Since He Really Feels (He Feels)

by Lisa Suzanne

  I grinned and complied, and he slid in next to me.

  “Where to?” the driver asked.

  “Phoenician,” he said, naming one of the most luxurious and beautiful resorts Scottsdale had to offer.

  I glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow.

  “The Phoenician?” I asked.

  He nodded once. “I’m spoiling my girl for the night.”

  I was ready to rip off his clothes and fuck him in the back of the cab. I slid my hand up his thigh, my fingertips brushing against his erection. I glanced up at him through lowered lashes, and I saw him close his eyes and take in a sharp breath. I was glad that I seemed to have the same effect on him that he had on me.

  He grabbed my hand, halting me from what I really wanted, and he kissed each of my fingertips slowly. I leaned back in my seat and sighed as I felt his lips on me, thinking about what other magical things he could do with those lips. He pulled one of my fingers slowly into his mouth, and I felt his tongue dart against it. That little motion sent a flicker of desire coursing through me, and just like when he kissed me for the very first time on New Year’s Eve, he set every nerve ending in my body on fire. The desire he made me feel had only grown stronger over time, and I knew that it would never, ever fade.

  Ten long minutes later, the cab pulled up to the front entrance of the elegant and lavish Phoenician Resort. Nick threw a few bills to the driver and jumped out of the backseat. He grabbed my hand and helped me out, and then he led me through the lobby to a bank of elevators. He pressed the button for the third floor, and all I could do was stand there and stare at him. I remembered all the times we’d shared sexy elevator rides, and there had been quite a few, but I knew that if he made a move toward me, we’d never make it to our room. So I stayed pinned to my corner, watching him watch me as our eyes started the foreplay so we wouldn’t need to waste time with it once we got to our room.

  The elevator opened and he took my hand once again, and even in my semi-drunken state, I felt the electricity that his skin on mine always produced.

  We arrived at room 318 and he opened the door. I didn’t bother to ask how he already had a keycard to the room because I didn’t really care. All I cared about was getting him naked and inside of me as quickly as possible.

  He tossed the keycard on the dresser and led me through the room and out to the balcony. It was a private balcony that overlooked the mountains. It was a cool and clear night in a romantic setting. The city lights were behind us, but the moon lit the mountains and cast shadows on the desert landscape.

  He stood in front of me, and I reached out for him. He took my hand in his and pulled it to his lips. “Can we talk for a minute?” he asked. There was an earnestness and an anxiety in his voice that immediately got my attention.

  I nodded.

  “I need to apologize to you,” he started.

  A ripple of fear ran down my spine. Why was he apologizing? What the hell did he have to apologize for? And why did he take me to a fancy resort to do it?

  “For what?” I finally asked.

  “I know I’ve been working a lot, and I’m sorry about that.” The moon lit his eyes, and I could see the sincerity there. I wanted to pull him into my arms and kiss him senseless, but I could tell that he wasn’t done talking.

  “There’s a lot going on right now that I can’t talk about because of my position,” he continued.

  “I understand, Nick. You don’t have to apologize.” I appreciated his words, and I really did understand that there were certain things that he couldn’t tell me because he was my boss. I wasn’t going to press where work issues were concerned, because I knew he’d fill me in on what I needed to know when I needed to know it.

  “There’s more,” he said, and then he let out a deep sigh. I could sense his nervousness to tell me whatever was coming next. “I was sitting at my desk tonight thinking about you. Us. I was… I am overwhelmed with love for you, Julianne. I work better when I’m with you. You spark my creativity. You inspire my imagination. I’ve never felt this drawn to somebody, this connected to somebody. I was thinking about how stupid I was to be spending my Friday night at work when I have a beautiful woman who has had far too little of my attention lately.”

  “Nick,” I started, leaning forward to kiss him.

  He stopped me abruptly. “Julianne, let me finish.”

