The Ex-Wife

by Jess Ryder

  Even though I had plenty of time, I was eager to start packing. Skipping breakfast, I took some bin liners from the kitchen and stuffed them full of handbags and shoes. Then I took all my clothes out of the wardrobe and sorted them into three piles – one to take, one to leave and one to sell. The ‘take’ pile was too big – Mum’s house only had two bedrooms, so I would be in my old room, sharing with Emily. I had no idea whether Nick would beg me to return immediately or whether I’d be gone for good. I could come back later and collect more stuff, I decided. Better not to crowd Mum out.

  Before I knew it, it was late morning, time to collect Emily. As I pushed the empty buggy to the nursery, I could feel a lightness in my step. It was happening. Really happening. I wasn’t running away; I was taking control of my life.

  The morning session wasn’t quite over, so I waited on the pavement, wrapped in my thoughts. Nick’s flight had just taken off and I imagined him heading towards Canada, feeling very pleased with himself no doubt, blissfully unaware that his marriage was over. I’d idolised him, convinced he was the love of my life, but now I found him rather pathetic. Why were men so weak when it came to sex? I felt incredibly sad that it had turned out so badly, but also strong. Nick would finally realise that I wasn’t just some stupid kid he could walk all over. Maybe we had a future together, maybe not. But if we did, it was going to be on equal terms.

  By now, the other mums, grandmas and various au pairs had arrived to collect their little darlings. The main doors opened and we trooped inside to wait in the hallway. The children exploded from the playroom like a massive party popper, all shouting and waving drawings on coloured paper. There was the usual kerfuffle of finding coats and coaxing reluctant toddlers into pushchairs. I scanned the crowd of bobbing heads for Emily’s blonde curls. She was often the last to leave the playroom, determined to have that last go on the slide or to put another brick on her tower.

  ‘Mrs Warrington!’ said Kerry, one of the nursery workers. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘Yes, fine, thanks. Where is she? Loitering as usual?’ I laughed. ‘Trying to get her money’s worth?’

  Kerry frowned. ‘Emily isn’t here.’

  ‘What? She must be; my husband dropped her off earlier.’

  She shook her head. ‘She hasn’t been here all morning.’

  It didn’t make sense. I barged past her and ran into the playroom, calling, ‘Emily! Emily!’ Apart from a couple of nursery workers tidying up, the place was empty. Kerry had followed me in and I turned to her. ‘She must be in another room. Or in the garden. She must have been left outside after break – Jesus Christ, didn’t anyone check?’

  Kerry touched my arm. ‘Perhaps you should call your husband.’

  ‘I can’t – he’s on a plane to Toronto,’ I snapped. ‘He dropped her off, I know he did! This is outrageous, you’ve lost my child!’ As I said the words, my pulse started to race uncontrollably.

  ‘We haven’t lost Emily, Mrs Warrington,’ said Kerry firmly. ‘She never turned up.’

  ‘But she must have done!’ My eyes darted around the room as if expecting to see Emily peeking from behind a toy cupboard, mischief all over her little face. She loved hide-and-seek. At home she could stay behind the sofa for ages, not making a noise, while I pretended to search for her.

  Kerry looked embarrassed. ‘Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but are you and your husband … I mean, are you … er … separated?’

  ‘No!’ I shouted angrily. ‘He left the house this morning with her. Our driver picked them up, they were going to drop her off.’

  ‘I’m sure there’s a simple explanation. If your husband’s unavailable, maybe you could ask the driver? Would he know?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, of course.’ Sam would explain, I thought, as I reached for my phone. I called his number, but it went straight to voicemail. ‘For fuck’s sake!’

  Kerry winced. ‘Perhaps we should go to the office? The afternoon group will be arriving at any moment.’

  ‘No, I’ll go home. Sort it out from there.’

  ‘I’m sure it’s just a mix-up.’

  ‘Yes.’ But my mind was racing ahead. Why was Sam’s phone switched off? Had there been an accident on the way to the nursery? Visions of the Range Rover crushed and mangled swirled into my brain. Maybe they were too badly injured to contact me. I tried Nick’s phone, but it was also off.

