'Tis the Season to be Single

by Laura Ziepe

  ‘Listen, I know this is all probably a huge surprise to you,’ he’d told her, putting his hand in his pocket. ‘But please give this note to your mother. Is there any way I can take your mobile number?’ he asked hopefully.

  Amber bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. She could be really stubborn and tell him no. He wasn’t wanted. He’d missed out on years of her life and he could never be forgiven. He would never get those years back. How could any man leave their child at five years old and not come back without an explanation? But the other part of her wanted to hear what he had to say. Whether she liked it or not, this man was her father. He was responsible for her existence and she was curious as to what he could possibly say. But did he really have anything worth listening to? Her mother had told her they’d had an argument one evening about money. Her father had a gambling problem and she’d had enough. After cross words, her father had stormed out and never come back again. No call, no letter, nothing. Even her grandparents on her father’s side had ditched Amber and her mother. Her mother told Amber when she’d called them to ask where her father was they’d said she should have been more supportive of him and that they had no idea of his whereabouts. By all accounts her father hadn’t been close to his parents, who had lived in Devon, and Amber wasn’t even sure if they were alive anymore. Like her father, she’d never known them. They hadn’t cared.

  Her father had held out his mobile with a desperate look in his eyes. ‘Please, Amber,’ he’d begged.

  So she’d found herself punching her mobile number into his phone, unsure what to say to her mum when she spoke to her. She felt like she was betraying her and vowed that she would make sure her mother was okay with it before she answered her father’s calls. Then she had that awful thought that he may not call her. How pathetic would she feel if her dad changed his mind and didn’t contact her? What if he was disappointed in how she’d turned out? It pained her that she craved his acceptance. If he now ignored her she would feel even more worthless than he’d already managed to make her feel for most her life.

  Amber was brought back to the present by someone shouting out to their friend walking through the park. She hadn’t slept much the previous night and she still hadn’t given the letter to her mother. She did plan to that evening, but first, she wanted to meet up with Jack. She needed to tell him all about it and wanted his opinion. Jack would know exactly what to do. He was the only one who would know how much this really meant to her. The only one she trusted to guide her in the right direction. She didn’t care about the whole Natalya issue at that moment in time; she had far more important things to worry about. After she’d texted Jack saying she needed to see him alone urgently, he’d replied back straightaway saying where and what time. She knew she could count on him when she really needed to. He was always there when she most needed it.

  She spotted Jack walking towards her, a navy scarf draped round his neck matching the beanie hat on his head. He looked so handsome without even realising it. He was just perfect. Especially without Natalya by his side.

  ‘Hey,’ he said, leaning in for a kiss. ‘What’s up? Your messages sounded serious. Everything okay?’ He sat down next to her.

  ‘You’re not going to believe what’s happened,’ Amber began, still in disbelief. ‘When I left yours last night, there was a man standing outside our apartments. When I got closer I noticed he was buzzing my mum’s door and obviously getting no response.’

  Jack’s brow furrowed. ‘Right…’

  ‘It was my dad,’ Amber announced. ‘After all this time, he’s come back. Wants to get to know me apparently. Though the main reason he’s come back is to tell my mum that his cousin died. He said they were once close and she’d want to know.’

  ‘Oh my God, Amber. I can’t believe it. How can he show his face after all these years? What kind of man walks out on his wife and daughter and then tries to swan back into their lives after what … twenty-four, twenty-five years? He makes my blood boil.’

  ‘I didn’t know what to say. I was just standing there in shock. Shaking. He gave me a note to give to my mum. I gave him my mobile number.’ She squinted her eyes, embarrassed that she hadn’t just told him where to go. Would Jack think she was an idiot? Most likely.

  ‘Do you want to meet him? Do you want to hear his side?’ Jack questioned gently, his eyes full of concern. There was a vibrating sound from Jack’s coat pocket, which he ignored.

  ‘A part of me does. I’m stupid, aren’t I?’ she said honestly, biting her nails. ‘After everything he’s done. Or should I say not done.’

