The Lucky Heart

by Devney Perry

  His laughter stopped as he sneered. “Stay home. You’re in over your head, city girl.”

  My hands fisted on my hips. “Like I said, I guess we’ll see.”

  Elliot’s evil grin had me questioning my rash decision but I was too stubborn to give in.

  “We’re delivering those.” He pointed to a stack of pink rectangular salt blocks. “The only way to get to the mountain pastures is on horseback.”

  I nodded. “Okay. I’ll saddle up Lulu.”

  “Lulu’s out in the pasture. You’re on Courage.” His sneer spread and I swallowed hard. Silas and I had been spending a few mornings each week riding but I was still a little uncomfortable around his horse. Courage was just so damn big and intimidating.

  But my stubborn streak won out and I walked to the saddles, preparing the one I always used on Lulu.

  “Oh, and you can’t use that saddle,” Elliot said. “It’s too small. You have to use Silas’s.”

  “Fine,” I clipped and went to Silas’s saddle instead.

  While Elliot saddled his horse, I combed Courage and tried to bury my fears. “Courage,” I whispered. “You’re scary, bud. Please be nice to me today. Please?”

  It took me five tries to get Silas’s heavy saddle on Courage’s back. The thing weighed at least twice as much as mine and Courage was a good deal taller than Lulu. Frustrated and almost in tears, I’d heaved and given the saddle one last swing with all my might and a loud grunt. Miraculously, I’d managed to get it up high enough to push it the rest of the way onto Courage’s back.

  “Thanks,” I told Courage. He hadn’t budged since my earlier confession.

  When the saddle was strapped on, I turned around, ready to lead Courage out. Elliot was standing in the middle of the barn with a smug grin aimed my way. That bastard had seen my whole saddle fiasco, but rather than offer me a hand, he’d just watched me struggle.

  Don’t let him win. Don’t let him win. Hold that tongue.

  “Ready?” I asked with a fake smile.

  “Are you?”

  Grrr. Was there any manure around? At this point, I’d grab it with my bare hands just for the chance to throw it in his face.

  After loading up the trailer with the horses, two mules and the salt blocks, we set off toward the mountains, driving in uncomfortable silence. As Elliot scowled, I stared out my window, wondering what I had gotten myself into. I had a feeling that the saddle incident was just the beginning.

  And I was right.

  Seven hours later, I climbed back into the truck, utterly miserable. I was in pain, stiff and ready for a good angry cry.

  Today, we’d ridden over steep hills and rocky trails deep into the forest. Courage and I had led one pack mule while Elliot and his horse had led another. We’d delivered eight salt blocks to various mountain pastures where about three hundred of the Grants’ cows and calves were spending the summer.

  Silas’s saddle had been much too large for me and I’d had to grip it hard with my thighs to stay in place on the rough terrain. I couldn’t see them, but I was sure there were blisters by the seams of my jeans. My arms and shoulders felt like jelly and I had scratches all over my hands from batting away tree branches that hung low over the trails.

  My only break today had come from Courage, who must have sensed my misery. Not once had he gone too fast or jumped over the logs that had fallen on the trails like Elliot’s horse had done. He’d just plodded right over them. Regardless of his care, by the end of the trip, even those gentle steps were pure agony.

  When Elliot turned off the road and pulled up to the ranch, I sighed with relief. All I had to do was get Courage unsaddled, brushed and settled in his stall. Then I could go inside for a long, hot bath.

  “Anything else?” I asked when I was done brushing Courage. Elliot had basically ignored my presence all day and only spoken to me if I had been doing something wrong, so I half expected him to stay quiet.

  “No,” he muttered from his horse’s stall. No “thank you” or “good-bye.” Just “no.”

  I turned and started walking toward the door. My steps were slow and painful but I managed not to limp or grimace. I’d do that once Elliot was out of sight.

  “Felicity?” he called.

  I straightened my spine before glancing over my shoulder. “Yeah?”

  “He deserves someone better.”

