by Parker, Ali
“Please, please let him come back to me,” I begged.
Chapter 63
Xander
This was probably one of the top ten dumbest things I had done in my life. In fact, it could be in the top five. I turned off the engine of my car but made no move to actually get out. I was still trying to talk myself into keeping the appointment I had made. I knew if I didn’t call and make an appointment, I would never actually follow through with it.
I stared up at the building for several long minutes. I was a grown man. I was a successful, grown man. I should not be intimidated. I would not be intimidated. I could do this. I needed to do this. It wasn’t for me. It was for Charlie and his guys. One moment of humility would not kill me.
I opened the car door and climbed out. My shoes felt like cement blocks as I made my way inside the building that was all too familiar. I followed the directions from the registry and made my way down the hall. I paused in front of his door and reviewed what I would say to the man that had tried to kill my dreams.
“Fuck it,” I mumbled under my breath and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Professor Marsh hollered.
Just hearing his voice made me cringe. The last two times I’d seen the man had been akin to the start of a world war. We didn’t like each other. I doubted we ever would. I took a deep breath and reminded myself jail was not the place I wanted to be. I needed to keep my hands to myself.
I opened the door to find him sitting at his desk. It was a flashback. He looked up, his eyes going wide before he looked at the computer screen. “You?” he asked. “You’re my ten o’clock?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t think you would see me if I used my real name.”
Shocking the shit out of me, he actually smiled. “Maybe, maybe not. One will never know. Have a seat.”
I was cautious. It was like climbing into a cage with a lion. I sat down, never taking my eyes off him. “Thanks.”
“Why are you here?” he asked, skipping any niceties.
Evie was the one who’d suggested I go to him. I knew it was a bad idea. His feelings for me had not changed. He was still just as pissed at me as he had been all those years ago. Hell, recently as well. “Evie suggested I come to you with a situation I’m dealing with.”
“Me?” he asked with surprise. That told me she hadn’t told him about her idea. I didn’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to tell him either.
“Yes, I’m in a bit of a bind and Evie suggested you might be able to help.”
“I’m supposed to help you?” he asked.
I cleared my throat. I could feel my pride and dignity slipping away. “Yes. Technically, it wouldn’t be for me.”
“That changes things,” he mumbled.
I wasn’t sure what Evie was thinking, but it was very clear his feelings for me had not changed. I was sure it was wishful thinking on her part. He hated me just as much today as he had ten years ago. Hell, probably more now that he knew me and his daughter had a thing. Maybe it was all a setup. He pretended to be okay with me in order to put her mind at ease. I was really beginning to think I’d walked into a trap.
“I have a new idea that was supposed to be presented to the shipping world. As you know, I had some personal matters to deal with and the proposal was never made. Because of that, the company that generally handles the bulk of the work is looking at some serious problems. Employees were hired to handle the expected uptick in business.”
“But you screwed everyone over because you were too focused on yourself,” he said.
I frowned at him. “I don’t think you have that entirely correct. I did not tell anyone to hire a full crew. I have no way of predicting whether or not the design would have taken off or not. There could have been no bites for all I know.”
“You don’t believe that,” he said and leaned back in his chair. “You were confident you would sell it and the company you are talking about believed in your confidence. This feels eerily similar to what I warned you about way back when.”
I wasn’t going to sit there and let him insult me. “Actually, yes, it does, but just like then, you would be wrong. I am confident in what I do because I’m good at it. You might not understand my designs, but they work. The success of those designs is all the evidence I need. I don’t have to try and convince you of that. Do some research and you will find out for yourself. My latest project is worth getting out there.”
“Then why did you drop the ball?” he asked.
“I didn’t—”
“You did.”
I took a deep breath, trying to remind myself I was doing this for Charlie. If it wasn’t for him, I would not be taking the man’s shit. I had to swallow my pride. “You know why.”
He studied me. “And now you are ready to pick up where you left off?”
“I don’t think that is possible. I just need a starting off point. Evie told me you are friends with a local shipping company owner.”
“I am.”
He was going to make me say it. He was going to make me beg. I shouldn’t be surprised. He loved power. He loved making people bend to his will. “Would you be willing to set up an introduction?” I asked, the words bitter on my tongue.
“I’m not sure,” he answered. Yep, he was going to relish the power. He was going to lord it over me and make me beg. I was going to need a shower and a stiff drink once I was done. I felt dirty.
“You aren’t sure,” I said with a shake of my head. “Of course, you aren’t. What do you want to feel sure?”
“I want to know what your big idea is.”
“So, you can shoot it down again? Because you don’t trust me and my science?”
He shrugged. “I don’t.”
