Don’t Forget to Remember Me

by Kahlen Aymes

  I released her and pulled her bag out of the backseat, along with her purse, flinging both over one shoulder and wrapping the other arm around her waist to offer support as we walked slowly up the stairs and into the building.

  “If it were you, we wouldn’t be having this ridiculous conversation. And you’re not some strange woman!” I said in exasperation. “Look, I only have time for school, work and you right now, so can we leave it at that? I promise not to bug the shit out of you about your boyfriends either.”

  I opened the door and waited for her to go in. “That’s because you already know everything about me, Ryan. I’m trying to find out about you. I want to know you better.”

  “If you knew me any better, we’d be the same damn person.”

  She sucked in her breath. “Maybe that was true before, but that isn’t how it feels right now.” I opened the door to the apartment and pushed it open for her. She leaned up against the doorjam and looked at me until I used my arm to gesture her in.

  I removed the coat from her shoulders as she walked past me, hanging it up in the entryway. She moved around the small apartment, taking in the large leather sofas that dominated the living room and the small kitchen with the wooden table, the archway that separated the living room from the kitchen and the brick fireplace.

  “This is nice.”

  “You and Ellie decorated everything. It’s as nice as it can possibly get. Jenna doesn’t have a head for that sort of thing. She’s more interested in football and rock music.”

  “I like her. She’s very witty and smart. I like football and rock music, too.”

  Yes, I know.

  She was more distant after my last remark and I hated it. I walked up behind her and put both hands on her shoulders but careful of her injuries.

  “Do you need anything? Are you hungry or thirsty?”

  “You tell me. I mean, since we’re the same damn person,” she quipped over her shoulder and moved away toward the living room, leaving my hands to drop to my sides.

  I joined her as she eased herself on the couch and ignored the underlying sarcasm in her tone. “You need a Vicodin for the pain?”

  “No. It’s not bad and Ellie’s bringing wine later. I can’t have any if I take those damn drugs.”

  I grabbed the remote to the television and sat down, turning toward her without turning on the television. “Look, Julia, I’m sorry. I was only playing around before. I used to say smartass shit all the time and it was funny. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “I’m not upset,” but she looked down until I nudged her chin up with my thumb. “I’m sorry, too. I should be more grateful. After all you’re doing for me.”

  I sighed heavily. Gratitude was not the emotion I was looking for. Of course, I was taking care of her…that’s what you do when you love someone more than life.

  Ugh! “I don’t have a girlfriend!” I have a fiancée’ that, right now, is driving me insane! I searched her eyes, hoping she would relax and not worry. “Of course, I’d tell you if I did. We tell each other everything. That isn’t going to change, okay? You will find everything out about me, but not in one afternoon. You need to rest.” She nodded slightly and I slid my hand from her chin to cup the side of her face. Her hand closed around my wrist. I wanted her mouth so bad that I let my thumb rub across her lower lip. I knew it was dangerous, but I couldn’t help myself. I bent to kiss her temple instead and then released her gently.

  I flipped on the TV and searched for something to watch. Julia liked the Food Network, so I turned it on and Rachael Ray was making her thirty minute meal thingy. Julia eased back against the pillows and lifted her legs after I motioned with my hand for her to put them on my lap. I tossed the remote on the end table and unlaced her shoes, dropping them one by one on the floor with a thud, my hand closing around her feet to begin massaging through her socks. I wanted any excuse to touch her.

  “I never understood why you watched this crap. You can cook much better than her.”

  “But you can’t,” she smiled slightly, her lips twitching up at the corners.

  “What? I know I can’t. That’s why I have you. What’s your point?” I watched the screen as Rachael ladled a bunch of stock into a pan with toasted spaghetti. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. “What is that shit, anyway?”

  She chuckled softly. “My point is that maybe I was hoping you’d pick up some skills.”

  My head snapped quickly toward her. “Julia? Did you remember something?”

  “No.” She shook her head and gently shoved my arm with her foot. “But it stands to reason, doesn’t it? Maybe I won’t be around forever.”

