'Tis the Season to be Single

by Laura Ziepe

  Grace stood up looking flushed. ‘There’s nothing to tell,’ she said shyly.

  ‘She’s been seeing that Steve in secret. You know, the guy she met at the wedding she did make-up for a few weeks ago?’ Rachel revealed, wondering why Grace was being so shady about it. The three of them usually told each other everything.

  ‘Have you?’ Amber looked impressed. ‘Are things going well?’

  ‘Yes,’ Grace replied bashfully. ‘Things are going well for us at the moment. I feel happy. Hopefully it stays this way.’

  ‘I want to meet him,’ Rachel said, keen to find out what he was like.

  ‘Well, you can’t bring him to the Christmas ball, remember? We made a pact. No dates. We go together,’ Amber said in a mock-stern voice. Then she looked thoughtful. ‘I bet you’re going to end up going with Steve and you’ll be with that moody Nick guy. I’m going to be single on my own, aren’t I? Not that I care, you know me. I’ve always preferred to be single, but it’s not like I could ask Jack – Natalya would never let him go with me. Can you imagine what story or excuse she’d come up with?’

  ‘Stop worrying, there’s really no need,’ Grace tutted. ‘We promised to go together, didn’t we? So let’s just stick with that plan.’

  ‘Yes and I don’t even know where I stand with Nick,’ Rachel stated. ‘He’s on and off with me every time we meet.’

  They’d planned to meet up again the following evening and Rachel was looking forward to it, but hoped he wouldn’t be moody again. Why couldn’t life ever be simple? Why couldn’t Rachel just meet a straightforward man she liked? She knew she hadn’t dated many people since Mark, and she certainly wasn’t sure if she wanted to jump straight into another relationship, but she had really liked Nick. There had been something different about him. She couldn’t deny that she liked the security of having a boyfriend. She loved feeling relaxed with the familiarity of the same person. She knew she wasn’t cut out for being single all the time like Amber was. Being alone for a little while was fine and she was happy at the moment, but try as she might, Rachel couldn’t help but worry that she was getting older. There wasn’t as much time. She didn’t want to be in her forties when she finally met the love of her life, only to discover that by then, it was too late and she’d missed the boat to have children. She craved a family. She thought back to when she was in primary school and their teacher at the time, Mrs Patterson, had asked them all to draw what they wanted to be when they were older. Thomas Murray had drawn a fireman and she recalled her friend, Lily Humphries, had drawn a nurse – a picture of her attending to someone in their hospital bed. Mrs Patterson had been impressed and funnily enough, the last Rachel had heard, Lily Humphries had gone on to be a doctor, so she’d been pretty accurate at seven years old about her future career. When Mrs Patterson had walked over to have a look at Rachel’s drawing, she stood above her in bafflement.

  ‘Rachel, what have you drawn?’ she asked her.

  ‘A mother,’ Rachel had looked up and explained. ‘I want to be a mother.’

  She hadn’t understood Mrs Patterson’s face crinkling in amusement back then.

  Rachel was brought back from her memory as she turned around on the make-up counter and spotted Bianca standing there staring at her. Rachel’s jaw dropped open and her face grew hot. It took a few moments to digest what she was seeing. How on earth did Bianca have the nerve to turn up at her workplace unannounced? Rachel had been caught off guard and it was a horrible, vulnerable feeling. Like one of those dreams when you looked down and realized you were naked in public.

  ‘Hello, Rachel,’ Bianca said in a tiny voice. She looked nervous. ‘I was wondering if you could spare a few moments to talk?’

  Rachel was pleased to see how ill at ease Bianca looked; she knew it must have taken a lot of courage to come and she guessed it showed she actually did care. She was due her lunch break now that Amber had arrived but wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to listen to anything Bianca had to say. She hated her. Her so-called friend had messed up her life, hadn’t she? She took a deep breath trying to compose herself. She refused to feel intimidated or unnerved; Rachel wasn’t the one who had done anything wrong.

  ‘What is it you have to say?’ she demanded, folding her arms across her chest imperiously.

  ‘Can we go somewhere?’ Bianca looked around, ‘Somewhere private?’