  My eyes watered and I turned away so he wouldn’t see my tears. “You’re probably right,” I said, “but I’m not letting him go.”

  Elliot scoffed. “Selfish. Just like you always were. Tell me, if he’d come home from Iraq in a body bag, would you have cared?”

  Ouch. One tear fell and three took its place. With my chin quivering, I kept walking out of the barn and around the side. When I knew Elliot couldn’t hear me, I covered my mouth to muffle the sob I’d been holding in. Tears poured down my face as I fought to cry in silence.

  When I heard the barn door close behind me, I pulled in a few shaky breaths, drying my eyes and then limping through Silas’s door.

  “Felicity?”

  “Hey,” I said when he appeared in the hallway. “You’re up. Are you feeling better?”

  “A little. Where have you been?”

  “I went up with your dad to deliver those salt blocks.” I smiled and tried to pretend it was the best day I’d ever had.

  His mouth fell open. “What?”

  “I’m beat. Do you care if I take a quick bath before making dinner?” I didn’t wait for his answer before slipping into the bathroom and closing the door.

  Alone again, the tears came back. My arms protested when I pulled off my army-green tee, I struggled to get my boots off of my swollen feet, and as I slid off my jeans, I couldn’t help but cry out when they peeled away from my thighs.

  I bit my lip so Silas wouldn’t hear but his arms were soon wrapped around my chest.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I sniffled. “My legs are sore.”

  “How bad is it?”

  “It’s nothing. I’ll be fine,” I lied.

  He sighed and let me go, dropping to his knees to help me out of my jeans. As he inspected my thighs, the crease between his eyebrows kept getting deeper. “They’re practically rubbed raw.”

  Indeed, my skin was chafed bright red and bleeding slightly in a couple of places, and there was one small blister close to my knee where the seam of my jeans had been rubbing particularly hard.

  “Come on.” Silas grabbed my hand and pulled me to the stock-tank bathtub.

  While he got the water going, I eased out of my bra and panties. Then, holding his hand to steady myself, I sank into the hot water. Wincing as the water touched my raw skin, I took a few deep breaths until the pain eased away.

  “Better,” I sighed and closed my eyes, resting my head against the cool metal edge.

  “What happened?” Silas had pulled up a stool and was sitting by my side, gently stroking the side of my face with his thumb.

  “Just too many hours in the saddle. It was a long ride and I kept sliding around in the saddle.”

  “That saddle fits you perfectly. Why were you sliding around?”

  “Well, I had to use your saddle because your dad said mine wouldn’t fit on Courage.”

  His hand froze. “You rode Courage today?”

  My eyes opened. Silas’s jaw was clenched tightly as he raked his hands through his hair. “Was that wrong? Your dad said that Lulu was in the pasture.”

  “She is, but Dad should have gone to get her. No one rides Courage but me. He doesn’t like strangers and we’re damn lucky he didn’t throw you. Something Dad sure as fuck knows.” His head dropped down. “I should have gone today.”

  “You’re sick, Silas.” Even after a day of rest, his skin was pale, and he looked exhausted.

  He shook his head. “It still should have been me to go up. I don’t like that you could have gotten hurt, and Dad better brace because he went too far.”

  Silas’s temper was on
the rise. He started shifting on the stool and fisting and un-fisting his hands.

  “Hey.” I flicked a few drops of water in his face. His eyes snapped to mine as he wiped them away. “I’m fine and today is not the day to fight about this with your dad. For now, let it go.”

  His face went from angry to anguished. “You could have gotten hurt, Lis. And then what would I do?”

  My heart melted at his concern. “Hey, I’m okay. If you want to get after your dad about it, I’m not going to stop you. He shouldn’t have put me in danger, but baby, you have to keep your temper under control. All of this arguing back and forth isn’t working. Maybe it’s time to try another tactic.”

  He thought about my words for a minute. “Maybe.”

  “Courage was actually great today. He was gentle and slow. It was like he knew I was struggling and wanted to make it easier on me.”

  “Maybe he knows you’re special.”

  I smiled. “Maybe.”

