“Please don’t go,” Declan pleaded. “Don’t leave me like everyone else.” He dropped his head. “It’s been hard for me. I lose contracts at work. I barely get time off. I’ve got nobody. Nobody,” he said mournfully. He glanced up at me. “You look like your mom. She was so pretty. She was so good to me, I loved her like she was mine. I guess she kind of was, after my foster mom died. I think about her every day, probably why it was hard to be with you, because I see her in you…you know. I miss her.”
My heart felt heavy in my chest as I listened to him and assessed my injuries. My face throbbed in pain. I felt a scrape along my scalp that was damp.
“I miss her, too,” I mumbled.
“You’re the only one that gets me. Please. It was an accident. I was looking forward to seeing you and giving you the video and pictures.”
My throat closed and I stared down at my hands, unable to speak.
“Look at us. Only passion causes this much feeling,” he said. “We have passion between us. I knew we’d always end up together. We deserve each other.” He reached over and tried to pull me into a hug.
I cringed and moved as far away as I could manage in the seat. “Don’t touch me.”
Declan frowned. “You’re acting dramatic. Trying to drag this out. You’re alright. You don’t look bad. I said I’m sorry. Just give me a few minutes before you head back. Please, Lily? We still got things to talk about, right?”
My face throbbed in pain. Yeah my video and photos. My memories. “I can only stay a few minutes.”
“Hmm, yeah right.” Declan sat back and gave me a steely stare. “Go in Parco’s and get yourself together. I’ll order a salad and soup for you.”
I quickly exited his car and headed into Parco’s. Once through the door, I kept my eyes on the beige parquet flooring and made a beeline for the bathroom that was around the small island counter in the back. When I stood before the small porcelain sink, and looked into the small mirror, I shook. What did I do that set him off?
“Horseplay,” I muttered.
My mind journeyed back to the first time I heard those words from him.
2:38 a.m. I knew the time as I was staring at the black and grey clock on the side table in Declan’s apartment in Chelsea. I reached my hand back to feel the opposite side of the bed. Cool to the touch.
Where’s Dec? I grouched as I threw the sheets off and stumbled to the door. I wiped my eyes and reached out for the handle, jerking it open. The sound of snoring filtered across my ears. He was on the couch. I stomped down the hall to his small living room and found him stretched out on his leather couch. Still dressed in the jeans and shirt he had on when he left for a short visit a few hours ago. The stench of alcohol permeated his pores, causing bile to rise in my throat. He had promised he wouldn’t drink. I pursed my lips as I reached out and pushed hard against his shoulder. “Dec. You’re drunk again,” I announced the obvious. His lids fluttered open on the third pass.
“Oh for fuck sake. Go to bed, Lily,” he said, closing his eyes again.
“No,” I yelled. “I’m going back to Boston.” I turned and slowly started moving towards his bedroom.
“Wait,” he called out.
I picked up my pace and jogged back to the bedroom. I could hear Dec on my heels as I ran inside and grabbed my trolley bag.
“Lily. Stop,” Dec said. He reached over and tugged on my bag.
“No. I’m leaving,” I said, snatching the bag out of his grip. He grabbed the bag and we tugged between us. I let go and he stumbled back, hitting the back of his dresser and shaking all the bottles lined on top of it. His face scrunched. I stopped, wondering if he was hurt. He gripped my bag and twisted it, breaking the seal and threw it on the floor.
“What the hell are you doing? You ass—” Dec grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “Let go,” I yelled. He didn’t answer. Just stared as his hands gripped tighter.
“Stop,” I shouted, feeling somewhat frightened.
He shoved me hard and I fell backwards, my head connecting with the corner of his oak dresser. “Oww.” I cried out, my hands moving to soothe the pain on my head.
“Shit. Lily,” Dec said. “Let me see.” He bent down.
I inched away, my eyes widening and my mouth dropping open. “Stay away from me. You….” I stared at him in disbelief. I couldn’t say the words. Dec had hit me.
