Take Only Pictures

by Laina Villeneuve

  “Well, when I saw you get out your camera, I figured this was another lesson you set up special for us,” he kidded, a wide grin on his face. “I gotta hand it to you. This was an awesome subject. Can’t wait to see what you got on those frames you were firing off.”

  “I can’t look,” Kristine said, handing off her camera to him.

  “The flash,” Gloria said, finding Kristine’s eyes. “Brilliant.”

  “So I’m stupid and brilliant.” Kristine beamed. “All in the span of minutes. I’ve outdone myself. Well, folks. I’m sorry to say we’re in for a hike. I’m sure Nard and Trish are worried about us. Come back to camp with us?” She reached for Gloria’s hand.

  Gloria took and squeezed her hand. “I’ve got to stay here with the carcass. I can’t have anything getting to its head before I get it out of here.”

  “Tell you what,” Kristine said. “I’ll get my crew settled back at camp, pick up your gear and meet you back here.”

  Gloria nodded. “I’ll take you up on it. After running all that way, my legs are jelly. I can’t move.”

  “You don’t have to.” Kristine wrapped her arms around Gloria. She whispered for only her to hear. “Thank you for rescuing us. I owe you big-time.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “She was awesome,” Bill exclaimed to a wide-eyed Trish back at the camp. “First she distracts him with the horses, and when he came back and went after Ida…” he and the rest of the group all looked to Kristine.

  “I couldn’t let him up that tree.”

  “Still, I couldn’t believe it when you started running and screaming in the opposite direction,” Marilyn said. “We thought you were toast.”

  “That’s nice,” Kristine laughed, trying to deflect their concern. Her body still hummed with the adrenaline, and the piercing look Nard kept trained on her didn’t do anything to calm her nerves. All she wanted to do was get back to Gloria.

  “She’s a keeper, that’s for sure,” Bill said, putting an arm around Kristine’s shoulders.

  “You guys don’t get to keep me tonight. I’m headed back over there to Ms. Fisher’s camp.” She felt funny calling Gloria by her last name, but she wanted to emphasize the professional relationship in front of Nard. She took her leave to gather her own things. She wasn’t surprised to hear Nard’s voice as she hauled her gear over to the stock.

  “You have time to head back to camp after you take her gear over there,” he said.

  “I’ll help her protect the carcass tonight. She’s making arrangements to have the head picked up tomorrow, so she can get it tested.”

  “Guarding a dead bear isn’t your job.”

  “I’ve done my job today, Nard. There’s nothing more for me to do with the group tonight. I’ll be back on duty tomorrow. You do your job. I’ll do mine.” And then we’ll call it a summer, she thought.

  “Still sneaking off to get laid.”

  A dozen comebacks buzzed around in her head, but she bit her tongue and kept on saddling the two animals she would take with her to the meadow. She would not let him bait her. She held her ground as he moved closer to her.

  “Don’t think you can run away from me again. Go have your fun tonight. But your girlfriend won’t be at Thousand tomorrow night.”

  His voice echoed in Kristine’s mind as she packed up her camp, as she rode back to Shadow and as she shared the exchange with a very serious and pissed off Gloria. Even after she’d convinced Gloria that she really didn’t think it was a good idea for her to storm over to the camp and have a chat with Nard and instead pulled her into bed, Nard’s threat kept her awake. She felt Gloria shift next to her.

  “You don’t owe this trip anything more, you know,” she said. “Why don’t you pack out with me tomorrow? You came back, you faced Nard. Let this place go. I love your loyalty, I really do. Even though it made me steaming mad when you weren’t agreeing with me, I admire how you stand by them, but can you say that Leo has done the same for you?”

  As tempted as Kristine was to simply leave the backcountry with Gloria, she couldn’t run again. “I can’t let him win again. I have to finish this trip. The whole pack station sees me as a quitter. If I come back in with you, I reinforce their idea that I can’t see it through.” Nard had been challenging and taunting her from the beginning of the season, and she realized that in avoiding his trips, she continued to let him lead. To take control of her own life, she had to see this trip through.

