten and sucked. Hell, all of her begged to be bitten and sucked. Or maybe that was me doing the begging.

  I took a deep breath and tried to lighten up. Our reunion was only four hours old. My feelings for Anna were powerful, but we had time now, a luxury we'd never had before. We were both settled, and like I said before, I wasn’t going anywhere. No need to rush this.

  “So, I know you’re a hairstylist. Tell me something else,” I said.

  She slowly chewed her pancake, humming as she thought. “I’ve been taking guitar lessons at the music shop up the street.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “No shit? How’s that going?”

  She flicked her fork in the air dismissively. “Oh, I’m terrible at it. But it’s fun. As much as I like going to shows and listening to music, I have no discernible talent of my own. But my teacher’s this old guy who toured with the Stones in the sixties as a roadie. He’s so rad.”

  “You know you’re going to have to play for me, right?”

  She giggled. “As long as you remember that I warned you when your ears start bleeding.” She pushed her plate away, her pancakes demolished, and laid a hand on her stomach. “How could I have been so hungry five minutes ago and now I’m ready to explode?”

  “That’s what happens when you eat three pancakes in five minutes!”

  She narrowed her eyes. “That sounded very judgy.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. “No judgments! Just sayin’...”

  She leaned forward and stabbed a piece of my pancake with her fork, then shoved it in her mouth, one eyebrow raised in challenge. I just shook my head and smiled though. It made me too damn happy, sitting on her balcony, watching her stuff herself with the pancakes I’d made for her.

  She tossed her fork on her plate with a clatter. “Hey!”

  I cocked my head. “Yeah?”

  “Do you not do social media at all?”

  “I do. But only for my business. Anyone I want to talk to, I have their numbers. I don’t need to see the kids of people from high school or hear about their night at ‘da club.’ Not interested.”

  She smoothed her hand over the top of her hair and nodded once. “I did try to find you.”

  “I tried to find you too, Annie.”

  And I had. Every six months or so I’d search for her name on Facebook or Instagram, never finding her.

  “I’m on Insta, but same as you, it’s just my professional stuff. And I keep it locked down tight, so you wouldn’t find me because my name isn’t on there.”

  I breathed out a long, ragged breath. “I can’t believe we were both trying to find each other all this time.”

  She bit her lip. “Well, I didn’t try as hard as I could have. I was scared you wouldn’t want anything to do with me if I did find you.”

  I shook my head. “We really made a mess of things. Damn, Annie, you were my best friend. How’d we get here?”

  “You remember how miserable I was back then. And I only let you see a fraction of it. I know most teenagers feel like they don’t have a place in the world, but at the time, I thought I’d never find mine.”

  “You would’ve always had me. No matter what. We had plans.”

  She stacked our plates together, not meeting my eyes. “And I changed them without telling you. Everything that happened was because I was a coward.”

  “I was so in love with you.” My words came out quiet, gruff.

  Her eyes shot up to mine. “And I trashed it. I know, Will. I’m sorry.”

  Before I could speak, she stood and carried our plates inside. I sat for a moment in the dark of her balcony, trying to catch my breath. The pain I saw in her eyes had knocked it out of me. We’d gone from laughing to the nitty-gritty so fast I hadn’t been able to steel myself for it.

  We’d wounded each other back then. She couldn’t love me the way I’d wanted her to, so I’d defended myself with silence. Years and years of silence. I'd turned away from her at probably the worst time in her life.

  But we were both older now. I’d gotten a helluva lot stronger and she’d let herself be a helluva lot softer.
Maybe this time we could heal those old wounds.

  I went inside and Anna was standing at the sink in her postage stamp-sized kitchen, scrubbing our plates. She turned the water off when she saw me, then dried her hands with a towel.

  “I’m going to run out to my car and grab my gym bag so I can change. I’m kinda tired of being in this suit,” I said.

  Her eyebrows pinched together and she looked more vulnerable than I’d ever seen her. “You’re not leaving?”

  I raked my hand through my hair. “Not unless you want me to.”

  She shook her head. “I definitely don’t want you to.”

