Nobody Knows

by Rebecca Barber

  “Just drop me here. I’ll walk. It’s only upstairs.” I smiled, not wanting Joel to see my car. In comparison to his, it was embarrassing and I had already had more than my fair share of humiliation the morning.

  “You’re sure? I don’t mind.”

  “Yup!” He pulled the car to a stop, and I opened the door. “Thanks for, you know. Dropping me back.” My stomach was full of butterflies the size of albatrosses.

  “No trouble. I’ll call you later on about the house.” He smiled. “See you.” He turned into an empty car park and turned around. As he drove back past me, I had my eyes firmly fixated on the ground in front of me. I didn’t want to see the look on his face as I took the inevitable walk of shame back to my car.

  “Hey Gillian,” he called out. My eyes shot up towards his voice deceivingly quickly, “So, yeah, I am single.” He grinned that silly, cheeky grin that got me into trouble in the first place. My face flushed, but he never saw it. He was already gone.

  Chapter Five

  Five days after my walk of shame, I was still furious with Joel. He hadn’t called once. No email, no text message, not even a comment on Facebook when, in a fit of uncontrolled anger, I decided to change my status to ‘Are all real estate agents assholes?’ I don’t know if I was angry because he hadn’t called me, or because he’d promised to let me know what was going on with the sale of my parents’ properties and he hadn’t.

  When the phone rang I jumped up, suddenly filled with hope, and ran through the apartment like a woman possessed. Swearing and cursing at myself, I struggled to even locate the handset. Spotting it half buried in the clean washing pile, I jumped the sofa and grabbed it. “Hello?” I puffed and panted, as the hope instantly faded and dread filled my body. How embarrassing, to answer the phone sounding like you have just run a marathon.

  “Hey Gillian, it’s me, Rhiannon!” she exclaimed cheerily. Instantly I wanted to commit murder. I was annoyed that my hopes had soared so high and it was only Rhiannon, but it wasn’t her fault.

  “Oh, hi,” I mumbled, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice.

  “So tomorrow night we’re heading out on the town and you, missy, are joining us. No excuses!”

  Wracking my brain, trying to find an acceptable excuse, I coughed. I knew I didn’t have one, and there was no way Rhiannon would let me out of this. “Cool,” I faked. “Who with? What time? Where we headed?”

  “Just the girls this time. You, me, Cora and Heidi. Going to meet at my place about seven, have a few quiet drinks and finish getting ready, and then we’ll head into the city,” she detailed.

  “No troubles. Well, I’ll drive and that way we can get there and home.”

  “No chance. Alex is going to come over when I call him, pick us all up and drop us in the city. Then when we’re nicely plastered and relaxed, I just have to call and he’ll come and pick us all up and take us home.” As much as it annoyed me, I had to admit, Rhiannon had it all planned out.

  “Sounds good. What do I bring?”

  “Just your fabulous self and a bottle of champers!” She giggled, making it sound like she had already begun the festivities.

  “Easy! I’ll see you tomorrow about seven.”

  As the phone disconnected I felt like a complete phony. I had just pretended to be excited and enthusiastic about a night out with the girls, when in reality all I wanted to do was curl up in bed, hide under the covers, and pretend that the past week hadn’t happened.

  I had barely left the house since my night with Joel. Even the possibility of running out of food didn’t deter my hibernation. I simply dialed it in. I emailed out job applications and ordered clothes online—anything to avoid seeing people.

  Then as I sat there, dreading a night out with my friends, I realized the ugly truth—I had become a hermit, something I considered pathetic. Especially since the reason I had become the shell of a person was because of a one night, alcohol-filled mistake with a gorgeous real estate agent.

  With the decision firmly made, I jumped up and almost skipped into the shower. Minutes later, feeling refreshed and revitalized, I was out the door and walking towards the shopping centre. After three hours of intense shopping, which had my credit card steaming and my fingers turning white from shopping bag strangulation, I was on my way home feeling like a different person.

