Renascence: Death Dealers MC Book 5

by Alana Sapphire

  “Depo… the shot,” I answer, breathless at the desperation in his stare and voice. “I’m due for another soon, though.”

  “Einstein can sort you out.”

  “Einstein?” My head tilts to the side, brows drawn together.

  “He’s a doctor. A legit gynecologist.”

  “Oh.”

  “Say yes, Em. I’ll do whatever test you want me to, but I need to feel you. I’ll go get them done today.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck, eyes wandering his handsome face. I need this. Him. With nothing between us.

  “We’ll go together.”

  “Yeah?” His brows shoot up in hope.

  “Yes. I want to feel you, too.”

  His fingers tangle in my hair, lips crashing into mine. His kisses have always been passionate, but there’s something different about this one. I can’t pinpoint the reason; it’s sweeter, yet still bold and all-consuming. I didn’t think it could be better, but it is.

  So, so much better.

  “Get dressed, darlin’,” he mumbles against my lips. “My dick wants to go skinny-dipping.”

  Sexual trance broken, I laugh, head thrown back. With a smack on my ass, he rises, setting me on my feet. I retrieve my clothes from the floor, hurrying back to the bedroom. I dig through the mass of clothes and underwear he bought me, picking something to wear. After my shower, I find him dressed and waiting for me.

  “Was I in there that long?”

  “Women.” He shakes his head, letting out a good-natured scoff.

  With a roll of my eyes, I reach into my bag for the lotion. “Men.”

  He watches me as I dress but doesn’t say anything. No impatient words or gestures… nothing.

  “I’m ready,” I tell him, grabbing my purse.

  “Okay, darlin’.”

  Again, no comments about how long I took to get ready. This is a new experience for me. James was—no. Get thee behind me, Satan. Not today.

  On the drive to the clinic, I receive a text from Raven.

  Raven: Lunch at 1?

  “Raven wants to have lunch at one. You think we’ll be done by then?”

  He takes a deep breath, looking out the window before he answers. “Probably.”

  Emily: I’d love to. Where?

  Raven: My place. Venom knows where.

  Emily: Ok. See you then!

  “Can you drop me off at her house after, please?”

  “No prob.”

  His manner doesn’t match his words. I sense hesitation and I know why. He doesn’t want me getting close to his family. I rub at my chest, trying to ease the sudden pain in my heart.

  “Never mind. I’ll tell her I can’t make it.” I lower my head, staring at my hands.

  “Why?”

  “I just don’t feel like it.”

  “Emily, don’t lie to me,” he says in his “I’m the boss” tone.

  “It’s not a part of the deal. I already overstepped last night.” I keep my eyes down.

  “I can’t tell you who to be friends with, and I sure as hell have no say over what Raven does.”

  “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to worm my way into your life.”

  “I don’t think that.” He sighs, shaking his head as he pulls over. I still can’t look at him. “Look at me, Emily.”

  Fuck.

  I slowly turn to face him. He’s conflicted and I don’t blame him. This isn’t what he signed up for.

  “This… relationship thing… I don’t know how to do it. I didn’t exactly have a positive example to learn from.”

  I sit back, absorbing his words. Am I finally getting some meaningful conversation?

  “My parents were always busy with one thing or another. I saw them separately more than I did together. When they were in the same place, all they did was argue. Mostly over me. I joined the Army right out of high school, then got shipped off to Afghanistan. I haven’t seen them since then.”

  “Since you were eighteen?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow.”

  “I vowed I’d never go through that. I’d rather keep women at a distance than try and fail. People will only end up getting hurt.”

  “I’m sorry, Venom. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

  “Things have been good for me these last couple of years. Before I came to Stony View, I was working at some accounting firm in Atlanta. I loved my job, but I still felt like something was missing. Then one day, I met Gage and Chopper in a diner. I asked them about their bikes because I was thinking about getting one. We ended up talking about the MC and they invited me down to check it out. I stayed, prospected for a year, and the rest is history. They gave me something I didn’t have with my own blood—a real family.”

  “I can see that.”

  “I’m sorry, Em. I’m being a dick. Go. Have lunch with Raven. Hang out with the women as much as you want. Maybe they can be for you what the guys are for me. After what you’ve been through, you deserve to have some people in your corner.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive, darlin’.”

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  “Just don’t rat me out to the prez.” He gives me a smile and a conspiratorial wink. “I know what he told you last night.”

  “Oh, yeah.” I return his smile. “He did say to tell him if you were being a dick. I bet I could get you into a lot of trouble, mister.”

  “But you won’t.” He glances behind him, pulling back onto the road.

  “What makes you so sure?”

  “All the future orgasms I’m going to give you.”

  “Hmm… you make a compelling argument, Mr. Hughes.”

  “I do. Now let’s go see a man about some tests.”

  CHAPTER 13

  ***Venom***

  I needed to think.

  I don’t know why I came to the clubhouse to do it. Maybe it’s because I’m most comfortable here, around my brothers. The fuckers don’t know the meaning of personal space, though. Short of going to my room, I won’t get a moment’s peace. Razor, Crow, and Rico are around the pool table, rowdy as fuck. Each of the Hounds has tried on separate occasions to either suck or fuck me. Funny thing is, it’s all put things in perspective for me.

