The scars of us

by Rachael Tonks

  “What is it?” Brax runs over to me, slamming the door shut behind him. “What’s wrong?” His concerned eyes bore into me as he stares at me, waiting for me to answer. “Breathe, baby. Breathe,” he says calmly, kneeling down in front of me. His hands rest gently on my knee, the pad of his thumb working back and forth as he tries to soothe me.

  “I’m sorry,” I say between breaths. “I’m just overwhelmed, scared, I don’t know, maybe a little fucked up.”

  “Baby, you’ve been to hell and back. It’s okay to lose your shit. Just promise me one thing…”

  “What?” I say with a sniffle.

  “Don’t let the bad times consume you or define who you are. There is more to you than just nightmares, Izzy. I know it’s not going to be easy to forget. But we will try to push those memories away, make them fade. Like a scar. You know, like you know it’s there, a part of you but it fades so much that you don’t think about it anymore. Am I making sense?” He sighs a little, pushing his hands through his hair.

  “I get it.” I smile back at the man kneeling in front of me. “For all the bad shit that happened to me, you are the one good constant thing in my life.”

  “I’m not perfect.” He blows out a puff of air. “Far from it. But one thing I know is that my love for you is real.”

  “Thank you,” I choke out, emotion thick in my voice. “It’s because of you I’m here. I’m alive.” Brax leans in pulling me close. I can’t force back the emotion any longer. I let it all out, every emotion I’ve tried to contain. I sob noisily against his shoulder, hoping it will somehow help. My tears soak his top and I pull back to look my savior in the eye.

  Capturing his face in my hands, I pull his lips to mine. I press featherlight kisses against his lips, tears still pouring down my face. “Without you, I have nothing, Brax. You are my everything. Promise me forever. I need to know that together we can make it.”

  “Of course,” he says with absolute determination.

  I pull back a little, allowing my hands to drop from his face. “What’s the deal with you and Tara?” I ask cautiously, my eyes never leaving his as I wait for him to answer.

  “We don’t need to talk about this now,” he says, pushing himself up and walking away from the couch. “You should drink something. Get some fucking food inside of you.”

  I step up from the couch, following him into the kitchen. “Please don’t do this, Brax. I need you to be completely honest with me. What happened before was kinda weird.”

  “It’s hard,” he snaps. “I’m not proud of what I’ve done, but you’d been gone for years, Izzy. I didn’t know whether I’d ever see you again.” He rests his hands on the countertop and my heart pounds, scared to hear the truth from him.

  “So, you two had a… thing?”

  He rolls his eyes, letting out a heavy breath. “She was in trouble. One of the Savages tried to rape her at a party. I caught the sick fuck and blew his brains out. Carter took care of the body and I took care of the girl. Shit happened between us that should never have happened and you gotta believe me when I say I regretted it immediately. But, fuck, I was trying to live a normal life without you. Whether I wanted to or not.”

  “So you have feelings for her?” I ask, wrapping my arms across my chest as I suddenly feel completely and utterly vulnerable. I should’ve known he would have a life without me. No man would wait indefinitely when he thought the girl he had a connection with left of her own accord, or at least that’s what my father made me say, that’s what he wanted people to believe.

  “No way. No fucking way, Izzy. You have to believe that you were the only girl I’ve ever had feelings for that were true. I can’t deny that I’m a fucking man with sexual desires. But that’s all it was. It all happened before I found you again. We are friends now. Nothing more than just friends.” He turns to the coffee machine, pouring me a cup and holding it out for me to take. “I tried to make the most of the life I had without you. Doesn’t mean I was happy.”

  “You have every right to be happy, Brax. With or without me.” I take the warm cup, holding it to my aching heart. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess right now. You don’t need to deal with me.” I drop my head, turning to make my way up the stairs.

  “Stop,” he roars. “Don’t walk away from me, Isabelle. Please. I fought for you, for us.”

  “I fought for you too. Even when I thought you were dead. When they dragged me away from your body and you were covered in blood. So much blood.”

  Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulls my back against his chest. Swiping my hair away, he exposes my neck. His warm breath is like a comfort to me. “She’s infatuated with the Savage, you know, Nate.”

  “Really?”

  “Hmmm,” he hums against me and a contented warmth spreads through my fragile body.

  “Carter won’t allow it. Damn, her whole family will kill him first.”

  “That’s so sad,” I say resting my arm over Brax’s. A yawn escapes me, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

  “Baby, you should rest. Let me take you upstairs. Help you shower, hold you until you fall asleep.” I spin in his arms, turning and facing this brute-like man. Wrapping my free arm around his neck, I say, “I’d love that.” A smile stretches across my face. Reaching down, he places his hands behind my legs, sweeping me up off my feet. I let out a little squeal and try to hold the coffee cup still, hoping that it hasn’t spilled.

  “My coffee,” I grumble as I try to steady the cup.

  “I’ll give you more. Fuck, you can have all the coffee in the world. Whatever it takes to make you happy.”

  “I don’t deserve you,” I whisper, almost speaking my internal thoughts out loud.

  “No, you deserve so much more.”

  My quivering hand doesn’t help as I try to get myself into the shower. I shake all over, desperate to feel the warmth of the water. Standing under the stream, I tip back my head; the warmth feels heavenly against my ice-cold skin.

  “Mind if I join you?” Brax asks, his head appearing around the curtain. I jump a little at the unexpectedness, but smile as soon as I see his handsome, chiseled face.

  “I’d love that,” I say biting the corner of my lip and holding out my hand to him. He takes it, stepping inside and closing the space between us. I step back until I’m touching the tiles behind me. I grab the bar of soap and cloth from the side, lathering it up and pressing it against his chest. “How did you get so buff?” I say with a giggle, realizing the boy’s body I once admired doesn’t even compare to his physique now. My line of sight falls to the wound just below his chest. “Shit, Brax. How bad was it?” I look up at him, blinking down against the stream of water.

  “It’s fine. I mean, recovery was tough and I was so pissed off, because until I was strong again, there wasn’t anything I could do. Carter refused to send men to get you and even cancelled the men I’d scheduled to work with me today.”

  “Why? Why would he do that?” I asked, puzzled by his suddenly standoffish behavior. It was no surprise that I was suspicious of Carter, but he got me believing that he had good intentions. He’d been such a rock for Brax that I thought maybe what had happened to me just naturally made me suspicious of everyone. But now, I’m thinking it has to be much more than just a coincidence.

  “It’s a conversation that needs to be had,” he says with harshness to his voice.

  I continue to work the cloth over his body, suds run down his impressive stature. I make my way up his neck and over his face. At the sight of blood spray, I recoil, a flash of what happened springs to the forefront of my mind. Dropping my hand, I move quickly, shuddering as I try to fight back the memories.

  “Your turn,” he says, covering my hand with his own. I release the cloth and rest my hand flat on his chest. His heart thuds against my hand and I stand back a little, watching his reaction as he washes my body. His green eyes darken as he does, and I look up to meet his eyes. I watch as he clenches his teeth together, his jaw tightening.

>   “I hate seeing what they did to you.”

  “I’m okay,” I murmur the lie.

  “Turn around,” he commands, and I do it without hesitation. I shudder as the cloth works over my back and down to my ass. My insides clench as I yearn for his touch. But I know it’s too soon. As much as I want him, I need to clear the demons from my mind.

  He squats down behind me, working the soapy cloth over my legs and back up again. Goose bumps cover my body, and although what he’s doing isn’t sexual, it’s one of the most sensual things I have ever felt. Dropping the cloth, he spins me around, wrapping his strong arms around my weak waist. Pulling me up, he kisses me intensely. It’s possessive, yet sweet and soft. I wrap my legs around his waist while he continues to hold me and own me right here, in the shower. His tongue ventures gently into my mouth and I eagerly allow him access, desperate to deepen the kiss. Soft moans escape him, a sound I’ve never heard from him before. He reaches behind me, shutting off the water and stepping out of the shower, but never once loses contact. Grabbing a towel, he places it around us as he continues to work his supple lips against mine. Excitement grows between my legs as my body gives evidence of my anticipation. I tense up, trying to stem the throbbing, but it doesn’t work. Something about the way he kisses me ignites a fire inside my belly. A feeling I have only ever had with Brax. I close my eyes, losing myself to this man who holds my heart so preciously in his hands. I yelp with the sudden feeling of falling, my eyes flying open to see that I’m lying on the bed, Brax leaning over me.