  I ran out of the playroom into the deserted hallway. Emily’s empty buggy was sitting there, and my heart lurched as if someone was trying to pull it out of my throat. I pushed the buggy roughly out of the door and made off down the street, but after a few metres my knees buckled under me. I staggered towards a low wall outside a house and sank down. I felt dizzy and could hardly breathe.

  What should I do? Call the police? Ring the hospitals? Maybe somebody had tried to contact me already via the landline. Or they’d sent somebody round while I was out. That’s what they did, wasn’t it, when there was bad news? The police called round. What if I’d missed them while I was out? I had to get home.

  Somehow I managed to get to my feet. I tried to run but my legs felt heavy. My head was spinning with images of Emily on an ambulance stretcher or lying in a hospital bed. Where was she? Was she badly hurt? Was she even …? No, I could not allow myself to go there. If I thought the worst, I would collapse.

  I don’t know how I made it back to the house. I have no memory of unlocking the front door and was only faintly aware that the alarm didn’t go off. I just rushed to the landline phone hub.

  It wasn’t bleeping and there were no voicemail messages. I tried both Nick and Sam again, but their phones were still switched off. There was no choice – I would have to ring round all the A&E departments. I started dialling numbers, but all I got were options to press, none of which were relevant, and I couldn’t get through to a human voice. I rang the police and explained my concerns. The person on the end of the phone was sympathetic but couldn’t give me any information. She asked for the registration number of ‘the vehicle concerned’, but I didn’t know it off by heart, so said I’d find the documentation and call her back.

  It was all so unreal. The house felt strangely silent as I climbed the stairs to Nick’s office. I felt sick with worry – not just for Emily, but for Nick too. And Sam.

  As I passed Emily’s bedroom, I noticed that the door was wide open, and I couldn’t resist going in. Everything looked different – cold and bare. The mattress had been stripped and the shelves looked unusually tidy, as if somebody had sorted the toys out and thrown some away. Her box of bricks was missing, as was her doll’s pushchair. And worst of all, Gemma Giraffe was nowhere to be seen.

  I crossed the room, opened the wardrobe door and screamed. The tiny wooden hangers were empty. All Emily’s clothes had gone.

  15

  Then

  Natasha

  * * *

  I ran into our bedroom and flung open the doors of Nick’s wardrobe. Like Emily’s, it was virtually empty. He must have come back to the house while I was at the nursery and collected their stuff. I sank to my knees, gasping for breath.

  Nick had left me.

  And worse than that, he’d taken Emily.

  I’d been tricked. He was probably with Jen right now, sipping champagne and toasting their clever deception. Sam had betrayed me – he’d told Nick what I was planning, and Nick had decided to make a pre-emptive strike. I shuddered as I remembered how sweet he’d been that morning, bringing me tea, offering to get Emily up and take her to nursery. He must have been smirking all over his face as they drove away. No wonder he’d switched his phone off, the bastard. Not because he was on a plane, but because he didn’t want to talk to me. Because he was with her. How unbelievably stupid I’d been …

  The tears fell, and I started to shake violently. Emily, Emily … I screamed her name across the room. She was all I had; I couldn’t be without her. She couldn’t be without me either. We’d never been apart for more than a few hours since the da
y she was born. She’d miss me terribly, she wouldn’t understand; it would be incredibly upsetting for her. She needed her mother, not that bitch who knew nothing about kids.

  My brain was spinning, a massive headache gathering behind my eyes. I got slowly to my feet and staggered downstairs. My thoughts were swamped with emotion, but one thing was clear – I had to get my daughter back home where she belonged.

  I poured myself a glass of water and drank it down in one go. Nick was bound to be at Jen’s flat. I would go there and have it out with them. I wouldn’t rant and rave, I wouldn’t call the police. I’d be reasonable and keep my temper. Just give me Emily, I’d say, that’s all I care about. I didn’t want Nick’s money; he could keep the lot as far as I was concerned. And I wasn’t going to fight over him with Jen – she was welcome to him. But Emily was non-negotiable. It was in her best interests to be with her mother, any court would agree with that. I’d make Nick see sense, and with luck, she’d be home in time for her bath and bedtime story.

