The Lost Years

by Stacey Ritz

  “And?”

  “And, why are you waiting for this magical ‘one day’ to do all of these things you want to do?”

  “When else?”

  “How about now?” Rainie laughed as though she’d said something obvious.

  Rainie’s words may have been palpable to her, but to Sarah-Jayne her words were a revelation. She tilted her head to the side, considering her daughter’s words.

  Ronnie perked up and added, “I went shopping earlier and saw a flyer in town. I saw a sign, an actual sign, for a 5K race in Kill Devil Hills.”

  “Perfect.” Rainie smiled. “That’s about forty minutes south of here. It’s directly above Nags Head. What do you say Mama, are you in?”

  Sarah-Jayne shrugged her shoulders meekly. “One day sounded better,” she grimaced. “Now my stomachs becoming a ball of nerves!”

  All three women were aware of where Sarah-Jayne had picked up the ‘one day’ habit, but none dared to say it out loud. Dan Amburger had been famous for that line. He’d always say “One day I’m going to…” He filled in the blank with everything from stop drinking to being a better husband and parent. Rainie supposed, however, that they were all one in the same.

  Ronnie found a copy of the race flyer online using her phone. She shared the details of the race, the first mile and a half would be on the beach, the final mile and a half of the race would finish on the roads. The race was the next morning. After the details were delivered, the three women rested their elbows against their beach towels and quietly soaked in the sun. After several minutes, Sarah-Jayne spoke, “Your father, he was a good man, but he sure had his demons.” She swallowed, still looking out at the waves. “I suppose we all do. But remember, it’s how we face them, it’s our choices, not our circumstances that define us and make us who we are. His fault was that he made bad choices, again and again.” She shook her head as Ronnie and Rainie listened quietly, aware that Sarah-Jayne was talking now both to them and to herself. “We never know how much time we have…look at your dad.”

  Rainie reached out her arm, resting her hand on her mama’s wrist. “That’s why, from here forward, there’s no more ‘one day’s’ for any one us. If we want something, we need to go after it.”

  Ronnie cleared her throat. “Milo Rivers.”

  “Touché.” Rainie winked.

  “No one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow. But we all have right now.” Sarah-Jayne smiled. “No more ‘one days’” She nodded, raising her bottle of water toward her daughters.

  Ronnie and Rainie grabbed their own bottles and raised them, all three women clinking their plastic bottles together before restating, “No more ‘one-days’,” and taking a drink. In that moment, Ronnie told herself to stop fearing what Andrew might or might not be doing back home. Rainie promised herself, as uncomfortable as it would be, that she would talk to Milo about Cooper this week. She didn’t know what, if anything, the future held for either of them, but she did know that honesty was the best policy. Sarah-Jayne promised herself she’d run the 5K tomorrow. Although she’d been running for years, she’d never dared to sign up for a race until now. Who knew she’d be running her first race at almost sixty years old? She also vowed to herself that she would learn how to arm knit, successfully, within the next year. She would stay persistent until she acquired the skill.

  Rainie and Milo continued meeting for dinner each night. The previous night during their meal of pizza and breadsticks at Pasquale’s, she had invited him to join them at the 5K the next morning. They’d stayed out late, walking along the candlelit sidewalks for hours that night. As businesses and beach houses turned out their lights one by one, neither made a move to return to their families. They talked about old times and looked up at the stars, noticing how much brighter they appeared in the Outer Banks than back home. The deep rumble of the ocean waves, coupled with the star filled sky created a romantic ambiance. They didn’t hold hands that night, although Rainie wanted to reach out and grab his hand on more than one occasion. She longed to feel his fingers intertwined between her own. Their arms brushed one another’s often, and the way Milo looked at her sent her heart sputtering every time. She believed he felt the same, but she couldn’t be sure. Instead of pressing the issue and instead of bringing up Cooper, she decided to enjoy the evening. After all, her mama had told them that no one is ever guaranteed tomorrow, but what we do have is right now and she was going to savor the night.

