by Devney Perry
I opened my mouth to respond but stopped when I saw that he wasn’t talking to me. He was asking Silas.
“Me?” Silas said. “This isn’t on me.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Wes shouted. “How is you fucking my girlfriend my fault?”
“Do you even remember what you said to her last night?”
Wes’s hands balled into fists and the muscles in Silas’s arms flexed tight.
Any minute, these two were going to start fighting. And over what, me? The girl who’d pushed her boyfriend into drugs. The same girl who couldn’t wait to sleep with her boyfriend’s best friend until officially breaking off the relationship.
Shame washed over me.
In the light of day, I saw myself for what I really was: the cheating bitch that Wes had accused me of being.
I didn’t regret having sex with Silas, but I should have waited. It wasn’t fair of me to do that to Wes or to Silas.
“This is my fault, Wes. Not his.”
“Lis—” Silas started.
“It was wrong.” When I cut him off, his whole body winced.
I opened my mouth to explain but Wes spoke up first.
“I’ll never forgive you for this. Either of you.” He turned and walked down the hallway but before he opened the door, he swung back around. The glare aimed at me was full of hatred. “No matter what I said to you last night, I didn’t deserve this. You were the only one, Lissy. I loved you.”
Tears flooded my eyes, but before I could apologize, he slammed the door behind him.
Four years. Wes had been mine for four years. He’d been my first everything, and I had just tainted all of our wonderful memories with betrayal.
Silas’s chest pressed against my back as he held me while I cried.
“Will you take me home?” I asked when I’d run out of tears.
“Yeah.” He let me go and I hurried to get dressed.
The drive back to town wasn’t slow and steady. It was rushed and angry.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean that we were wrong. I just mean that we should have waited and—”
“It’s okay. I get it.” His jaw was clenched tight and his fingers were white-knuckled on the steering wheel.
“Do you? Because you’re driving like a mad man. Silas, I don’t regret last night. I just wish I had ended it with Wes first.”
His frame instantly relaxed and he eased off the gas. “You’re probably right.” He grabbed a hand from my lap, bringing it to his lips for a kiss.
“Now what?”
“Whatever you want.”
I knew what I had wanted last night. But now? Things were harder to make sense of. The magic of last night had been tainted.
“He’ll never let us be,” I said. “You know how he is.”
Wes was fiercely stubborn, and when hurt, he had a mean streak. The only time it had ever been aimed at me was when he’d been high. But now that he considered Silas and me his enemies, he’d be vicious.
“He’ll get over it eventually,” Silas said.
“What about the army?”
“I haven’t enlisted. I could stay.”
“I don’t want you to give that up for me. You should enlist. And I want to get out of Prescott too. Maybe live in a city for a while.”
He let go of my hand and combed it through his hair. “What are you saying, Lis?”
“I just don’t want you to regret staying here because of me.”
“I wouldn’t regret it. If you want to go away to school, live in a city, then I’ll wait. Or go with you. I don’t know. Do we really have to figure that all out right now?”
“No.” Yes.
I was graduating in a week. I wanted to start living my own life. Had I just jumped from one serious relationship to another? Was I becoming one of those pathetic girls, completely dependent on the boy in my life?
Chills traveled down my spine. No. I would not turn into my mother. I had to make it on my own. I wasn’t ready to depend on Silas, or anyone, to make me happy.
I had to make it on my own, which meant this thing with Silas couldn’t continue. I had to stop this before it hurt us both, before I couldn’t let him go. Silas could see the world. I could escape Prescott.
And I had to make it on my own.
“When did Jess get back?” Silas asked, pulling me from my thoughts as he parked in front of my house.
“Huh?” I looked up to see Jess standing outside the front door. I jumped out of the truck and rushed straight into my brother’s arms.
“Hi,” he said.
“I missed you.”
Jess had been at community college and then the police academy for the last two years and didn’t get home to visit often. This trip could not have had better timing.
“Missed you too.” He engulfed me in a tight hug. “Wes came by an hour ago looking for you. He had quite the swollen face.”
“Yeah, I know. He found me.”
“Want to tell me what’s going on?”
I shook my head and hugged him tighter.
“Welcome back,” Silas said behind me.
I released Jess so he could shake Silas’s hand. “Glad to be back.”
“How long can you stay?” I asked.
“All week. I’ll head back after your graduation ceremony. Then a couple more weeks and I’ll be back for good. Figured this week I’d get all the paperwork squared away at the station so I can get deputized and start as soon as I get home.”
“It’ll be good to have you back,” Silas told him.
“Jess?” Mom called from inside.
“Let’s catch up later this week.” Jess waved at Silas before leaving us alone.
“Call me later?” Silas asked.
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Bye.” He waved and walked back to the truck.
“Silas?” I jogged after him. He turned just in time to catch me as I ran into his arms. “Bye,” I whispered, my heart cracking at the three-letter word.
He bent to kiss the top of my head. “I’ll see you later.”
No, he wouldn’t.
For a week, I ignored every one of Silas’s calls. When he came to the high school’s graduation ceremony, I ducked out the second after I walked off the stage. Then the next day, I packed up my car and drove to Seattle.