  I felt like he’d slapped me. Maybe that was dramatic, but his abruptness startled me. I backed away like a hurt puppy, but his hand still held mine. He wasn’t letting me get away.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Something happened tonight, and I can’t go another second without telling you.”

  “What happened?” I asked, scared for what the answer might be.

  “Bree kissed me.”

  I pulled my hand out of his. “What?” I screeched.

  He took my hand back in his and pulled me against him. I was no match for his strength, but I struggled against him anyway.

  “Baby, stop. Just listen to me.”

  “Fuck off,” I yelled, still struggling against him. I knew I was yelling on the balcony of a posh, elegant hotel, but I didn’t care.

  He backed me up until my back was against the wall. I was pinned between his hips and the hard stucco of the outside wall, and I couldn’t move. His face was inches from mine as his eyes found my own and his lips hovered over mine. “I didn’t kiss her back,” he said, enunciating each word carefully. “I stopped it immediately.”

  The only thing I had left was my words since I couldn’t match his strength to fight back. “I don’t give a fuck, Nick. You allowed her to think that it was okay to make that move.”

  His eyes looked pained as he took in my harsh words, but he didn’t have a good defense for that. He knew I was right.

  “I’m having her transferred off of our team on Monday.”

  I felt a little better knowing that, but it didn’t make up for the fact that it had happened. Another woman had kissed my fiancé. His lips had felt those of another woman. After a few Appletinis, that was the thought that stuck with me, and that sent me into a fit of rage and jealousy.

  “While you’re at it, have me transferred off, too.”

  “You don’t mean that,” he said dismissively. Okay, maybe not dismissively, but that’s how I took it in my semi-drunken haze that had gone from horny and tipsy to an irritating headache in the span of a few minutes.

  “Let me go,” I said, still trying to fight futilely against his strength.

  “No. You’re not going anywhere until you hear what I have to say.”

  I sighed in resignation. Fighting back was just making me tired and making my headache worse.

  “When she kissed me, the only thought in my mind was you. My first thought was how it must have felt for you when you kissed Travis. He was someone you trusted to be careful with your feelings, and I don’t know how it went down that night, but I know what the outcome was.”

  Tears filled my eyes as he reminded me that he wasn’t the only one who had made mistakes. Sure, he made the first mistake when he broke up with me, but I had messed things up between us, too. While his actions broke my heart, he ultimately came back to me and mended it whole again. He brushed a stray tear away with his thumb, and he left his hand against my cheek. I leaned into it and closed my eyes. No matter what, the feel of his skin on mine was comforting.

  “I pushed her away literally the second her lips touched mine. As soon as I knew what she was doing, I knew that I wanted no part of it. Julianne, you are the only woman for me. You always will be, despite how hard you’re working against us half the time. I am going to fight for you because every day since our New Year’s kiss, I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with you. I know I will continue to fall in love with a different part of you every single day for the rest of my life.”

  Good Lord, how did he do that? How did he know the perfect words to say to prove to me how much love he held for me in his heart? How could I stay mad at him
after that? He was the perfect man, and he didn’t need to do anything to attract attention from women. Of course Bree tried to kiss him. Who wouldn’t want to take that chance? In the end, I couldn’t really blame her for trying. I knew what I had in him, and after his speech, I was more convinced than ever that I needed to focus on the two of us. I needed to stop fighting against us and start fighting for us.

  His lips were still just inches away from mine, so I finally gave into what I’d really wanted all night. I couldn’t be mad at him for someone else’s actions. She was clearly a slutty bitch who went after men who were in relationships, and she wasn’t worth the time or the energy it was going to take to hate her.

  I leaned into him. His hand was still cupping my cheek, and my eyes closed automatically as my face inched closer to his, and then our lips met and everything else faded away into insignificance. His mouth opened to mine as it had so many times before, still producing epic butterflies that flitted through my core.

