Small Town Hearts

by Lillie Vale

“Shit.”

  “Yeah, sounds about right.” He shot me a half smile. “I was just there. You know?”

  I did know. More than he knew.

  “I thought she liked me,” said Levi, “but all the time she was waiting for him to get jealous and do something about it. One day he did, and then she stopped being my girlfriend after that. They moved on and got their happy ending.”

  “Happy endings aren’t all they’re cracked up to be,” I said. I was thinking of how abruptly Penny and Chad’s golden relationship had tarnished.

  “I’m definitely not into her anymore. I’ve moved on. I’m not still … pining. Or whatever.” Levi’s cheeks were pink.

  I got the idea that he was trying to convince me. My stomach quivered. “Are they still together?”

  “Plot twist. He lost his field hockey scholarship because he got caught with drugs, and she has a baby with someone else.”

  “Well, there you go. He may have got the girl, but he didn’t get a happy ending with her.”

  “True.” He unhooked his fingers and let one hand drum lightly against the table. “And it made me realize I don’t like games. I don’t want to be a stop along the way. I never want someone to drop my heart like that again.”

  The serious tone in his voice sent my pulse racing. The words untangled themselves, hovering for a second before I said, “It hurts to be the one left behind, but I’m not the kind of person whose world falls apart because of someone else.” It felt important that I told him that, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I wasn’t just talking about El.

  He seemed to know it, too. “You mean Penny.”

  I toyed with the corner of a newspaper, struggling to find the words. “Did you ever have friends where … sometimes you think you’re only friends because you don’t know how to be anything else?”

  Levi shook his head.

  “We just sort of fell into each other. Grew up together, grew into each other. Me, Chad, Penny. We’ve always been there.”

  He lightly bumped his fist against mine. “And maybe you still will be. And if not, there’s a lot of fish in the sea. We’ll both find our forever fish one day.”

  I smiled at the cheese. “I like the sound of that.”

  The minutes dragged on, neither of us in a rush to say anything to fill the silence. It was enough to just sit there together, enjoying each other’s company instead of being freaked out by the lapse in conversation.

  “Can I sketch you?”

  Jolted, I stared at him a moment before nodding slowly, tentatively. “Okaaay.”

  He already had a small sketchbook out. I watched in amusement as he scrounged in his pocket for a stubby four-inch pencil.

  “Are you always this prepared?”

  “Yup.” He said it in a matter-of-fact way, which I couldn’t help but smile about.

  “This is my first time being anyone’s muse, so feel free to tell me I’m doing it wrong, Boy Scout.”

  His hand stilled over the paper he was smoothing out in copious motions with the flat of his palm. “Just relax.”

  He held the pencil between his thumb and forefinger, his grasp light. In elegant strokes, he began to skim the paper with the blunt graphite. Scratches filled the air as the pencil nub worked its way across the paper.

  I kept still, leaning slightly forward, my arms folded across the picnic table. Just relax? That was the advice the dentist gave you before doing something heinous, like pulling a tooth or poking you in the gums with the anesthetic needle.

  A stray gust of wind blew my hair into my face and I sputtered, frowning into the windswept mess. As I sat there deliberating on whether it would break my pose if I straightened my hair, Levi broke his meticulous concentration. “Um, thanks,” I murmured as I felt his hand smooth out the hair on my temple. It was just a brush of his warm fingers against my forehead, nothing more, but I still felt self-conscious at the gesture.

  We resumed our silence until the last of the kids were called away by their parents. The sky had deepened to the color of a grapefruit. Pink and orange battled for dominance as the sun began to set, streaking the sky like a watercolor painting. The faint yips of a dog faded away until all I could hear was the soft rasp of Levi’s quick pencil strokes.

  I envied his concentration. My own mind was a whorl of uncertainty, dragging me under like a mighty wave. I wanted Levi—wanted him, wanted him.

