Let Me In

by Parker, Ali

  “You are really struggling with this,” he said.

  I had to fight back the tears. “I am. I don’t expect you to understand or empathize. I suppose this is the part where you tell me you told me so. You can say it, but don’t say anything bad about Xander. He is a good man, a very good man. He can’t help the baggage he’s been forced to carry around. He handles it the best way he can.”

  “I haven’t said that.”

  “But you are thinking it.”

  “I’m thinking I see my little girl struggling. I can see how much you care about him. I am never going to be the man’s biggest cheerleader, but clearly, you are. My allegiance is to you. I see you are hurting. I don’t want you to hurt.”

  The tears were becoming harder to fight off. “Thanks, Dad.”

  “I think I have to concede in this battle. You are happier with him than you are without him. That means I have to accept your choice in men. Although I will struggle with it, I’m not the one that’s in a relationship with him. I’m here for you. I want you to be happy. As your father, I want what is best for you.”

  “Thank you,” I told him, and this time, I didn’t stop the tears. “It means a lot to have your support. I don’t know if it is going to be needed now. I think it’s coming to an end. All that anger and arguing for nothing, I guess.”

  He released a small laugh. “I don’t think it was for nothing. I’d like to think I learned from it.”

  “What did you learn?”

  He looked at me and smiled. “That you aren’t my little girl anymore.”

  “I’m still your little girl,” I insisted.

  “You will always be my little girl in one sense, but you don’t need me guiding you and bossing you around. Like you said before, you have grown into a beautiful woman with a good head on her shoulders. I have to trust you to do what is best for you. We may not always agree but I will always support you.”

  My heart felt a little broken. I finally had my father’s support and now it all seemed for nothing. “Thank you. It does mean a lot to me to know you trust me. I won’t always make the right decisions. I’ll be happy to have your help and advice.”

  “You will have it.”

  “Even if it involves Xander or another former student you don’t like?” I teased.

  He groaned, shaking his head. “Yes. I am not going to say I’ll like it, but I will be there for you.”

  I blew out a breath. “I feel better. I’m glad we got to talk.”

  “You don’t look like you feel better. You still look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

  “I just feel like I’m losing him.”

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship,” he said with a wistful look on his face. “I remember when I found out your mother was not going to grow old with me. I remember that feeling of just pure devastation. The two situations are not the same, but I think you really care about this man. Dare I say love him?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’m so confused. I think I do but then I question whether or not it is the real thing.”

  “But you are torn apart about the idea of not seeing him again. You are devastated by the thought of not being with him. That tells me it’s real.”

  “I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. In the end, the outcome is the same. I have lost him. I know that. Part of me thinks he might eventually come back but what if it’s too late? What if there has been too much time apart?”

  “Time won’t matter if this is real,” he advised.

  “I think I am worried because we haven’t really talked about what this is.”

  “I don’t think you need to put words to everything. That’s something women like to do. Men aren’t always going around looking for a label to slap on something they are feeling in the moment. They just do it. You put pressure on yourself when you try to identify what it is you are feeling.”

  I heard my laugh escape my mouth and quickly slapped my hand over my face. “You sound so… I don’t know.”

  He shook his head. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  I giggled again. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I like things neat and tidy. I need to know what I’m dealing with.”

  “I get it. You want to know. Have you thought about asking?”

  I chewed my lower lip. “No. I can’t ask him that.”

  He laughed. “You are a direct person. It’s a simple question. Ask him if he wants to be with you.”

  “It is not simple.”

  “It is. You’ll rip the bandage off. You’ll know one way or another. If he wants to be with you, then you guys have to figure out what comes next. If he doesn’t want to be with you—and he would be a fool not to—then you move on. You start to heal your broken heart and you find another man that is worthy of you.”

  Even thinking about moving on hurt my heart. “You’re right. I think I know what to do, but to actually do it freaks me out a little.”

  “Let me give you a piece of advice that someone once told me a long time ago. When you wake up in the morning, do you want to think about what you should have done? Or do you want to wake up in the morning and feel that sense of calm and confidence that goes with knowing you have done all you could do?”

  “Well, obviously the latter,” I answered.

  He shrugged a shoulder. “I guess you know what to do.”

  “Thank you,” I told him. “I’m glad we’re speaking again. I don’t like you being mad at me.”

  “I wasn’t necessarily mad,” he answered.

  “You were angry with my choices. I get it. We will learn from this and move forward.”

  “All I ask is you don’t start hanging out at biker bars. Do not bring home a man with leather and chains. I can handle a lot, but that might be pushing it.”

  “What about a rock star?” I teased.

  He groaned. “I’m old, and you are trying my nerves.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I appreciate your wisdom. I better get a move on. I have to meet with a client and I expect it to be a long meeting.”

  “Take care of yourself,” he said. “Don’t let this eat you up. Find a way to get your answers and then move forward.”