  When I got home I managed to refrain from checking my email and Facebook profile. I didn’t want to know. I would wait and see how long it took him to contact me, and whether, when he eventually did, it would be completely work related. Instead, I focused on getting ready for my night of fun and frivolity with the girls, making sure I took the time to promise myself that I wouldn’t do the same stupid thing I had done the week before.

  With a big night ahead the next day I ordered in Thai before collapsing into bed with a book. By nine I was fast asleep, the discarded book on my face.

  Having a few hours to get ready was just the distraction I needed. I started with a long luxurious bubble bath, ensuring I massaged lavender moisturizer into my freshly shaved legs after I painted my toenails a shade of pink so light you could barely see it at all. I painted my finger nails and straightened my hair. When I checked the clock, I was surprised to see I had only an hour left before I had to head to Rhiannon’s’ place. I took care doing my makeup; I wanted to look stunningly fresh and natural before slipping my new outfit and heels on.

  Doing a quick spin in front of the mirror, I was happy with what I saw. Flicking the lights off, I headed out the door determined to have a fabulous night with friends and forget all about Joel Matthews.

  The look on Cora’s face as she pulled open the door confirmed my thoughts. “You look absolutely gorgeous,” she gasped, grabbing my wrist and pulling me inside.

  “Thanks,” I accepted as gracefully as I could. “You too.”

  For the first time since my world had been turned upside down, I felt alive again. I was nineteen and, for the first time in quite a while, I felt it. I didn’t have solicitors asking questions and people offering me things or queries from property managers over what they should do. Instead, I was handed a crystal glass of champagne from my best friend as I settled into the sofa and watched the hypnotic movements of Usher on DVD.

  “Ladies!” Rhiannon exclaimed, breezing into the room and twirling, her short mini dress flaring as she fell into the oversized stuffed couch. “Don’t we all look ravishing?” I could instantly tell that the glass of bubbles in Rhiannon’s hand wasn’t her first.

  “Who needs more champers?” Heidi asked, joining us in front of the television, a bottle of Omni in either hand.

  I found myself captivated by the hip swiveling on the screen. Wearing only a pair of jeans and more diamonds than the local jeweler owned, Usher was drool-worthy.

  “Earth to Gillian,” Cora teased, poking me gently in the ribs.

  “Sorry, I was off with fairies,” I admitted sheepishly.

  “We noticed.” Rhiannon laughed heartily.

  I shrugged as Heidi topped up my glass. “I just want to know, where do I get one of those?”

  “No idea! I don’t know anyone with a body like that, and if I did I sure as shit wouldn’t take my hands off him.” Rhiannon was well on her way to drunk; she was already beginning to slur her words and talk random nonsense.

  Past drinking adventures had prepared all of us. Each of us had our own little idiosyncrasies when we were drunk. Things that normally we wouldn’t do, but once sufficient quantities of alcohol was added, some things couldn’t be stopped. Cora would cry. It didn’t matter if nothing happened at all, at some point, Cora would just break down in tears and cry. Rhiannon would get horny, hitting on any man whose eye she could catch. Even if it was across the bar she would make her move, often to the disgust of the object of her lust’s partner. This usually meant Heidi became agitated and aggressive, swearing and cursing like a sailor, pushing people and even getting in the occasional cat fight.

  My biggest vice was m
y tongue. When loosened due to one too many cocktails, I tended to say what I thought with little or no regard of the rules. If someone asked if their bum looked big in their jeans and they did, but normally the polite thing to do would be to assure them that no, they looked great. That’s when drunken Gillian would tell them with a muffin top like that I wouldn’t be worried about the ass chasing them around. I had a foul mouth and I often ended up calling the next day to apologize.

  When the last of the champers was empty, Alex arrived and drove us into town. I don’t really know how he did it with the radio blasting Madonna as loud as it could go and four very tipsy, women singing even louder.

  “Behave yourselves!” Alex warned out the window as we quickly joined the end of the queue outside the club.

  “Yes dear,” we all called out in unison.