  True to his word, Milo came to the 5K the next morning. He stood in a small spot of shade beneath the boardwalk next to his brothers, Liam and Wyatt. All three were stretching their hamstrings and calves. Milo jumped up and down several times, shaking out his legs. Although he never raced, he loved running and Rainie could tell by watching him now that he was in his element. Ronnie jogged to the sign-in table and paid the entry fees for Rainie, Sarah-Jayne and herself, grabbing bib numbers and safety pins for each of them. Meanwhile, Sarah-Jayne and Rainie walked over to Milo and his brothers, joining them in the shade. The morning sun was bright, sunglasses were no match for the glare that reflected off the water.

  “Morning!” Milo greeted them. He moved toward Rainie and for a moment, she was sure he was going to kiss her. At the last second, he wrapped his arm around her waist, instead, and rubbed her back. “Ready to run?” He looked from her to Sarah-Jayne. “I hear this is your first 5K?”

  She nodded nervously. “You heard correct.” She forced a smile as she began trying to mimic the stretches they were doing.

  “You’ll love it.” Liam nodded, stretching down to touch his toes. “I’m anything but a runner,” he chuckled, “but we’ve done this 5K once before and it was actually pretty fun…for running.” He looked at Milo.

  “Well, that’s good to hear.” Sarah-Jayne answered.

  Ronnie arrived to the group with their bib numbers, handing them out to each of them, along with the safety pins to clip the numbers to the front of their tank-tops. Milo and his brothers already had their numbers in place. “Milo, I heard you’re still running.”

  “Not competitively.”

  “Are you going to win this one?”

  “I doubt it.” They looked around at the crowd gathering on the beach. There were more than one-hundred runners preparing for the 5K. “I’m not trying to win.” He looked at Rainie and winked, taking a step closer. “I’m here for the people.” He said quietly. Rainie bumped his arm playfully, smiling at him.

  Minutes later, the race coordinator’s megaphone called out to the runners, barely audible over the thunderous waves from the ocean, “One minute until start time!” The mingling crowd grew quiet, obediently assembling themselves to the start line.

  “On your marks! Get set! Go!” The horn sounded and off they went, running south on the sandy beaches of Kill Devil Hills. Milo and his brothers reached the start line and began running. Sarah-Jayne and her daughters stood in the middle of the pack, moving forward with the rest of the crowd. Their plan was to run the 5K together. Two miles into the three mile race, now off of the sand and running on pavement, Ronnie’s breathing was heavy.

  “Are you okay?” Rainie asked.

  “I’m fine, I’m going to walk the rest of the way…” Ronnie waved them along. “Good job!” She shouted at them as they ran forward. Rainie continued running with Sarah-Jayne, telling Ronnie they’d meet up at the finish line.

  A half-a-mile later, Rainie grabbed her side. “Cramp.” She told her mom. “Keep going, Mom! You’re doing great. I’m going to walk for a minute and I’ll meet you at the end.”

  “Are you sure?” Sarah-Jayne hesitated, wanting to wait for her daughter.

  “I’m sure. Go on!” Sarah-Jayne obeyed, continuing her pace toward the finish line at three point one miles. Milo and his brothers stood near the finish, cheering for her and clapping as she ran toward the line. Liam gave her a high-five once she’d finished. “Nice job, Mrs. Amburger.” Milo told her.

  “Thanks.” She beamed. “But please, call me Sarah-Jayne.�
��

  He nodded as they turned to watch Rainie finish her run. She was grabbing her side, but still made it to the finish line.

  “You creamed us, Mama.” She laughed. “You’re in pretty good shape!”

  “Oh… it wasn’t a race.” She waved her hand at Rainie, bashfully.

  Rainie placed her hands on her mom’s shoulders and looked at her, “But it was! You ran your first 5K! I’m so proud of you, Mama!”

  Several minutes later they all cheered for Ronnie as she walked to the finish line. Sarah-Jayne asked if she was okay, pointing to her stomach. “I’m totally fine. I’m not a runner, obviously.” She laughed. “But you, on the other hand, you did wonderful!” She hugged her mom. It was the first time she’d hugged her since she’d been a child. Sarah-Jayne’s eyes filled with tears.