  “I guess it does make sense that you’d want me to be able to feed myself, but don’t go getting any ideas about not being around forever. That shit isn’t happening.” I squeezed her foot again and my heart swelled at the smile that spread across her face. “So, what is that crap she’s making?”

  “Uh…it looks like a play on risotto, but with pasta instead of rice. I bet it’s good.”

  “Nah. Give me your Pad Thai any day.”

  “Is that something I make a lot?” I nodded slowly, not sure if I should have mentioned it. “Okay, I’ll make it as soon as I get rid of this sling. When will that be?”

  “Mmmm…probably another week or two. It’s the ribs that will take longer to heal. We’ll need to keep you taped up, and if you move around too much when the sling goes away, it comes back,” I warned.

  “Are you going to be such a hard ass with all of your patients, Dr. Matthews?”

  “No,” I said simply and continued to watch the show and rub her feet.

  “No?” her eyebrow went up and her mouth lifted on one side.

  “That’s what I said, Abbott.” I tried to keep it light. “If you need a hearing aid, I can arrange that, too.” I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.

  “Fuck you,” she giggled right along with me.

  “Not tonight, honey,” I shot back. She tried to stop laughing and keep a straight face, but she couldn’t quite get the job done.

  “Baby, I think you’ve got me confused with that stalker girl. What’s her name again? Lucky? Linda? Lucy?” Her voice was laced with amusement.

  I laughed again loudly, my shoulders shaking with the effort.

  “Might as well be, for all I care. Sure, Lucy! That’s it.” I was still laughing and she crumpled into another fit of giggles. The lilting sound of her laughter made my heart sing.

  “Ow! Stop making me laugh!” she kicked at me again.

  “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry! Stop kicking me, Julia!” I grabbed her foot. “Stop moving, I don’t want you hurting your ribs, honey, but I absolutely feel like I must tickle you now.” I whipped her sock off and started raking my fingers down the bottom of her foot. She was ticklish as shit and I knew exactly where to get the most reaction out of her. She screamed in protest. I tried to hold her leg still with the opposite hand so she couldn’t move. This was for fun, but I didn’t want her hurting herself. I ran my fingers under her arch just once or twice to show her I meant business, the muscles of my arm working hard to hold her still.

  She was squealing for me to stop when Aaron and Jenna came in to find us laughing on the couch in front of the TV. They looked shocked.

  “Are you gonna be nice?” I laughed.

  “Yes! Stop! Ryan!”

  “Ryan! You’re gonna hurt her!” Aaron yelled at me from across the room. Jen walked past toward the bedroom they shared, casting a dirty look my way.

  “Does she look like she’s hurt, A? We’re playing, for God’s sake! I barely touched her.”

  My hand still on her leg, I looked into her face after Aaron nodded sternly in her direction. Julia’s eyes were tearing and I panicked, sitting up quickly.

  “Julia, did I hurt you, honey?” I moved to her side instantly, kneeling on the floor in front of the couch.

  She shook her head. “Um…only a little from laughing. I’m okay.” I sighed in reli
ef and ran a hand through my hair.

  “Shit, Ryan! You stupid asshole!” Aaron yelled. “I ought to knock you on your ass!”

  I ignored him. “I’m sorry. That was stupid of me, Julia. Aaron is right. I should have been more careful.”

  She glanced at Aaron over my shoulder and then back into my eyes. “No, I’m fine. You guys are so protective; like you’re my big brothers or something.”

  “Or something,” Aaron quipped. I wondered if Julia caught his tone.

  My face felt hot as my skin flushed. Julia saw it, too. Her hand came out to touch my shoulder. “Ryan, I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me.”

  I frowned. It had to have hurt her a little and I was pissed at myself for letting myself get caught up in the moment and forget how badly she was injured. “I know it had to hurt, Julia, and I’m really sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  “Hey, we were having fun. I’m not a porcelain doll. I can take a little jostling.”

  “Not yet. In a month or two, maybe.” She reached out and touched the side of my jaw.