  Jack exhaled heavily. ‘No. Yes. I don’t know. The thing is, it’s easy for me to say that you should slam the door in his face, but he’s your father, not mine. Maybe I’d be the same in your position?’ He shrugged in wonderment. ‘Who knows? But I certainly wouldn’t trust him. Not for a very long time.’

  Again, his phone vibrated, making a continuous irritating buzzing sound. Whoever it was that wanted to speak to him wasn’t going to give up and Amber had a strong feeling she knew who that person was. Jack looked out onto the grass, acting as though it wasn’t happening.

  ‘I wouldn’t trust him,’ she replied finally. ‘I’m just intrigued about him, I guess. I’ve wondered what he’s like for all these years. I hate him for leaving us and I’ll never, ever forgive him for what he put my mum through. She’s never got over it; why else would she have been single for all these years? I just want to know what he’s like, that’s all. It feels weird that I actually have a father. I think in the end I just told myself he didn’t exist; that way it stopped hurting that he’d abandoned me.’

  ‘I just can’t believe he’s suddenly shown up,’ Jack said, shaking his head in disbelief, ‘I’m so shocked, so I dread to think what you feel like.’ He paused for a moment. ‘Perhaps you’re right. Maybe the best thing to do is meet the guy and see what he has to say?’

  ‘I’ll see what my mum thinks about it first. If she doesn’t like the idea of me seeing him, then I won’t. My loyalties will always lie with her.’

  ‘Yes, agreed,’ Jack responded, looking distracted when his phone started buzzing again.

  ‘I think you should answer your phone,’ Amber said, trying to remain patient as she pointed at his coat pocket. ‘It sounds as though it’s something really urgent.’

  Jack pulled his phone out his pocket and frowned as he viewed who was calling him. He stood up and walked away as he spoke. ‘Hi Natalya.’

  Amber shook her head furiously. He couldn’t even meet her in the park for a chat about something important without bloody Natalya getting jealous; it was getting disturbing.

  ‘I’m just with Josh and the lads,’ she heard Jack say in the distance.

  He’d walked away to a big tree and was leaning against it. He was speaking in a lowered voice and Amber guessed she thought he couldn’t hear what he was saying.

  ‘No, I won’t be too long.’ He paused. ‘Yes, I’ll pick you up a bit later on.’ Another pause. ‘I swear to you, yes. We’ll do something nice, how about that? Dinner and drinks or cinema, whatever you fancy. Okay see you soon. Yes, love you too.’

  Amber couldn’t help but wrinkle her forehead as he walked back to her. She was dumbfounded. Jack was lying to Natalya about who he was with? Were things really that bad? Surely he knew that wasn’t healthy? It would never work. Jack never lied either; he was such an honest man, and Amber couldn’t believe what she’d just overheard.

  ‘Why did you say you were with Josh and the lads?’ she questioned, not really caring anymore about offending him about his peculiar relationship. It was weird that he was lying to his fiancée. He wasn’t doing anything wrong and there was really no need to lie.

  ‘What?’ Jack looked a little agitated that she’d overheard. ‘Oh, that. Never mind,’ he said, trying to brush it under the carpet. He cleared his throat.

  ‘Well, actually I do mind,’ Amber said sternly. ‘Why do you feel the need to lie about seeing me? Are you not allo
wed? Is that it? Has Natalya forbidden us to meet up or something?’

  ‘No, it’s not that,’ Jack replied hastily, looking really uncomfortable at the subject of conversation. ‘It’s just that … oh, I don’t know … she said something about the fact that she thinks you’ve got a problem with her. She thinks you don’t like her because she’s my girlfriend and something about her not being good enough for me. I can’t remember the exact words. I told her she was crazy and that you’re really not like that…’ He tailed off, clearly not wanting to go into further detail.

  Amber was fuming. What had Amber actually ever done apart from want to spend time with Jack? She’d never done a thing to Natalya; she’d only ever been polite and friendly. Natalya was just trying to make her look jealous, as though she was the one in the wrong. ‘I cannot believe she said that,’ Amber snapped defensively. ‘I’ve never done or said anything horrible to her before, so what on earth is she talking about?’

