by Laura Ziepe
Simon remained silent, looking at the floor and Grace stood up and walked towards the kitchen, feeling relieved that she’d been brave enough to tell him.
Grace couldn’t believe she’d really said it. What would they do now? It was terrifying thinking of a new life without him. But as she gazed at Simon’s mess from that morning, still sitting on the kitchen work surface, she knew, for certain, that she’d made the right decision.
Chapter 3
It was Amber Houghton’s favourite time of year and though she’d just returned to the chilly UK weather after spending three weeks in Thailand, the brightly-lit, festive high street was enough to put a smile on her face. The constant snippets of her favourite Christmas songs as she walked past the open shop entrances made her feel excited for the holidays ahead. It hadn’t felt like it was almost Christmas when she’d been abroad and it was nice to come home with something to look forward to.
As Amber strutted towards Tidemans, she felt a warm glow admiring their beautiful gold and red décor. They got it right every year, she thought in approval. Gone was the tacky tinsel and garish ribbons from years ago, replaced with only the finest, elegant decorations; the shop looked truly stunning giving her inspiration for her own flat. It was about time she bought some new Christmas lights, wreaths and garlands.
She was looking forward to seeing Grace and Rachel again. The three had become really close over the years and Amber couldn’t wait to tell them all about her trip. She frowned deeply as she spotted them both standing at the counter arranging the make-up looking miserable. Grace usually had a warm, smiley face, but she had dark circles under her eyes that showed she’d had trouble sleeping, and Rachel looked pasty and thin, her hair lank and lifeless. Immediately, Amber could tell something was wrong. Something had changed. Amber had always had a good instinct and she recalled the time her mother had asked her to sit down so they could talk when she’d been only six years old. Amber had known without her mother saying a word, that something very serious had happened and her life was about to change. She could see it in her mother’s eyes and feel it in her pained expression and tense atmosphere. She’d somehow guessed that it was about her father and her mother had confirmed that he’d left them. Gone off without even a goodbye. Amber had never seen him again.
‘Hi.’ Amber smiled and gave Rachel and Grace a hug.
‘Amber, how was your holiday?’ Grace asked.
‘You look amazing,’ Rachel added. ‘I’m so jealous of your tan.’
Amber stepped back and looked them both in the eye. ‘Are you going to tell me what’s happened? What’s wrong with you both?’
They glanced at each other sadly before turning back to her.
‘You first,’ Grace encouraged Rachel.
Rachel breathed out audibly and Amber couldn’t help but notice that her usually impeccable make-up looked sloppy and rushed. Her foundation was a shade too dark, not blended in properly along her jawline, her mascara was smudged under her left eye and her lip liner was all over the place, making her lips look large and wonky. She looked like she just didn’t care. This wasn’t Rachel. Rachel never normally had a hair out of place.
Amber stood open-mouthed as Rachel and Grace explained what had happened. She couldn’t have been more surprised if she’d tried.
‘I’ve only been gone for three weeks. How can it be that all this has happened?’ she questioned, flummoxed.
Rachel and Grace looked at each other blankly as if they were both wondering the same thing.
‘We’re still living together,’ Grace stated, looking ashamed as though she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. ‘Which I know is bad, but I’ve hardly seen him. He’s staying in our spare room. He’s tried to talk to me to change my mind a few times, but I know if I give him another chance, things will go straight back to how they are now and I won’t allow that to happen. I’m going to move out soon, but it’s just the cost of renting…’
‘Why don’t you find somewhere together?’ Amber suggested, realising it made perfect sense. ‘Halve the cost and bills?’
‘That’s a good idea actually,’ Rachel replied chirpily. ‘If you want, that is?’ she asked hopefully, her eyes flicking to Grace.
‘I’d love to live with you,’ she responded, an expression of pure delight creasing her face and making her look like the old Grace for a few moments. ‘I hadn’t thought of that.’
