by Mia Ford
“Right, sure.” I shake my empty glass at Ashley indicating that I need to top up. “I’m headed to the bar. Do you want anything?”
She holds up her bottle of beer and smiles. “Yes please. I’m headed to the bathroom. Maybe Julia is in there… hopefully by herself. I’ll meet you back around here in a bit?”
I know that won’t happen, losing friends in a night club is just standard, but I don’t mind. I actually feel much freer and confident here in New Zealand. It makes me realize just how tightly wound I was in America. Even at college I was like a coil ready to spring. No wonder things didn’t work out between me and Liam…
Not that I’m thinking about Liam anymore. I don’t really think about anyone in that way. Of course, it’s challenging not to think about Stephen because I’m in his home town. I often wonder what he would be doing if he were still alive and living here. Would he come to night clubs such as this one or would he be too cool? Would he be playing gigs all over the city or would he still be struggling to find his fame? Maybe this is the sort of place he used to come before he made the journey over to America. I just don’t know. I wish I did, but I don’t.
I keep his pick with me the whole time, just wanting to keep his spirit alive. Just because we didn’t know each other for a long time, doesn’t mean he didn’t affect me. Meeting him drove me to this place and helped me to find my happiness. I will always be grateful to him for that. It is a shame that he isn’t here to share this journey with me, but I suppose I cannot change what’s already happened. It is what it is, I just need to make the best of what my life is right now. At least it’s good, at least I’m happy now. That’s the most important thing.
I wave goodbye to Ashley, hoping that I’ll at least be able to find her before the night is up, and I push my way through the throngs of the crowd, trying desperately not to get stuck in the sweaty, swaying bodies. I can see the bar up there in the distance, but with the effort it’ll take me to get there, it feels like a mountain I have to climb.
I sigh loudly and wipe some perspiration off my forehead. It’s just lucky that I’m much more casual about how I look these days and I don’t mind the natural look. I have a little bit of make up on but it’s not enough to get melted or smudged by the intense heat that’s floating through this room. I wipe my wet hand down on the skirt of my black summery dress and I push my way forward. I really do need a drink and this is the only way I’m going to get one.
“Oof.” Someone bangs into the back of me and sends me flying forward. I bash into the person in front of me but as I start to apologize I realize that she’s too intoxicated to care. Instead, my eyes automatically fly around to find the person who bashed into me.
“Sorry, miss,” he mutters into my ear as he brushes past me.
That voice. I stop dead where I am on the spot as I get chills. Goose bumps pop up and down my arm as I gulp noisily. I know that voice, I know it well. It’s the voice I spent one amazing night with, it’s the voice that brought me here, it’s the voice that I often hear in my dreams, attached to the beautiful man who inspires me every day. But that’s impossible.
My eyes trail in the direction that the man has left and my heart skips a beat. Not only does he have that voice, he also has the same shaggy blond hair and muscular broad shoulders. I don’t think I’m seeing things, I think it might really be him,
Stephen Jones.
But how? It isn’t possible, rationally I know that.. Stephen got killed in America, in some dive bar. Some chick called Katie found his dead body… but as my eyes continue to follow him I become even more convinced that somehow it’s him. He even shares the same swagger. I don’t know how, but it has to be him. Maybe the newspaper got it wrong, maybe it was a case of mistaken identity. If I really think about it, it was only one small article I saw, barely nothing online. I left pretty sharpish after that and I never thought to check up the details afterwards. I didn’t even search him again, almost as if I didn’t ever want to know.
Maybe, just maybe he is still alive. It isn’t possible, but maybe it is.
I think about the pick deep in my purse and I just know what I have to do. I can’t leave this mystery unsolved, I need my answer. I came all this way half way across the world after a chance meeting with him, and now despite all the odds being stacked against us, it seems like he’s here. Really here, in the same building as me, within almost touching distance.
I push my foot forward determined to take a step, and as I do it seems that time speeds right back up again. I didn’t even notice it slowing down as I watched him but now it’s moving too quickly. Everyone is rushing, the sounds whooshing into my ear are too loud, it makes me a little panicky and sick. I can barely keep track of him now and I’m absolutely terrified to lose him again because once I do I just know that I’ll never see him. This is my one and only chance. I have to take it. I need to grab it with both hands or I’ll always regret it.
The bar is forgotten, as is my thirst. I even forget about my friends as I race forwards. Luckily, I know that they’ll understand. I’ve told Ashley about Stephen and the story that brought me to New Zealand so I know for a fact that she’ll get it. To see the one person who’s had a profound, life changing effect on me standing in the same night club as me… it’s fate intervening, it has to be. What other explanation is there for this?
“Excuse me,” I try to be polite but it isn’t getting me anywhere. This is a desperate situation and I need to make my escape. “Move!” I eventually yell. “Get out of my way!” I leave a trail of drunk, disgruntled people behind me but I don’t care. My heart is hammering in my ears, my blood flow is violent and hot, I’ve never been so focused in my whole damn life. I don’t care about anything, only getting to him. He’s my end goal.