  Gloria stroked her hair. “How did I know you were going to say that?”

  “You’re the one who said I’m stubborn.”

  “I’ll be worried about you.”

  Kristine wrapped her arms around Gloria. “I’ll be fine. I stared down a crazy bear today.”

  “If I’d been a minute later…” Gloria shuddered in her arms. “You really scared me.”

  “You think you were scared? Try staring down a bear. I was freaking terrified, but you know what? I faced it. I faced that huge thing with a front row seat to all those huge sharp teeth, but I knew I’d be okay. Whatever happens tomorrow, I can do it. I don’t feel scared to face him, not after what I did today.”

  “I care about you, you know.”

  “Me too,” Kristine whispered. “I’ll be careful.”

  Gloria snuggled down and fell asleep. Kristine could feel her relax, her breathing deepen. Kristine lay awake thinking about what the next few days might bring, surprised that she felt no anxiety. She was ready to face Nard in the backcountry confident that she had followed the trail that she had set out on at the beginning of the season. Under the great expanse of the star-filled sky, she felt at peace. If she held her breath, she could hear the bell mare’s bell carrying on the gentle breeze. Looking down at the woman next to her, fast asleep, the phrase Gloria had used to talk about short-term affairs, words she read every time she took the River Trail, slipped into her mind: Take Only Pictures; Leave Only Footprints. She knew that this summer, she would be taking so much more away from the backcountry.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The two days that Kristine remained in the backcountry flew by for Gloria with the responsibility she had for shipping the bear’s head to the pathology lab in Sacramento and dealing with the aftermath. Scott required a briefing on the kill and had a mountain of paperwork for her to complete. When the Ontario office shared this second bear incident with the director of the state office, wheels were finally set in motion. They requested intricate details of her field notes from before the incident, as well as with whom she had discussed her concerns and how many people witnessed the attack in the meadow. Her calls were no longer met with sluggish promises to review the problems she encountered. She was now speaking directly with the State Director of Fish and Wildlife.

  With nothing left to do but wait for the lab results in Mammoth, she used the opportunity of having clear cell reception to call her mother.

  “This is a surprise,” her mother said when she picked up. Gloria smiled hearing the delight in her voice.

  “I had some business calls to make and thought I’d check in.”

  “Wrapping up?”

  “Not quite. I’ve had quite an exciting week with two pretty major incidents. This last one might turn out to be a rabid bear. Sacramento didn’t back me up on it, and now they’re tripping over themselves to make things right. It might parlay into the promotion I’ve been wanting.”

  “Wait, back up. To test for rabies, don’t you need the animal’s brain?”

  “Yes,” Gloria answered simply.

  “So in the last few days, my daughter has taken out a rabid bear. Any help with that?”

  “Kristine was out there. She was protecting her guests, and I made it in time to neutralize the animal.”

  “I see. So that’s why you’re calling. You want to talk about love, not business. Let me get comfortable.” Gloria had heard her mother puttering and knew the phone was tucked between her chin and shoulder as she completed some task as she talked. Now she he
ard water running, her mother pouring a glass of water, and the squeak of the back door which led to the swing she loved to sit on for long conversations. “Ready.” Gloria had her full attention.

  Gloria wanted to argue that it wasn’t Kristine, but the promotion that she wanted to talk about. But she hadn’t slept the night before, and while she’d tried to tell herself that it was the dreams filled with images of the bear running after Kristine, she knew it had more to do with how empty her bed felt without Kristine in it. They had shared a bed for a total of three nights, and each morning, it was Gloria who wanted to linger next to Kristine longer, Kristine who was up and out of bed jumping to work, leaving Gloria wanting to lure her back again.