  “I’m okay,” she said softly.

  “Okay.” I took her hand from my face and kissed the inside of her wrist as I got up and turned toward Aaron. He was walking away into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator.

  “Did the folks get off okay?”

  “Yeah. Dad said to call him at least every couple of days to keep him in the loop about how Jules is doing.” He took two beers out and offered one to me. I walked into the kitchen and took it.

  “What do you know about this other doctor? Moore, right?” Aaron asked as he opened his beer and then took a long swig.

  “Not much. He’s a shrink that Brighton asked to consult. I barely spoke to him.” We were keeping our voices low and I glanced over my shoulder. Jenna was sitting with Julia on the couch and they were talking. Julia nodded her head before I turned my attention back to Aaron.

  “The fact is we already know why she’s forgotten.”

  I set the beer down and leaned on the counter, turning so I could see into the living room. “Yeah. They think that if she talks to someone else, the memories may come back gradually. It’d be a huge shock to have everything come rushing back all at once.”

  Aaron stared for a long moment without speaking.

  “What?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Nothing, bro’. Just…how are you?”

  Why was everyone asking that?

  “Fine. It’s hard. I have to keep reminding myself she doesn’t know me anymore.”

  “She’ll remember you, dude. You two are sickening. There is no way she’s not going to remember, Ryan.” He took another drink of the beer. “But I meant, how are you dealing with the loss…?”

  I cut him off. “Aaron, can we just focus on Julia? That’s all I can think about. That, and getting to graduation.”

  “I’m thinking about proposing to Jenna, but I’m worried about the effect on Jules,” Aaron said quietly.

  “Julia wouldn’t want you to put it on hold. She loves both of you and she’s been saying for years that you should have a ring on Jenna’s hand. After all, you’ve been with her longer than we’ve been together. It’s way overdue, man. You’re lucky she hasn’t kicked your ass to the curb by now.” I smirked at him.

  “It’s all that good sexin’ I give her,” he joked.

  “Spare me the raunchy details!” I’d heard them humping and bumping in the room next to mine too many times to count and it wasn’t an experience that I enjoyed. “Try a little tenderness. She might appreciate it.”

  “Okay, I hear a sappy song in there somewhere. Pretty soon the angels will drop down from heaven playing their harps and violins! I won’t believe that you two don’t get down and dirty sometimes, little brother.”

  “Shut the hell up,” I replied and we both laughed.

  “What are you making me for dinner, honey?” Aaron said loudly and knocked me in the shoulder before he went to sit in the big arm chair at one end of the couch.

  “Yeah, what are you making for dinner?” Julia raised her eyebrows at me as I followed him in. She was so cute when she teased me and my heart sped up. I loved spending time with all of our friends, but if I had my way, I’d have spent the entire evening alone with her.

  “Ah Jules…too bad you’re not up to it. I could really use some home cooking!” Aaron said. Jen moved onto his lap and she shoved him in the ribs. “Hey!” He protested and reached up to pull her down for a kiss. “Your talents in other areas make up for it, babe.”

  Jenna laughed and Aaron wound his hand in the back of her hair.

  “I would if I had the use of both of my arms, Aaron. What did I used to make?” Julia’s eyes followed the loving gestures between the two and I wondered what she was thinking.

  “Everything,” I answered for him.

  There was a knock at the door. It would be Ellie and Harris.

  “Looks like the gang’s all here,” Jenna said from behind me. “Now we can decide on the food. What do you feel like, Julia?”

  “Um, I’m not that hungry, so whatever you all want is fine by me.”

  “Julia!” Ellie called from the doorway. Harris smirked as he passed, obviously mocking his girlfriend’s over-enthusiasm.

  “Good to see you, Harris.”

  “We wouldn’t miss this, Ryan. Thanks.”

  The girls gathered around Julia in the living room and Aaron, Harris and I sat at the kitchen table.