  Rachel sighed. ‘I’ll meet you in the café on the third floor in five minutes,’ she replied reluctantly. She knew Bianca didn’t deserve the time of day, but Rachel couldn’t help but feel curious as to what she had come to say.

  ‘Wow, she’s brave,’ Amber muttered in lowered tones, as Bianca walked away.

  ‘Do you think you’ll forgive her?’ Grace wondered.

  ‘I have no idea what she’s going to say, but I’ve agreed to meet her now.’

  ‘Well, good luck,’ Amber said sweetly, squeezing her hand before Rachel walked to the escalators.

  She noticed Bianca sitting at a table in the middle of the busy café straightaway. She had two mugs on the table. It’ll take more than a cup of coffee to make it up to me after what you did.

  As Rachel made her way over she inhaled slowly. She couldn’t look at Bianca the same way; she just wasn’t the person she’d thought she was.

  ‘Thanks for seeing me,’ Bianca started in a wobbly voice, her mouth twitching with anxiety.

  Bianca was usually so confident and loud; it was so strange seeing her sitting there looking sorry for once.

  Christmas music was playing softly in the background and there were people sitting on other tables looking cheerful, chilling out after a long day Christmas shopping. Rachel felt anything but chilled out.

  ‘Well, I haven’t got long,’ Rachel replied, glancing at her watch.

  ‘I didn’t know if you wanted something to eat; I would have bought you lunch. That turkey soup looks delicious,’ she said, glancing over to another table as they ate.

  ‘Thanks, but I’ll eat afterwards,’ Rachel said coldly. Lunch wasn’t going to fix the fact she’d betrayed her in the worst way possible. ‘I heard congratulations are in order,’ she said, jutting her chin upwards.

  Bianca looked discomfited, as she studied her nails. ‘It wasn’t planned, obviously,’ she said weakly.

  ‘I can’t imagine it was, no. Mark was still with me when you got pregnant, wasn’t he? I certainly can’t envisage Mark purposely trying to knock up his girlfriend’s best mate before he had the decency to leave her, can you?’ she said hotly.

  Bianca looked ashamed. ‘I don’t know what to say. I didn’t come here to fight with you. I know what we did was terrible and we’ve apologized. Both of us have. I just miss you so much; you’re my best friend.’

  As Rachel gazed at Bianca she couldn’t believe the way she now felt about her. It was like she was a different person. She used to think Bianca had her back; she’d been the fun and cool one, and Rachel had believed she’d have been there through anything. She knew that Bianca had depended on her more though, that was the way their friendship had always been. When Bianca wanted to complain about the way some man had treated her, it would be Rachel listening to her. If Bianca had needed a lift somewhere, it was Rachel she would call. Rachel was always lending her money that Bianca conveniently forgot about. Lending her clothes that she would stain and hand back unwashed. Looking back, it was clear to see that Rachel had been taken advantage of. What had Bianca ever actually done for her? Rachel couldn’t think of a single thing. Now, as she looked at her stooped shoulders and guilty expression, Rachel couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Bianca was the one who had lost a true mate. It was Bianca who was missing her loyal, trustworthy friend. Rachel actually hadn’t missed Bianca much at all. Cutting her out of her life had been a lot more painless than Rachel had ever imagined. She didn’t need Bianca at all. She’d never needed her and looking back, she couldn’t believe she’d let Bianca treat her the way she had. Bianca was just a user.

  ‘I do
n’t know, it’s probably my hormones, but I just feel really down at the moment. I’m sad about what’s happened. Not about the getting pregnant part, but the fact I’ve pushed you away. It’s not been easy for me, Rach. None of this has.’

  ‘What about me?’ Rachel snapped back curtly. ‘It’s still about poor little you, Bianca, isn’t it? No thought for anyone else. You’ve always been like that; I’ve just been too much of a pushover to ever notice it. Everything you’ve done has been brought on yourself.’

  Bianca nodded solemnly, slowly breathing outwards. ‘I know that. I didn’t mean for it to sound as though it was all about me. I know you’re the victim in this. I just want to be friends again; I know it’s a lot to ask. But I really need you. I can’t stop being sick,’ Bianca laughed, clearly hoping she would smile back, but Rachel remained expressionless. ‘I can’t believe they call it morning sickness when I’m literally feeling sick all day.’

