Royal Atlas

by HJ Bellus

  I glance up into the stands before backing him up into the roping box. My whole family is there, complete. Amos is entertaining some random chick on his left side while Guy stands up with one arm crossed over his chest and fist under his chin. He’s studying me. It does something really foreign low in my belly. He’s here for me. End of story. I know it in my bones.

  I get Broker calmed down, focus my own thoughts, and then nod my head signaling the chute man to let the calf run. The calf flies from the chute, Broker leaps into action, the rope swings around the top of my head, and I’m morphed back onto the ranch. It’s just another day working calves on the ranch. I’m just a little girl who wants to please her grandpa.

  I let the rope fly, pull back and watch my loop hook around the neck of the calf. I turn back on my horse to make sure I didn’t break the barrier to avoid any penalties. The roar of the crowd erupts before I dig up the courage to look up at the scoreboard. My name is in the number one slot.

  The board begins to flash with four words, State Champion, Molly Marshall. I sink back on Broker and then lean forward to pat his neck.

  “We did it, boy, we did it.”

  I can feel the proud tears well up in my eyes as I trot out of the arena. My grandpa is there with his hands on his hips with the same tears sparkling in his eyes. It’s been a lifetime of dedication to earn this title.

  I hop from Broker’s back and rush into his arms.

  “You did it, girl.”

  I can’t talk in this moment. The emotions are too raw and powerful.

  “Your first State title. I love you so much, Hop.” He gives me one powerful pat to the back before stepping away. “Cowgirls don’t cry.”

  It’s unsaid, but we both know I have one more performance to make this the best rodeo season of my career. Broker slowly lopes around the warm-up pen. Running barrels is his true passion in life. He loves to run and lives to round the barrels with precision. It’s a trust that’s developed between us over the years.

  My name is announced. I get into position and check Broker encouraging him to enter the arena. He throws his head up and down and moves his front legs with eagerness. A calm floats over my chest just like it did when I was roping. I go back to the days on Beartooth with Amos and Guy timing my practice runs and harassing me while they did.

  I nudge Broker and he flies into the arena. I let him do his job and not over think any of my actions. He knows when to sit and turn. I move my body with his. On the third barrel the metal can crashes into my shin. The pain shoots up my body and I fight to contain the yelp on my lips. I look back and see it’s going to tip.

  I reach out with one hand and with as much power I have I push it back up. I don’t have time to see if it remains up before kicking Broker home. His long legs glide over the arena and I know it’s the fastest he’s ever ran for me.

  He wants this as much as I do. The horse has heart and a drive to be the best. He has my heart. I pull him to a stop right outside of the arena and glance up to the scoreboard. It’s not like last time because everything is silent. My ears buzz and I blink over and over as I read my name in the number one spot. We won.

  It’s not until it completely sinks in that I realize there was never any silence. The crowd is roaring and on their feet. I find my family in the stands to see them with their hands raised high in the air cheering for me.

  I completely break down this time when I rush into my grandpa and then dad’s arms.

  6

  Molly

  “Thought you’d be at a party.”

  I look over to Guy who is strutting through the tall pasture grass.

  “Thought you’d be out on town servicing the fine women along with Amos.”

  “Touché.” He sits down on the blanket next to me. “It’s your graduation night. You should be out partying and living it up.”

  “I am.” I pet the blanket. “This is my party. The only place I ever want to be.”

  He sways into me giving me a shoulder bump. “Wild child.”

  “You know it.” I raise my eyebrows.

  We sit in silence for a long time. The crickets sing and the moon shines down on us. It’s like we are little kids once again. The cowboy and princess fairytale floods right back into my memory along with all the ways Guy saved me when I was little.

  “What are we doing here?” I turn to Guy.

  “This.” He waves his hand between us.

  “Yes.”

  He rests his elbows on the top of his knees burying his face in his palms. It takes him a long time before he responds.

  “Who were you talking about before the rodeo?” He finally asks.

  “You really don’t know?”

  He keeps his face tucked in his hands.

  “I need to hear you say it.”

  I bite down on my bottom lip before responding. It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done. The one word falls from my lips in a hushed whisper.

  “You.”

  He raises his face and stares right into my soul. “I think about you all the fucking time, Molly.”

  I’m taken back when he uses my name and not my nickname.

  “I’ve been in love with you since forever.” It’s my turn to bury my face away from the truth.

  His long arm pulls me into his side. I feel his head drop to the back of mine. We breathe in unison for a long time. Guy sits back up. I instantly miss his touch, scent, and just him. I wait for him to stand and walk away. We’ve been here so many times before. It’s our game. Getting close to exploring our feelings, but walking away in the end.

  I’m the little sister and he’s my big brother’s best friend. Age has torn us apart for so long.

  “Molly…” he pauses for a brief second. “Please, look at me.”

  I drag my face from its safe place and force myself to look into his eyes.

  “I want you, but…”

  I place my palms on his chest letting my finger dig into the thin layer of his t-shirt.

  “Guy, I’m tired of the word, but. I’m sick of it. When do I get what I want?”