  We ordered Chinese from a local dive that delivered, and sat around the living room with plates on our laps and three open bottles of wine. I watched Julia closely as she laughed and talked with everyone, carefully listening to the interaction for any signs of her memory. She asked Jenna a bunch of questions about how she met Aaron; and Ellie prattled on about Harris, her job in Los Angeles and things we all did in college.

  When everyone was finished, I gathered up the plates and took them to the kitchen while Ellie followed with the empty cartons.

  “Hey, how are you holding up?” she asked quietly.

  “Good. I’m good.” I rinsed the plates and stacked them in one side of the sink as we talked.

  “Julia seems to be doing fine. She’s curious about things. Especially you.”

  I stopped what I was doing and turned to face her. “What did she say?”

  “She wants to know about your relationship with her. She senses that you’re not just friends, kiddo.”

  “I told her we were close friends. Close, Ellie. As in best friends.”

  “I know all that, but she keeps coming back to it. Jen is having a hard time not telling her about you. Everything about Aaron is connected to you.”

  “Not everything. Jen and Aaron were together before I met Julia.”

  “I know that, but you get what I mean. How does she act around you when you’re alone?”

  “Sometimes relaxed, sometimes nervous, always curious. I know she feels there’s something more between us. I’m not great at acting indifferent where she’s concerned, and it’s a tangible force that pulls us together.”

  “Are you sure that pretending is the right thing to do? Maybe you should just tell her, help her deal with the pain of losing the baby and then get on with things. It could hurt her if you pull away.”

  I took a deep breath. It was nothing that I hadn’t considered. “She’ll remember when she’s ready. It’s not about me, it’s about her. She just needs time without pressure. I’m not pulling away necessarily. I’m just not forcing anything.”

  “Hey! What are you guys whispering about in there?” Jen called.

  “Nothing! We’re just cleaning up!” Ellie answered and we walked back to the living room.

  Julia had her legs curled under her on the couch, looking sleepy with her head leaning on her right arm. Aaron had Jenna back on his lap in the chair and Ellie went to join Harris in front of the fireplace. There was plenty of room on the couch next to Julia, but I chose, instead, to sit on the floor in front of her and le
an my back against the couch.

  “So? Let’s play a game or something,” Aaron ventured. “Quarters, Pictionary or Trivial Pursuit?”

  “No quarters for Julia, Aaron. Sorry.”

  “Yeah and she’d kick our ass on Pictionary,” Harris laughed at the obvious.

  I felt Julia lean toward me slightly. Her warm breath rushed over the skin at the back of my neck, causing goose bumps to rush over the rest of my body.

  “Truth or dare?” she asked softly.

  I turned to look at her, searching for some sort of recognition before I spoke. That was our love game and we hardly ever played the vanilla version with the others. It was so intimate, so personal. Just ours. Even if I wanted to try, it wasn’t a good idea, and I seriously didn’t want to crack that open in front of the others. “I don’t think so. Not tonight,” I shook my head as I answered quietly.

  The others watched our interaction in silence, even though they couldn’t hear what we were saying. She leaned back and sighed. “Why not?” she insisted.

  “Julia, I know what you’re trying to do. Quit it.”

  It was like everyone else disappeared from the room as her eyes burned into mine. “What am I trying to do?”

  “Get me…all of us, to tell you things that you want to find out about your past. Things you can’t remember.” And I can’t play that game with you without getting aroused. She looked down but didn’t speak, so I continued. “If you could remember, then you’d know that I only take truth about ten percent of the time anyway, so it isn’t likely that you’ll find out anything.”

  “You’re not the only one here, Ryan. Some of the others will take truth as their option.”

  “No,” I said firmly. “End of discussion.”

  “You know, you’re not my father,” she said sharply.

  “No, thank God. But, I’m looking out for what’s best for you. Please trust me, Julia.” I reached out and wrapped my hand around hers. “Just give yourself time, babe.”

  “Babe?” she questioned as her right eyebrow shot up. She called me on the endearment and I couldn’t take it back. I dropped my forehead to rest on the top of her hand that I held in mine and let out my breath before returning my gaze slowly to hers.