  It was freezing. Even through the champagne induced haze I knew it was freezing. My strapless black top wasn’t doing much to keep out the frosty midnight breeze. I was glad I had chosen to wear pants rather than a skirt or a dress like the others. I could see their legs turning blue as they bounced up and down, trying to keep warm as the queue snaked inside.

  Luckily it didn’t take us long to get inside. “Ladies,” the bouncer greeted, lifting the velvet rope and stamping our wrists as we passed by. He was a stunning specimen. He had a simple, country bumpkin smile and the biggest biceps I had ever seen, but they looked natural and in proportion with the rest of his body. Not like the dumb, personality deprived, steroid-filled, robot standing opposite him. He handed me a lollipop and I headed up the stairs towards the thumping music.

  Upstairs I spotted a booth in the back corner and in our own version of sign language Heidi and I headed straight for it, while Cora and Rhiannon went straight to the bar. Moments later the four of us were sitting around, toasting friendship with shots of Baileys.

  “So, Gillian…what happened with that delectable real estate agent you were telling us about last week? Seen any more of him?” Heidi prodded.

  “Yeah,” Cora added. “He sounded like fun with a capital ‘F’!”

  I told them the truth. They were the only family I had these days so I admitted everything. The immaculate house, the beautiful car, and the walk of shame the next morning.

  “Was his body as good as you imagined?” Rhiannon asked straight out. Even sober, she had no discretion or shame. If she wanted to know something, she would just ask. If it hurt your feelings, that was your problem, not hers.

  I slid down in my seat. The smile on my face felt so big my lips almost cracked in the corners. “Oh my god!” was all I could say. How do you describe the best male specimen you have ever seen?

  For the next couple of minutes we sat around gushing about Joel’s perfect body and his perfect manners. The perfect house and the fact that although it seems I was just another notch in his belt, he was still the perfect gentleman the whole time. I think the word ‘perfect’ was used about a million times in the space of ten minutes.

  Then, abruptly, Rhiannon stood up, swayed on her feet, gulped down the last of her vodka raspberry and made a declaration. “Ladies, we aren’t here tonight to discuss Gillian’s previous conquests. We’re here to find the next one!”

  Through the infectious cackling, Heidi remembered Alex. Kind, loving Alex, who was planning on getting out of bed in the middle of the night and coming to get us. “Rhiannon, aren’t you otherwise spoken for?”

  “Yes, but you aren’t.” She grinned cheekily, grabbing Heidi’s hand and leading her to the centre of the dance floor.

  I decided to sit this one out. Instead, I stayed to mind our drinks and our booth. I watched as the others laughed and danced and enjoyed themselves. I was having a great time just watching. When a broad shouldered, blond football type of guy approached and asked if he might buy me a drink, I declined his offer. I wasn’t sure why, but it just didn’t feel right. I felt as though I was cheating. Cheating on something, but I wasn’t sure what it was.

  “Did you just send that scrumptious bit of man candy away?” Cora asked, sliding back into the booth, puffing heavily. Nodding, I sipped my vodka slowly. “Man, that real estate agent must have been unbelievable in bed. Or at least I hope he was, ’cause that guy you sent away, he looked like he would know what he was doing. Mind if I go find out?”

  Smiling, I sent Cora off after Mr. Football, as he later became known. Moments later I watched them from my booth, gyrating their way around the dance floor. I felt even better. Seeing Cora that happy felt right. Heidi and Rhiannon were at the bar ordering more shots and laughing. Everyone was having an incredible night. Then I saw him.

  His perfect hands, resting on her bum. His smiling face, reflected in her eyes. His dark blue jeans and grey button down shirt were the epitome of class and sophistication. His deep, soothing voice, whispering into her ear. His brown hair spiked into the perfect position. Joel was here. All my determination not to think about it or dwell on what might have happened evaporated and was replaced by a cold fury. As the realization sank in that I meant nothing to him, a blind hatred consumed me. I was so preoccupied when Rhiannon and Heidi slipped back into the booth beside me, I didn’t even notice that they had returned.

  Heidi must have sensed that something was wrong. “Gillian! Gillian!” she called out, trying to make herself heard over the pumping music.