  I like having Emily around.

  I like having her in my bed, her scent on my pillows.

  I like having her in my kitchen, cooking for me.

  I definitely like fucking her.

  And fuck if I didn’t like holding her as she slept last night.

  She may not think so now, but she’s going to want more. Women are emotional creatures. Even the hardest ones eventually yearn for companionship. To settle down. I can’t give her that. I know I should break things off before it’s too late, but I can’t do that, either. I want her too much.

  She bought the whole story about my parents, and while that’s part of it, it’s not the real reason I don’t want an old lady. Men like us rarely get a happily ever after. How can I be with someone like Emily, someone good and sweet, knowing she’d be in danger by just being with me? Look what happened with Raven and Ellen. I can’t put her through that.

  I won’t.

  I puff on my cigar, contemplating what I’m going to do. Fuck. Why didn’t I stay away from her? I wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.

  The clubhouse door opens and I glance up to see Gage and Einstein walking in. They stop briefly at the pool table, Einstein leaving the others and joining me on the couch.

  “You okay, man?”

  “Yeah. Just thinking.”

  “About Emily?”

  I turn in his direction with a raised brow. He’s famous around here for his “talks,” but it’s been a while since he had one with me.

  “You brought her here, brother. I know that’s a big step for you. What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know. Things are good. We have… an arrangement. I just think she’s heading in a direction I don’t want to go in.”

/>   “Do you like her? Other than the sex?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then what’s the issue?” he asks.

  “I don’t want her getting hurt, or worse, because of me.”

  “I see. It’s about what happened to the girls.”

  I nod, relieved he understands.

  “Here’s what I think. Emily needs to make that decision for herself. Don’t push her away because you think she can’t handle the life. Raven and Ellen are still here, and they’re happy. I’m happy. Look at Gage.” He jerks his head in his friend’s direction. “Have you ever seen him happier?”

  “No.”

  “She seems smart, although I can’t figure out why she chose you—” I punch him on the arm before he can continue. “Hey!” he protests.

  “She is smart.”

  “Then give her the facts so she can make an informed decision.”

  I lean back on the couch, taking a drag of my cigar and mulling over his words. He could be right. Do I let Emily decide, or do I make the choice for her? Regardless of what I do, can I take the chance? If I let her go, I could regret it for the rest of my life. If I don’t, can I protect her?

  “What are you two females whispering about?” Gage asks, grabbing a chair and turning it backward to straddle it.

  “Let me ask you something. If you’d somehow known what was going to happen to Raven, would you have left her alone if it meant saving her from it?”

  “Whoa. That’s a tough one.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I would’ve done anything I could to prevent it, but I can’t see a life without her in it. Emily?”

  “Yeah. What if—?”

  “What if you let her go and die a miserable old man?” Einstein says. “What if you hold on to her and you both live a happy and fulfilling life? There’s no time or room for what-ifs, Venom.”

  “E’s right. She’s already fitting in. We left her at the house laughing up a storm with Raven, Ellen, and Chrissy.”

  “She’s had a fucked-up life so far. I couldn’t forgive myself if I made it worse.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you, brother. You and your girl need to work it out. Together.”

  “Yeah.” I sigh, knowing Gage is right.

  “Listen, I know what will cheer you up.” He reaches into his cut, pulling out some tickets and waving them at me. “Tickets to see K.O. Jackson fighting Romero ‘The Fist’ tomorrow night!”

  “Seriously? I thought it was sold out.”

  “Had a guy who owed me a favor. I got enough for everyone. Bring your lady.”

  “I don’t know if that’s her thing.”

  “Just bring her, asshole. Besides, I doubt Raven will let me hear the end of it if you don’t.”

  “Fine. We’ll be there.”

  “Good. Now let’s break up this little circle jerk. I think I feel my balls shriveling up.”

  I laugh, Einstein joining in. I guess this is why I came here. I still have no idea what I’m going to do about Emily, but at least I feel better.

  With a flick of my wrist, I motion to Marisol for another drink, watching her hips swing—with surprising disinterest—as she brings it over. Hmm… come to think of it, she may be perfect for what I need.

  “Hey, Marisol. I have a proposition for you.”

  ***Emily***

  “Hey, Mom.”

  I stick a finger in my ear, moving away from the music in the clubhouse so I can hear her clearly.

  “Hey, honey. How’s Stony View? Ready to come home?”

  “It’s good, actually. I like it here.”

  “You sound different.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “You sound… happy.” There’s a brief silence before she shrieks, “Emily Ann! What’s his name?”

  I take a deep breath, having no inclination to lie. “His name is—” I stop myself, knowing the moment I say “Venom,” this conversation goes in a different direction. “Liam.”

  “Liam. Strong name. Is he handsome?”

  “Very.”

  “What does he do?”

  “He owns the gym I go to here, but he’s also an accountant.”

  “Is that where you met him? At the gym?”

  “At the pet shop. He does Uncle Jeff’s accounting.”

  “Well, if he’s raised your spirits, I like him already. Where are you? It’s a little noisy.”

