Beautifully Revealed

by Bethany Bazile

  “Let’s talk a little about your relationship with Liam Maddox.”

  My stomach flutters at the mention of his name and my guard immediately comes up. “What about my relationship?”

  “Let me start by asking if you know what codependency is?”

  “Cayden.” The brisk warning in my tone is not disguised.

  “We really need to explore this, Isabella,” he says watching me from his all-knowing chair. I remain silent because I can already feel my temper rising.

  “I’m just going to lay it all out for you Isabella, because sometimes we need others to help us see the full picture.”

  I feel cornered, my tension is at red alert, and I hate where this session is headed.

  “You were violated as a child so you turned to sex to feel better, but instead you became addicted. Once you broke free of your abuser you found Lucas and clung to him like a lifeline. You forced yourself into a relationship with him because you needed to be accepted and loved. Problem is he never knew you and you lied to make sure he never did. Then you jump out of one destructive relationship into another. You cling to Liam even harder then you did Lucas because he sees through your lies and you finally found someone who heard your cries for help.”

  “I cling on to Liam because I’ve never felt anything like this before.” I didn’t mean to cut him off, but I couldn’t remain quiet any longer. “When I used to hear women say they were addicted to a man, I thought it was the dumbest bullshit I ever heard. Now here I am, I can’t sleep, eat or breathe without that man. You don’t understand the headiness of that addiction until it’s embedded in you and you’re trapped. I love him, and I’m not afraid to say it anymore.”

  “Are you sure you’re not mistaking sex for love because from what you’ve told me, Liam had issues with his mother and may be struggling with the same sense of unworthiness as you. So I have to ask you how two people who feel unworthy of love can possibly love each other?”

  “Don’t do this, Cayden. Please don’t try to take away the only thing that’s right in my life.”

  “That’s not what this is about, Isabella. I want to see you healthy, but your relationship with Liam may hinder that.”

  “I don’t care!” I yell at him.

  He watches me totally unaffected by my outburst so I take a deep breath and center myself because he’s only trying to help me. “Look Cayden, I took psychology in college and I know I’m the poster child for codependency. I have self esteem issues, I lie so people won’t reject me, I mask the pain of my past, I use sex to feel valued and the list goes on and on. Does that mean I never deserve to find love? Because that’s exactly what brought me here and now you’re saying I can’t have that.”

  “You deserve to be loved, but not by a man who talks about you like you’re his possession. A man who can’t even see you talk to another man without erupting.”

  “So Liam’s possessive and jealous, nobody’s perfect Cayden. If those are his biggest flaws, then I can live with that because I have far worse flaws.”

  “Isabella, he shows up in the middle of the night for sex after asking you for space, and then he walks out. You’re a sex addict. He might as well have stuck a needle in your arm and left you alone to ride out your high. He used sex to make sure you remembered he owned you.”

  This conversation is going from bad to worse. I’m fully aware of how fucked up my relationship with Liam is, but I don’t care. Cayden is adamantly fighting a battle he will ultimately lose because nothing short of death will keep me from Liam.

  “He doesn’t even know the details of my past or about my sexual addiction. He knows I’m damaged, but I’ve kept the details from him so don’t make it seem like he’s feeding my disease when he isn’t even aware of it.”

  “You need to tell him.”

  “I know, and I will but…the fear and shame are really hard to overcome.”

  “If he loves you then he will accept you as you are.”

  “He already has. I’m the one who needs to accept me.”

  “That’s what I’m here for.” He smiles at me cockily.

  “Are you always this aggressive?”

  “Are you always this stubborn?” He fires back.

  “Yes,” we answer in unison, and I can only sit back and smile at him. I met my match in Dr. Cayden Knight. He takes my shit then throws it right back at me. I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to pull this much out of me, but he’s just what I need and his timing is impeccable.

  Liam

  “Your attitude is shit,” Gabby says as she gathers up the files on my desk and puts them all into her bag.

  “Thanks, I really needed someone to point that out for me,” I say sarcastically.

  “You need to let that woman come home. She’s almost as miserable as you are.”

  “Since when did you become her staunch supporter?” Gabby has been really reserved about Ella. She rarely even comments when I bring her name up. This one hundred eighty-degree turn in her opinion towards Ella is strange to say the least.

  “She’s growing on me. We went to lunch a couple days ago and I felt the same depressive vibe from her that I’m getting from you now.”

  “You went to lunch together? What happened to her being a little too wild for you?”

  “She is wild, but no tame woman would be able to keep up with you anyway. I can tell she loves you though.”

  “I know she loves me. It’s her not trusting me with her secrets that are the problem. And the men…every time I turn around there’s a new one panting after her.”

  “Sounds like you’re having trust issues too. Besides you’re one of the most eligible bachelors around. Women are always chasing after you. If she could live with that then you need to adjust, too.”

  Tell that to the jealous rage that boils in me when another man so much as touches her. When she left my office two days ago, she left with a piece of my sanity. I know I need to let her come home or end this relationship soon because the push and pull is physically draining.

  “Just promise me you’ll go talk to her and see what you two can work out because I can’t stand another day of your sour attitude.”