And cried the whole trip.
Time hadn’t dulled that memory in the slightest.
My scared eighteen-year-old self had let fear drive her away from Silas. I had been so terrified of depending on him that I’d run away. Running hadn’t been the answer but I had been too young to know better. I had acted like my father, a coward, totally focused on my own feelings.
I’d never even told Silas why.
Would he want my explanation now? In the few times that we’d spent together since Wes’s funeral, he’d never asked why I had left, but even if he didn’t want to hear my excuses, the least I could do was apologize.
I hadn’t apologized to Wes for that night and now I never could.
But I wasn’t going to miss my chance to atone with Silas.
Monday. I hated Mondays. For the last ten years, I had spent all but a handful of Mondays in back-to-back conference calls, so when my phone rang over my fifteen-minute lunch break, I really didn’t want to answer it. But Gigi’s name flashed and I picked it up.
“Hello?” I shoved a potato chip in my mouth and did my best to muffle my crunching.
“Hi. Can you come to the hospital? Your mom’s here. She cut herself pretty badly.”
I shot up from my desk chair and rushed to find some shoes. “I’ll be right there.”
My pulse was racing at Mach three by the time I jogged through the ER doors. The sterile smell assaulted my nose and I gagged.
I hated this hospital. I’d spent too many days here in my youth, sitting beside Mom and watching her get treated for countless burns, cuts and sprains. By the time I was ten, I had become an expert at triaging her injuries
and determining which needed emergency treatment.
“How’s Mom?” I asked Gigi. She was a nurse at Jamison Valley Hospital and was waiting for me when I reached the ER counter.
“She’ll be fine. The doctor will come down in a few and get her stitched up. Silas is in with her now. He stayed so I could come out and call you and Jess.”
“Silas?” I asked. “What’s he doing here?”
“He was at the hardware store when she got hurt. He brought her in.”
“The hardware store? How did she get cut there?”
“I’m not sure. She can’t remember much.”
I sighed. “Okay. When Jess gets here we can talk to Silas and see if he knows what happened. Which room?”
“Three. I’ll wait for Jess and then we’ll be in.”
I nodded and hurried across the shiny linoleum floor to Mom’s room. Knocking twice, I slowly pushed open the door.
Mom was propped up on the bed. Her jeans were spattered with blood and a thick white bandage was wrapped around her left forearm. Silas was sitting in a chair by her feet. His gray, long-sleeved Henley was streaked with blood too.
My heart twisted but I forced a smile. “Hi, Mom. How are you feeling?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, shaking her head.
I walked in and sat on the edge of her bed, gently holding the hand of her uninjured arm. “It’s nothing to apologize for. Accidents happen.”
She nodded but her eyes filled with water. I had always encouraged her not to feel embarrassed, but these episodes left her feeling ashamed and it would take days for her to shake this off.
“Hi,” I told Silas, squeezing Mom’s hand tighter and giving her a moment to collect herself.
“Hey.”
“Thank you,” I mouthed and he nodded back.
I wasn’t sure why he was here, I was just glad he was. Mom had always been comfortable around Silas, probably because he’d been one of Jess’s best friends for ages. That, and it was just him. He was a master at giving support and lending his strength.
We all sat quietly until Jess poked his head inside the room. “Hi, Ma.”
At the sight of her son, Mom’s entire frame relaxed into the bed. Jess had always been able to give Mom comfort that I couldn’t.
Gigi pushed Jess into the room and the doctor entered behind them. At least I assumed he was the doctor based on his charcoal scrubs and the sterile package in his hand. He looked more like a Calvin Klein underwear model. His brown hair was tied back in a man bun and he had a devilish grin.
“Hi, Noelle. I’m Dr. Faraday. Sounds like we’re going to do some stitches today.”
Mom nodded and I hopped off her bed so Jess could take my place. He held her hand and started asking questions while the doctor worked opposite him to stitch up the five-inch gash on her arm.
“Do you remember what happened?” Jess asked.
She shook her head. “I must have tripped. Or got bumped. Sorry, I don’t remember.”
“It’s okay. What were you doing at the hardware store?”
“I was trying to find a little housewarming gift for Felicity.”
“That’s sweet of you, Noelle,” Gigi said.
“Yes, thank you, Mom.” She always had the best intentions. It was a shame that following through with them had so often caused her trouble.
“Do you know what you cut yourself on?” Dr. Faraday asked. “This is a pretty nasty gash.”
Mom shook her head but Silas spoke up. “I caught a glimpse of it from behind. She fell right into the corner of a big metal shelf. One of those little hooks they hang from the holes must have caught her on the way down.”
I cringed as he spoke, picturing Mom’s skinny arms grasping to break her fall, instead snagging on the hook.
“Okay,” the doctor said. “I’m going to order you an antibiotic and some pain meds. Once that numbing agent wears off, it’s going to hurt but I think it should heal up nicely with just a small scar. You’ll be good as new in a couple weeks.” He continued on with post-care instructions and risk factors to watch for seniors. When he was done, he stood and patted her hand. “If you need anything else, Gigi can track me down.”
We all said our thanks and huddled around Mom’s bed after Dr. Faraday left the room.