“No. We were both horseplaying, and you hit that by accident.” He started crying. “I didn’t hit you. I love you. Please don’t leave me,” his voice was so small. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck to comfort him. Horseplaying.
It wasn’t horseplay that time or this time. But I was too scared. Too stupid, I scolded myself. He didn’t hurt me again for almost a year after that. And I stayed because I didn’t want to leave him alone. He needed me and I needed him. But not anymore. I needed to go.
Oh. how I wanted to go! But what about my photos and videos? The last days with my parents. The last records of those moments of us together as a family. My eyes misted as a vice clamped around my heart. The last video. My father insisting on creating it and I had no idea that would be the last recording of our time together as a family. Thinking of that video made me feel like a little girl longing for her mommy and daddy. I wanted to see and experience our time as a family again where we loved and cherished each other. The time before I was alone. An orphan with no one. That last kiss, that last hug. Surely I had gone through too much to just walk away empty handed. I had to get myself together and go back out there and get Declan to give the videos and photos to me.
I swallowed hard. Heaven knows what my father would think of me right now. Averting my reflection in the mirror, I washed the wound and pulled my hair down and styled it, but wasn’t able to cover the swelling or the bruise. I searched my handbag and cursed myself, realizing I didn’t have any makeup to cover it. I tried applying a cold-water compress to it and sighed. I had no more time and I needed to get through the rest of lunch and leave the deli. I pulled out three pain pills and cupped water in my hand to take them, then walked out of the bathroom.
I walked back to the front of Parco’s. Declan waved me over to the plastic table where he was seated. He held up a salad in a plastic container.
“You were in there long enough,” Declan joked as he bit into his sandwich.
I plastered a smile as I uncovered the salad container. He forgot the soup? I wouldn’t ask. I sipped the cup of water on the table. “How much was my salad?”
He rolled his eyes at me. “I invited you to lunch. It’s my treat.”
“Thanks.” I started eating the salad as Declan talked about his work, friends, and travel. Interjecting at all places appropriate as I tried to stop the churning of my stomach.
I swallowed hard as I eyed the clock at the counter. “It’s 1:15 p.m. I need to leave. So, Dec, can I see the pictures?”
He went still across from me.
“I’m so excited to see them,” I added.
He widened his eyes and covered his mouth. “Oh shit. I forgot them at home. I’m so sorry.”
My eyes filled and I turned my head, putting my handbag on my shoulder. Did he ever really have them? I doubted it. “I need to get going. Thanks for lunch.”
“I could bring them by your house later,” Declan said, his gaze flicking over me.
I screamed inside, but shook my head and he squinted. “No. Maybe it would be better if I don’t see them. I think the videos and photos will probably just upset me,” I lied, my only defense hoping to curb his satisfaction in my disappointment.
He studied me, then nodded. “Well, I’ll hold onto them until you feel you’re ready.”
I bit my lip hard and stood. “Sure,” I muttered bitterly.
Declan frowned but stood. “I love you, Tiger Lily.”
I flinched as he leaned in and I turned away before his mouth made contact with my lips. Dipping my head to hide my scowl, I walked briskly out of the deli.
W
ho was that Declan? I didn’t know what I did to make him want to hurt me. I waved my hands frantically and managed to flag down a taxi. While I wanted to try to make sense of what happened, I knew what I needed right now was to be away from him. His lies. His cruelty.
Breathe, I told myself as I sat in the back of the taxi and it sped off down the road. I folded my arms around myself. My mind started to race. Did he do that to hurt me? Why did he enjoy hurting me? My phone buzzed.
A call from a number I didn’t recognize. I hesitated. Would Declan go through the trouble of borrowing a phone? I didn’t know. Still, I took a deep breath. The residue of his violence covered me, and bile rose in my throat. My heart pounded as the phone continued to chime. I could always hang-up, I thought.
I cleared my throat and answered, “Hello?”
“Hello, Lily. This is Fiona from Barneys New York. How are you today?” she asked.