‘I’m quite excited now.’ Rachel grinned. ‘I’ve felt utterly rubbish since I found out about Mark and Bianca, but this is something for us to look forward to. We can even spend Christmas Eve together if we move quickly. Do the place up all nice and Christmassy. There’s some gorgeous new decorations upstairs.’
‘I hope there’s room for one more on your Christmas Eve gathering?’ Amber flashed them a smile, feeling more upbeat about her friends’ situations. To say she was stunned was an understatement. She was usually the single one. Rachel and Grace were the two in relationships. That was the way it was. The way it had always been. It would be strange getting used to them both being free and unattached, but it would be fun, Amber would make sure of that. Amber was happy to be the single one while the other two spoke about marriage and children; being in a relationship brought nothing but drama that Amber could do without, and she knew she was somewhat of a commitment-phobe. She just didn’t trust men, it was as simple as that. Eventually they let you down and disappointed you; Amber only had to think about her own father to know that, and now Simon and Mark were also proving her theory to be right. She was perfectly fine on her own. That was the way she liked it. She certainly wasn’t bothered about getting married and she didn’t want children either. She didn’t care that people looked at her as though she had two heads when she said she wasn’t bothered about having a family. She didn’t feel the pressure of her age like Rachel did, and she was glad she was that way too. She remembered how Rachel and Grace had gushed over her last boyfriend, Frankie, the year before.
‘He’s gorgeous and so nice,’ Grace had beamed after he’d dropped by in the store to say hello. ‘I think he’s the one, you know.’
Amber had rolled her eyes.
‘He’s such a catch, Amber,’ Rachel had joined in.
Amber thought they were probably more disappointed than she was when she broke it off six months later. Yes, Frankie was handsome and had a great personality to match, but he started to get too keen, constantly asking Amber’s whereabouts and dropping hints about moving into her flat. Before she knew it, she had the ‘icky’ feeling she inevitably developed over a period of time in a relationship. The feeling where everything they did started to make her want to run for the hills. And she had.
‘So tell us about your holiday,’ Rachel asked.
‘I’ll tell you all about it after work,’ Amber replied with a smirk.
‘After work?’ Grace frowned, looking confused. ‘I’m going home after work. I’ll probably have an early night.’
Amber’s eyes opened wide. ‘Don’t ever let me hear you say a thing like that again,’ Amber scolded her in mock offense. ‘We’re going out for drinks. It’s about time you two learnt what single life was all about.’
‘I can’t even remember what it’s like being single,’ Grace said plaintively as they sat at a table in a busy bar. ‘I don’t know how to chat to men anymore. I’m not sure I’m ready after Simon. It’s all so recent and raw. I’m still married.’
Amber took a sip of her prosecco wondering what it must feel like to be single for the first time in years. It made her more certain that relationships weren’t for her. Her friends looked truly miserable and deflated; all because two men had made them feel this way. ‘I’m not asking you to remarry tonight,’ she laughed dryly, ‘but it will do you the world of good to just be out and not stay cooped up at home trying to avoid your husband in your own home. It’s time you both enjoyed yourself and had some fun. If you end up chatting and having a little flirt with the opposite sex then what’s the harm in t
hat? You’re single after all. There’s no better time to be single than at Christmas. ‘Tis the season to be jolly.’
‘‘Tis the season to get drunk,’ Rachel said morosely, raising her eyebrows and downing a shot.
‘That’s the spirit!’ Amber said, lifting her glass in the air. ‘Now come on girls. I know you’re both in a lot of pain, and no, I probably don’t understand what you’re going through, but Mark is a complete twat who can’t keep his dick in his pants and Simon is blind if he can’t see that he has the most amazing woman in the world and hasn’t appreciated her. They’re both the losers!’
‘You know what, Amber, you’re right,’ Rachel said with sudden confidence as though the thought had only just dawned on her. ‘I was a good girlfriend to Mark and I would have made a great wife too. I’ve always been honest with him, put up with his snoring without complaining and even sat there massaging his back for hours when he needed to wind down from work. It is his loss! Simon’s too. Let some other fool wait on him hand and foot without so much as a thank you,’ she said, turning to Grace.
