by Vikki Vaught
“That had to have been difficult for Lady Roderick, knowing he was going off to war. Thank goodness he returned safely.”
Jonathan looked over at Kathryn. “Yes, it was. I think I told you they got married just as soon as possible after we returned back from Brussels. You know the rest of their story. They’re deeply in love, and I’m happy for them.”
“I could tell they loved each other when I met them. I’m looking forward to going to Bristol. I’m sure we’ll become good friends while I’m painting the portrait. I know you told me you don’t want to marry. Why do you feel that way?”
“I was supposed to get married when I returned from the continent, but when my fiancée realized I had returned a cripple, she decided that she couldn’t marry me after all. That’s why I decided to never get married. Knowing what I know now, I realize she did me a favor when she broke off our engagement, but at the time, I didn’t handle her rejection very well. Just as soon as I could walk, I left for London and never looked back. I don’t know why I just told you that. I’ve never talked about this with anyone before.”
Kathryn brushed a stray lock of her glorious red hair out of her eyes. “I’m pleased that you feel comfortable enough with me to share that. I had a very unpleasant experience when I was eighteen years old, and that is part of the reason I decided I didn’t want to get married.”
“I’m sorry. You know if you ever need to talk, I’ll be happy to listen.”
“Thank you. I hope that we’ll continue to be good friends even after I finish your portrait. I’ve always been so wrapped up with my art that I haven’t taken the time to get to know many people. I’m glad that we have gotten to know each other.”
Jonathan gazed at her beautiful face and felt his heart seize. God, she was so lovely. So sweet. “I’ll always be your friend, and if you ever need anything at all, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll do my best to be there for you. I respect and admire you greatly, and I’m honored you want to continue being friends.”
“Thank you, Lord Sutherland. I appreciate that. I think that we’ve done enough today, so you can relax and move around.” Kathryn lowered her brush, then walked over to her worktable and started cleaning her brushes. As she opened a jar of oil of turpentine, the aroma filled the air.
Jonathan realized he would always associate the smell of turpentine and lavender with Kathryn. He watched her as she cleaned her brushes. “Don’t you think that we know each other well enough to use our given names? Please…call me Jonathan.”
“Only if you’ll call me Kathryn. Oh, by the way, I met your friend Lord Shelton. He and his wife are coming for tea tomorrow, and they may want me to do their portrait. Isn’t that wonderful? Theirs would be my fourth commission.”
Kathryn’s whole face lit up as she talked, and he felt his heart flip over as he remembered how unworthy he was of her. “That’s wonderful, Kathryn. I’m happy for you. I’m sure that after they see your work, they’ll want you to do their portrait. Again, I’m sorry that I was late today. I promise I’ll be on time on Tuesday. Well, since you’re through with me today, I’ll take my leave. Don’t bother to show me out. I’m sure that you need to finish getting your brushes cleaned up. I hope the rest of your day goes well, Kathryn.”
Jonathan left in a state of shock. He was in love with Kathryn. He never meant it to happen, and he knew he could never act on his feelings. But as he promised her, he would always be there to care for and protect her. She just wouldn’t know…that he loved her.
The next morning, Kathryn was so excited about Lord and Lady Shelton coming to tea that she couldn’t even concentrate on the vicar’s sermon. She certainly hoped they would decide to have her do their portrait. The fact that Kathryn was also overjoyed that Jonathan wanted them to continue their friendship didn’t help her focus either. He was such an interesting man, and he was truly a wonderful person. She realized she thought of him as one of her best friends. The more she found out about Jonathan, the more she admired him.
When Lord Shelton and his wife came for tea, they loved her work and decided they wanted her to do their portrait. Since she was going to Bristol in August, she told them she would do their portrait in October, which they said would work out well for them. They had three children, so it would be a family portrait.
The next two weeks flew by. Today, Jonathan would be coming for his final sitting, and Kathryn would finish his portrait. She was expecting him to arrive any moment. She was pleased with his portrait, and she hoped that he would like it.