I released my breath. “Hello? Sorry. I didn’t order anything from Barneys. I think you have the wrong number.”
“Well, I was informed to contact you by Mr. Crane. Are you familiar with him?”
I sat up straighter. “Yes. I know Mr. Crane. What is this about, Fiona?”
“I’m calling to set an appointment for you to meet with me for a new wardrobe. If you could make it today or tomorrow after 4:00 that would work best. Now I’ll need your size—”
New wardrobe? “Excuse me,” I said interrupting her.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and winced, having forgot the tenderness there. My nerves jittered as I thought on Gregor’s story of Jonas seducing Maggie with expensive gifts. Pulling her into a lifestyle she wasn’t able to maintain when he left her. This seemed to be Jonas’s modus operandi, his usual way he treated his companions. My stomach churned. I didn’t want to be thought of as or treated as any of his other women.
“Mr. Crane never mentioned this to me. I’d need to speak with him.”
“I understand. But could you perhaps make the appointment now and then speak with him?”
I licked my lips. “I apologize, but I’ll need to speak with him. First.”
“Okay. Please call me back ASAP if you can though. I’m usually booked, but I was asked to set an emergency appointment for you.” She said her tone light.
“I’ll try to speak with him right now,” I said thanking her and hung up. I shook as I pressed Jonas’s number. After a couple of rings he answered.
“I called your desk at work, but you were out. I tried your cell but it went to voicemail,” he began.
My tension eased a bit. He tried to reach me. “I didn’t receive a message. I had an appointment outside of work. I’m on my way back there now.” My stomach lurched. I didn’t like lying, but I knew I wouldn’t tell him what happened with Declan. I hadn’t thought it all out myself. Partially out of pride, and fear of what he would or wouldn’t do to him.
“Have you been crying?” his voice softened.
My heart contracted. How did he know? Nothing seemed to get past him. Biting my lip, “I’m alright. I might be getting a cold.”
He exhaled into the phone. “Hmm. When David picks you up tonight, I’ll have him pick up some soup and some of Dani’s special cold remedy tea.”
I closed my eyes against the concern I heard in his voice. My mother was right, one lie always leads to another. “I’m really okay. Please don’t do that,” I said quietly. My eyes dilated. “Wait. Why is David picking me up and why is Fiona from Barneys calling me?”
“David escorts my son Paul and he will take you wherever you need to go too, and before you protest, you’re alone in New York. It’ll keep you safe. So that’s non-negotiable,” he said with authority. “As for shopping, I have a few events coming up and as my companion, you will need clothing to wear to attend them.”
I pressed my lips together. He had thought of everything without even talking to me. This type of heavy handiness was starting to bother me. “I can get things on my own. Just tell me what’s coming up.”
“I’ve been invited to a state dinner, charity auction, and a conference. I won’t attend all,” Jonas said. “But I’d need you to be ready. These are public events, press events.”
Gregor was right. I was over my head and out of my league. I didn’t have anything that would fit the events listed, or the fashion knowledge to dress for them, but I still didn’t want to accept his gifts.
“Oh, perhaps, I could attend one of those,” I stuttered.
“No,” Jonas said. “If I’m attending them then I expect you to attend as well.”
Was it all or nothing? Would he get someone else? I couldn’t refrain from asking. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just go out with someone that has all of this already?” I said barely above a whisper.
“Is that what you want?” Jonas asked, his voice just as soft.
I tucked my hair back. “No. I don’t. I want to go with you. But I don’t want you buying me….”
“I’m not buying you,” Jonas said, his tone sharp. He exhaled into the phone. “It’s for my own selfish reasons I’m getting them for you. There’s no need to protest.”
I looked out the window and stared at the people along the sidewalks as he stopped and started through the streets back uptown. We were a few blocks from the office. “A dress. Nothing more. I’ll take it as a loan until I get my raise or promotion,” I said sucking in air.
“Did Gregor promise a raise and a promotion?” Jonas asked, his tone sardonic.