  But I didn’t know if I wanted him for him … or because he was here and Penny and Chad weren’t. Even if I did, he was a summer boy. When the last warmth of summer fled, so would he. But it was getting harder and harder to remember that. I’d held his hand, I’d listened to his fears and his dreams. It was more intimate than a kiss. It was more real than anything I’d done with another person, ever.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” he murmured. “You look a little sad.”

  “Um, just wondering how much longer I have to hold this pose.”

  He hummed under his breath. “Not much longer. Almost done.”

  While he worked, I found myself entranced with the intensity of his eyes, the squareness of his jaw. His hands slender and tapered, from the narrow width of his wrist to his long fingers. Light golden hair dusted his knuckles. Every so often, he’d bring his hand to his mouth and press his lips against the knobs of his knuckles, or tap the end of the pencil against the side of his nose.

  He tilted his svelte neck to either side, stretching out the kinks. His lips pursed and began to move, but it took me a second to realize he was directing a question to me.

  “—fun?”

  “Uh, what?” One corner of my mouth lifted.

  He laughed, arching forward to lightly tap the end of the pencil against my temple. “I said,” Levi murmured, “are you having fun?”

  Realizing I’d been caught staring at him, I flashed him a smile. “Of course.”

  “Good,” he said. His pencil stub kept scratching away.

  “Are you?” I asked to be polite, even though I could tell he was in his element.

  “Yes. I used to do this with my mom.” He didn’t look up as he spoke, still fixated on his drawing. “When I was younger, I mean. She had more time then.”

  “What changed?”

  He paused mid-stroke. “Well, when her company offered free tuition, she went back to school. Since she had to spend a lot of time studying, we’d sit together on the sofa just like this. Her on one end, me tucked into the other. Both doing our homework. She wasn’t one of those moms who insisted I do it as soon as I came home from school. She let me do it before bed, along with her, so it was like we were doing it together, helping each other. I always saved my art projects until she came home so she could see them, too.” He smiled, and it was so beautifully wistful that I wished I could capture the moment in my memory’s camera roll. “She knew me better then.”

  On impulse, I reached out. He startled, but let me clasp his hand. “I think your parents would still be really proud to see what you’re accomplishing here.”

  I didn’t know if he believed me, but at his tiny nod, I pulled away and resumed my pose. As his pencil returned to scratching out my likeness, a rush of affection went through me, pooling into liquid heat. I could get my summer back and still explore whatever this thing was with him, couldn’t I? It didn’t have to be one or the other. I could want it all. I could have it all.

  One way or the other, I promised myself, I’d go for it before the night was through. I would kiss Levi Keller.

  * * *

  It couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes since my vow, but it felt like in that moment, a lifetime had passed. Meteors crashed into Earth, species went extinct, creatures emerged from the water and crawled onto land on hands and knees—and we were still there.

  “Done.” Levi eyed the sketch critically for a moment, his eyebrows scrunched together. He held it up at face level and gave a satisfied nod. “Not a perfect likeness, but—”

  The rest of his sentence got cut of
f as an enormous drop of rain plopped onto the sketchbook. Within seconds, another followed, each of them staining the paper.

  “Shit!” I snatched up our trash at the same moment he tucked the book under his arm. “We’ll have to make a run for it.”

  “Where?” he asked, the words almost lost as a clap of thunder rolled overhead. The once-vibrant sky was now a haunted, dull gray, the vicious smears of cloud stamping out the other colors. His face tilted skyward. “Lightning.”

  I hustled to throw the trash away, my hair sticking to the back of my neck and plastered down the side of my face. “I know a place; come on!”

  Without hesitation, he took off after me.

  It felt glorious, the world bracing and fresh. Even though water was pelting me at every angle and sharp cracks of yellow-white lightning peppered the sky, I felt free and wild. A whoop burst out of me as I raced madcap down the beach, sand unceremoniously infiltrating my flip-flops.

  It was like an out-of-body experience. I wasn’t myself, I wasn’t a girl who missed her mom and her friends and the way things used to be. I was part of the storm. I was in the eye of it.

  “This doesn’t bother you?” Levi shouted.