  ‘I know. Just forget I said anything. I told her you like her. You have no reason not to,’ Jack replied, sounding fed up with the whole thing before it had even started. ‘Please. Don’t say anything. Just be, I don’t know … perhaps just make more of an effort with her?’ he pleaded.

  Amber wanted to scream with rage. She had made an effort, but Natalya was doing everything in her power to stop her being friends with Jack, so why would she want to be friends with her? At the start, Amber had been really friendly and polite. How did he seriously not see this? Amber knew it was only a matter of time before she told Jack what she really thought of Natalya. The funny thing was, Natalya didn’t know the extent of Amber’s true feelings and she was still acting like a psychopath. ‘Jack, I’ve been nothing but nice to her. Please, explain to me what I’ve ever done wrong?’ she begged.

  ‘I’m not saying you have done anything wrong,’ Jack responded sounding distressed, sighing heavily. ‘It’s just she says she gets a vibe from you that you don’t like her much. I don’t know; I guess leaving early last night when she turned up for example, things like that. You were dead silent when she arrived. The whole atmosphere seemed to change,’ he said, looking confused. ‘I know I shouldn’t be lying to her about seeing you, but sometimes it’s just easier, you know?’

  ‘No, I don’t know,’ Amber said sulkily. ‘If you feel the need to lie about seeing me, then perhaps you shouldn’t?’ She knew she was being ridiculous, but she felt gutted that he thought she wasn’t making an effort with his fiancée. She was frustrated that he couldn’t see what Natalya was doing here. Natalya was right, of course. Amber did have a problem with her now she’d got to know her better; but Natalya knew deep down why this was. If she’d been a lovely, innocuous girl all along, Amber would have been just as friendly back. She wasn’t purposely going out of her way to not like her.

  ‘Don’t be silly…’

  ‘No really, Jack. I don’t want to get in the way of you two, and you’re right, perhaps I don’t like Natalya. I don’t think she’s good for you,’ she blurted out. She knew she couldn’t take it back now she’d told him the truth and she was scared how he was going to react. ‘I think she’s conniving and domineering. I think she tries to control everything you do. She doesn’t want you having a life outside of being with her; she wants you all to herself. How can you really not see that?’

  Jack looked flabbergasted with what Amber was telling him. He turned to face her with a wounded expression. ‘What? Amber you’re taking this a bit far now. I mean, I know she likes seeing me a lot, but there’s nothing strange about someone wanting to spend time with their fiancé.’

  ‘Oh really? It’s funny how she just happened to turn up last night unannounced with the cake, isn’t it? Or when she was ill so you couldn’t come out to the Rod Stewart concert. Do you really think that’s a coincidence?’

  ‘I’m not sure what you’re trying to suggest here,’ Jack retorted indignantly.

  ‘I think you know perfectly well what I’m trying to suggest, Jack,’ she riposted. ‘I think deep down you know exactly what I mean. There’s no way you can’t have noticed. You can’t seriously marry this girl,’ she said, her voice raising an octave. She knew it wasn’t her place to say it. She knew she should just shut up, keep quiet and walk away, but she couldn’t. There was no way she could sit back and let her best friend marry Natalya, whether she was in love with him or not. Natalya wasn’t the one for him.

  ‘I really don’t think who I marry has anything to do with you,’ he said, a flinty edge to his voice. ‘Geez Amber, I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me. You’re supposed to be my friend. You’re supposed to support me in my decisions and that includes who I want to marry. I’ve always done the same for you; even when you were dating that complete idiot who cheated on you and you gave him another chance. What was his name? Charles. You took him back and despite the fact I thought it was the wrong decision and that you were making a huge mistake, I just accepted it was your choice. I was friendly to the guy. You don’t even know Natalya.’

  ‘I know enough,’ she said robustly, her mouth dry. There was no backtracking now.

  ‘You’ve just made things so hard for me,’ he said, his nostrils flaring as he ran his hands over the stubble on his chin. ‘Natalya is having a Christmas get together and she wanted me to invite you along, but I don’t see how I can now you’ve made it clear how you feel about her,’ he said looking both incredulous and crestfallen, shaking his head.

  ‘Of course she does,’ Amber couldn’t help herself. ‘She wants to look like the good guy. She knows I would never go to her Christmas get together. Especially now I know she’s trying to stir things between us.’