  I got up from the table. He stood as well. I gave him a hug. “I will.”

  “Please reach out if you need an ear to bend. No matter what happens, I’ll support you.”

  “I will. I’ve got an event Saturday. I’ll call you on Sunday.”

  “Take care of yourself,” he said as I walked out.

  I got in my car and released a long breath. I was so glad we were back on track with our relationship. After seeing the relationship between Xander and his father, I knew how lucky I was to have a dad that loved me. I was not going to take him for granted. We would have our differences, but I wasn’t ever going to let that happen again.

  Now that I knew what to do, I just had to get the balls to actually do it. I was a straight shooter, but in this situation, I was terrified. I was worried about what his answer would be. I knew what I wanted but I didn’t want to put myself out there and let him stomp all over me. No matter how confident I was, I still had my own hang-ups and being rejected by a man like Xander was one of them.

  Xander was gorgeous. He was wealthy, and whether he chose to believe it or not, he was a good man. Women would line up for the chance to be with him. Those little insecurities I felt had been creeping up on me all week.

  They were making it difficult for me to believe there was a future for me and Xander.

  Chapter 57

  Xander

  I walked out of the airport, and the California sun immediately warmed my skin. I didn’t think I would ever be back, but here I was. Charlie’s words had hit home. I needed to do something to fix the mess I created. I called earlier to have a car waiting for me at the airport. Charlie didn’t know I was coming. I wanted to surprise him like he’d surprised me.

  I was dropped off at the massive
building where he worked. Thankfully, security recognized me and let me in. Charlie was not on the floor, but he was in his office, which worked out great for me. I knocked once before letting myself in.

  “Excuse me,” he said with irritation before he looked up and saw me. He wore a shocked look on his face. “Holy shit.”

  “I’ll take that as a good holy shit.”

  “You’re back!”

  I held up a hand. “No. I’m here to see you.”

  “Oh. I’m afraid to ask why. Do I dare ask you to sit?”

  “I’m going to anyway,” I quipped.

  I sat down and looked around this office. It was small, dark, and filled with books covered with greasy fingerprints.

  “What’s going on?” he asked, getting right to the point.

  “I thought about what you said to me,” I told him. “I’m here to fix it.”

  “I said a lot to you. I think you’re going to need to be more specific.”

  “About your crew,” I clarified. “You are right. I left you and them in a lurch. That wasn’t cool. I want to try and make it better.”

  “Does that mean you’re going to present your design to the shipping world?”

  I winced. “No.”

  “Then what? I think you might have missed the entire point of our conversation. I wanted you to get back in the saddle.”

  “I’m not ready to do it right now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t eventually do it.”

  He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m glad you’re considering it, but I have to say that doesn’t do me a lot of good right now. Those guys out there aren’t going to feed their families with eventually. I’m sitting on my ass in here doing nothing just so I have work for at least one or two guys to do.”

  “I get it. I know things are not great right now. I’m going to pay your payroll for the month. Keep them on. I don’t know if you want them to deep clean the shop or organize bolts but keep them on. I’m covering their wages.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “You are not asking. I’m offering. No, I am doing it. This is how I am going to fix the problem I created.”

  “Xander, I never intended for you to do that. I only wanted to explain to you the ramifications of your decisions. You are not on the hook for this.”

  “I am on the hook. I’ve already talked with my accountant and the funds will be transferred to your business account to be distributed as you see fit.”

  “But how do you know how much?”

  I winked. “I know people who know people, and when the situation was explained, no one was fighting the influx of cash.”

  “Thank you. Honestly, I do appreciate this but more importantly, those men will appreciate this. It’s not a long-term solution but I hope you are willing to talk about what that looks like.”

  I nodded. “I am considering some different options. I am not willing to commit to anything, but you will be the first to know when I figure something out.”

  “Good. Will you be staying in town?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Are you going home?”

  “I am going to see Evie,” I answered.

  He smiled. “Gee, I’m surprised.”

  “She’s a lot prettier than you.”

  “Are you going to stay?” he asked the question again.

  “I don’t think so. I don’t feel like this is home anymore.”

  “What about your house?”

  “I haven’t decided.”

  “I’m glad you’re back, even if it’s only for a few days. Don’t do anything rash. Not yet. Enjoy the weekend with your woman. I know she will be more persuasive than I could ever be.”

  That had me smiling. “That’s for sure. Then again, I’ve been absent and neglectful. I’m not sure how happy she will be to see me.”

  “Does she know you’re here?”

  “Nope. I plan on surprising her. I’m going to cook her a nice dinner, and hopefully, she will forgive my neglectfulness.”

  “You don’t think it would be wise to take her out to a nice dinner? Maybe impress her and properly grovel if you really want to smooth things over.”