  “Why would it? It’s nature!”

  Our destination was a network of sea caves on the north end of the beach. The pristine golden sand, now mottled with rain, grew more rocky and craggy here, with broken bits of glass and fragments of seashells littering the area near the mouth of the cave.

  We dashed inside to escape the pelting rain. My exhilarated laughter echoed, bouncing off the walls and coming back to us with eerie, hollow volume. Once the adrenaline faded a little, I peered out into the gray haze. “It’ll pass soon. We can ride it out in here.”

  Levi folded his arms across his chest. “It’s cold.”

  “Drama queen,” I accused him without heat. “It’s just a little rain.”

  My back to the cave wall, I slid down until my butt hit the sand. From here, I was shielded from the elements while still having a window to the outside world. Clouds, dark and ominous, rolled overhead. Every time I blinked there was a resounding clap of thunder, and a second later, the crackle of lightning.

  “May as well sit down, Levi. Looks like it could be a while.”

  He muttered something under his breath before slinking down across from me. A sheet of rain lashed against the sand, sending a light spray toward him. With a soft curse, Levi inched away from the entrance.

  “It was a perfect evening until we got pelted,” I said, watching as he drew his legs up and balanced his wrists on his knees.

  “I think it’s still going pretty good. Things don’t have to be perfect to still be pretty great.” His eyes crinkled when he smiled. “I’m alone with a pretty girl in a cave. In fact, if this was a movie, this is the time one of us would suggest snuggling up for warmth.”

  Oh my God, this was the perfect moment to get a little closer … Energy thrummed through my body, adrenaline dulled by a sudden hesitancy. I wasn’t used to second-guessing myself or feeling shy around someone. This would be the first kiss I wanted to share with someone who I hadn’t known my whole life.

  Warring emotions battled in my chest. One part of me wanted to take a breath and step away from this huge change, this beautiful boy. The other wanted to plunge right in. We only had summer. I didn’t have the luxury of taking things slow.

  Caution won out. A beat passed before I asked, “Can I see the drawing of me?”

  For a moment, I thought he would refuse. A stunned expression played over his face, as if the idea embarrassed him. “I mean,” I added, “unless you don’t want to show me?”

  “No, it’s fine.” He leaned forward, meeting me halfway.

  He was entrusting me with the most intimate part of himself. Reverence draped around us, suspending the moment until the book was in my hand. Turning each page slowly, carefully, was a torment. I ached to pry open its precious secrets with eager, greedy fingers.

  “No, here, let me,” Levi said quickly, turning the pages with urgency. He handed the sketchbook back with pink-tinged cheeks.

  I saw the eyes first—my eyes—and then the lips. My smile died.

  Levi had not captured a happy girl. My lips didn’t curve in a welcoming smile and my eyes didn’t radiate happiness. Something else lurked in my face, something undefinable and unreachable, but no less beautiful.

  I looked like art. I wasn’t sure I liked it.

  “It’s…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t know what to say. Whether I even should.

  “You don’t like it,” Levi said, his voice disappointed.

  “No, it’s not—” I sucked in a breath, trying to find the words. “You know that Vermeer painting? Of the girl with the pearl earring?”

  Okay, I’d never seen the actual painting, but I used to have the biggest crush on Scarlett Johansson and would watch any movie she starred in. It started with her badassery as Black Widow, but it hadn’t taken me long to dig up The Other Boleyn Girl and Girl with a Pearl Earring.

  He nodded.

  “I look like that.”

  “Glad to see that being my muse has made you retain your modesty,” he said with the most heart-stopping smile I’d seen in … ever. “I mean, comparing yourself to priceless art.”

  Heat stole across my cheeks. Even Elodie at her most romantic had never looked at me like that. His eyes were languid and warm, and I wanted to get closer, wanted to see the night off with my lips on his.

  “Oh, shut up.” I turned the sketch to face him. “There’s something in her eyes that makes you think she wants to say something but her lips can’t.”