  I inch closer to him until I can feel his breathing tickle the tip of my nose.

  “It’s complicated,” he replies.

  “Bullshit.”

  “I can’t do this to your brother and family. They took me in when I had nothing. You have no idea how badly I want you.”

  “Let it be just us for tonight.” I throw my leg over his lap until I’m facing him. My palms are firmly planted on the top of his shoulders. “Just us. You’re home visiting and it’s just us.”

  He subconsciously runs his hands up and down the shin that has a nice shiner goose egg combo on it from slamming into the barrel at the state rodeo.

  He licks his lips while never breaking our eye contact. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt you and I promised myself a long time ago that I’d never do that.”

  “You’ll hurt me by walking again.”

  He raises his hand tangling it into my thick hair. “Remember your junior prom?”

  I turn my head sideways and remember the awful night.

  “I fell in love with you that night. I think I always knew it, but I fell hard that night.”

  “Then let this night be ours, Guy. Just ours.”

  I lean forward and let my lips graze his. I can still feel his reservations, but they slowly melt away. He has just spoken the words to me that I’ve waited forever to hear. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and I’m not letting the moment slip away.

  Guy leans into me, pressing his lips into mine. The sensation is more than I ever imagined. Every part of my body fires to life. The desire filled need that’s lingered between us flares when our lips meet. He kisses me softly, repeating the same action over and over.

  I act on a hope of bravery, sliding my tongue out and running it down his bottom lip. The action undoes Guy. I physically feel every one of his reservations melt into a puddle of want between us. He takes control working his tongue in and out of my mouth wi
th hot need. He kisses, licks, and controls every action.

  When we finally pull apart it takes me a few seconds to refill the oxygen my lungs are begging for. I drag a finger over my swollen and well-loved lips.

  “I won’t be able to stop,” Guy growls.

  I answer with an action. The hem of my t-shirt rises above my abdomen, then the swell of my breasts, before I pull it over my head. I mimic the same action but with his t-shirt. I want all of him and won’t stop. Heartache is inevitable, but the sweet pain until then will fulfill me.

  Our chests collide when our lips meet again. Guy pulls me in closer by the back of my head tugging on my hair. There’s so much more in this kiss. Urgency. Need. Want. My hips begin to slowly roll in his lap.

  The burn deep in my belly needs to be released. I’m on fire for the man who has owned my heart my entire life. One of Guy’s large hands grips my hip, helping it roll back and forth in his lap. The friction is just enough to ease some of the desire. The hand on the back of my head disappears down to the waist of my jeans. The sound of my zipper being undone sings along with the crickets in the night air.

  I stand just enough for him to tug down my pants and panties. I step out of them and then topple back down on him. He rolls us over in one easy movement until my back is flat on the ground and he’s covering my entire body.

  We never break our kiss as his hands roam up and down my body until they land between my legs. I open wider for him. His fingers pull through my folds. The sensation is greater than anything I’ve ever experienced. There’s been two boys down there, but never have I felt the way I do now.

  We don’t say another word as we begin to explore each other’s bodies. I work my hand down to his jeans and manage to get them undone. I push them back over his amazing ass until he’s free to me. The base of him is huge. I wrap my palm around and squeeze him. The action sends Guy into overdrive as he sinks a finger into me.

  I moan into his mouth letting him swallow the sounds of my pleasure. My hips work in unison with his hand until I’m coiled so tightly it’s painful. His thumb presses down on my clit and I explode. My vision goes black as my mind swims to keep up with what’s happening.

  The best release ever.

  Guy finally pulls back from my lips. “We don’t have to, Molly.”

  I cup his face in my hands and smile back at him. I feel breathless, but muster up enough oxygen to answer him.

  “Yes.”

  Our lips crash together again, our bodies move, hungry for one another. My body begs for his touch and dies a little bit each time he indulges me. I watch Guy rise above me and dig around in his jean pocket. I grab his hand stopping him and shake my head no.

  I can see his face deflate with my actions.

  “I’m on the pill,” I whisper and then pull him back down onto me.

  Guy lets out a light growl then covers my body with his. I feel him at my entrance. My eyes squeeze shut. I’ve fooled around before, but this is my first time going all the way with the man I’ve always wanted.

  He sinks two fingers in me, working me right back to the brink. The torrent of desire pooling inside me threatens to burst. Guy places both of his elbows on each side of my head as he slowly sinks in. My teeth bite into my bottom lip as he stretches me to a near painful state.

  He moves slow, working easily into me. The pain is there, but everything else surrounding us dulls it. When he begins to slowly work in and out of me an addicting sensation boils up in me once again. My fingers dig into the back of his shoulder blades. My hips soon match his rhythm.

  My vision begins to blur again as I fall over the edge and cry out his name. Moments later, he covers my mouth grunting out his pleasure as he spills into me. Love doesn’t even begin to explain what just happened between us.

  7

  Molly

  “Molly.”

  I hear my name whispered and peek over the covers I’m snuggled down into. When I look up I see the outline of Guy’s huge frame in my doorway. He strides over to my bed slowly.