There was a knock on the door and Jonathan entered the room. “Good morning, Kathryn. I hope that you slept well. You certainly look lovely today. Are you sure that you’ll be finished with my portrait today? Do I finally get to see it?”
Kathryn gave him a big smile. “Hello, Jonathan. You look refreshed. Yes, I’ll definitely finish today. Please go take your pose, and I’ll get started.”
As Jonathan took his place, he said, “I’d like to leave for Bristol on Friday. I thought we could leave around eight o’clock in the morning, if that’s convenient for you. I received a letter from Roderick and Allison, and they’re eager for you to come. They told me to tell you that they want to take you out on their yacht, so bring some casual clothing that you won’t mind getting wet. I know they want me to go out too, but I really don’t enjoy the sea. Even though I get a little seasick, I’ve promised I’ll go out with them when you go.”
“I’ll be ready. I’m looking forward to it, and I certainly hope I don’t get seasick, because I really want to go out on their yacht. I told you that my sister Helen loves it, and she has assured me that I’ll enjoy it also.” Kathryn noticed that Jonathan looked well rested. He must be sleeping better lately. The lines around his eyes weren’t as pronounced, and he seemed more relaxed. She looked at his portrait, added the finishing touches, stood back, and said, “Well, it’s finished. Do you want to come take a look?”
Jonathan walked over and stood by Kathryn. When he saw the portrait, his eyes lit up with appreciation. “This is incredible. It will look marvelous in my family gallery. Thank you, Kathryn. You flattered me so greatly that my future ancestors will think I was much better looking than I really am. When will it be dry enough for me to take home?”
“I’m glad you like it. I’m pleased and honored that you want to hang it in your family gallery. It will be dry by this time tomorrow, so you can come pick it up any time after that. I want to let you know that I’m glad that we’ve become friends, and I’m pleased we’re going to remain friends even though your portrait is finished.”
“I value our friendship tremendously and definitely plan to continue seeing you. I’ll come by tomorrow afternoon to pick up my portrait. I hope you take a break from all your work and rest between now and Friday. Well, since you’re through, I’ll take my leave. Take care, my dear, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” As Jonathan left the room, he turned back to Kathryn and smiled. Kathryn returned his smile and gave him a little wave of her hand as he left the room.
Kathryn realized that she was looking forward to spending more time with Jonathan. He was truly a fascinating person. It was so strange, but for the first time in her life, she realized that she trusted a man other than her brother and that had never happened before.
Chapter 8
Early August 1823
As Jonathan headed home after leaving Kathryn’s house, he felt a little sad because now that the portrait was finished he would no longer be spending so much time with her. At least he would still see her every day while she was painting Roderick’s portrait. He hadn’t had anything to drink, other than wine at his meals, for two weeks. Each day that he went without any brandy, he felt better. He had finally accepted that he couldn’t touch anything stronger than wine.
The nightmares still bothered him, but when he had one now, he would just read for a while or go and play the pianoforte. He had not visited the brothel again, either. He couldn’t even think of being with any other woman now t
hat he had acknowledged his love for Kathryn. Once he came back from Bristol and the harvest was in, he would go back to London and try to forget her, but for the next month, he would just savor the time he spent with her.
Jonathan had gone and picked up his portrait, and it now hung in the family gallery. He would go there at night and just stare at it, thinking about Kathryn and how much he loved her. He just wished that he weren’t such a broken man. If he were different, then he would try to win her love, but he knew he was just not good enough for her.
At eight o’clock on Friday, he picked up Kathryn and her maid for the trip to Bristol. The weather was fair, so they were able to make the trip in record time. Roderick and Allison actually lived about five miles west of Bristol. Their estate was along the waterway that led out to the Bristol Channel. It was a small estate, but it had a lovely old manor house of red brick with mullioned windows. As they arrived, the door opened, and out came Roderick and Allison to greet them.