  “Shit. The bed, Brax. I’m getting water everywhere.”

  “I don’t care.” He drops down on the bed beside me, covering me with the towel “All I want to do is hold you close. Just you and me.” He pulls me into him and I relax against his hold. My hand slides up his shoulder and I rest it there, using my finger to draw circles against his skin. He lets out a little moan, his eyes closing as our bodies mold together as one, like we are the perfect fit.

  “You did that to me the first time we ever met. Remember?”

  “As if I could forget. You were such a stubborn, stupid boy.”

  “And you were a know-it-all bossy brat,” he says, sticking out his tongue. “But it soothed me. The way the soft skin on your finger swirled against my clammy skin. It all helped to keep me calm.”

  “I’m scared to close my eyes, Brax,” I blurt out, suddenly admitting how scared I am that the nightmares will play over and over in my mind as I try to sleep. “After Jess,” I say, widening my eyes so I don’t have to say the actual words. “Well, they locked me in this room he called the pain room. They had preserved body parts from his other victims, torture instruments lined the walls. But that wasn’t the worst thing…”

  Brax adjusts himself, resting his head on his hand propped up against the pillow. A choked gasp breaks the silence in the room, Brax’s hand reaching up to wipe away the tears that fall silently over my face. “I was in there for days. They played recordings of him torturing his other victims, over and over.” I swallow down the lump of emotion that has formed in my throat. “I can’t get the screams and sounds out of my mind.”

  “Baby, come here,” he says, cupping the back of my neck, pulling me into his embrace. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you. I swear, if there was anything I could do to take it away, then I’d do it.” I feel his body tighten and I know he hates seeing me like this. I pull back, searching his eyes for something, but all I see is the glazed look in his eyes. The anger that consumes him as he stares into space.

  “There isn’t anything that can turn back the clock. I have to deal with my demons. I have to hope that time is a healer.”

  “I still can’t help but feel responsible. I was stupid, careless to just let those fuckers walk in here and take you again. What would’ve happened if I didn’t make it? You’d have been left there to suffer that sick fucker’s torture.” His jaw tenses and his nostrils flare ever so slightly. I can see the anger in his eyes.

  “Don’t,” I plead with him, lacing my fingers through his wet hair. “No amount of what-ifs can reverse what happened. All we can do is think smart now, work together to ensure that nothing ever separates us again.”

  “You’re right, you’re always right,” he chuckles, relaxing into me once again. I need to be careful what I say to him. I see the anger when I describe how things were for me with Alvrez. And it scares me. I mean, he doesn’t scare me. I know he’d never do anything to hurt me, but his anger has the ability to cause damage, and that worries me. I don’t want to put him on self-destruct mode. He may be able to cause damage, harming people without a second’s thought, but with me, he’s the real Brax. He’s gentle, caring, and protective.

  I lie in his arms, feeling the way I’d only dreamed about during my time as a captive. I drop my eyes to focus on Brax. His eyes are closed and I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face. I thought for so long that there was a chance he could be dead. I mourned for him, praying that there would be some miracle that made it nothing but a bad dream. And here I am. Despite everything, I’m the lucky one.

  I’m the one that got away.

  And with that thought dawns a realization that I’m not a weak, pathetic girl anymore.

  I can be strong when I need to.

  I can fight back when needed.

  I’m not going to be a victim anymore. No, I will fight anyone who stands in the way of us. Our perfect love. Our unbreakable connection. We are two broken pieces that fit so perfectly together to make the most amazing, perfect whole.