  Milo grabbed each of them a bottle of water and an apple as they strolled casually back toward the beach. Everyone laughed and talked easily as they made their way to the ocean. Leaving their shoes and water bottles beneath the boardwalk, they instinctively ran to the water, eagerly splashing one other. The coolness was rewarding after a run in the rising sun. Temperatures were expected to reach ninety-five degrees today. Even Sarah-Jayne walked into the waves, letting the water crash into her calves, the residue spraying her upper legs and waist.

  Thirty minutes later, when the race director gathered the runners together one final time, they listened as she called out the overall male and female winner of the race, followed by age group winners. Only one of them won an award that day. “In the 50-59 age group the male winner is Kevin Landers. For females, the 50-59 winner is Sarah-Jayne Amburger.”

  Sarah-Jayne turned to look at all five of them, her eyes wide with disbelief. She grabbed both of her daughters hands as they stood beside her. “Did she say my name?”

  “You won, Mama!” Ronnie patted her back.

  “Go up there and get your award!” Rainie urged.

  Milo and his brothers clapped as Sarah-Jayne’s daughters nudged her forward to claim her medal. “I won?” She said again, skeptically.

  Sarah-Jayne had developed a habit of bowing her head over the years. This time, when she lowered it, however, it wasn’t due to her submissiveness. Instead, it was because she was accepting an award. A medal for her first 5K. She smiled and Ronnie snapped her picture before she headed back to stand with them in the small crowd. She wore the medal the entire morning. When most of the race crowd had dispersed, Sarah-Jayne invited Milo, Wyatt and Liam back to their beach house for a late breakfast. “I’ll make pancakes and waffles.”

  “She’s a good cook, too.” Ronnie added.

  They agreed, but before they left the beach, Ronnie insisted on taking a group photo of the six of them. She asked another runner to snap the photo for them as they stood, arms around each other, barefoot in the sand with the ocean as their backdrop. Sarah-Jayne proudly wore her medal. Milo and Rainie stood on the far-right, side by side.

  “One! Two! Three!” The woman called before snapping the photo.

  On three, Rainie tried to turn to face the camera, but she’d been looking at Milo instead, laughing at something he’d whispered to her.

  “Not everyone was looking…I’m going to take one more.”

  They all smiled for the photo, once more. Rainie could hardly believe how much her life had changed in a matter of days. A week ago, she was estranged from her family. A week ago, she hadn’t yet known her dad had died. A week ago, she’d thought she had her life on track. She thought she’d moved on from Milo. She was dating Cooper. She was sure of herself and her life. But now? Now she was at the beach. Her dad was in an urn. She was laughing with her mama and sister. Her sister was pregnant with her first child. And she happened to bump into her high school sweetheart, Milo Rivers, miles away from home. The past she’d tried to bury, the one that haunted her, had fueled her to create a life of her own different than the one she’d known. But now that it was staring her in the face, she was content. In fact, it was the most relaxed she’d felt in years. Rainie knew that second chances were rare. She couldn’t have guessed that one fortuitous event, one she’d admittedly dreaded, would lead to where she was now, standing next to Milo Rivers on the beach, with her sister and mama by her side. Ronnie was the one who believed in signs. Rainie, however, wasn’t sure what she believed in anymore. All she knew for sure in this moment, was that her heart felt light and laughter came with ease.

  〜

  The Rivers brothers left with full stomachs and tired legs. Milo and Rainie made plans to eat at La Dolce Vita, an Italian eatery in Corolla, later that night. Rainie and Ronnie laid on opposite sides of the navy blue couch, each grabbing their phones before resting their heads on the throw pillows. Sarah-Jayne dismissed herself to shower, still proudly wearing her winners medal around her neck as she disappeared into her bedroom.

  “Good job today, Speedy.” Rainie called out to her.

  “Thanks…I’m glad we did that.” She couldn’t wipe the smile from her face, she was beaming.

  Rainie texted back and forth with Rebecca about the sanctuary. Satisfied after fifteen minutes of messages, Rainie began checking emails. “I’ve got to spend some time on my laptop this afternoon before going out. My inbox is overflowing.” She sighed, pressing her lips together. “But right now…” Yawning, she looked to the opposite end of the oversized couch, peering at her little sister whose eyes were trained on her own phone. “Is everything okay, Ronnie?”