  “You want me to talk with the queen of non-communication? I can’t promise you anything, but maybe I’ll go see her tonight.”

  Chapter 11

  Isabella

  Wednesday night I curl up on Rich’s sofa with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate therapy. I rarely eat ice cream, but I guess it’s one of those automatic remedies to alleviate the pain of missing a man.

  Rich is out with Lillian so I decide to watch Shrek the Third. I’m not sure if it’s due to my fucked up childhood or not, but I love these kids movies. Besides, with all of the subtle innuendos in these movies, they’re probably more geared towards adults.

  A knock at the door interrupts the movie about halfway through. I pause it and head to the door, annoyed by someone intruding on my alone time.

  “What are you doing here?” Cayden was the last person I expected to see at my door.

  “I’m here to take you to dinner,” he announces. I grimace at him because I’m not in the mood to go out or deal with people in general.

  “I already ate,” I lie, unless you consider ice cream a meal.

  “No you didn’t, Isabella. You’re moping around in a state of depression over a man. You’re going to go get dressed and let me take you out so you can begin to function normally. Being cooped up in here is counterproductive.”

  I stare at him, silently praying for him to disappear, but he just leans against the door frame and crosses his arms.

  “Fine.” I pout as I let him in.

  He watches me turn the television off, gather the blanket, and pick up the empty ice cream container.

  “Shrek?”

  “Did you come here to insult my choice of movies?” Okay, I’m being snarky, but I really wanted to be left alone tonight.

  “No, you’re just very unpredictable,” he answers.


  “There’s nothing interesting about being predictable. If I wore the same clothes every day, I’d look dull. If I ate the same food everyday it would taste bland. When something or someone unexpected hits you, the sensation is exhilarating.”

  “You are exhilarating Isabella, more than you even know.”

  I’m not sure if that’s true, but I know I haven’t been feeling anywhere near exhilarated lately. I head into my room to get dressed, and going by Cayden’s jeans and t-shirt, I dress casually then I grudgingly leave with Cayden for dinner.

  He takes me to a local steakhouse. I order a salad that I pick at while Cayden devours his steak and watches me disapprovingly when I don’t finish my salad.

  “I’m worried about you.”

  “I’m fine, Cayden.”

  “No, you’re not. The past couple sessions you’ve become more reserved and you canceled this afternoon.”

  “It was one session, Cayden. I didn’t feel well.”

  “Heartsickness isn’t a real ailment. You’re mentally dragging yourself down and I’m not sure he’s worth it.”

  “Don’t even go there, Cayden. I’m clear on how you feel about Liam, but no one can control how I feel about him.”

  He sighs and I can tell he’s going to drop the topic. “Our sessions are going to be less frequent. I have to start shooting the new season of my show, but I’m really nervous about leaving you without counsel. I can refer you to-”

  “No, Cayden. I’ll only talk to you. I’ll be fine until you come back so don’t worry about me.”

  “If you weren’t sinking into depression, then I wouldn’t be so worried. I’ll be leaving next week, and I’ll be back after two weeks, but call me anytime day or night if you need to talk.”

  “Do you worry this much about all your patients?”

  He smiles and his golden eyes light up. “I worry about them, but you’re a special woman, Isabella. I might be a little more concerned about you.”

  I’m glad when we finally leave the restaurant and Cayden takes me back to Rich’s place. He insists on walking me up to the door, which was unnecessary. “Promise me something, Isabella.”

  I whirl around to face him and realize he’s a lot closer to me than I thought. His eyes are seriously intense and if the door wasn’t at my back I would take a step back. “Don’t let him break your spirit.” His hand reaches up and pushes my hair from my face, his fingers caressing my face. “You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman. Your past hasn’t scarred you as badly as you think. Don’t let him break you.”

  Cayden moves in closer and I can feel his rapid breaths across my lips. The look in his eyes is indistinct, but there is no doubt in my mind what he wants. My eyes lower to his lips just before they brush against mine. My intelligent mind tells me to push him away, but my inane hands take forever to receive the message.

  My palms push against his chest just as his tongue dances across my lip. I stare into his eyes and I’m sure the same look of panic in his eyes is reflected in mine. “I’m sorry, Isabella.”

  Before I can respond to his apology a deep, mocking voice cuts me off. “ ‘We’re only patient and doctor,’ she says to me.”

  Liam.

  He appears out of nowhere and the angry look on his face is frightening. “You should get your hands off my girl before I bash your face in.” His tone is cool, but his expression is fierce.

  Cayden recovers from his shock of Liam appearing quickly, and steps up to him fearlessly. “You broke it off with her, I’m pretty sure she’s not yours anymore.”

  Liam’s dry sarcastic laugh sends chills up my spine. I don’t want this to escalate into a physical altercation. “Is that what you think Dr. Knight? You think you can replace me?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Let me tell you something Doctor, the bond Ella and I share is unbreakable. Time and space don’t detract from a love like that. You need to be the professional she’s paying you to be, and get the fuck out of here.”

  “Isabella, this is exactly what we talked about, he’s violent and irrational-”

  Liam grabs him by his jacket before he can finish, pulling him close as he seethes in his face. “I warned you in your office not to fuck with my relationship.”