  I leaned forward. “Trust me. I know how to grovel and my groveling is best done in the privacy of her home.”

  He burst into laughter. “Okay then. I get it. I suppose you do your best work without your pants on.”

  I got to my feet. “I do.”

  “Call me before you leave town,” he shouted at my back.

  I put up a hand, indicating I had heard him. I was anxious to see Evie. I was banking on her enjoying my surprise.

  I quickly texted her as I walked to the waiting car. It was my usual text, checking in with her and asking what she was doing. She was working at home. I instructed the driver to take me to a grocery store where I picked up a few things to make her a lasagna I knew would knock her socks off. I was hoping it would knock a few other things off as well.

  I made my way up to her apartment and knocked on the door. When she opened it up, I was hit by a myriad of emotions. I felt happiness at seeing her. Desire at seeing her. And a sense of relief I didn’t know I needed.

  “Hi,” I said with a smile.

  She was staring at me with her mouth hanging agape. There was a pen stuck in the mass of black curls precariously perched on top of her head. “I’m—you’re here.”

  “I am here. Will you be inviting me in?”

  “Oh shit, sorry, yes.” She moved out of the way and gestured for me to go inside.

  “I was hoping I could make you some dinner,” I said and held up the two bags filled with my groceries, which was not easy with my overnight bag hanging on my shoulder. I felt a bit like a pack mule.

  “You’re here,” she said again.

  I put the bags on her kitchen counter before going to her and pulling her into my arms. I kissed her like I had not seen in her two years rather than two weeks.

  “Damn, I’ve missed you,” I breathed when I finally managed to pull myself away from her.

  “I cannot believe I’m standing here looking at you. I’m floored.”

  “I wanted to surprise you.”

  “You definitely did that,” she said with a laugh. “I would have put on something a little less frumpy if I had known I was getting some company.”

  I looked over the leggings and loose T-shirt she was wearing. “I think you look perfectly doable.”

  Her pretty smile melted my heart. “Well, that is one hell of a compliment. I’m afraid to ask, but does this mean you are back?”

  “I’m here to see you,” I said, dodging the question. “I would have been here earlier, but I had to stop and talk to Charlie.”

  I didn’t tell her seeing Charlie and apologizing for fucking him over had taken priority over seeing her. She was a very good reason to come back, but obligation was the motivating factor.

  “I’m very happy to see you.”

  “I was thinking we could have dinner and stay in for the night?”

  “Does that mean you will be staying over at my place?” she asked.

  “If you’ll have me.”

  “I will absolutely have you.”

  “Great. I am going to make you my not so famous lasagna.”

  “I’ll pour the wine. Let me put away my work stuff really quick.”

  I kicked my bag out of the way and began to unpack the groceries. Her apartment was nice. I loved the openness of it. As I expected, it was neat and organized with no random clutter spread about. It could have been the image in the brochure for the apartment building.

  “I like your place,” I told her when she stepped into the kitchen that was separated from the living room with a long, open, raised bar.

  “Thank you.” She pulled a bottle of wine from the little wire holder in the corner of the kitchen. She poured us each a glass and then leaned against the counter to watch me. “I cannot believe you are in my kitchen. I’m still in shock.”

 
“I’m here, in the flesh.”

  “Can I help?”

  “I’ll need a pot to boil water and a pan to make the lasagna in.”

  She quickly retrieved both items. “What have you been doing these last couple of weeks? I know you have told me nothing, but you have had to be doing something.”

  I shrugged. “I bought a new boat.”

  “You said that.”

  “That’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been out on the water most of the time. I’ve done a lot of fishing and truly doing nothing.”

  “You mentioned Charlie went up to Oregon to see you. Was this visit to fix whatever you said you broke?”

  “I almost broke his company,” I confessed. “I fixed it. At least for now. But really, that was just an excuse. I came to see you.”

  She gave me that same pretty smile I had been missing for too long. We chatted about her work and recent news in the city while I showed her how to make the lasagna. Three glasses of wine later, both of us were feeling very full after our delicious meal, and we retired to the couch.

  The city lights shone in the distance through the large picture window in the living room. She had lit a few candles, casting the room into a soft glow. She leaned against me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and simply enjoyed being near her.

  “I’ve missed this,” I whispered.

  “Me too.”

  “I like when it’s just me and you and the rest of the world is far away. When it’s just the two of us, I don’t have to think about anyone or anything else.”

  She sat forward a little and turned to look at me. “I like when it’s just me and you too.”

  “It’s quiet here,” I commented.

  “Not as quiet as your house.”

  “It’s a lot quieter than I expected an apartment to be. Maybe because I’ve been living in a hotel for too long. I’m used to hearing my neighbors above me walk and the neighbor on the side of me shower every morning. It’s very loud. I never realized it until just now.”

  “I imagine hotel living would be loud. You hear far too much in a hotel.”