  His face went slack. He inhaled, sharp and quick. “That’s … that’s how I feel about art. The best art. There’s always something under the surface.”

  “Is this how you see me?”

  “No. Not now. But for a moment, before the wind blew your hair into your eyes, you looked like that. People who fake smile all the time, people who are too aware of their looks, they don’t fascinate me.”

  “But I do?” I raised an eyebrow, not totally sure how to take that.

  Levi’s eyes smoldered with intensity. “Yeah.”

  I leaned forward, returning the sketchbook to him.

  Outside, the storm was abating, the tumult of cloud and rain petering down to a light shower. The pitter-patter against the ceiling slowed and my heartbeat with it.

  Levi still looked at me. He made no move to leave.

  “We can head out now.” I stood; he did, too.

  “Wait.” Levi reached out and lightly touched my shoulder.

  His face was so close to mine. As much as I tried not to be aware of it, the difficulty grew. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion.

  “I think it’s only fair to warn you that I really want to kiss you right now,” said Levi.

  And then the slow gave way to the fast, and before I knew what I was doing, I’d taken a step closer. His hands cupped my face, and instinctively, I looped my arms around his neck. “Okay,” I whispered.

  And with that, he leaned in and kissed me. It felt like it took forever in coming, but when it did, I wished we’d been doing it all along. It wasn’t just the desire I felt, or the adrenaline, or the connection to another person. It was how right it was. Maybe this wasn’t the right move, but this felt right in the right now. His lips moved. Not in a kiss, but in a smile.

  Forging ahead, I deepened the kiss, tracing the seam of his mouth with a light graze of my tongue. His lips parted and his hands landed on my lower back, hugging me even closer. I felt the heat of his stomach against mine, and the hard knobs of his knees against my legs.

  “You’re a good kisser,” I murmured, rewarded by his dimpled grin.

  His laugh ended on an exhale. His forehead met mine, our noses touching. “So are you.”

  I peeked at him, but his eyes were closed. I kissed the corner of his mouth, lightly and daintily, in a way I knew would tickle. />
  He opened his eyes, right cheek dimpling at me in a way that made me want to kiss him all over again. Luckily, we were on the same page, because he leaned in again. My fingers curled in the fabric of his shirt. Our kiss was short, sweet, and over all too soon. In other words, everything I wanted our first kiss to be.

  Thunder clapped, reverberating down the cave walls. And my rib cage. It felt like everything was collapsing in on itself, just a matchstick house and other fragile things. My legs jellified as I tasted the mint of his breath on my mouth. Lightning clashed in the sky, sending a brilliant crackle of white light through the mouth of the cave. The wall glowed for an instant, but that was enough. I had just enough time to see someone’s childish scrawl of MISCHA + KATE BFFS FOREVER etched into the stone. Just enough time to be reminded of Penny and all the reasons why kissing Levi was a bad idea.

  He leaned in again, but this time, it wasn’t okay. I pulled back, and his lips closed around air. Levi froze, lips still pursed. “Is this … is this not okay?”

  This cave felt like a liminal space, a world where it was just us and the other things didn’t matter. A before and an after. The end of my friendship with Penny and the beginning of something that could potentially be amazing with Levi. If I chose him, I would be giving up everything that this summer was supposed to have been. Was a boy, any boy, even one as great as Levi, worth a best friend?

  My heart stuttered. “Levi, I don’t know if we should do this,” I said quietly, the words tugged from my mouth almost unwillingly. He was a summer boy. They always went home. But Penny wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t think just of my present anymore. I had to think of the future. And that was a future Levi probably wouldn’t be part of—Penny would.

  It wasn’t just about Penny, though. It was because when he left, I wouldn’t be able to come to this cave without remembering our kiss. I wouldn’t be able to look at his regular table at Busy’s without imagining him sitting there. I wouldn’t be able to be eat shrimp without remembering the cautious way he’d peeled back the shells and licked his fingers. His departure would turn me into a ghost town of us.

  He bit his lip. “Did I do something wrong?”