  ‘My heart bleeds for you,’ Rachel shot sarcastically.

  ‘Can you find it in your heart to ever forgive me?’ Bianca’s eyes were wide, watery and full of fear.

  Rachel breathed out slowly. ‘Probably. One day,’ she replied. ‘But I could never be friends with you again, Bianca. I could never trust you again, not like before.’

  ‘I understand that. I really do,’ Bianca said hopefully. ‘But perhaps in time we can be friends again. You’ll feel different about it all, I’m sure you will. I can’t imagine you not being in my baby’s life, Rach…’

  ‘I won’t be,’ Rachel interjected, truly disturbed by the thought. ‘I’m sorry Bianca. I’ll eventually forgive you, but I’ll never forget. I can never be friends with you again. Not now and not ever. Do you understand? You’ve always treated me poorly. It’s just taken me a really long time to see it. I’ve been the better friend, despite all of this, and you know it. Did you honestly think you could lie to me and steal my boyfriend and everything would be okay again? Good old Rachel, forgiving you again like she has before. I know I’ve always given you another chance for some awful things you’ve done to me in the past, but not this. Never for this.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me. When have I ever been a bad friend to you?’

  ‘When have you ever been a good friend?’ Rachel challenged defiantly.

  Bianca looked stuck for words.

  ‘Exactly,’ Rachel said sadly. ‘That’s exactly my point. Now if you don’t mind, I’m hungry, and I want to go and eat. Alone.’

  With that, Rachel pulled back her chair, stood up and marched away, without looking back.

  Chapter 20

  ‘Where are we going?’ Grace asked in enthusiastic tones.

  ‘Now that would be telling,’ Simon grinned in amusement. ‘It’s somewhere you’ll like. It’ll be fun.’

  Grace nodded, flashing Simon a smile. She loved surprises. This reminded her of when she’d first met Simon and he used to whisk her away to unusual places without telling her. Their relationship had always been so special and exciting at the start. She couldn’t remember when it had changed, but eventually it had, and even a trip to the local cinema had become a thing of the past.

  They were on a train going into London and Grace linked arms with Simon and snuggled up a bit closer as she tried to keep warm.

  ‘I’ve missed you the last few days,’ Simon told her affectionately.

  Grace couldn’t help but beam. ‘I’ve missed you too.’ She had such a warm and happy feeling inside, she never wanted it to end. She was delighted that Simon was making such an effort to change, clearly wanting to do anything and everything he could to save their marriage. The truth was, she’d have been heartbroken if he hadn’t. She realized that now.

  As they got off the train and walked along the street together, Grace frowned. ‘Are we going over there?’ she asked him, pointing to an ice rink in the distance.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Simon replied, half-smiling.

  ‘That’s definitely where we’re going,’ Grace said again, knowingly. ‘I know you, Simon. You’re great at skating too; I think you’re going to have fun showing me up,’ she laughed good-naturedly.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Simon laughed back, ‘I’ll help you up when you fall down.’

  Grace shoved him playfully. ‘You never know, it might be the other way round.’ She giggled, excited to go skating. She hadn’t been in years.

  ‘Mulled wine?’ Simon offered, looking over to a man selling it next to the ice rink.

  ‘I see your plan, Simon Chapman,’ she said in mock serious tones, narrowing her eyes. ‘You’re trying to get me drunk so I’m not as good as you are on the rink.’

  ‘Suit yourself,’ Simon smiled widely.

  ‘I’ll have one after,’ Grace told him, never able to turn down mulled wine. ‘I’m going to need my wits about me.’

  Skating was fun and Grace tried her best to stay upright, but laughed good-humouredly when she slipped over several times, taking Simon’s strong arm to pull her back up again. As he pulled her up the last time, he took her into his arms and kissed her softly on the lips. ‘Why don’t we do things like this anymore?’ he questioned sadly.

  ‘I’ve been thinking the exact same thing, Simon. We used to always go out doing different things. One day it just seemed to change.’

  He kissed her again then. ‘Well, I want it to change back. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed us.’