  I met her eyes, making sure she really listened to what I said. “I’m not going anywhere, Annie. We have a lot of unfinished business. I’ll be right back, okay?”

  She nodded, a small smile curving up the corner of her lips. “Okay. I’ll be here.”

  Seven

  Anna

  Will and I had a plan. For four years we’d plotted our great escape. He’d go to culinary school and be the next great chef and I’d go to NYU and be the next great...something. The details didn’t matter; what mattered to us was that we’d get out of Baltimore and go to Manhattan together.

  But as the application date for college grew closer, I got scared. I’d seen the way Will looked at me. It had changed at some point from friendship to...more. Maybe so slowly that I hadn’t noticed. Or maybe I’d just been blind.

  I’d filled out the application for NYU. My mom had even written a check for the fee. When it came down to it though, I never sent it. Instead I’d applied to colleges on the West Coast. Far away from my family and far away from Will.

  I'd never said a word to him. I’d let him believe our plan still existed. I'd thought that somehow, it would all work out. That I could keep him, but from a distance. That he’d forgive me, and we could still be friends, even on opposite coasts.

  But then we'd had sex. There was a wine cooler or ten involved in the decision making and it was prom night, so it seemed like a good idea to try Will on like an expensive accessory I knew I could never afford to see how we’d fit. But when I couldn’t stand the way he looked at me, like I was precious to him, the tags had been ripped off, and it was too late to put him back.

  The front door opened and Will quietly clicked it shut behind him. He carried a black bag over his shoulder and pointed down the hall. “Bathroom?”

  I nodded. “The door on the left.” My voice wavered, my throat knotted with years of emotion.

  I sat back on my couch and stared up at the ceiling, suddenly exhausted down to my very bones. In no way, shape, or form did I want to talk about the night or its aftermath with Will. But I also wanted to keep him and maybe have a real chance to start fresh, so there was no avoiding this. It was part of our history, our story. It’s what made us us.

  Will came out of the bathroom in a gray T-shirt and black athletic pants, the muscles of his chest and arms all the more evident through the thin cotton. Even through my emotional stupor, I couldn’t help finding him obscenely attractive.

  “When did you get all this?” I asked, gesturing up and down his tall frame.

  He laughed and dropped his gym bag back on the floor, then flopped next to me on the couch.

  “I grew like six inches my first year of college and actually started working out instead of sitting in my best friend’s room, listening to music and hating the world.” He rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. “Well, I still kind of hated the world for a while there, just no more best friend or her room to hide in.”

  I hooked my pinkie on his. “I’m sorry for everything, Will.” My voice hitched and the tears I’d been holding back since the moment I saw him striding across that hotel lobby finally spilled down my cheeks.

  Will cupped my jaw, wiping a tear with his thumb. “Shhh. Don’t cry, Annie. We’ll figure this shit out, baby. I don’t want you to be sad.”

  I pinched my lips together, trying to will the tears away, but they were coming and there was no stopping them. My shoulders shook and I let Will gather me up in his arms, slowly rocking and shushing me.

  I’d tucked what happened away, like my dress in the back of my closet, hoping I’d never have to think about it again. But just like the dress, all those feelings weren’t gone; they were only waiting for the right occasion to be pulled out and faced.

  I hated it. I’ve never been a crier. I’d sooner punch a guy in the face than cry over him.

  But this was Will, who’d always been the echo behind each and every one of my heartbeats.

  He kissed my forehead and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Then he held my face in his hands, kissing every last tear, and before he pulled away, he left a whisper of a kiss on my lips.

  My heart raced and our eyes met—his anguished, but there was something else there too. Something intense and fierce.

  I shifted closer to him. “Will,” I breathed.

  He traced my bottom lip with his thumb. “Anna,” he whispered.

  Tipping my head slightly, I kissed his thumb, taking the tip between my lips. Will groaned and moved his hand to the back of my head and then crushed his mouth to mine.

  So much time had gone by since our last first kiss, but we still fit. His lips were sweet and salty, syrup mixed with my tears. And damn, they were more plush than they had any business being. I opened for him and he opened for me, our tongues meeting, sliding.