  I’d never been to Jen’s apartment and only had a vague idea where it was. I went up to Nick’s office and found her address in a file, scribbling it down on a piece of paper. Then I went to get changed. Sloppy jeans and a T-shirt wouldn’t do; I needed to look confident and determined. I chose a crisp white shirt and a red pencil skirt. My eyes were puffy and sore from crying, so I slapped on a load of foundation and eyeshadow. I applied black eyeliner, although my hand was trembling so much I had to take it off and start again.

  By now, it was early afternoon. I called a taxi and gave the driver Jen’s address. It only took a few minutes to arrive at her apartment, in a very posh modern block with huge windows and glass balconies. I took a deep breath and pressed the number of her apartment on the video entry system. There was a pause, a click, and then I heard Jen’s voice.

  ‘Hello? Who’s this?’

  ‘It’s me,’ I said.

  ‘Sorry, I can’t make out your face, you’re too close to the camera.’

  ‘It’s Natasha,’ I replied irritably. What was the point of this farce? ‘Please let me in. I want to talk to Nick.’

  The front door buzzed and I pulled it open, walking into a large marble-tiled foyer lined with glass tables dressed with gigantic vases of artificial flowers. I hesitated in front of the lifts. If Nick wanted to escape, he would probably use the stairs. I pressed the call button, then climbed up the soft-carpeted treads until I reached the third floor, my pulse rate increasing with every step.

  Jen was already standing by the open door to her apartment. ‘Nick’s not here,’ she said. ‘What’s this about?’

  ‘You know what it’s about.’

  ‘Sorry, I don’t. Come in, we can’t talk out here.’ She gestured for me to enter.

  I walked down a narrow hallway past three closed doors and arrived in a huge open-plan living space. My senses were pricked, listening for sounds of Emily coming from the other rooms, scanning for signs of her presence, but the place was quiet and clean. Almost like nobody lived here at all.

  ‘Where is he?’ I repeated.

  ‘What’s wrong, Natasha? You look terrible. Have you had a falling-out?’ Jen nodded at me to sit down and went to the fridge. ‘Sauvignon? I know it’s early, but you look like you need it.’ I shook my head fiercely, standing still while she poured herself a large glass.

  ‘Don’t lie to me. I know what’s being going on.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but you’re speaking in riddles. Sit down, for God’s sake. Tell me why you’re here.’

  ‘I have to talk to Nick.’

  ‘So you keep saying. He’s not here. Take a look if you like.’ She swept her arm across the room. ‘Feel free.’ I hesitated. Was she bluffing? She took a sip of her wine. ‘What’s happened? Has he left you?’ Her eyes widened. ‘Oh God, he has. Oh, you poor thing.’

  ‘Don’t “you poor thing” me. I know Nick’s been seeing you.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’ve been having an affair.’

  She let out a laugh. ‘Oh, sweetie, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I haven’t seen Nick since my little indiscretion at your house. He went crazy, told me not to contact him again.’

  I stared at her, blinking in disbelief. ‘No, no, he’s been visiting you in the evenings. Sam saw you. He saw you in the bedroom, you were kissing and drinking champagne …’

  ‘That’s bollocks.’

  ‘You were wearing a kimono, and—’

  ‘I don’t have a kimono!’ She laughed. ‘Go to my bedroom and check. Go on! Check!’

  I swallowed hard. I wanted to know for sure, but the thought of hunting through her wardrobe was humiliating. Had Sam been lying? Had he been looking into the wrong bedroom? None of this was making any sense.

  ‘What’s happened, Natasha?’ Jen said, in a gentler tone. ‘Please, talk to me. I can’t help you if you won’t explain.’

  I stared down at the polished oak flooring. ‘Nick left this morning to go to Toronto – that’s what he told me, anyway. Sam was driving him to the airport. Nick was supposed to be taking Emily …’ my voice broke at the mention of her name, ‘to nursery on the way, only they never turned up, and now Nick’s phone is switched off, so is Sam’s, and their stuff has gone and … and …’

  Jen put her glass down on the table. ‘So he’s taken Emily?’ she said slowly.