  “Since you’re having your own personal conversation in your brain, let me see if I can help kick start you here,” her mother said. “You’re thrilled that you’re finally in the position to take over the Eureka field office which you’ve had your eye on for years, but suddenly, there’s Kristine, and what if living behind the Redwood Curtain isn’t her dream of dreams.”

  “How do you do that?”

  “Years of practice and a daughter who is gracious enough to share what’s happening in her life with her boring old mother.”

  “But I haven’t said anything about wanting to ask Kristine to come live in Eureka.”

  “You haven’t said a thing about your work in any of your letters. It’s all about Kristine. A mother knows what that means. Are you going to marry this girl?”

  “Mom!” Gloria yelped. “I’ve only known her a few months.”

  “I know all about the U-Haul date, honey. Is that where you are?”

  Her tone was serious, forcing Gloria to actually consider the question. She was used to being the one pulling away, not the one wanting more. “I have no idea where we are. This doesn’t feel like anything I’ve done before.”

  “That’s because you never met your forever before.”

  “She’s got her own professional dreams. How can I ask her to follow me to Eureka?”

  “What you mean is what if I didn’t take the field office in Eureka where I can keep an eye on my sick mom. Well, factor me out. What does your heart say?”

  “How can I just factor you out?”

  “I’m dead. Now what does your heart say?”

  A wave of nausea swept over Gloria. “Take that back. You’re not allowed to say things like that to me.”

  “I’m not allowed to speak the truth? I’m not going to live forever. So you move back here, don’t invite this lovely girl you’ve found to come with you. She’s off pursuing her career and meets someone new while you’re stuck wishing I would die…”

  “Enough with the dying. I get it. How about the reverse? This is the time I can be there with you. I choose to go, you get worse, and I resent her for making me choose to be away from you.” She knew she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she left and her mother’s health worsened. Just because her mother gave her permission to leave didn’t mean she, herself, could, or even wanted, to do it.

  “That’s not very nice. Were you raised by wolves?” she said, humor in her voice.

  “Mom, I called you because I’m stuck.” She heard her mother sigh. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine if you don’t count being annoyed with you.”

  Gloria bit her lip, fairly chastised for how she automatically jumped to the conclusion that her mom wasn’t being honest about her health at the slightest change in her tone. “Sorry.”

  “You want to be worried about me. You need to be worried about me because you’ve never taken a risk before, but the fact is, love is always a risk. And it’s always worth it.”

  “Love?” Gloria said, surprised again.

  Her mother laughed. “When you’re with Meg, you’re only thinking about what will make you happy. Now you’re thinking about Kristine’s dreams and what will make her happy. Time to ask her if you’re part of what will make her happy.”

  Gloria looked at her watch, knowing Kristine was likely to be arriving at the Aspens soon. She wanted to be there when they rode in. “I miss you,” Gloria said, her throat tightening. It always did when she had to say goodbye.

  “Big kiss, sweet. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, Mom.” Gloria clicked the phone shut and held it between her knees. Though she didn’t want to admit it, she knew her mother was right. She had always thought of her career, her happiness first. That had always held her first priority, yet now anticipating the professional recognition she had worked so long and hard for didn’t make her feel satisfied. Having Kristine did.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Kristine dismounted in the yard at the Aspens, a coating of dust on her skin and gritty between her teeth. Though exhausted, she now actually felt like the victor Gloria had insisted she was just for returning to The Lodge. The backcountry trip over, she could finally relax and think about the future. She hoped the immediate future included a lot more of Gloria. Just thinking about seeing her after two days away sent a thrill through her body. There was so much to fill her in on, but also so much to do. Her cheeks reddened at how many of the hours she’d had in the saddle that had been spent fantasizing about what she’d love to do with Gloria, most of which didn’t include any clothes.