Finally, my eyes find him again, only he’s headed towards the exit. That might be better actually, maybe we can have a proper talk outside of this nightmare. I move faster and more determinedly, excited to get to the exit. Any minute now I’ll be with the man that I just know is Stephen, and I will finally get my answers. I can’t wait to find out what happened, how he disappeared, who was really murdered.
“Stephen,” I call out unabashedly as the cold air hits my face. I blink a few times trying to adjust to the darkness as my eyes scan from side to side. I see bodies everywhere, littering the streets around me, but none of them look like him. Disappointment crushes me as I realize that despite my best efforts I might have lost him after all. “Stephen!”
Did I imagine him? Have I finally cracked and started seeing him? I guess that’s possible, maybe it’s just taken a while for my traumatic time to catch up with me. Maybe it’s been there in the back of my mind, waiting to crop up, and now with a little bit of alcohol in my system it’s finally happened. I gulp, shaking my head as a tear threatens to fall. I’ve become so desperate to find him that I’ve started to imagine him the distance.
I turn my body, starting to make my way inside, but before I do I feel a hand clamping down on my shoulder. It’s a strong and firm grip that halts me in my tracks and makes my heart stop dead. There’s something commanding about it that makes me feel all weird inside.
I twist my neck and crane my gaze up to look at the man staring down at me. Those green eyes, familiar yet strange all at once, the man I know but don’t know all the same. My breath feels frozen to the spot and my limbs are utterly filled with lead. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, which I don’t because I’m right where I want to be.
“Stephen,” I whisper. “Is that you?”
He takes one hand off my shoulder and steps backwards as if he’s drinking me in. I feel exposed and vulnerable as he looks at every inch of me. I don’t see a flicker of recognition there which confuses me. I know he’s probably a playboy but was I that unmemorable? I remember every damn thing about him. He impacted me in a way that I never thought possible, and now I don’t know what to think anymore.
This was a mistake, I think sadly to myself. I should have
left things as they were, a beautiful memory.
“No.” He shakes his head rapidly. Sending confusion flooding through me. “Not Stephen.”
“Not Stephen?” I ask curiously. But that isn’t possible. If this isn’t Stephen then who the hell is it?
“No. I’m Kian. Stephen’s twin brother.”
Chapter Thirteen - Kian
“Oh.” I can see shock crossing her face as she tries to process what I’m saying. “Stephen never… he didn’t tell me that he had a twin brother.”
I feel crestfallen at that. I know things were never amazing between me and Stephen, especially as we got older and our competitive nature when it came to our music careers got in the way, but I didn’t expect him to ever cut me from his life. Maybe he left for America when we weren’t on the best of terms, but we were still twins. How the hell can he just forget that? We have… had a bond. It’s supposed to be an unbreakable kind, a twin thing.
“I see, so he didn’t tell me about you.” I stuff my hands awkwardly into my pocket. “Well I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised at that. He always was very secretive.” I run my eyes up and down her, drinking in her long dark hair, her brown eyes, and her curvy body. I just know where my brother met her, she’s just his type… female and sexy. “Are you American? Is that where you met Stephen?”
“Erm, actually I met him aboard the Princess Cruise. He was playing a show there and I was a guest aboard.”
Something about that word sparks a memory inside my mind and I tug my cell phone out my pocket. “I got a random text when he was on that ship,” I gush while scrolling through to find it. “I didn’t answer it at the time because it was the middle of the night when I got it, and to be honest I never thought much about it, I guess I just assumed that he was drunk. It’s only with hindsight that I think there might be more to it.”
Actually, I forgot all about it until she mentioned the name of the cruise, but I don’t want to tell this mysterious woman that. I don’t want her to think bad about me. Especially not now that my brother is gone.
“You didn’t text much?” she asks as she takes the phone from my hand.
“Not really.” I give her a one shouldered shrug. “Stephen wasn’t much for technology. I always told him that was crazy if he wanted to be famous. No one gets anywhere without a social media presence, but he wouldn’t ever listen.” I shake my head as I realize what I’m saying. “Although I guess that isn’t important now.”
“So, he really is dead,” she replies morosely. “I guess it’s time that I actually start to accept that.” Her eyes run over the screen and she starts to read aloud. ‘Kian, it’s me, bro. I’m doing a show on the Princess Cruise ship and I’ve seen something. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do.’ She looks up at me with wide eyes. “And you ignored this?”
“I did try to call him the next day.” I don’t know if that’s strictly true, I did think about calling him but I can’t remember whether or not I actually did. “But he was always sending me weird texts. I think he drank too much when he got to the US so it was hard to see what was real and what wasn’t.”
“He was scared,” she says biting down on her bottom lip. “Which makes sense because he vanished. He just disappeared.”
There’s something about this girl that screams out knowledge. I don’t know what it is but I can just tell that she knows something. Me and my family were just told that Stephen got into a fight and was killed but now it seems like there might be more to it. It’s hard for me to accept anyway, I don’t feel right knowing that my twin brother isn’t out there in the world anymore, so if I can discover the truth about what actually happened to him then maybe I can finally get some closure.