  He sits on the edge and everything is spoken between us with no words. He leaves tomorrow for his first deployment to Afghanistan. His fingers weave into mine pulling me up into a sitting position.

  “Can we go for a walk?” He whispers.

  I look over to my alarm clock to see it’s two in the morning. We shared a few secret kisses since the night we shared the most beautiful moment of my life. It’s been two long days of simple stolen glances and longing.

  I swing my legs over the bed and slip on some flip-flops. He grabs a folded blanket off the bottom of my bed and I know exactly where we are going.

  “Hey, not that one,” I offer in a hush whisper.

  He looks down at my favorite pink blanket with horses running across it and then glances up to me quirking an eyebrow at me.

  “It’s my favorite,” I smile and then take it out of his hands and grab another one.

  We creep through the house trying not to wake anyone up. Once we’re on the porch, I let out a long breath. Guy is at the bottom of the steps holding out a hand with the blanket tucked under his other arm.

  I can’t help the smile plastered on my face. I’ve never experienced an ounce of this intense happiness, not even winning the State titles a few days ago or high school graduation. I peer down into my future.

  Once our hands are locked together we race down to the green pasture like playful little kids. It doesn’t take long before Guy is tugging on my hand—clearly his long legs give him the advantage. He stops dead in his tracks causing me to nearly crash into his back.

  “What’s wrong?” I whisper.

  He doesn’t answer me, but only stares down to me.

  “Did you change your mind?” My lower lip trembles.

  His lips crash down on mine. He lets his tongue sweep inside my mouth before pulling back. “No, Molly. I just can’t believe this is happening.”

  I smile back up at him.

  “You have no idea how much I want you. Molly, you’ve always been mine.”

  He turns his back to me and urges me to hop on. I wrap my hands around his neck, jump up, and then wrap my legs around his waist. His large palms squeeze around my calves as he continues to walk down to the green pasture.

  I open the gates for him. I could walk out here with my eyes shut. The night is chilly, but doesn’t even begin to touch my over-heated body. I have no idea how I’m going to let this man go after tonight.

  He sets me down on the ground and then spreads the blanket out on the tall grass. I become seriously nervous with my knees trembling and lip twitching. Guy turns around to me, grips my waist, and pulls me to him.

  He brushes away the stray curls masking my face. His lips brush along my forehead. “Will you wait for me?”

  His question confuses me.

  “Will you be here Molly, when I come home?”

  I nod feeling tears prick at the back of my eyes. “I’ll always be here for you, Guy. I’ve never left.”

  “I feel like shit doing this and then leaving.”

  “You shouldn’t.” I trail my hands down his chest. “You’ve given me everything I ever wanted.”

  Guy lays me down on the blanket covering my body. It’s a shelter that feels like home. I have it all with him. We move slower this time letting our fingers burn into other’s flesh. Each movement is precise and expresses our love for each other. We make love once then again before Guy carries me to his room in our barn.

  It’s a loft apartment my dad restored for him when he moved in with us his sophomore year. His blankets smell like his masculine scent. I nuzzle down into them burying my face in his pillow. He pulls the blanket we used in the pasture from underneath me and then strips down naked.

  We don’t make love again or exchange any sexual touches. We stare into each other’s eyes until sleep takes over. His strong arms keep me clutched to his chest so tightly.

  Even deep in slumber, I feel him, smell him, and fall even more in love wit
h him. Soon, Felipe, the farm rooster crows loudly. My eyes peel open to the beginning of the sunrise shining through the window. Guy is laid out on his back still lost in sleep.

  My heart clenches knowing what he’s about to head into. Their first tour was successful and safe, but they’re heading into a heated war zone.

  Quietly, I sneak out of the bed and freshen up in the small bathroom off his bedroom before making it back to the bed. I climb up from the bottom, pulling the blankets off Guy’s body. He doesn’t move, continuing his deep rhythmic breathing.

  I grab the base of him then seal my lips around the tip. It only takes a few seconds before Guy lifts his head from the bed. The sleep fades away quickly from his eyes.

  It encourages me to work him up and down faster. My mouth glides up his velvety steel shaft working my tongue and teeth along it. His groans of approval make me grow with heat.

  “Molly.” My lips float off his shaft.

  I don’t stop. I know exactly what he’s trying to tell me, but I want to taste all of him. Each and every single drop off him because it’s like somehow it will get me through our time apart.

  “Molly, stop…” His words are assaulted by his release when it hits the back of my throat. I lick every single drop until he pulls me up to his chest.

  “How am I going to leave you today?”

  “How am I going to let you go?”

  Panic begins to grip at my chest with the realization. He’ll be gone twelve long months…one full year. This is the time where heartbreak sets in.

  “I’m scared,” he whispers. “I’m scared of everything. Losing you…war.”

  “You’re the bravest man I know, Guy.” I cup his face in my hands. “I’ll always be here for you.”

  Watching Amos drive out of Beartooth Ranch in his jacked-up Dodge truck hurts. I’ve seen it so many times in the past and even when I was younger I’d do anything to go with the boys. I keep the tears back until the dust cloud vanishes.