Satisfaction Guaranteed

by Samantha M. Derr

  Marco struggles some more, to no avail. So that's why they had been running amok throughout the city. They were keeping K2 occupied while their lackeys stole the ingredients. They're going to poison the whole city and ransom the cure.

  And Marco is here to make sure K2 behaves. He's acting out every single reason why superheroes don't date. He's never felt so useless.

  "Why so glum, chum?" Tempo asks, reaching over to pull his gag off. The adhesive hurts when it's peeled away.

  "Why me?" Marco asks, playing dumb. "Why did you kidnap me?"

  Tempo smiles, reaching up to play with the feather in his cap. "Nice try. Boulder Dash owed the Boss a favor, and we saw your tangle with him. Kinda chummy with Sparkles, aren't you?"

  So much for that. Marco lets his head droop, feeling defeated. "Your guild is full of assholes."

  Tempo actually laughs. "Can't argue with you, there. I think it's a prerequisite."

  "Where are the workers? What did you do to them?"

  "I had them lock themselves in the break room." Tempo grabs Marco's chin and lifts his head. "They were surprisingly compliant."

  Marco doesn't get to reply. The glass at the far end of the room shatters when K2 flies through the window. Marco has never been happier to see him. K2 almost gets across the vats of water when Slashia appears at Marco's side, scimitar at his throat.

  "Stop right there, Sparkles!"

  K2 does, skidding to a stop in midair. Marco can see him clench his fists in anger. "Let him go."

  "How about this: you want him alive, you back right off."

  "Poison!" Marco shouts. "They're gonna poison the—" He shuts up when her steel kisses his throat.

  "One more word out of you, and I'll show you what your esophagus looks like. Got it?" To K2 she says, "Why don't you come down here and make yourself comfortable?"

  K2 hesitates, looking from Marco to the poison and back again. "Let him go and I'll surrender."

  Slashia answers before Marco can refuse. "We aren't bartering, Sparkles; I'm telling you how it's going to work. Get down here and turn off the juice, or your BFF bites it."

  K2 lingers for a few seconds, but eventually gives up. Marco watches him land and it feels like a punch in the gut. The aura around him winks out, and he raises his hands in surrender. The sight breaks Marco's heart.

  Negative Space appears, carrying more of the rope they'd used on Marco. He's rougher than necessary, twisting K2's arms around his back and securing them there. Negs shoves him to the ground and then follows to bind his ankles together.

  "The city won't negotiate with terrorists," K2 says firmly.

  "They will once they realize half of Marrowport's citizens are dying," Negs retorts.

  "Put Sparkles to sleep," Slashia orders. "We'll deal with him later. Negs, help me with the jug."

  Tempo Crescendo walks over to K2. He begins to sing—a wordless, soothing melody. A soft dusting of rose light follows, bathing K2 in its thrall. Marco can feel the heaviness of his own eyelids, and the spell isn't even directed at him. He tries locking gazes with K2, hoping he can convey with his eyes how sorry he is. How did they go from cautious optimism to this?

  K2 stares at Marco for as long as he can, but soon his head begins to droop. Further away, Slashia and Negative Space are discussing poisoning logistics. Marco clenches his teeth. He has to do something.

  "K2!" he screams, as desperately as he can manage. "Help me!"

  It works. K2's eyes snap back open, taking quick stock of the situation. Before Tempo can turn up the volume, K2 charges up again. His aura is bright and hot, drawing on his anger and desperation. It burns through his bonds. Tempo starts scrambling away; K2 helps him out by firing a star-bolt right in his chest.

  As Tempo flies across the room, K2 rushes over to Marco. He wastes no time, slicing through the ropes and pulling Marco to his feet. "Get out of here!"

  Marco doesn't even have time to protest. K2 starts going for Slashia and Negs, both of whom abandon the jug of poison to dodge. Marco looks for an escape route. The elevator is a bad idea, but he finds the stairs right next to it.

  There's also a door leading to another area. Marco considers it, glancing back at the fight behind him. He remembers the workers locked in the break room. Marco pushes the door open and takes off down the hallway. He passes vending machines and washrooms until at last he finds the break room.

  It's locked, so Marco hauls a fire extinguisher off the wall. The cylinder is heavy but it breaks the knob easily enough. He kicks the door open, finding three cowering men in the far corner.