“My apartment isn’t far from here,” I tell her coyly. “Do you maybe want to come back with me and we can talk some more about it. I feel like this is something that we both need to get off our chests.”
She nods gratefully and breathes deeply. “Yes, I think I would like that.” She half smiles at me showing just how awkward she feels, then she extends her hand out to me. “I’m Tia by the way, I don’t think I said that yet.”
“Tia.” As my skin grabs onto hers and we shake, I feel a connection growing. This is someone new, someone who knew Stephen in at least a little bit of the time that he was missing from my life. She’s exactly the sort of person who I need to get to know to find out the missing jigsaw pieces. I didn’t even realize that I needed that, but I do. “Come on, let’s go.”
The walk to my apartment is done so in silence. Every time I glance over to Tia I can see that thoughts are racing through her brain. There must be something here, she’s an American girl that magically turned up in the middle of New Zealand armed with information. It’s as if someone thrust her into my life for a reason and I need to find out what that reason might be.
I unlock the door and we move inside. My eye scan about the place taking in the mess everywhere. I’m not the tidiest type, but I would have cleared up if I knew that anyone would be round. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any visitors, even before Stephen died people didn’t come to see me.
“Sorry, it’s a mess.” I grab a few things and put them into piles., but I give up when I realize that it really doesn’t matter. “I guess I didn’t think I’d have anyone here.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she replies awkwardly. “I wasn’t expecting to meet you either.”
“No.” I extend my arm towards the couch, indicating for her to sit down. She takes my command and perches on the edge. I grab a slightly warm beer off the side and pop it open to give to her. “I suppose not.” I take my seat and stare at her. “Do you mind telling me more about what happened.”
She nods and pales while taking a sip of the beer. “Okay, well I met Stephen on the cruise, like I said. He started to talk to me in the day and invited me to see him play at the night.” I smile to myself, smooth as always. Stephen was always so much better with the ladies than me. I guess it did piss me off when we were younger. Especially since the beautiful women like Tia are just the sort I would like. “I went to watch him play and we… hung out afterwards.”
“You don’t need to explain.” I let out an awkward chuckle. “I know my brother.” Knew I knew my brother. I need to remember that he’s past tense now.
“Yes.” Her cheeks flame red which makes me feel bad. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe it’s colored her memory which wasn’t my intention at all. “So, we hung out, and then he said he was going for a cigarette.” She reaches into her bag and pulls something out of her purse. “He gave me his pick and said it was a promise that he was coming back.”
My eyes find the instrument in her fingers and my heart skips a beat. That’s the pick that my brother has had his whole musical life. That was important to him, more than anything else. Probably even more than his family. The fact that he gave it to Tia means something.
I lean forward and take it from her. I flick it idly between my fingers as my heart pounds. “If Stephen gave this to you then he meant to come back,” I rasp nervously. “I know for a fact that he would never leave this behind anywhere.” I stare in her eyes, needing to be honest now. I can’t worry about her opinion of Stephen anymore. “I know for a fact that he slept with a lot of women just the one time, that was a part of his thing, but the fact that he gave you this means he was coming back. He wanted to see you more.” I bite down on my bottom lip as a realization hits me. “I think it means he liked you. Really liked you a lot.”
“Oh.” She doesn’t know what to say, I can see it in her eyes. “Right.”
I stand up and pace up and down. “He gave you this, he wanted to come back.” I repeat. “But he didn’t. Then when you consider the text.” My brain is spinning fast, I’m trying to process everything quickly. “Something happened.” I stare at Tia. “Something happened that night which is why he didn’t return.” My heart beats in my mouth. “He saw something, something that scared him away from you and made him te
xt me.” I gulp as I try to work out how it’s all connected. I haven’t had so may clues before, now I have them but I don’t know how to fit them together. “What was the cruise like? Were there dangerous people aboard?” I stare at her, maybe she’s the key. “Do you have any dangerous exes that would want to keep a new man away from you?”
She looks understandably overwhelmed by my accusation. “No, I… the cruise was nice. Full of posh people. You really think he saw something aboard that got him killed some time later?”
“It’s possible, isn’t it?” She doesn’t have an answer to that. “I can’t imagine Stephen ever directly getting himself involved in a dangerous world, but it might have happened by accident.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Tia whispers thickly. “I suppose it is possible.”
Without even thinking about it, I stomp across the room and I grab my own guitar. I strum it with Stephen’s pick trying to rise his spirit once more. I haven’t felt close to him since he died and I miss him like crazy.
“You’re very good,” Tia eventually interjects, reminding me that she’s in the room. “Very talented. The way that you play reminds me of him a bit.”
“He’s much more rock than me.” I shake my head. “He was much more rock than me.”
“I only heard him play softer songs, but I suppose that’s because it wasn’t exactly a rock and roll venue.” She smiles a little to herself. “He was really good.”
I stare at Tia, drinking her in. There was something about her that attracted my twin brother enough to really like her. He liked her enough to hand over his beloved pick. I want to spend more time with her, I want to get to know her better, I want that connection with Stephen to continue.