Roderick bowed to Kathryn. “I hope you had a pleasant journey. We’re so pleased that you could come and do our portrait. I have a bedroom upstairs that has very good morning light, so I thought you could use it for your studio while you’re here.”
Allison spoke up. “Please, feel free to ask for anything that you need. We want your stay to be an enjoyable one. While we’re anxious for you to do our portrait, we hope you can relax and look at this as a little holiday. We want to take you out on our yacht, which we hope you’ll enjoy. Let me show you to your room so you can get settled in.”
Kathryn went with Allison, and Jonathan followed Roderick into his study. “Did you have a pleasant trip? At least the weather cooperated. We’ve enjoyed having Elaine with us this past month. The children just adore her. How did your portrait turn out?”
Jonathan sat down across from Roderick. “We had a very pleasant trip. Kathryn is an amusing travel companion, and we became good friends while she was painting my portrait. It’s incredible, by the way. Much better than I anticipated. I look very distinguished, yet casual at the same time. I’ve already placed it in the family gallery. I’m glad Elaine has had a good time. How are your crops doing this year? Mine are looking very good, and I expect a bountiful harvest.”
“We’re having such nice weather this year that I’m also expecting an excellent harvest. I noticed you watching Kathryn as she went upstairs with Allison. You’re attracted to her, aren’t you? I could tell by the gleam in your eyes. Has she changed your mind about marriage?”
Jonathan laughed, much more relaxed over Roderick’s matchmaking than before. “Yes, I find her attractive. If I did want to get married, Kathryn would make me a wonderful wife, but I’m not nearly good enough for her. You know how I’ve lived my life for the past eight years. Besides, she’s not interested in marriage. She told me from the very beginning of our friendship she never plans to marry.”
“You’d make a fine husband, and any woman would be proud to be married to you. I wish you wouldn’t rule marriage out. As far as her saying that she’s not interested in marriage, women do change their minds.”
Jonathan felt a twinge in his heart, because he knew Kathryn wouldn’t change her mind even if he had changed his. “Enough said about that subject. How is Allison feeling? Is everything going well with her pregnancy?”
“All right. I shan’t bring it up again. Allison is feeling wonderful. Just a little morning sickness, but other than that she’s fine. How have you been feeling lately? I must say, you look much better than the last time I saw you.”
Jonathan thought about telling Roderick that he was in love with Kathryn, but he knew Roderick would tell him he should pursue her. Kathryn was too sweet and innocent for a rake like him, so he refrained from saying anything.
“I’m feeling much better. I haven’t had a drink, other than wine at my meals, in over two weeks. I have accepted that I can’t drink any hard liquor. It really didn’t help the pain that much anyway. The laudanum does a much better job. Now when I have a nightmare, I either read or play the pianoforte.”
“I’m relieved that you’ve stopped drinking. It was ruining your health and making you look years older than you really are. Now, if you could just stop the carousing, you’d be in good shape. I’m sure you’d like to go to your room, so let me show you where you’ll be staying,” Roderick clapped him on the back, and they headed upstairs to his room.
When Jonathan entered, Hatton had already put everything away and was ready to give him his daily treatment. After he applied the ointment and wrapped the cold compresses around his knee, he gave him his daily afternoon dose of laudanum, and Jonathan fell asleep.
After Jonathan woke up from his nap, he felt refreshed, and once he was dressed, he went downstairs and joined everyone in the drawing room. Kathryn was already there, and she looked incredibly beautiful. Her dinner gown was lavender, and it made her lovely eyes a deep violet. Her abundant fiery red hair was arranged at the crown of her head with ringlets of curls cascading down to her creamy white shoulders. He had to fight his desire and was doing a very poor job of it, because his trousers pulled tight against his loins. He wanted to go over to her, grab her, and carry her up to his room where he would make mad, passionate love to her all night.
Dammit, he had to stop thinking about her like this.