  "Take the stairs back up," he says, waving them out. "Don't stop for anything and call the cops as soon as you're outside!"

  They move in a daze, likely still under some effects from Tempo's song, but they move. That's all that matters. Marco lingers, waiting until the last man disappears up the stairwell. He debates following them and staying out of K2's way, or going back for him.

  Then he remembers the past few weeks K2 has had, and how exhausted he looks. This decides for him. Marco turns around and runs back up the hall.

  He hides in the doorway, trying to get a feel for the room. The battle itself looks like a light show, blue clashing with pink and silver. K2 is performing graceful aerial acrobatics, twisting over and under attacks.

  "Stand still!" Slashia shouts.

  Tempo screams, and a yellow bolt of energy heads straight for K2. He dodges it, circling around in a beautiful arc—and crashes hard, tumbling down and splashing into one of the vats. Slashia makes a dash for it.

  Force field, Marco realizes.

  "Gotta watch where you're going," Negative Space needles. "Never know when you'll hit a roadblock." He lowers himself so he's hovering above the vat. "I think he's drowning."

  K2 proves him wrong, blasting off and sending Negs spiraling as a result. Tempo starts screaming again. Slashia starts cursing. Marco takes advantage of the confusion and makes a break for the jug.

  It's sitting in the middle of the room, holding an entire city's doom within. The liquid is colorless, and on its own could probably be mistaken as a giant jug of water. When Marco reaches it, he realizes it's half his size. With a firefight getting out of hand right above him, Marco twists the plastic cap off. He squares his shoulders and then shoves the jug with everything he's got, tipping it over. The poison starts gushing out onto the hard cement floor. As the wetness spreads little by little, Marco feels triumphant.

  "You!" He whips his head around, eyes widening when he realizes Slashia is coming at him like a rabid wildcat. "You're dead! I'll make you lick it off the floor!"

  Marco starts backpedaling, but she's moving too fast. When she leaps, scimitar poised for the kill, Marco squeezes his eyes shut and waits for the pain. It never comes.

  Then he opens his eyes, and his heart stops. "No!"

  Slashia scimitar makes a haunting, sickening sound when she pulls it out of K2, kicking him away. Marco rushes forward to catch him. He's lifeless, a dead weight in Marco's arms, and the shock brings Marco to his knees. He cradles K2 close, trying to stop the bleeding. The warm blood coats Marco's hand, K2's life leaking out of his stomach onto the floor.

  "Why did you do that?" Marco chokes out, and he realizes that he's crying.

  K2 tries to speak, but he ends up gritting his teeth through a wave of pain. He tries again. "I would do it again."

  "Aww, that's sweet." Slashia's blade is red, droplets of blood running along its edge. Negative Space appears at her left, and Tempo Crescendo at her right. They're cornered. They're going to die, and it's Marco's fault. The air is suddenly very cold.

  "Plan's busted," Tempo says. "Boss might be more forgiving if we bring in a superhero's head."

  "Just what I was thinking," Negs says with a smirk.

  Marco holds K2 tighter. "Don't touch him." He starts to shiver. "I won't let you."

  "Marco," K2 rasps. It's all he can manage.

  "Even sweeter," Slashia says. "I'm afraid I'll have to slice
you both to ribbons, though." She laughs, and Marco frowns, because he can see her breath puffing out past her lips.

  "Hey," Negs says, "did it get cold in here?"

  This is when Marco realizes he isn't shivering out of fear; the temperature in the room has dropped. "What—?"

  "I called for backup," K2 says, sounding stronger.

  "Incoming!" Tempo shouts.

  The Guild members scatter, narrowly avoiding the icicles. The glacial torpedoes impale themselves in the cement floor, making the room rumble. They're taller than and almost as wide as Marco. His eyes widen of their own accord as he beholds them.

  "Excellent aim," K2 says, pushing himself up.

  "Wait," Marco protests. "Your wound."

  K2 uses Marco's shoulder as leverage to stand. "The stars are working on it. I'll be okay." On his own two feet, he really does look better.

  Marco stands up, too. "And your backup? Is it who I think it is?"

  The backup answers for herself. "K2!" she calls, her voice echoing through the plant. Her shout brings all eyes to the shattered window, and Marco lays eyes on Avalanche for the first time.