  Work first, she lined up her guests for a group shot on horseback. Once they dismounted, Ida asked her to take a picture of her with her mount, and each guest issued the same request, adding a challenge for Kristine to demonstrate the techniques they’d been practicing. Perched high on the tie rail, she snapped Gary and his horse smiling up at the camera, the horse smiling because of the carrot in Kristine’s hand that he reached for. While she worked, her gaze constantly drifted not up the mountain to where the pack mules would descend, but down to the road where she hoped to see Gloria. Nard soon arrived with the stock, so she had little opportunity to watch for Gloria in the chaos of unloading the animals and sorting out all of the gear.

  For the first time in years, Kristine worked on the dock with Nard without distraction. During the last segment of the trip, she had not avoided him. She strode about camp with the knowledge that she had faced down a bear and the belief that she could now face Nard as well. With her attitude shift came the control she’d lost so many years before, and she kicked herself for taking so long to assert herself. She recalled the reprimand her father gave her when she refused to catch up a broodmare he wanted. Kristine had never liked the mare because she crowded Kristine and had stepped on her numerous times. Her admission had prompted half a day stuck in the round corral with her father showing her how to assert dominance over the horse. He explained how horses are constantly reestablishing the pecking order, and when she did not reprimand the horse for crowding her, she lost her dominance.

  After hours of anticipating the animal’s movements and blocking her, the mare gave Kristine her space and accepted that, though the smaller of beasts, Kristine deserved her respect. This trip in the backcountry had been another round corral, and she had been forced to assert herself around Nard just as she had done with the broodmare all those years ago. In her stepping forward instead of back, he, too, had finally granted her space.

  Gear finally sorted and loaded into the appropriate vehicles, the guests said their goodbyes, thanking Nard and Trish for the trip and Kristine for the photography skills they had acquired. She shook hands with Bill and the brothers, Gary and Rob. The two women hugged her and shared the difficulty of parting forever, wanting to exchange contact information with everyone in the group. In past years, she’d seen strangers connect in the backcountry, but this group, after the experience in the meadow with the bear, had bonded at a deeper level. She watched them go with a little sadness, her first group of students.

  Absently, Kristine picked up some grooming brushes that had been left in the feeders and returned them to the tack shed. The anticipation of Gloria’s greeting distracted her. She was completely unprepared for the hand on her shoulder, spinning her a
round, the strong arms that pushed her up against the shed wall.

  “My turn,” Nard growled, pressing himself up against her.

  She screamed deep from her gut, the scream she should have let loose to call for help years before. “Get off me!”

  Nard stroked her cheek. “Not this time.”

  “Get it through your thick skull. This is not happening.”

  “You’ve kept me waiting long enough.”

  She pushed against him, and he retaliated, slamming her back up against the wall and putting his elbow to her throat. “I like the fight, too. It makes the ride all the more exciting.” She felt his rough hands on her throat, loosening the bandana she wore there. “No more talking,” he said, sliding it up into her mouth.

  Fear washed over her, gripping her belly. It felt like a crushing weight against her chest. Nard smiled. She was helpless again, staring at the smile that had haunted her for six years. He had to release her to work her belt. She felt paralyzed. How many times had she found herself in the same position in her dreams, unable to scream, rigid with fear. She willed herself to move, even just a tiny bit. He was too strong to overpower, she knew that. But she couldn’t give up, not again. She opened her hand and placed it on the wall, inching it to where she and Gabe stored the hay hooks.

  His eyes dropped to her hips, and she made her move, grabbing one of the hooks and digging it between his legs. He howled in surprise, and Kristine pushed harder, forcing him to take a step back. With her other hand, she pulled her bandana out of her mouth.

  “You asshole,” she gasped. “Get the fuck off me.”

  “What do you plan to do?” he challenged.

  She tugged the hook, piercing his jeans and silencing him. “Oh, there’s a lot I can do.”

  He laughed nervously. “You’d like to think you have the balls.”

  “The way I see it, I’m about to get yours.” She pulled upward, slicing through the fabric. His gasp told her she’d nicked him.