  “Did you know I named him after you?”

  I jerked in surprise. “You did? Why’d you pick Courage?” I could think of many, many more accurate words to describe myself.

  “Do you remember that trip we all took out to the lake when we were kids? The cliff-jumping trip? I think it was right before my junior year.”

  I closed my eyes again, relaxing to Silas’s calming, deep voice. “Yeah. That was the summer before I started high school.”

  “You were the only girl.”

  I opened my eyes and flicked more water. “Something you, Wes and my brother failed to mention until we got there and I saw the entire male population of Prescott High.”

  He chuckled. “We knew you wouldn’t have come otherwise.”

  “You were right about that. Remember how everyone was just standing around? I thought it was so funny that all these big, tough guys came out to jump in, but no one would.”

  “Until Jess. He was the first one to go. Then me. Then Wes.”

  My heart had been in my throat that afternoon. Seeing my brother and his two best friends catapult off that rock ledge into the dark water forty feet below had scared me half to death.

  “I was so proud when you jumped,” Silas said. “When we were swimming below, we could hear the guys taunting you. Your brother and Wes kept saying that you’d never jump but I just kept my eyes on that cliff. I knew you had the courage to do it, and you did.”

  To this day, I couldn’t believe I’d actually jumped. It had been one of the most thrilling and terrifying things I’d ever done.

  Silas grazed my cheek with his knuckles. “I remember thinking, ‘That’s my girl.’ I was planning on asking you out that night.”

  My eyes opened and blurred with tears. “You were?”

  “Yeah, but Wes beat me to it. The asshole knew I was going to do it, and he did it first.”

  Another what-if echoed in my head. I was getting really sick of them.

  I’d had a crush on Silas back then. I’d only agreed to date Wes because Silas had seemed so far out of my league. Wes had been handsome, and I had been so young, only fourteen at the time, so of course I had said yes when Wes had asked me out. It had never occurred to me that Silas’s sweetness was because he’d seen me as more than just his friend’s little sister.

  “When did you get Courage?”

  “About six years ago. Right after I got home from the army.”

  “And you named him after me? Even though you hadn’t seen me in a decade?”

  “Just because you weren’t here, doesn’t mean you weren’t here.” He reached into the water and pulled out my hand. Dripping wet, he pressed it against his heart.

  My heart swelled so full of love, the only thing I could say was, “I love you, Silas.”

  “I love you too, Lis.”

  I relaxed further into the bath but kept my hand on Silas’s chest. With each one of his heartbeats, my aches and pains melted away.

  Three days later, I was spending a nice Friday afternoon with my mom shopping. She’d asked if I would take her downtown to see the holiday decorations. All of Main Street had been decked out in red, white and blue for the Memorial Day celebrations tomorrow.

  Before picking up Mom, I’d stopped by my house to find Khloe feverishly cleaning. When I’d told her that it was unnecessary, she’d refused to listen. Her gloved hands just kept scouring away as she declared that cleaning was a necessary outlet.

  Khloe had been as fired up and angry as I’d ever seen her. If Derrick did find her hiding spot, God help him. She’d ranted on and on about what she’d like to do to his man parts the next time she saw her soon-to-be ex-husband.

  “How about this one?” Mom asked, pulling me from my thoughts. She was holding up a sleeveless azure tunic.

  “Definitely. It would be great for your eyes.”

  “Oh, not for me. I meant for you. I don’t leave the house enough for something this nice.”

  “You know, if you moved in with me, you’d be a lot closer to downtown. You could walk down here whenever you wanted and then you’d have the chance to wear that pretty shirt.”

  “No, no,” she said. “We’ve talked about this. I’m not going to move.”

  I refolded a pair of jeans and stacked them back on their table. “Why, Mom? I don’t understand why you’re so set on staying in that old trailer.”

  “I just am. Please stop asking me to move. You’re becoming as bad as Jess.”

  “Then explain it to me. If you want me to stop asking, you have to help me understand your attachment to a place that’s falling apart around you.”