  She looks even more amazing in person than she does on TV. Her frosty blue costume hugs her corpulent form, leaving nothing for foes to grab onto. Her boots and gauntlets are white. Her auburn hair is pinned back into a tail that falls down her back. Even in the darkness, her blue-and-diamond domino mask glitters.

  She's standing on the windowsill, leaning against the side. "Thanks for inviting me to your party."

  Slashia recovers first. "Avalanche," she snarls, enraged anew. "I thought you'd never have the balls to show your face here again." She twirls her scimitars in her hands and bounces on the balls of her feet. "I've got a score to settle with you."

  "Take a number," Avalanche says, and fires a few more ice missiles.

  Slashia heads for Avalanche, dodging icicles along the way. K2 heads for Tempo, firing star-bolt after star-bolt to subdue him. Marco decides he should get out of the way, and makes for the stairs.

  And then the stairs are gone. Marco stops short, fighting the sudden vertigo. He squeezes the sides of his head as the world flickers in and out of focus. The plant morphs into something deep and cavernous. There is only empty darkness.

  "Oh no," Marco mutters, turning in a slow circle. He knows it's only an illusion, but that doesn't make the helplessness feel any less real.

  "You've been nothing but trouble since I saw you." Negative Space sounds like he's coming from everywhere. "If I get one thing out of this whole mess, it'll be your head."

  Marco is suddenly irrationally angry. "I've been trouble? You think I've been trouble for you?" He balls his hands into fists, shaking with rage. "How about you come take my head? I'd like to see your scrawny little arms do that."

  "You—!"

  The air in front of Marco shimmers, solidifying into Negs. It surprises Marco, and Negs gets the first punch. It catches Marco on the cheekbone, but the adrenaline deflects the pain. Marco rides the follow-through, feigning pain, hunching over with a moan.

  "No one laughs at me," Negs snarls, striding closer for another shot. "No one laughs at me."

  Marco moves with everything he has, fist flying up to deliver a devastating uppercut. He catches Negs right on the chin, cracking his head back and sending him falling backwards. He yelps when he hits the ground, and his illusion quickly shatters. Like pieces of a broken mirror, the cavern is replaced with the purification plant.

  Negs tries to get up, but Marco steps down on his throat—a little harder than necessary. Negs goes very still, looking up at Marco with frightened eyes.

  "If you even think of putting up a force field, I'll crush your throat." Marco bares his teeth, keeping their gazes locked. "I don't know what your issue is, Negs, but you? You need help."

  "And he'll get it," K2 says, alighting besides Marco. He drops the unconscious heap of Tempo Crescendo onto the ground. "Power down, Negs. It's over."

  Negative Space's black eyes well with tears before they shift to blue. Marco watches, fascinated, as his silver hair becomes fluffy and blond. "I yield," he sobs, defeated.

  "Cops will be up any minute," K2 tells Marco. "We just gave them the okay." He smiles, reaching out to pat Marco's shoulder. "You did great."

  "I was actually trying to get out of your way that time," Marco says dryly. "But thanks. I just got lucky."

  "Damn fine luck," Avalanche says, dropping Slashia's limp form atop Tempo's. "So," she adds with a grin, "I got your message."

  K2 grins back. "I'm glad. For a little while, I was afraid Mal Content had gotten the best of you."

  Avalanche waves a dismissive hand, still grinning. "She nearly did, but I got better. Thanks for watching Marrowport for me." The grin vanishes, and she looks apologetic. "Sorry about Slashia; she has this weird thing about me."

  "Speaking of which, we really need to talk about this city."

  Marco watches the two superheroes talk shop like any other co-workers, suppressing the urge to laugh. When the cops arrive, they book the Guild members and take statements. Marco asks that they leave his name out of any broadcasts.

  The cops and their prisoners leave by the elevator. They leave through the same broken window. Once K2 gets them both on the ground, Avalanche bids them farewell.

  "We'll talk, K2," she says. "You should get him home. Tomorrow, we'll start investigating who this 'Boss' character is."

  "Yeah," he says, waving. They watch her surf away on her own homemade snow slide. It dissolves slowly behind her.

  "How did you find me?" Marco asks. "They were actually pretty subtle and classy with the kidnapping. Ether and everything."