‘Exactly.’ Grace nodded in agreement. ‘We don’t need them. We chose to have them in our lives and we will be perfectly happy without them. We’re strong, independent women.’
‘Oh, I’m so relived you two are being more upbeat,’ Amber said brightly. ‘I was thinking it was going to be an evening of doom and gloom tonight. I even tried to get Kirsty from womenswear to come along with us when I was looking at dresses for the Christmas ball on my lunch break just in case you two bailed and went home early,’ she admitted.
‘Oh no, the ball,’ Rachel sighed, like it was the most important thing in the world. ‘We won’t have dates, Grace. Pervy Michael from menswear won’t leave us alone,’ she said worriedly. ‘You know what he’s like. The minute he gets wind of our breakups he’ll be on our cases, breathing down our necks and asking for dances.’
‘You’re right,’ Grace agreed, now appearing slightly dejected, with the merest little nod of her head.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, who cares if you’re both single attending the ball?’ Amber threw her eyes upwards. ‘It’s hardly the end of the world, is it? There will be plenty of dateless people there.’
‘Like who?’ Grace questioned gravely.
Amber hesitated thoughtfully. ‘I don’t know … pervy Mike?’ She squinted her eyes and clenched her teeth as she said the words, waiting for them to chastise her.
‘Very funny,’ Rachel replied with a stern expression. ‘It’s okay for you, you go with Jack every year. You already have your handsome date.’
She was right that Amber always took Jack, but he didn’t count as a date. Not really. He was a friend, perhaps even her best friend. Her mother and Jack’s mother were best friends and had been since Amber could remember. Amber and Jack had gone to nursery together, primary school and secondary school too. They’d spent the summer holidays together, both their families going on camping trips to France. Well, Jack had the proper family, Amber thought, having a father and an older brother, Michael, too; Amber and her mother would just tag along, but it was fun, and Jack was like the brother she never had. He was the only guy to have ever seen her without make-up. The only one she would openly pick her spots and clip her toenails in front of (much to his disgust). She was completely comfortable in his company and always had been. She didn’t have to defend herself to anyone that their relationship was purely platonic. Everyone knew what they were like. They accepted how close they were. There had been only one occasion when they were sixteen and Jack had tried to kiss her. He’d just broken up with his girlfriend and if she remembered rightly, he’d been drunk. Amber had brushed him off, mortified, and he’d laughed it off the next day and apologized. They were such close friends that the encounter hadn’t changed a thing. Jack hadn’t known what he was doing, and Amber had quickly forgotten all about it.
‘You’ll both go and that’s that,’ Amber told her firmly. ‘Now get a grip and listen to what I have to say. This year we’ll go to the ball together. So what if we won’t have men with us, who cares? As Grace said, we’re single, independent women,’ she stated decisively, her head held high, ‘and I think we should make a pact to stay single and be each other’s dates. To hell with what anyone thinks. I bet we’ll have more fun than the boring work lot anyway.’
‘What about Jack?’ Grace asked.
‘Jack won’t care about going to the ball. I swear he only goes for the free booze. I’ll be doing him a favour letting him off the hook for the year. He’s constantly telling me it’s about time I got myself a real date, and now I have, with you two.’ Amber smiled. Of course, they wouldn’t be real dates either, but who really cared so long as she cheered her two friends up? Amber didn’t need a man to make her happy, and she was determined to make her friends feel the same. Christmas time was a cheerful time, there was no place to be wallowing in self-pity.
‘I agree with Amber. We don’t need dates. We’ll have more fun together anyway and I’m certainly up for it if you are?’ Grace’s eyes swept from Amber to Rachel, a relieved expression on her face as though she’d been handed a lifeline.
‘I guess it will be a good evening if we’re all going alone,’ Rachel shrugged and then added chirpily, ‘I’m quite looking forward to it now.’
‘That’s sorted then,’ Amber replied with authority. ‘Look at all the handsome men around here you can flirt with. I think that’s Jonathan from menswear over there in the far corner; we’ll get him over here soon. It’s time to have fun! ‘Tis the season to be single.’