  We’ve been in bed for hours, but I know Izzy has barely slept. She woke me so many fucking times. Her moans and screams jerk me awake, scaring the living fucking daylights out of me. I lie, wide awake, holding her in my arms, worried to move in case I wake her now that she’s finally sleeping somewhat peacefully. I shift my legs slowly, worried my dick is about to explode if she doesn’t wake soon. I worm my arm from under her head, and she turns away from me; a contented moan escapes her. I see my chance, and I’m fucking taking it. I step out of the bed as gently as possible while trying to squeeze the fuck out of my dick because I’m sure it’s about to give out on me. I race into the bathroom, gently closing the door behind me. The relief of being able to pee is almost too much. I rest my head back while the never-ending stream trickles into the toilet bowl. I snap my head towards the door at the sound of my cell phone ringing.

  “Fuck,” I grumble, praying this fucking piss will end soon. But my cell stops ringing. I hear Isabelle’s voice, and roll my eyes as I race to get back in there.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, watching as she is sitting up in bed, the phone glued to her ear. Her brows are drawn together as she listens intently on the phone.

  “Well, I thought you two were friends, or better still, business partners.”

  I thrust my hand out to her, lifting my brows, instructing her to give me the phone. She removes it from her ear, holding it out to me. I take it, kissing her lightly on the top of her head.

  “The fuck do you want?”

  “My money,” he replies calmly. “I heard you have it.”

  “Fucking news travels fast,” I say, exhaling angrily, my nostrils flaring as I do. Some rat fuck has leaked this back to him. “Can’t trust anyone. Not even your own partner.”

  “You went behind my back,” he snarls but I cut him off.

  “You refused to help me, Carter. But no, you went further than that. You called off my men. You took it a step too far this time.”

  “It’s her. It’s the girl. She’s changed you. I knew this would happen.”

  “Screw you, Carter,” I growl down the receiver. “We need to talk.”

  “I need my money. Bring the cash and we talk.”

  I laugh loudly. “There’s always some condition or rule with you, isn’t there?”

  “You fucked up the deal. I want my money.”

  “Ours,” I correct him. “The money used for that deal was mine
too.”

  “You walked out on our business partnership, you forfeited any and all money invested.”

  “Well, the real Carter shows his true colors now.” I sigh, shaking my head. “You know something, Carter. I don’t need you. I never have. Yeah, you helped me, but only when you had full control over me. That’s not a partnership.”

  “You seem to have made friends with the Savages. They suddenly think you are the fucking bee’s knees. Shame they don’t know you were the one to kill one of their men.”

  “Don’t you dare,” I snarl. “You would be putting your own cousin in danger to get one over on me. That’s a fucking dick move, even for you.”

  “Why do you care so much about Tara? I thought you were madly in love with Isabelle?” The tone in his voice tells me he’s mocking me. I glance over to Isabelle and arguing with Carter about Tara isn’t happening right now.

  “Well,” I breathe heavily down the receiver. “We’ll talk about that later.”

  “I’ll be expecting you,” he replies smugly before hanging up.

  “I don’t trust him. Not one bit,” Isabelle murmurs and I can’t help but agree. I’d been friends and worked with him for so long that it kills me to admit it. But I’m not sure his intentions are as true as he’s made out.

  “I’ll handle it. All of it. Don’t you worry about a thing. You need to concentrate on resting and building yourself back up.”

  “If you say so.” She smiles, the cutest smile that causes her lip to curl ever so slightly. “What’s for breakfast then?”

  “Well, I hate to tell you that I’m not quite the domestic god you might think, but I can offer a few things. Burnt eggs, burnt pancakes, and burnt toast. So, what will it be?”

  “Maybe just a cup of coffee,” she chuckles and I can’t help but notice my heart beats a little faster at the sound. I make my way over to the side of the bed and she kneels up, resting her arms around my neck. Placing my hands against the small of her back, I pull her closer, desperate to have the feel of her in my arms.