“Ma, why don’t you rest for a few minutes?” Jess suggested. “Be back in a bit to take you home.”
“And I’ll come over and cook dinner tonight,” I said.
“Okay.” Her eyes left mine to find Silas. “Thank you for bringing me here. I’m so sorry.”
He bent to kiss her cheek. “No thanks needed and no apology necessary. I’m just glad that I could be there.”
We all fell in line to give her a hug before letting her close her eyes and rest in the quiet room.
“Is she getting worse?” Silas, Gigi, Jess and I were congregated in the hallway. “She had an episode a little over a week ago, that night that we brought you flowers. I don’t ever remember them coming on so often. Has it been like this for a while?”
I hated that I even had to ask. If I had been more present in her life, I would already know the answer.
“If she is, she’s not telling us. I wonder how much time she’s losing at home that she’s hiding,” Gigi said.
“Or doesn’t even fucking remember,” Jess said.
“I think we should get some new tests done,” I said. “It’s been years. Maybe there’s something more that we can do for her now.”
“Agreed,” Jess said.
“I’ll visit with Dr. Faraday,” Gigi said.
“Sure you will,” Jess muttered.
Gigi grinned and winked at me. “Jess is a little jealous of Dr. Faraday.”
“Fuck that. I’m not jealous.” He crossed his arms over his chest with a harrumph.
I couldn’t resist. “He is so pretty. I volunteer to go with you when you talk to him about Mom’s tests.”
At my side, Silas growled. His stance matched Jess’s and his nostrils flared.
I looked at Gigi and we both burst out laughing.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “You’re both far more handsome than the young doctor. No need to let your man feathers get ruffled.”
“She’s right.” Gigi grabbed Jess’s hand. “Come on, Sheriff. Let’s get your mother discharged.”
As they walked away, Gigi tugged on Jess’s hand and tipped her chin up so he could lean down for a soft kiss. If Jess thought that Gigi had eyes for any other man, he was delusional. Just like Silas would be an idiot to think that I would ever go for a young, preppy doctor. For years, I had compared every boyfriend against Silas and none of them had ever measured up. Dr. Faraday was cute but didn’t hold a candle to the man at my side.
Not that any of that mattered.
Silas and I were on the road to friendship. The way my breath hitched and heart raced when I saw him was no longer relevant.
“Thanks for being there for Mom,” I said.
“Happy to help.”
“Can I buy you a new shirt?”
“Nah. This will wash out.”
I took a deep breath. After that night at the bar, I had promised myself that I’d talk to Silas the next time I saw him and make the amends I’d been delaying. It was time to take the first step. “How about dinner? There are a few things I was hoping we could talk about.”
His eyebrows came together. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Of course. Nothing’s wrong. I just thought that since we’re trying to be friends, dinner might be nice. Not like a date. Just as friends. I’d just like to know what you’ve been doing all these years. Catch up as friends.”
Nice babbling. Could you say the word “friends” a couple more times, Felicity?
“Uh, okay,” he said. “A friendly dinner. When?”
“Wednesday night? Meet at the café around six?”
“Sounds good.” He nodded and turned to leave.
“Thanks again!” I called to his back. He kept w
alking but lifted a hand to wave.
My shoulders fell when he was out of sight. All weekend long I had been replaying the past, trying to figure out how best to broach an apology to Silas. Friday night at the bar had made me realize that I needed to start the healing process with him. I didn’t want more uncomfortable encounters or awkward conversations.
I didn’t know if it was the right choice or not to dredge up that ancient history, but I felt that I had to. For my own sake, if not his.
I popped back into Mom’s room for one last hug and good-bye before making my way outside. Digging through my oversized purse for car keys, I walked right into someone coming into the ER.
I gasped as she let out a pained cry. “Shit! I’m so sorry!”
Khloe Olson was stumbling backward. I reached out to try and catch her but she regained her footing on her own. When she looked up, her eyes were wide and her face ashen. One arm was clutched to her chest.
“Are you hurt?” I asked.
She nodded and walked around me inside. I turned and followed. Gigi was just walking back to the ER counter but saw us and changed direction.
“Can I help you?” she asked Khloe.
“I think I broke my arm. I was carrying a laundry basket down some stairs and tripped and fell.”
I winced. Ouch.
“Oh, no! Follow me,” Gigi said, leading the way to another private ER room.
Khloe followed and I trailed them both. Within a minute, Gigi had Khloe resting comfortably in bed with her arm propped up on a pillow.
After Gigi left to fetch Dr. Faraday, I moved to Khloe’s bedside. “Can I call Derrick for you?”
“No. Please don’t.” She talked but avoided my eyes. “He’s working and I don’t want to bother him. This was just a stupid accident.”
What woman wouldn’t want her husband with her when she was in the hospital? I eyed her suspiciously. Maybe they were having marriage troubles and she didn’t want to divulge her secrets to the woman who had tormented her in high school.
“Okay. I’d be happy to sit with you while you get fixed up. Would you mind if I stayed?” I couldn’t leave Khloe alone, not in good conscience. Not when I knew what she had in store. Some of Mom’s most painful injuries had been broken bones.
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine on my own.”