  "Alice found your phone and vest on the ground. She called the police." K2 grabs his arm. "Marco, this is exactly what I was talking about."

  Marco lifts a hand, bidding him to stop. "Tomorrow, okay? Let's talk about it tomorrow. Can you please give me a lift to Alice's place?"

  *~*~*

  Alice makes him tell the whole story twice. He keeps it general; he doesn't want her wondering why K2 nearly eviscerated himself for Marco. "You didn't call my parents, did you?" he asks, thumbing through his phone.

  "No, but that's only because I didn't know how to say 'hi, you don't know me but your son has been kidnapped by super-villains.' The cops would've called them eventually."

  Marco sighs. "I think I'm going to look for another job. Too many super-villains know where I work."

  *~*~*

  He gets home at two in the morning and calls in sick for the first time in his life. He drinks a glass of juice, splashes water on his face, and prepares to fall face-first into bed. Naturally, his phone vibrates.

  Can I come over?

  Marco stares at the display for a moment, debating. He sends an affirmative, and there's a knock at his door a second later. Marco rolls his eyes but goes to let Hector in.

  He looks as tired and haggard as Marco does. Even the designer jeans and coat can't dress him up. "Sorry to barge in like this," he says, pulling off the black coat to reveal a red pinstriped dress shirt.

  "It's okay. I thought we would talk tomorrow?"

  Hector gives him a pleading look. He appears more shy and awkward than usual. "Please let me get this out. I'm not good at expressing myself so I need to… okay. I've never—been with anyone. It's not just because I'm a superhero, but that's a big part of it. I never wanted anyone I cared for to get hurt. That's exactly what happened today. They targeted you because of me.

  "Avalanche and I talked, and we agreed that Marrowport is a new prime target for super-villains. It's too much for one superhero. So she and I are going to patrol it together. It will be easier on both of us. It would be safer for you."

  "Safer for me?" Marco muses. He offers his hand, and to his relief, Hector takes it. "So you still want…?"

  "If you do," Hector says softly.

  Marco smiles and pulls Hector toward him. "I do," he says, wrapping his arm around Hector's w
aist. "You're incredible," he whispers before kissing him. He pours all the affection into it that he can.

  "Marco," Hector moans when they part. He surges up, bringing them back together.

  Hector kisses with more enthusiasm than skill, but Marco loves every moment of it. He backs them to his bed, shoving Hector onto his back. He climbs atop him eagerly, but pauses when he sees Hector wince.

  "Are you okay? Is this okay?"

  "Y-yeah," Hector manages, hand touching his side. "It's not completely healed yet."

  Oh. Marco sits back, unbuttoning Hector's shirt. He pulls it open, revealing the crisp, white square bandage and dressing covering the wound. He stares at it, remembering how Hector threw himself in front of a sword to save him.

  "Marco?"

  He bends down, brushing his lips across the bandage. "I haven't thanked you for saving me." He glances up at Hector's brown eyes, grinning when they get wider. "Maybe I'll do that now." He crawls up Hector's body until they're nose to nose. "Would you like that?"

  "Yes," Hector whispers, and Marco kisses him again.

  *~*~*

  Now that Alice has had a full day to digest Marco's story, the questions have started. She starts as soon as he meets her after work, and hasn't stopped by the time they're making their Moondollars orders. Hector is feigning disinterest, but Marco knows he's listening.

  "If you aren't dating K2, why would the Guild have kidnapped you?"

  "No clue," Marco says. "Maybe they caught wind that I was helping him out. That's the last time I'll be doing that."

  "How would they have known you were helping him? If anything, I was helping him."

  "Well, if I was a super-villain, maybe I would have that answer. But I'm not, so I don't."

  She's persistent. "That's ridiculous, there has to be more to it. What aren't you telling me?"

  "Nothing," he stresses, gesturing to where Hector is mixing their drinks. "But could you quit spreading rumors about K2 and I? You're hurting my chances with the barista."

  Alice stares at him through narrow eyes. "Fine," she says—in a voice that says everything isn't fine. Marco is sure it won't be long before Alice figures it out. They'll deal with it then. "But the more pressing question is this: you were with both K2 and Avalanche, and you didn't get her autograph for me?"