  Our tongues clashed together aggressively. After our near fight and the lust induced by the alcohol, we just needed to be with each other. The moment our mouths met, his arms came around me so I was no longer pinned against the wall. One of my arms snaked around his back while my other hand wandered down until it found his solid erection, and I knew that he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I cupped him in my hand and he groaned into me. He released his hold on me completely and pulled back away from me.

  “Are we okay?” he asked.

  “Better than okay,” I panted, and then his lips were back on mine and we weren’t talking anymore. One of his hands tangled in my hair while the other trailed down my arm and then cupped my breast. It was at that moment that I was most grateful for our private balcony. His lips moved from my lips down to my neck and into my cleavage, and I arched back to give him better access. I loved the feel of those perfectly sculpted lips anywhere on my body. His fingertips grasped the short hem of my dress.

  “Jesus,” he groaned, reaching up under the skirt of my dress to find that I wasn’t wearing any panties. In my defense, I couldn’t risk the panty lines on such a tight dress.

  He knelt down between my legs and pushed my dress up to my hips. I felt exposed as the cool night air hit the hottest part of my body. He urged one of my legs up and over his shoulder, and then he trailed kisses along the inside of my thigh and upward. I threw my head back and closed my eyes as I felt his tongue move against the sensitive nerves of my clit and down. His tongue entered me, and then he ran the pad of his tongue back up as his fingers trailed the same path his tongue had made. I moaned loudly in the quiet night as his mouth focused on me. The roughness of his tongue mixed with the perfect thrusts of his fingers sent me into a shattering orgasm that had me gripping his hair in my hands. He kissed my sensitive skin sweetly once the shuddering had stopped, and then he stood and pulled me into his arms.

  His forehead rested against mine. “You are so sexy,” he whispered and then he scooped me up into his arms and carried me back inside the balcony doors. He tossed me on the bed and I watched with lust as he undressed. First he removed his suit jacket and calmly placed it over a chair. Next came his tie, which he’d already loosened, and then he unbuttoned his cuffs and the buttons on his shirt. I gasped as I always did as I took in his perfect physique. He took off his shoes and socks and undid his belt buckle, and then he unbuttoned his pants and lowered them in one swoop with his boxer briefs. He stood naked in front of me, his eyes on mine the whole time, and then he made his way over to the bed.

  My mouth watered as I took him in, and it was time for me to return the favor. I shimmied down to the edge of the bed, and I motioned for him to come closer to me. I wrapped one fist around his length, and then I took him into my mouth. He leaned his head back as I sucked and delivered the same kind of pleasure to him that he’d given me outside only moments before.

  His groans spurred me on, and I moved my hand in time with my mouth. He pulled his hips back suddenly and then pushed my shoulders gently so that I was lying on the bed.

  He climbed up over me, and I waited for the moment of connection that I’d been craving for days.

  He lifted me gently and unzipped my dress, and then he pulled it up and over my head, setting it neatly on the nightstand next to us. He reared up over me again, and as he looked down into my eyes, I saw my future. I saw happiness and children and love and romance for the rest of my life. And when his body finally connected with mine as he entered me, I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

  CHAPTER 26

  NICK MATTHEWS

  I don’t know why I felt the need to tell her about Bree.

  Maybe because deep down I felt guilty. She was right; I hadn’t done anything to stop Bree, so I essentially had invited that attention from her.

  Maybe it was because I was already hiding so goddamn much from Julianne that I just couldn’t hold another secret. Between my family history, BKG going under, and Jack Miller’s offer, I felt like I was living a double life.

  Maybe it was because I still hated that she had fucked Travis when we’d been apart and I found out from Travis instead of from her. I would hate it if Bree went straight to Julianne before I had the chance to, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

  I had been sitting in my office, finishing up my work for the night. I needed to head home to pack an overnight bag for the two of us, and then I was going to drop my car at the Phoenician and cab it back to Mahogany. I had the whole night planned out. And then Bree stepped into my office.