  Ronnie bit her lower lip, something she’d done since she was a child anytime she was anxious. She shook her head, propping her back against the couch to look at Rainie. “Andrew.” She whispered, tears pooling in her hazel eyes.

  “Is he okay?”

  “This is the first time I’ve heard from him…” She flashed the screen of her phone at Rainie.

  “Text or voicemail?”

  “Text.” She answered softly. “But it’s…I don’t think it was supposed to be sent to me.” She began quietly sobbing, wiping the unwanted tears with the back of her hands.

  “What did he say?”

  “It says: ‘I need to tell her.’ That’s it. That’s all it says.” She turned to face her phone toward Rainie again. This time, Rainie sat up.

  “I know he didn’t mean to send it to me.”

  Rainie shook her head, unsure of what to say. Rainie hadn’t been a part of her sisters life during her marriage to Andrew, but from what she’d gathered, they’d been happy. They had a nice house together in Blue Ash, a quaint suburb of Cincinnati. He had a job he loved at The Procter and Gamble Company, while Ronnie worked from home, running her photography business. She’d told Rainie they’d met when Ronnie was photographing a triathlon and Andrew had been there to cheer for his roommate.

  And now, Ronnie was pregnant.

  “Everything appeared fine. And then I leave for a few days to come here and my whole marriage falls apart?” She said incredulously, throwing her hands in the air.

  Both Rainie and Ronnie knew their troubles hadn’t started because they’d come to the beach. Rather, coming to the beach exposed problems that had been hiding in plain sight.

  “I’m texting him back.” Ronnie defiantly declared.

  “Well, wait a minute…are you sure you want to do that?” Rainie’s nose crinkled. There was no right answer and she didn’t want to disempower her little sister.

  “How can you say you don’t believe in signs?”

  Rainie’s eyes widened. “I never said that.”

  “Well, I see the way you look at me when I say something’s a sign. You think I’m a little out there…” She turned her head to the side, raising her eyebrows.

  Rainie didn’t answer, she knew Ronnie had more to say.

  “But, come on, talk about a major sign! He sent me a text that was meant for another woman. I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on.”

  “You’re right.” Rainie agreed, nodding.

  “I know. And I’m going to text him
back this very minute.” She said sternly.

  “What are you going to say?”

  Ronnie stared angrily at her phone, her thumbs moving quickly across the screen. After she was finished typing, she tossed the phone to Rainie.

  Ronnie’s reply text read: “Andrew, it’s Veronica. Your wife. What did you need to tell me?” Rainie nodded, handing the phone back. Ronnie hit SEND.

  “Well, it’s pretty clear what’s happening now.”

  Shifting her lower back, Rainie listened as Ronnie’s sorrow begin to morph into words of strength. “He’s going to A) ignore me until I return home, or B) call and tell me that it was a misunderstanding and I’m wrong. He’ll tell me I’m overthinking things and that I’m too sensitive and I’m worked up from being here…” Ronnie waved toward Dan’s urn, sitting in the window sill. “Knowing Andrew, he’ll probably go with option A. He’ll choose whatever’s easiest for him.” She let out a deep sigh. “Nice timing, huh?” She rubbed the palm of her hand across her stomach.

  “Hey,” Rainie said reassuringly. “Your baby is going to be fine. You’re going to be okay, too. You know that, right?”

  She sniffled. “Everything is changing so fast.” Rainie agreed, running her fingers through her hair. “I know it is.”

  8

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  MAKENNA / HORSE

  Makenna was rescued after an injury on the race track. She was scheduled for euthanasia due to her inability to race. Luckily, she was rescued and now enjoys her life at the sanctuary. Makenna’s injuries have healed and she loves roaming the grounds and basking in the sun.

  FACTS: There are a group of feral and wild Colonial Spanish Mustangs that have thrived on the beaches of the Outer Banks since the 16 th Century. They freely play in the waves, walk the beaches and gallop across the sand dunes. It is illegal to approach within fifty-feet of the horses or to feed them. With the help of the Corolla Wild Horse Fund, the horses continue to happily and freely roam the beaches with absolute abandon.