  When Rhiannon touched my arm I jerked around and faced her, realizing for the first time that they had returned. “What’s up?” she asked, reading the strange look that crossed my face.

  When I didn’t respond they followed my gaze and spotted the beautiful man nibbling on the blonde’s ear lobe. He planted tiny little kisses up and down the length of the swan-like neck that she arched backwards seductively while giggling.

  “You know that guy?”

  “Gillian! Do you know him?”

  Shaking my head with disgust, I downed both my shot and Heidi’s before taking my eyes off him and facing Rhiannon. “Ladies, meet Joel Matthews.”

  Both of their eyes darted around and looked again. They saw him the same way I saw him. And I have to admit it was great in that moment, at the time when I needed someone to understand, someone to know me, someone to be filled with the same rage that I was, Rhiannon and Heidi were.

  “We’re out of here,” Rhiannon proclaimed, already on her feet.

  Chapter Six

  When I finally managed to pry my eyelids open around midday the next day, I just wanted to shut them again. My tongue was furry and my mouth felt like it’d been stuffed with cotton wool. My ears were ringing and my head pounding. I could feel the room spinning around me. I didn’t think I had drunk that much, but obviously counting my drinks hadn’t been high on my agenda.

  I managed to stumble to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face, in hopes that would make me feel human again. Looking up, straight into the truth-filled mirror, I saw the most horrid sight imaginable. My bloodshot eyes were outlined by dark tear-streaked mascara circles. Lipstick was smudged halfway across my cheek, making me look more like a clown than a person. My hair still had bobby pins hanging out of it, and clearly I had used an entire can of hairspray when I plastered it into position, so it now resembled a very poorly constructed bird’s nest. After three attempts of washing it all away with icy water, I drank thirstily directly from the faucet. The high pitched whistling noise the pipes made as the water thudded through them made my head spin even faster and harder. After glugging down a few liters, I stumbled back into bed, pulled the quilt cover over my head, and fell back asleep.

  Waking again, I felt a bit better, but was surprised to see that it was already three o’clock. I had drifted in and out of consciousness for most of the day. After a shower and a tall glass of Coke I felt almost human again. Drawing back the dark curtains, I saw that the day I missed hadn’t been much. It had rained heavily, by the looks of the puddles that lined the driveway, and the trees were almost horizontal as the howling wind controlled them.


  Tripping over a shoe I slumped to the lounge and clicked on the remote. When I felt something hard dig into my bum I foraged around, only to find the entire contents of my handbag tipped between the cushions. Finding my phone, I nervously put it on the arm of the chair and walked away.

  I didn’t know if I called anyone last night. I didn’t remember calling, but then again I didn’t remember getting home or anything really after I spotted Joel in the club. Oh my god. I didn’t make an idiot of myself in front of Joel, did I? My phone was taunting me. Silent, still, waiting for me to gather the courage to flip it open and see what I had done. I couldn’t do it. Instead, I went into the kitchen and found something to eat.

  I saw my phone vibrate off the lounge and crash to the floor, but my feet were frozen to the spot. I wanted to run and stop it from breaking, but if it broke all the information in it would be lost. All the evidence destroyed. But moments later it vibrated and buzzed again. It may have hit the floor with a thud but it still worked. Perfectly.

  In that moment some strange impulse consumed me. I had no idea who could be trying to get a hold of me but I hoped it was Joel. I wanted to know that I hadn’t stuffed everything. I wanted him to reassure me that everything was okay, that I wasn’t some desperate, needy one night stand or just another notch on his belt.

  I flipped it open and read the message.

  Rhiannon: U up yet? I’m dying.

  Rhiannon had always had a flare for the dramatic.

  Gillian: Yeah alive.

  I slumped back down on the lounge and hit play on the DVD. I didn’t even know what was in there and I didn’t really care. I just wanted the noise of something other than the incessant, infuriating ringing in my ears.

  Rhiannon: Heidi n I r on way with ur car.

  I had completely blanked out that part of the evening. I know Alex was supposed to bring us home but I don’t remember if he did or not. Probably; he was reliable and sensible like that.