  His mouth on mine had me melting, my body a puddle in his lap. He took control, directing me, pulling me onto him, but never letting our lips part for more than a breath. His hands stayed on my face and in my hair, his touch almost chaste in comparison to the passion-fueled way he kissed me.

  I’d been tired a few minutes ago, but now every cell in my body was wide awake, my skin buzzing with awareness. I felt it all. His hand threaded through the hair at the base of my neck, fingers tangling with the tight curls just above my hairline. His rough thumb stroking the tender skin on the underside of my jaw. His nose pressing into my cheek. His lips, so soft, enveloping my own. His erection hard against my thigh. His stubble scraping my chin.

  I memorized the feel of his skin on mine. The first time had been too rushed, the experience a blur of strawberry wine cooler on his breath, our bony teenage bodies clanking against each other and his eyes staring into mine, imploring me to love him back.

  I broke the kiss, breathless, needing to see his eyes. He opened them and they were filled with want and devotion. But this time, instead of being afraid, I only hoped my own eyes mirrored his.

  “That was very friendly,” I said.

  He smoothed his hands down the side of my head. “You don’t have to make a joke, Annie.”

  I shook my head and rubbed my nose along his. “No, you’re right. It’s not funny. It’s perfect.”

  “We don’t have to rush anything. It’s two in the morning and I’ve been awake for twenty-one hours and I still fucking want you so bad I’m having trouble even seeing straight.” He let out a long, ragged breath. “But let’s not rush it.”

  What he said made sense. Of course it made sense. We still had so much to talk about that adding sex to the mix would only confuse things. But I wanted him in the same way he wanted me.

  Thankfully one of us had matured over the last ten years. If I had my way, we’d both be naked right now.

  “Let’s go to bed.” I untangled myself from him and stood, holding my hand out. He opened his mouth to speak, but I added, “To sleep.”

  He shot me a crooked grin, then hopped up and grabbed me, yanking me hard against him. “You’re not gonna be gone when I wake up, are you?”

  “This is my apartment. Seems like luring you to sleep here and then abandoning you in the middle of the night would not be a well-thought-out plan.”

  He chuckled. “I was thinking more along the lines of this all being the most amazing dream I’ve ever had.”

  I circled my arms around his broad neck. “If this were a dream, I’m pretty
sure we’d be fucking right now.”

  He grabbed me under the ass and lifted me, so I had no choice but to wrap my legs around him. He started walking, carrying me as though I was as light as a feather, which I definitely wasn’t. I might have been bony in high school, but I’d gained curve upon curve since then. But Will gave no sign of strain as he held me securely in his arms until he found my bedroom. He set me down gently on the corner of my bed and kneeled in front of me.

  He ran his hands down my arms, then held my hands. “In my dreams I get to take my time with you before I fuck you. And then, when it’s over, I get to keep you. I’m not going to settle for less than that when I’m awake. I won’t.”

  I let out a shaky breath. He looked at me with such ferocity that my first instinct was to look away, but I tamped it down and told that instinct to go fuck itself. That ferocity was for me, and I wanted to claim it.

  “I want to keep you too, Will.”

  He rose up on his knees and circled his arms around me. We held each other for a long moment and I breathed in his distinct Will smell, a smell so familiar to me it felt like a memory of coming home.

  “You tired?” he whispered.

  “So tired.”

  We both stood and pulled back the covers. Will got in and lay down while I unbuttoned my jeans.

  He coughed. “Whatcha doin’?”

  I pushed my jeans down my hips. “Can’t sleep with pants on.” I kicked them off and then climbed into the bed with him.

  Without hesitation, he draped his arm over my stomach and pulled me closer. I sighed and nuzzled him. “This is right where I want to be.”

  “Good, ’cause I’m not letting you go.”

  Eight

  Will

  I slept like a goddamn rock. With Anna in my arms, I don’t think I moved an inch. When I opened my eyes, she had curled up into me, her head cradled in the crook of my arm. From the sound of her deep, even breaths, she was still asleep.