  I still wasn’t attracted to her, but she had this nasty little habit of walking right up behind me. Julianne was right; Bree liked to press her breasts against my shoulder. I pretended not to notice because we truly were working together on several projects and I’d naively thought she’d get the hint if I ignored her advances. Of course, tonight was the night I was planning on saying something to her, but she’d mistaken my hesitation for something it wasn’t. She’d knelt beside me on the floor, and as I turned away from the computer screen to look at her to ask her to stop, she assumed I was turning away to give my full attention to her. I still can’t figure out how she mistook that signal, but suddenly she pushed her lips to mine, and I backed up in my chair immediately.

  “Bree,” I had said, “I’m marrying Julianne. I’m sorry, but this,” I motioned between us, “is not going to happen. Ever.”

  She had looked wounded, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting home, getting our overnight stuff, and finding Julianne.

  I had already planned a night away with her before any of the Bree stuff happened. I knew that we needed a night away together, and as soon as Julianne told me she was going to Mahogany, I felt compelled to recreate some of the magic that had originally brought us together.

  But as I drove my cock in and out of my fiancée, none of it mattered. Bree faded away. Work faded away. My family issues faded away.

  All that mattered was the two of us in that moment. The only thing I could think of was how Julianne had become everything to me, and I wasn’t ever going to let her go.

  With that thought, I lost control just as she tightened around me. I shuddered and groaned out her beautiful name as she drained every last drop from me.

  I collapsed over her, my cheek against her breast as my body stayed connected to hers. Pulling out meant disconnecting from the intimacy, and I didn’t want to do that. Maybe it was overly sentimental, but I loved the feeling of being inside of her. I loved when she held me against her body, her fingers playing sweetly and innocently in my hair after the wicked and abandoned moments we had just shared.

  I knew it was time to stop hiding so much shit from her, but I didn’t even know where to begin at that point.

  The room was quiet around us after our moans had filled the air only moments before. I sighed contentedly, relishing the contact with this wonderful woman beneath me, and then, reluctantly, I pulled out. I kissed the side of her breast and then settled
in beside her, holding her back against my front as she curled into my arms.

  I thought about all of the secrets I’d been keeping, most notably the one about Jack Miller. I wanted to start my own business, and all I could think about was how I wanted Julianne to be my partner in that. I didn’t want Bree or anybody else coming between us anymore. I only wanted to hire people who I trusted wholeheartedly. I didn’t want coworkers who came highly recommended because of nepotism, like Bree. She was Alex Brennan’s niece, and he had insisted that I gave her a place on my team despite my reluctance.

  I finally broke the silence in the room. “We need to talk,” I whispered.

  “I know,” she whispered back. “Can I go first?”

  I wondered what it was that she wanted to talk about, and I suddenly felt a ripple of fear shoot through me. I wasn’t sure why; I was normally a confident, self-assured man, but something about the way we had just made love almost made me feel like she was starting her goodbye.

  But I wasn’t going to allow it.

  “Of course,” I said, my voice automatically guarded.

  She didn’t turn to look at me, and that same ripple of fear shot through me again as I felt my heart rate pick up.

  “I love you, Nick. I love you so, so much,” she started, fingering my hands that had suddenly tightened around her.

  “I love you, too, baby,” I murmured.

  “Our time apart lately has shown me something important.”

  Fuck. I wanted to interrupt her. I wanted to yell. I was certain that she was going to tell me that our time apart showed her that she didn’t need me, and the thought alone crushed my heart into dust.

  Where were these insecure thoughts coming from? It wasn’t like me, but I knew I’d done wrong by her. I’d kept far too many secrets from the woman I was going to marry, and all of that shit was finally catching up with me.

  But I didn’t voice any of my fears. Instead, I let her speak.

  “It has shown me how much I love you. How much I need you. I miss the days when it was just you and me at McMillan and falling in love with you was all that mattered. Ever since that stupid night when you broke up with me, it seems like at every turn there’s another obstacle in our path, but I’m done letting stupid shit come between us, Nick.”