  “I’m….” In a MC clubhouse, where Liam, aka Venom, is a member. There are half-naked women walking around, and I’m pretty sure someone is smoking weed. “Hanging out with some girls I met. They’re Liam’s friends’ girlfriends.”

  “That’s great, honey. I’m glad you’re making friends. See, I told you some time away would do you good.”

  “You were right as always, mother mine,” I say, a big smile in place.

  “That’s why you should listen to me more, daughter mine.”

  “I will. Where’s Daddy?”

  “Working late. I’ll have to put his dinner in the oven.”

  Mom goes off on one of her “homemaker” tangents, all thoughts of me and Liam vanished. Belinda Pierce has always been a stay-at-home mom while Frank was the provider. It always baffled the two of them that I worked. They thought once I got married I would have become Suzie Homemaker and pushed out a couple kids while James brought home the bacon. They were even more confused when I took the second job. They didn’t know the whole story until I left James. They would have wanted to help, and I couldn’t allow that.

  “What did you do today?” she asks.

  “Today was great, Mom! I had lunch with the girls, and then we spent most of the afternoon wrapping gifts they’re planning on giving out to the neighborhood kids for Christmas. After that we went shopping.”

  Two of Venom’s brothers, Charger and Booker, went with us. I thought it weird that they sort of have bodyguards, but I guess their men are just overprotective. Booker’s huge, so I can see how he’d scare people off, but I think his red hair and freckles are cute. Charger is smaller, shorter, and more of a pretty boy. I could see he takes his job seriously because his brown eyes were always keen, constantly scanning the surroundings. With his dark hair and tattoos, it’s obvious why Chrissy’s drawn to him.

  On our shopping trip, the women convinced me to buy the most scandalous dress. Raven said she could live vicariously through me since she won’t be able to wear anything like that for a while. Marlowe and Renae weren’t there, but I was told they don’t hang around the club or other old ladies much. Too bad since they’re closer to my age.

  I like the women I hung out with today, though. They’re all younger than me, but the entire time we were together, it didn’t matter. I didn’t have that with the women I used to be friends with. Looking back at them now, they weren’t my friends at all. They disappeared when I needed them most.

  “Sounds wonderful, dear. The kids will be thrilled, I’m sure. What about you? Do you need money, Emily?”

  “I’m fine, Mom. Uncle Jeff won’t let me pay for anything, so I haven’t really spent any of my own money yet.”

  “And Liam?”

  “Mom, I just met him.”

  “Yes, but he’s not making you pay half your dinner bill or some silliness like that, is he? I seriously don’t understand men these days.”

  “No, Mom. He pays the bill.”

  “Good. You deserve a man who will take care of you.”

  “He does… and it’s not about money. He’s everything James isn’t. He makes me feel… well, he makes me feel. I never thought I’d be able to let anyone in again. I don’t know where this is going, but at least I know I’m capable of moving on.”

  “Oh, honey… I’m so happy for you. I’m sure your father will be, too. We might want to meet this man of yours.”

  “Mom, it’s way too early for that.”

  “Just think about it. Talk to Liam. If he agrees, you’ll know he’s serious about you.”

  “Okay, Mom.” I know he’s not serio
us, so that conversation is a nonstarter. “I will.”

  “Good.”

  “I gotta go, Mom. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “You’re coming home for Christmas, right?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know.”

  “All right, dear. Tomorrow.”

  “Bye, Mom.”

  I hang up, searching the room for the women. The clubhouse door opens and in walks Venom. Grinning like an idiot, I start making my way to him. However, I stop in my tracks when he leans against the door, allowing a brunette to walk through. I’ve seen her before. She was behind the bar the first night I was here, but she’s also what Ellen called a “Hound.” According to Raven, these are the kind of women who give blow jobs right in this room where anyone can see. Is that what they were doing? Did he fuck her? My gaze slides over her body, inadequacy bubbling inside me. Her flat stomach and firm boobs have me looking down at my little pouch, almost hidden from view by my gigantic breasts. Not to mention the god-awful stretch marks.

  Shit.

  Fuck!

  He promised there wouldn’t be anyone else while we were together. We went and did motherfucking STD tests this morning! Do those girls even count, though? I mean, that’s what they’re here for.

  “Hey, darlin’.”

  I look up into his smiling face, not knowing what to say. I’m so conflicted. Disappointed. In both of us. Him for going behind my back, and me for not expecting he would.

  “What’s wrong, Emily?”

  My eyes flick to the woman, Venom turning his head to follow my gaze. He cradles my face with both hands, tilting it up.

  “Look at me.”

  I can’t. I close my eyes instead, willing myself to hold back the tears threatening to make an appearance.

  “I said look. At. Me.” My lids flutter open, meeting his stormy gray eyes. “There’s nothing between me and Marisol.”

  “So you didn’t fuck her?” I ask, my tone cynical.

  “I have, but not since I’ve been fucking you.”

  “Really?” Cynicism turns to hope.

  “Really. I was hoping she’d be our third, but I’m not so sure now.”

  “Our third?”

  “For your list, Emily. I took her to get some tests done… to ease your mind.”

  “Oh. You mean…?”