I chewed my lip. “No. He didn’t. I’m just hoping.” I sighed in exasperation. “Leave him alone, Jonas, please. Let it go,” I said in a rush.
“I could get you a new job anywhere you want paying three times what you make for less hours,” he offered.
I pressed my lips together. “Is it that easy for you? No. Thank you.”
“Why won’t you let me help you?” Jonas asked, his voice raised in frustration.
I groaned. “Why are you trying to change me? I wish you wouldn’t treat me this way. My situation is different, but I didn’t set out to take advantage or….”
“I’m not trying to change you,” Jonas said in an exasperated tone. “I don’t feel taken advantage of and I want to help you. I understand that this is overwhelming, but I knew that you’d need things for some of the events when I asked you to spend time with me. But I won’t waiver on my expectations though. That extends to your clothing.”
“Well, if you put it that way,” my voice was thick.
“Don’t get upset. It really is nothing,” he said. “I don’t usually have to fight to help, or even over little gifts and a ride home. This is new to me.”
How many times had he done this before? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to imagine Jonas doing anything he did with me with someone else.
I sighed. “This is new to me too.”
“I haven’t received the information on the Legacy. Send it when you get to the office,” he ordered.
“I don’t want you to….” I sighed. Could I put my pride before the children? I wouldn’t. It was all too much. Jonas was too much. “You’re so bossy. I feel like I’m at work instead of….”
“Instead of what?” His voice softening.
“Instead of chatting. I don’t know. Lightly conversing with….” I let the words go unsaid. With the man I like a lot.
“I would have been open to light if you weren’t fighting with me,” Jonas said.
The taxicab stopped and I reached inside my purse to pay the driver “I’ll do what you want, just leave my boss and job alone,” I said in finality.
“I know you will do what I want,” Jonas said, his tone low.
My body heated up just from his words and tone. “Jonas. We’re not talking about that,” I said huskily.
“About what?” Jonas asked.
“I can’t right now,” I ran through the doors of the Arch building, “I’m at work.”
“You could. But you’ll do that and more when I see you,�
� he said. “I’ll have Dani check in with you on the weekend for me.”
“No. That’s not necessary. I’ve got work to catch up on.” I waved to Olivia in reception, her jaw dropped open.
“Lily what happened to your face,” Olivia said loudly.
“What did she say?” Jonas asked.
I shook my head at Olivia. “Nothing. I can’t wait to see you again.” I covered my mouth.
I could hear the crackles of Jonas exhaling into the phone. “Answer David’s call. I’ll speak with you later.” He hung up.
I cursed. I shouldn’t have said that to him. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t stop myself from saying words that exposed my feelings for him. I was going to lose him. But could I lose what I didn’t have?
“Lily, what happened to your face?” Olivia called out again moving my attention away from my thoughts and back to her gaping mouth, which shut closed as my eyes made contact with hers.
My hands trembled as I tried to cover my face. “I fell on the concrete and hit my head.”
Olivia was a retired cop. There was something about the way she stared at me that had pinned me to the spot. I took an inventory of myself as she seemingly assessed me. My injury was concentrated along my temple and partial on left side of my face. My hands had no marks or scrapes. My clothing, no dirt or distress, nylons had no rips or shifts at the knee, and shoes polished, leather, nothing. Her eyes settled back on me again, this time hooded, meeting mine, which were watery.
My bottom lip trembled. Had she unmasked me?
“Did you need something, Lily?” Olivia asked, her tone reserved for children.
I dropped my gaze. I needed a hug. Some reassurance. Care. Love.
“No. Thanks, Olivia.” I walked past her station. “I’m fine.”
Chapter 17
I took the stairs to avoid running into anyone else at work. Once I reached my floor, I stopped at Gregor’s office and hesitated. If Olivia noticed, so would he. And there was no telling what he would do. I needed to leave before that happened. I just needed time to decide what I was going to do, on my own.
Tiger Lily: Part One Page 18