  She handed me the blue blouse. “You should buy this.”

  “Mom, please?”

  She sighed and leaned a hip against the jeans table. “I didn’t have much when your dad and I got married, but we were happy. A couple of young kids in love. Hank worked nights, and I wanted a job with hours that matched his so we could spend our days together. It wasn’t a fancy job, just stocking shelves at night at a grocery store, but I did my best. We were living in this tiny apartment but managing to get by.”

  I stood quietly and listened. Mom was rarely forthcoming about her time with my dad and I didn’t want to stop her before she could finish.

  “My parents both died when you were a baby and they left me a small sum. I used it along with what I’d managed to save from my own paychecks to buy our trailer when we moved here. That old house is the one thing I’ve been able to give you and Jess.” Tears filled her eyes as she looked to the floor. “I haven’t been a good mother, but at least you had a place to call home.”

  Tears of my own welled. How could she think so little of herself as a mother? She had her struggles, and I wouldn’t say that after my dad had left, things had been easy. But she’d given us a lot more than she was taking credit for.

  “Mom.” I touched her shoulder. “You were a good mother. You taught us how to love and trust. How to appreciate what we had. And how to stand on our own two feet.”

  She shook her head and spoke to the floor. “No, I wasn’t.”

  “Will you look at me?” She wiped her eyes before tipping them up. “I love you, Mom. There’s no one else in the world that I’d want for a mother.”

  Her sad smile and pat on the arm were her ways of ending our discussion. She didn’t believe me but that was okay. I’d remind her every day that she was special until she did.

  “I’ll drop the serious talk. We’ll go back to the fun day.”

  “Thank you.”

  Before she could turn away from me, I pulled her in for a tight hug. “And I’m buying you this shirt.”

  She laughed and agreed. We shopped for a little while longer, and along with her top, I bought myself a few pairs of jeans. Ranch work, I had learned, was not easy on denim. After checking out and waving good-bye to the store owner, I met Mom at the window of the boutique.

  “Ready to go? Maybe we could get a coffee. I could use some caffeine.”

  She didn’t answer, just kept
staring out the window at Main Street.

  “Mom?” I called again but she didn’t move.

  Goddamn it. I had hoped that the medicine she was on would prevent these moments and it seemed to have been helping. Just not today.

  “Mom?” I gently shook her shoulder.

  Okay, weird.

  This felt different. She was blinking and seemed to hear me. This didn’t feel like her spacey episodes. This felt like she was ignoring me.

  Why, I had no clue, but I didn’t ask. Maybe she was annoyed that I’d forced her to tell that story about Dad.

  Since we weren’t in a rush, I stood at her side and glanced outside, people watching safely behind the storefront glass. The street was full of people enjoying the beautiful May weather. I was actually surprised at how busy Main Street was, given that it was a Sunday and only half the businesses were open. Tourist season seemed to be starting off early and with force.

  “Mom?” I asked again. “Are you ready?”

  She smiled and turned my way. “Yes. Let’s go.”

  “Would you like a coffee?”

  Glancing over my shoulder at the clock, she shook her head. “No, thanks.”

  “Oh, okay. Do you have somewhere to be?”

  “Oh, no. I, um, just feel like going the other way this afternoon. How about we walk down to the hardware store?”

  I shrugged. “Sure. I could use another pair of leather gloves.” The ones Silas had given me for Christmas were nearly worn out and I wanted some without lining for the hot summer days.

  As we meandered slowly down the sidewalk, I heard a woman whisper, “There she is.”

  Who, me?

  I looked over my shoulder toward the voice. An older woman ducked her head and avoided my eyes. I had no idea who she was. Weird. I kept walking but slowed when every person we passed kept staring at me.

  It wasn’t unusual to make eye contact and say “hello” as you passed people on the sidewalk in Prescott, but this was beyond strange. It wasn’t just the passersby that looked. Everyone seemed to have eyes on me. Across the street, a man whispered something to his companion and then both men actually pointed. Inside one of the stores, two women had their heads poked out of the door’s window to stare.