  Grace took his hand and pulled him off the rink. ‘I think it’s time for my mulled wine now,’ she told him cheekily. ‘A nice walk and a mulled wine sounds perfect.’

  As they walked along the busy streets they stopped and listened to a group singing Christmas carols.

  ‘I don’t want to leave you tonight,’ Simon told her. ‘Stay with me,’ he said longingly.

  Grace bit her lip, feeling exactly the same. Now they were back spending time together, fixing the problems in their relationship, she wanted to be with Simon all the time. It was killing her that she wasn’t waking up next to him every day. Or was that all part of the excitement? Seeing him in secret and creeping around together was thrilling, there was no denying that. ‘But where though? I’m not staying at yours. No offense, but I remember how untidy your cousin Paul’s place was.’ She pulled a face. ‘You can’t come to mine either. Rachel is there and, as I said, I don’t want to tell people about us just yet.’

  ‘Then we’ll get a hotel,’ he said gazing into her eyes with desire. ‘We’re surrounded by them, after all. I don’t care how much it costs; I just want to be with you for the night. The whole night.’ He looked around. ‘We can get the train to work early in the morning.’

  Simon began to kiss Grace’s neck gently and she could feel any reservations she had slowly starting to weaken. She wanted Simon and he was her husband. It would be silly to wait any longer before they spent the night together. It felt different somehow too; as though they’d been apart for years and desperately needed each other.

  ‘Okay,’ she whispered breathlessly.

  Simon grinned. ‘Let’s go find a hotel. The very best one around.’

  There was something enthralling about booking a hotel for the night and Grace couldn’t wait until they were alone. She hadn’t been certain that the spark she was now feeling was ever going to come back. She’d resigned herself to the fact that everyone’s relationships eventually turned a bit sour, mundane and routine. Now she was feeling delirious with passion again, and it was a fantastic feeling. She’d forgotten what it felt like.

  The hotel room was nothing special – just an average double bedroom with basic amenities, even though it had cost Simon a small fortune, but Grace couldn’t have cared less where they were. Being together again was all that mattered.

  ‘I should tell Rachel I’m not coming home. She’ll be worried otherwise. She’s actually going on a date herself tonight.’

  ‘Where did you tell her you were going?’ Simon wondered, cocking his head to one side as h
e sat down on the bed and lay back.

  Grace pressed her lips together. ‘She made the assumption that I’m seeing this guy,’ she told him, feeling uncomfortable and not wanting to divulge further.

  ‘Was there another guy?’ Simon ventured, his eyes full of fear.

  ‘No!’ Grace told him quickly. ‘It was nothing. It was just one date and I only did it so they would stop going on at me to start enjoying being single. I wasn’t ready. It was weird going out with someone else. It was strange that it wasn’t you,’ she explained sincerely.

  Simon closed his eyes momentarily. ‘You don’t have to feel bad, you know. So, you went on a date? It’s no big deal. Let’s just not talk about it again though, okay? It scares me that I could have lost you for good. Now come here,’ he said suggestively, patting the bed next to him.

  ‘Not just yet,’ Grace said with a smirk. ‘I’m just going to get a little more comfortable. It’s quite hot in here, don’t you think?’ She asked seductively, raising an eyebrow as she peeled off her cardigan and blouse.

  Simon was gawping at her, as though Christmas had come early and Grace had to prevent herself from laughing at how transfixed he was as she pulled off her clothes to reveal some new sexy red underwear. She was so glad she’d worn it now, though she honestly hadn’t planned for this to happen. She’d seen the neglected underwear at the back of her drawer when she was getting ready and she could hardly remember wearing it before or buying it. The doubts about rushing too fast into getting back together seemed to have gone out the window and Grace simply couldn’t help herself. This wasn’t a cheap and tacky one night stand. This wasn’t a fling. She was with her husband; Grace just needed to take a leap of faith and trust that the change in him wasn’t temporary.

  Simon’s mouth was open as she made her way over to him, and Grace pushed it shut before starting to unbutton his shirt.

  The next morning Simon’s alarm went off early at 6 a.m., and Grace’s face creased into a smile as he cuddled up close to her and kissed her cheek.