  ‘Yes. I was so sure they’d be here. That’s why I came over. I wanted to sort it out. Emily will be missing me. It’s not fair …’

  ‘Of course it’s not fair, it’s outrageous. How could he? That’s utterly despicable.’ She went back to the fridge. ‘You’re in shock. Drink.’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ I said, feebly accepting a glass and letting her lead me to the sofa. I sank into the white leather cushions like I was falling into a cloud. ‘Sam said—’

  ‘Sam was lying. He was obviously in on it from the start. All men are bastards, Natasha, now you know.’ She took a large swig of wine. ‘Okay, let’s think about this. Where might Nick have gone?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ I’d been so convinced he’d be with Jen that I hadn’t considered any other possibilities. ‘His parents’? Hayley’s?’ I felt sick as I said it. Of course that was where he’d be. Hayley would be jumping for joy.

  ‘I’ll call her,’ said Jen, diving across the room and picking up her mobile. ‘She might not tell you, but she’ll tell me.’

  I heard myself thanking her. This was Jen, the woman I’d been mentally sticking pins into these past few weeks. I felt really bad.

  ‘Hi, sweetie, how’s things?’ She put her finger over her lips at me to be quiet. ‘How’s Ethan doing, sleeping through the night yet?’ I sat as still as a shop dummy, listening to Hayley’s voice prattling away as if nothing was up. Jen rolled her eyes as she tried to interrupt. ‘Listen, Hay, I was just calling to see if Nicky was with you, only I need to get hold of him urgently and the wally isn’t answering my messages.’

  She listened for several seconds and I strained to make out the words. ‘Oh … oh God, that’s awful. When did this happen? … Yeah, I know, serves her right, now she knows how it feels.’ She pulled a face and mouthed sorry. ‘So is he staying with you? … Oh. Where’s he gone, then? … Oh, come on, Hay, you can tell me … Oh … Oh, right, I see …’ Jen stood up and started walking away from me, holding the handset tightly against her cheek so I could no longer hear Hayley’s voice on the other end. She went into one of the other rooms and shut the door.

  I sprang to my feet. What was going on? Why didn’t she want me listening in? I walked into the hallway and put my ear against the door. Jen wasn’t doing any of the talking, just making the odd noise as Hayley spoke. I suddenly felt nervous. What was I doing, asking Jen to sort my problems out? I knew where Hayley lived, I could just go there myself. This afternoon. Now. I could get a cab to Paddington and jump on the first train.

  I went back into the sitting room to fetch my bag. Perhaps, if I tried Nick again, he might pick
up his phone this time. If not, I’d call Sam and give him a piece of my mind. All that crap about being in love with me … it was all lies. Nick’s phone was still switched off and wasn’t accepting voicemail messages. It was the same with Sam’s. I groaned loudly and slammed my handset on the table.

  Why was Jen taking so long on the phone?

  Time was passing quickly. I wondered if Emily had had her afternoon snack, whether she’d had her naps. Nick didn’t really know her weekday routine. If she didn’t nap, she got overtired and grumpy, or she fell asleep too late in the day and everything got out of sync. I couldn’t bear not knowing where she was. Was she asking after me? Was she upset? At the very least I needed to speak to Nick and check she was okay.

  The bedroom door opened and Jen emerged. She had a very strange expression on her face; I couldn’t read it.

  ‘So?’ I said. ‘Where is he?’

  Jen heaved a sigh as she walked back into the room. She took a large gulp of wine before replying. ‘Apparently he called Hayley last night to say he was leaving you and going “off the grid” for a while. He wouldn’t tell her where because he didn’t want her to have to lie if anyone asked.’

  Tears started to gather in my eyes. ‘But that’s not fair. Why he’s doing this to me? What about Emily? She should be with me. I’m her mother. I’m the only one who can look after her properly.’

  Jen frowned. ‘I don’t know how to say this, but …’

  ‘What? What? Please, Jen, tell me.’

  ‘Nicky told Hayley he had to escape.’

  ‘I don’t understand …’

  ‘He’s frightened of what you’ll do.’

  ‘To him?’

  ‘No, to Emily. He told Hayley you were mentally unstable … violent.’