  “Wait, you went to see Cayden at his office?”

  “Weeks ago, because I knew he was going to pull this shit.”

  “Oh god, Cayden I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize for me,” he turns a sharp eye at me, letting go of Cayden with a push. “You know what? You’ve gone on for months about how he’s just your therapist, but I get here and you’re minutes away from pulling him through that door and fucking him.” His rage is out of control and I can see he’s about to lose it in this hallway. He’s so close to me I can practically feel the anger radiating out of his body.

  “Cayden’s right, you’re being irrational, maybe you should go home and calm down.” He stares at me incredulously before pulling me down the hallway, out of Cayden’s earshot. His big body surrounds me as he backs me up against the wall and whispers in my ear, “Don’t do this to us, Ella. I swear if you fuck him I’m going to lose control and hurt him”

  “Stop,” I say as my hands run up his chest, over his neck, and cup his face. I force him to look into my eyes. “The kiss should’ve never happened and I’m sorry you had to see that.” If our positions were switched I would have died a little inside watching him kiss another woman.

  “I’m not going to have sex with Cayden or any other man, but you can’t just show up here demanding things and invading my space when this separation was all your idea.” I run my hand through his hair and have to restrain myself from pulling his head down for a kiss.

  “You make it impossible to take you back when you’re always pulling shit like this. Sometimes I think you purposely sabotage our relationship. You are your own worst enemy.” He pushes off the wall, and I instantly miss his body against mine. My heart aches as I watch him walk down the hallway.

  Lillian and Rich step off the elevator, and Liam steps on without saying a word to either one of them. Rich gives me a curious look as he approaches. “What’s that about?” he asks.

  Cayden steps in beside me and Rich frowns at him.

  “This is Dr. Cayden Knight, and that,” I point in the direction Liam left, “is me putting a dagger into what’s left of my relationship.”

  “Don’t blame yourself, Isabella,” Cayden says. “He was irrational.”

  “No, I think he had a pretty rational reaction to you kissing me.”

  “Oh…wow. I told you to make the man jealous not rip his heart out. Maybe we should take this inside,” Rich says. “My neighbors don’t need to watch an episode of General Hospital unfold in the hallway.”

  I try to bite back my smile but a giggle escapes anyway. “I hate you, Rich.” He always makes me smile when I just want to curl up and die.

  “Yes and I hate to love you too, Isabella.”

  Lillian wraps an arm around my waist and guides me inside while Cayden takes the seat Rich offers him and watches me nervously. “You need to separate yourself from him,” he finally says. I knew that was coming.

  “Cayden, what happened in the hallway was wrong and it can never happen again. I’m not going to blame Liam for his reaction to our mistake.”

  “He acted like a maniac and you basically coddled him with sweet caresses. It’s like watching a train wreck about to happen.”

  “In Liam’s defense,” Lillian jumps in, “he’s been through a lot lately and a person can only take so much pain before they snap.”

  “I’m not good for him,” I say under my breath. The pain in his eyes before he left stayed with me, and I don’t want that for him. I want him to be happy, not dragged down into my painful existence.

  “Oh god, now we’re making backwards progress.” Cayden rises up from his seat, and looks down at me. “I need to see you in my office on Monday.” He slams the door as he exits.

  “I swear I just want
to shake some sense into you,” Lillian jumps out of her seat and glares at me as soon as the door shuts. “I mean Cayden’s hot enough to melt a woman’s panties, but kissing him was a bad move.”

  “Hey!” Rich shouts at her.

  “I love you baby, but that man is a god. He sits about one step down from Liam Maddox.”

  He smirks at her while shaking his head. “I’ll get my placement on that list, because I’m the one you’ll be calling god tonight.”

  Lillian face turns a light shade of pink and she glares at Rich. “Do you mind? I’m trying to be serious here.”

  “Carry on,” Rich says throwing up his hands.

  “Isabella, you have to stop standing in your own way.”

  “You sound like Liam, he said I’m sabotaging our relationship.”

  “Of course you are, because you don’t think you deserve happiness. So you think you need to push him away before he comes to his senses and gets rid of you. Please Isabella, hold on to that happiness because my heart can’t take seeing the anguish that lives in your eyes.”

  Everything in words always seems so simple, but it’s getting my damaged brain to process those words and turn them into actions that is nearly impossible. I stay stuck in my head for the rest of the night, blocking Lillian and Rich out. I nod and smile at the appropriate times to keep them from worrying about me, but that gets old fast so I retire to my room to sulk. I’m already dreading the codependency lecture I’m going to get from Cayden on Monday, but it’s thoughts of Liam that keep me up most of the night.

  Liam

  I pull the door open and force myself to smile back at her.

  “I’m surprised you called,” she says.

  I pull her body against mine and slam the door shut. “Do you understand what this is, Arianna?” Her blue eyes sparkle with excitement and she nods enthusiastically.

  “Don’t worry I know what you need,” she leans forward and initiates the kiss. The scent of her perfume overpowers my senses. She licks at my lips trying to deepen the kiss but the guilt in my gut is quickly building.