I didn’t care what his opinion was. I knew better than him, whether he thought I did or not. I was the guy that had changed the shipping industry. I was the guy that the ship owners trusted. At least, I used to be that guy. One failed meeting did not mean I didn’t know my shit.
“It’s a way to keep rudders from being damaged. With my new design, rudders will last longer. It’s all very technical, and I can send you the plans if you think it would help you better understand, but in a nutshell, it’s good. It’s really good. This is just the beginning. With existing ships being retrofitted with the design, ship owners will save thousands on repair costs. Shipping lines are going to be running smoother with ships staying on the water where they belong. Lower operating costs mean better prices for everyone. It’s a good plan. It’s a great plan and I know it will work.”
“You sound very—”
“Confident?”
“Yes.”
“I am. I know it will work.”
“If your plan can do all that, why would you not want to present it to a wider audience? My friend only has a few ships. There are a lot of other companies out there that would be better candidates.”
I cleared my throat. “Yes, probably, but it only takes one company to test the idea.”
“Are you suggesting you would be giving away your design?”
“I’m offering the design. Your friend would need to pay my friend’s company to complete the work. They are the best in the area and their reputation is spotless. Charlie would give him a fair price on the parts and labor.”
He leaned back in his chair. “You can’t sell it because you fucked up.”
“I can sell it. I’m not interested in going through the necessary steps to get to that point.”
“You don’t want to grovel at the feet of the men you snubbed,” he replied.
I threw my hands up in the air. I was done. I had tried. I would find another way. Groveling at the feet of ten men would be better than kissing this man’s ass. “You’re right. I don’t. Thanks for your time.”
I got to my feet, fully prepared to make a dramatic exit when he stopped me. “Sit down and let’s talk about this like men.”
“Are you suggesting I haven’t been?”
“No. Sit. Please.”
Since he added the please, I sat back down. “What is it? What exactly do you want me to say or do to convince you to put me in contact with your friend?”
“I don’t need any more convincing. I understand you went through a difficult time but not showing up for that meeting was unprofessional. With one act, you degraded the reputation you have worked to build. You wouldn’t need to give away something you should be charging for if you would have taken five minutes to reschedule the meeting. No one is so heartless they wouldn’t have understood. I am willing to bet any of the people that attended that meeting would have been willing to reschedule. Have you personally reached out to any of them to apologize or explain?”
I slowly shook my head. “No, I have not.”
“You need to do that. I don’t care if you plan on walking away from your business, but as a man, you own up to what you did.”
I felt like I was being grilled by my father, except my father would have a lot more colorful words and insults added in. “I will. You are absolutely right. It was not my finest moment.”
“We all have those moments in our lives. The key is to own them and learn from them.”
Now things were just getting a little weird. He was almost being nice. I wasn’t sure what to think about that. “I will do that.”
“All right, now let’s talk about what you have, and I will see what I can do to get Jonathan in the room. He’s not a wealthy man, and I’m not sure how much he can afford, but I’m sure we can work something out.”
“I would really appreciate that. This is important to a lot of guys depending on the work this will bring. I’m hoping Jonathan will be the free advertisement we need. I won’t have much to do with any of the process after this, but I need to make sure it gets off to a good start. I am confident in Charlie’s ability to follow my instructions. He has never failed me.”
“Is Charlie the same young man that followed you around like a lost puppy dog in college?” he asked.
I couldn’t help but grin. “I’m not sure he would appreciate it being put like that, but yes, he is one and the same.”
“I’m surprised.”
“By?”
“You are loyal,” he said it as if he just found out I was the king of some small country. It was a little insulting, but I had come to learn the guy knew no other way to be.
“I am loyal. I’m only doing this for Charlie. Quite frankly, I don’t need any more money. I’m doing this because his guys need the work and he trusted me to make it happen. I’m doing this because I know my designs are good and I know they will change the world. Just like my first designs. All I need is a chance to prove it.”
“All right, we’ll do this, but if you fuck this up, I will not be happy. I am putting my name with yours and my reputation will not be tainted.”
“I understand. Thank you.”
I probably should have cut my finger and signed my name in blood. I kind of got the feeling that was what he was going for. I reminded myself I only had to do this one last thing and then I would be free of my responsibility to Charlie and everyone else. I would be free to go wherever I chose without worrying about leaving anyone in the lurch.
Chapter 64
Evie
The GPS instructed me to turn right. The roads were ridiculously narrow. I was glad I had gotten the economy car at the airport instead of the midsize I had my eye on. I wasn’t sure I could have navigated the roads with anything bigger than the tiny tin can I was driving.
“I can’t believe you are actually doing this,” Nelle’s voice floated through the car via the Bluetooth.
“I have to. This isn’t for me. This is me doing a public service.”
“Don’t you mean you are doing this because you are hoping to fix him so you can have him?”