Chapter 4
Rachel opened her eyes, confused at first about where she was until her gaze fell on the familiar lilac curtains, which she remembered picking out when she’d been at college living at her parents’ house. Her heart plummeted and the familiar sick feeling washed over her as the betrayal hurt just as much as the moment she’d discovered the affair. The same thing happened every morning. When would she start to feel better? She knew it had only been a week and she was doing her best to focus on moving on, but she couldn’t ever imagine the heartache easing. She wondered what they were both doing now. Had Bianca moved into her flat? Was she lying in her bed with Mark, the place Rachel had been not that long ago discussing Christmas plans and holidays next year? Were they wrapped in the bedding that Rachel had picked out, costing them a fortune, their bodies entwined as they gazed into each other’s eyes with sheer joy that they could finally be together? Or did Mark find it easier going to Bianca’s flat, where there were no memories of Rachel to remind him that he was a deceitful, conniving bastard? She wondered if he knew how untidy Bianca was yet, or if he’d discovered that sometimes before bed she wouldn’t stop chatting when you just wanted to go to sleep. Mark loved his sleep. He’d detest her chatting all night. Or was it all so new, fresh and exciting that he’d rather stay up talking to Bianca, thoughts of his 6 a.m. alarm the last thing on his mind? Rachel hoped he was tired. He deserved it. The pig.
Bianca had tried calling Rachel several times, but she’d ignored her. How dare she think she could try to explain herself? Rachel honestly didn’t want to know at what point Bianca had decided to steal her boyfriend. It was like a storyline from a film or a book; it wasn’t supposed to happen in real life, and certainly not to her. She felt so stupid. Humiliated. She didn’t want to know anything whatsoever about their affair. How they just couldn’t help it, the connection between them too strong to fight and how the last thing they wanted to do was upset her. The usual bullshit clichés. Of course she was upset; all her life plans were now in tatters. Everything was ruined.
She held the palms of her hands over her face. She had a headache. She’d drunk far too much wine the night before and couldn’t remember getting home. The thought depressed her; she had really thought drunken, wild nights were behind her. She had been settled, grown up even, and behaving irresponsibly was supposed to have been a thing of the past. Something to fondly look back on. She’d been in a s
ecure relationship and was supposed to be getting married, yet here she was, single, hungover and doing the exact opposite of what she thought she would be doing just over a week ago. She was back to square one.
She heard a light knock on the door and her mother’s head peered round.
‘Morning,’ she said delicately, in case she’d woken her up. ‘Cup of tea,’ she added, walking into Rachel’s bedroom and putting a mug next to her bed.
‘Thanks Mum,’ Rachel replied, the words sounding more like a croak.
‘You were back late,’ her mother said, sitting on the end of the bed. ‘Good night?’
Rachel sat up feeling like a little girl again when her mother would sit at the end of her bed reading her a bedtime story. Her mother had aged without her noticing over the years. Her dark hair, which was clipped back, was now peppered and streaked with grey and her skin had the look of tinfoil, too baggy round her eyes.
‘What time did I get back? Sorry if I woke you,’ she apologized, feeling guilty that her mother now had the worry of her daughter going out all over again.
‘About 1 a.m. it was, I was already awake. You know I can’t sleep until I know you’re home,’ she replied helplessly.
‘Oh Mum. I’m 29 years old,’ Rachel rolled her eyes, knowing deep down it wouldn’t matter if she was 49; her mother would still worry.
‘How was it?’ her mother asked hopefully.
Rachel felt like a let-down. She shouldn’t be putting her parents through all this concern, not now. She knew her mother wanted to see her happy and settled and would most likely be crossing her fingers that she met someone every time she went out.
‘It was a good night,’ Rachel replied as brightly as possible, wanting to show her mother she was okay.
Her mother nodded, watching Rachel closely and Rachel focused on the small lines around her mother’s thin lips that she hadn’t seen before, afraid to look into her eyes.