Elaine rushed over to him and gave him a big hug. “I’ve been having so much fun. Thank you for allowing me to come. I love going out on their yacht, and we’ve gone swimming almost every day. I’ve been having a wonderful time with Frankford and Jane.”
Jonathan smiled indulgently. “Hello, Princess. I’m glad that you’ve been having a delightful time. I’m sure you’ve enjoyed their yacht. I don’t care for it myself because I get seasick. I did promised Roderick that I would go out one time anyway. I would rather it be sooner than later and get it over with. Lady Kathryn is very excited about going out.”
Roderick looked over at Jonathan and said, “Since the weather is so nice, we’ll try it tomorrow and put you out of your misery. You never know, it may not make you sick this time.” He turned to Lady Katherine and added, “I hope that you’ll enjoy it as much as the rest of us do.”
“I’m looking forward to it. My sister lives along the coast of Devonshire, and she goes out on their yacht all the time and loves it. I’m sure that I won’t get seasick.”
Jonathan spoke up. “We’ll find out tomorrow. I hope that for your sake you don’t.” He turned to Allison and asked, “Are you still all right going out in your delicate condition?”
Allison rolled her eyes at him. “I have no problems at all. We’ve been taking the yacht out a couple times a week, and I love it as much as ever.”
The butler came in and announced dinner, so they all went to the dining room. The first course was oyster stew, which was delicious. Conversation flowed freely around the table, and soon it was time to go to the drawing room. Roderick and Jonathan chose to forgo their port and cigars, and when they got to the drawing room, Allison asked Jonathan if he would play the pianoforte for them. He started playing a Mozart concerto and became lost in the music. Since they had planned to go out on the yacht early the next morning, they retired to their rooms at ten o’clock.
That night, after Sarah finished brushing Kathryn’s hair, she sent her away. Kathryn gazed around the room, noticing the pretty lace curtains at the window and felt the cool breeze coming in off the water. She breathed in deeply and inhaled the tangy scent of salt water and sand. It was so refreshing and exhilarating. Now she could understand why Helen loved the ocean so much. She was looking forward to going out on the yacht tomorrow morning. It was too bad that Jonathan hated it. She hoped he wouldn’t get too ill tomorrow.
Jonathan looked so much better lately. His color was clearer, and his eyes were no longer filled with as much pain. She wondered what had changed for him. Of course, she was pleased that he was doing better, and he was much more attractive now than he’d been before. In fact, she thought he was q
uite handsome with his incredible jet-black hair and startling blue eyes. It almost made her change her mind about men. He was such a gentle and kind man that she couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like if he kissed her.
Oh my, where did that thought come from?
Kathryn had never even thought about what a kiss would feel like before, and then there was that strange feeling in the pit of her belly every time she met Jonathan’s gaze. All this was slightly troubling for Kathryn.
Oh well, it was getting quite late, and she had a full day ahead of her tomorrow.
With that thought, she climbed into bed, yawned, and soon she was fast asleep.
When Kathryn awoke the next morning, the sunlight was streaming in through her bedroom window, and she could hear the sea gulls flying around outside. She hurried to the window and looked out to see an amazingly beautiful summer day, perfect for going out on a yacht. Kathryn hurried through her morning ablutions and went downstairs for breakfast.
After everyone had their breakfast, they went down to the shore. Taking a small boat out to the yacht, soon they were all on board and headed out to sea. Once they entered the Bristol Channel, the yacht picked up speed, and they were sailing across the ocean at a pace that surprised Kathryn. She enjoyed the beauty of the sea but was beginning to feel a bit sick at her stomach.
Oh dear, she’d so been looking forward to this experience.
The longer she stood there, the sicker she felt.
As Kathryn glanced over at Jonathan, she noticed he was turning green, so she knew he was probably feeling worse than she was. She went over to where he was standing. “I’m beginning to feel slightly ill. You look as if you are feeling ill too. I hope this feeling passes soon.”