“No. That is not what I am doing. Me and Xander are over but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about him.”
She let out an audible sigh. “You have such a big heart.”
“I have a normal heart.”
“Why don’t you turn your little self around and drive back to the airport? Come home and let’s talk this through.”
“I’ll be home soon. Once I do this, I’ll feel better. It will be closure for me. It will give me what I need to move on, and hopefully, he will be able to move on as well.”
“Fine, I’ll see you when you get back. You’re a good person, Evie. I’m proud to call you my friend.”
“Don’t get too excited. I might make things worse.”
“But at least you will have tried, and that’s what matters. It’s the thought that counts.”
I groaned. “I hope he believes that. I’m here.”
“Good luck,” she said before ending the call.
I pulled the car into the driveway of the modest house. I saw him come around the corner of the house carrying a large pair of scissors. They looked more like a weapon. I was seriously rethinking my decision.
It was too late to back out now. I turned off the car and slowly got out. He was standing in the middle of his small yard, holding the cutters and glaring at me. “What do you want?” he growled.
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but I think part of me thought it would be different than the funeral. I was wrong. “I was hoping we could talk.”
“Talk? Me and you?”
“Yes.”
He considered it and apparently decided he was okay with it. “Fine.”
He walked to the front door, dropping the tools next to the door before pushing it open. I walked inside the house with dark wood-paneled walls. It felt dark and nothing like a beachside cottage. I stood just inside the door and waited for him to tell me what to do next.
“Do you want something to drink?” he asked.
“Um, yes, please,” I answered. I didn’t want to be rude.
“Water?” he grunted.
“Sure.”
He walked to the old-style fridge and pulled it open. He handed me a bottle of water and opened one for himself. “Have a seat.” He gestured to the worn leather couch. “You obviously have something to get off your chest.”
I took a seat and waited for him to sit down. He settled in the recliner that matched the sofa. “Thank you,” I started.
“For?”
“Giving me a chance to talk to you.”
“What is it? Did he do something? If he did, there’s nothing I can do for you. You are barking up the wrong tree.”
“Do something?” I questioned.
“If you’re pregnant, go to him. He’s got the money. Not me.”
“I’m not pregnant, and if I was, I would absolutely go to him.”
“Then what is it? What do you want?”
I took a deep breath, steeling myself to deal with what was likely going to be a trying conversation. “I guess I wanted to start by saying you have raised a good son. He’s a good man.”
He didn’t look convinced. “That’s your opinion.”
“He is. Despite his success, he still needs his father’s approval.”
“He doesn’t need shit from me,” he barked.
“I’m sure that’s what he wants you to think. He wants you to believe he isn’t hurt by your harshness or your withholding the approval and love he desperately wants from you. But I know Xander. He needs both. He’s too proud to ask for it.”
He looked disgusted. “The only thing Xander needs is another mirror. He loves himself and no one else.”
“That is not true. He loved his brother deeply.”
That seemed to soften him a little. “I believe he felt something for his brother.”
“He did. He cared about his brother so much. Losing him has turned Xander’s life upside down.”
“It has been difficult,” he agreed.
“Sir, I don’t want to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but I care about Xander. I care about him a lot and I hate to see him struggling.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Xander chose this path.”
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“Did he choose to be emotionally abandoned by his father?” I shot back.
He rolled his eyes. “You are one of them.”
“One of them?”
“Do you need a safe place?”
“No, I don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t try and turn your anger on me. I won’t take it. He has every right to be angry and hurt by your actions. He is your son.”
“I had a son,” he spat. “My son is gone.”
“I only got the chance to meet Kade once. I understand why you are so proud of him. He was a great man. He was funny and kind and he loved his big brother. You have another son. You didn’t lose both of your sons. You have a living, breathing son who wants to be in your life.”
“Xander has not been my son in a long time.”
“You can’t just revoke your fatherhood. You are his father.”
“He hasn’t wanted me to be his father for a long time. He doesn’t care for me any more than I care for him.”
“That isn’t true,” I argued. “He is trying to protect himself.”
“From what?”
“You!” I said a little louder than I meant to. “Your disapproval and refusal to give him just a little credit for a job well done has scarred him. I’m not trying to criticize your parenting, but I am asking you to open your heart just a little.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was probably just making the situation worse. “He lost his brother, the only person he thinks loved him in this world. You lost your wife and a son, but you still have a son who needs you.”
“Thank you for reminding me of all that I’ve lost,” he said.
Coming to Oregon was stupid. I shouldn’t have interfered. “You have lost a lot. I cannot imagine what that is like. Kade was a wonderful man. I felt his loss and I barely knew him. You and Xander are both suffering. If you two could lean on each other, it would make things so much more bearable.”