  ‘Don’t you think you’re being rather childish?’ Jack reprimanded her.

  ‘Me the childish one? It’s her that’s being weird and childish. I just want to spend time with my friend sometimes. Alone. I’m hardly committing a crime, but she’s doing everything in her power to prevent it happening. She always has to be there; she always has to tag along.’

  He frowned deeply, looking stunned at the words coming out of her mouth. ‘She just wants to get to know you because she knows how important you are to me, that’s all. She wants to feel included and involved.’

  ‘Well, she’s certainly been involved and included, hasn’t she?’ Amber shot pointedly with a harsh laugh.

  ‘I’m not listening to this anymore,’ Jack said, standing up and looking agitated. ‘The whole thing is just ridiculous. You’re sitting there, insulting my fiancée. Insulting the woman I love and I won’t stand for it.’

  As always, the words that he loved her were like a dagger to the heart, but Amber felt infuriated too. She was livid that Natalya was getting her own way and winning, because there was no way she was going to make an effort to see Jack again. If it was too much of an issue seeing her, if he actually had to lie about it, then Amber would make it easy for him and disappear from his life. She’d avoid him; it was just too painful to sit back and watch the power and influence Natalya had over him.

  ‘I’m just being honest with you about what I think; haven’t you always been the same with me? I can’t lie to you and pretend I like her,’ she said matter-of-factly, pursing her lips stubbornly. ‘I don’t think you should feel the need to lie to the person you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.’

  ‘I’ve had enough of this,’ Jack said in a grim, foreboding voice, shaking his head profusely. ‘I’m going before you offend me any more than you already have. It’s a shame things have ended on this note,’ he added, thrusting his hands into his coat pocket before walking away. ‘Good luck with your father.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Amber responded moodily, looking at her gloves. She hated things being like this between them. It was strange; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a cross word with Jack. It simply never happened. They weren’t the kind of friends that argued. They usually had each other’s back.

  Amber’s chin wobbled and tears threatene
d her eyes. This wasn’t how she’d intended their conversation going and it certainly wasn’t the outcome she’d planned. But however bad she felt for saying those awful things about Natalya, she also felt something else – relief that she was actually telling the truth. She didn’t have to hold in her feelings anymore.

  She just hoped that one day soon Jack agreed with everything she’d said.

  Chapter 24

  Grace sipped the delicious glass of red wine distractedly. She was aware that Simon was talking, but her mind kept wandering elsewhere.

  ‘Grace?’ Simon half-laughed. ‘What’s up with you tonight? You seem a million miles away.’

  She’d told him all about what had happened to Rachel earlier when they’d met up. They were sitting in a beautiful cosy pub, in big comfy armchairs by a crackling fireplace. ‘Sorry, I was just wondering if Rachel is okay. I just felt so sorry for her earlier; she’s been through such a rough time lately.’

  ‘Sounds like it,’ Simon nodded. ‘Maybe send her a text, check that she’s alright? I’m certain she’s fine though. She’s best off out of it,’ he expressed, shooting her a reassuring smile.

  ‘Yes, perhaps I will text her,’ Grace said, fishing for her phone in her bag.

  ‘Another wine?’ Simon offered, standing up to go to the bar.

  ‘Please,’ Grace flashed him a wide smile. She watched him walk over to the bar and felt lucky that he wasn’t a liar or a cheat. He may have been lazy and taken her for granted towards the end, but she trusted Simon wholeheartedly. She genuinely didn’t think it was in his nature to be deceitful. Not only was he not a ladies’ man, but Simon had always been honest, sometimes too honest, she remembered fondly. It was after Christmas a few years back that she’d asked him if she’d put on weight, expecting his immediate answer to be ‘no’. She’d completely over-indulged during the festive season as usual, and she knew her jeans were tight, the folds of skin bulging over her jeans, but wanted his opinion. She could just recall him lying in bed, cocking his head to the side as his eyes roamed all over her body, before responding, ‘Yes, you’ve definitely put weight on.’ Then he went back to reading his paper before adding without even looking up again, ‘Suits you though.’