Unspoken Rules

by Lora Inak

  ‘Sure. No stress.’ She tried to sound casual, like she was doing her sister a favour. ‘I’ll be extra careful this time.’

  She needed Misha on side. She needed a lift to the party tonight. And she needed to make sure her sister never suspected what she was really up to. Misha was a bit old school about boys and dating. She would never dream of marrying a man outside of their community, or even dating a community boy without their parents’ consent. Misha always played by the rules.

  Natalie wanted to go to the party so badly. Chris texted the address and told her it’d be ‘low key’, but it sounded like everyone was going. It was her last year at high school, and just this once, she really wanted to be there. Surprise everyone who expected her not to show.

  She wished she could call Katelyn and talk about it, tell her she may actually be going, that Chris had invited her. She yearned to tell Katelyn about her walks home with him and her growing feelings. But she couldn’t call. She didn’t even know if Katelyn was going to the party tonight. No doubt she would be, with Brooke. Katelyn never missed a party, and besides, the party was only a block from her place.

  That night, despite having zero appetite, she ate dinner with her sister and then headed up to the bathroom. Natalie put on some music, and before long, she was brushing dye into Misha’s hair, being careful not to get any of the brown paste on her forehead or ears.

  ‘Wanna watch a movie later?’ Misha adjusted the towel around her shoulders.

  ‘Oh.’ Natalie furrowed her eyebrows and bit her lip. ‘Hey, there was actually something I wanted to ask you. A favour really. It’s okay if you say no.’

  She checked her reflection in the mirror. Yep. She seemed calm, but that was far from the truth.

  ‘What is it?’ Misha sat up straight.

  ‘Katelyn is really upset, I shouldn’t say because she made me promise not to, but her parents are thinking of splitting up.’ It was a total lie, but she hoped Misha would never know.

  ‘No way!’

  ‘She’s been really depressed and wanted me to come over and talk.’ Another lie. She didn’t want to, but how else could she go to the party?

  ‘You should definitely go.’ Misha loved helping people. ‘Tell her it’s not her fault. Married couples split up over nothing. Especially westerners. They don’t take their wedding vows seriously. I suppose one day they’ll have to answer to God.’

  She wanted to jump for joy as well as fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness at the same time. She had Misha on side. The hard work was done, but she couldn’t look Misha in the eyes. She persuaded herself that it was only this one time and then she’d never deceive her sister again.

  ‘You’re right. Good point. I’ll make sure I tell her that.’ She put the brush down and peeled off her latex gloves, convincing herself that Katelyn would be at the party and there was a chance they would talk, so it wasn’t such a total lie.

  ‘Can you drive me to her place?’

  ‘Now!’ Misha exclaimed. ‘Like this?’ She pointed to her head.

  ‘No one will see you. You won’t be getting out of the car.’

  The thought of ‘being seen’ as she was—in other words, ‘not perfectly done up’—was almost as frightening to Misha as not finding a husband.

  ‘We’ll put a scarf around your head,’ she suggested. ‘I’m sure Mama has an old one she won’t miss.’

  Misha wavered.

  ‘I just don’t want Katelyn doing something stupid,’ Natalie pressed. ‘If I’m with her, I could talk to her, make her feel better. Just like you would.’

  ‘Fine. Go get me a scarf.’ Misha waved her out of the bathroom.

  Natalie ran into Mama and Baba’s room and rummaged through the drawers for a scarf. When that proved fruitless, she opened the wardrobe and dived between Mama’s bountiful array of skirts, tops and dresses. Finding nothing there, she pulled up a chair and climbed up to reach the top shelves. There she found a collection of canvases, yellow with age and covered in dust. Carefully pulling them down, Natalie unrolled them out on the floor. They were paintings, landscapes of famous cities around the world. Recognisable places like New York and Paris. Mama’s signature was scribbled along the bottom of each one, and there, when Natalie looked carefully, she could see that her mother had painted a likeness of herself into each picture. In Paris, she was up the very top of the Eiffel Tower. In New York, she was smiling beside the Statue of Liberty, a young man holding her hand. In Egypt, she stood beside a pyramid, her head covered in a red scarf. Each painting was breathtakingly beautiful. Natalie knew her mother had never been to any of these places, yet somehow, she’d managed to capture them with her paintbrush.

  ‘Nats, have you fallen down a black hole?’ Misha yelled. ‘Let’s go.’

  Reluctantly, Natalie put the paintings back, her mind buzzing. She didn’t know much about art, but Mama’s paintings were really good. Her mother truly had a gift. And she’d painted herself into them. Did Mama dream of travelling too?

  Natalie hurried back to Misha’s room. ‘I couldn’t find a scarf, but I found these amazing …’

  ‘Did you look in the box under her bed,’ Misha cut her off, huffing as she headed into Mama and Baba’s room. ‘That’s where she keeps things like that.’

  Misha found the scarf and wrapped it around her head while Natalie got ready for the party. She’d tell Misha about the paintings later. Right now, she was too nervous.

  Natalie pulled on a pair of jeans, boots and an off-the-shoulder top. She put a dowdy jumper over it, and slid a tube of mascara and a stick of lip balm into one pocket, and her mobile phone into another. She’d do her make-up once she got there. Misha would get suspicious otherwise. Natalie only ever wore make-up to special events like weddings and christenings, but she was aware that the girls at school wore make-up to these parties, and tonight, she wanted to blend in. To belong.

  They jumped into the old brown Nissan, Baba’s first car in Australia. It now belonged to Mama and miraculously, despite its age and the way Mama and Misha both drove it, it was still hanging in there. The engine stalled. So did Natalie’s heart. Could something as trivial as a failing engine end her chances of seeing Chris tonight? Misha tried the engine again, and this time, it spluttered to life. As Misha pulled out of the driveway and into their street, Natalie took a long breath. Would she … could she actually pull this off without getting caught?

  The short trip to Katelyn’s place felt like a lifetime. The party would be well under way by the time she got there. What if Katelyn saw her being dropped off? What excuse would she make? She prepared one in her head, but it sounded false and Katelyn knew when she was bullshitting.

  Misha prattled on and on about the wedding. Thank God her sister was so oblivious; otherwise she might notice how much Natalie’s legs were shaking. When they finally pulled up in front of Katelyn’s place, her heart was beating so fast, her eyes clouded over. If her parents found out, she’d be in so much trouble. What would they say? What would they do? She concentrated on breathing deeply through her nose, and exhaling slowly through her mouth. That’s how Katelyn managed her panic attacks.

  Through a fog of nervous panic, she heard Misha say something.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Are you off with the fairies again?’ Misha rolled her eyes. ‘What time do you wanna be picked up?’

  What time would her parents get home? They’d already be at the casino by now. It would take them a while to find a restaurant, order, eat and pay. Then Mama would definitely want to stroll around, play the roulette wheel and have a few drinks.

  ‘Eleven thirty?’

  ‘No way, that’s too late. I want to be in bed by then. We have to be up early for church, remember.’ She rubbed her arm, then shook it, then rubbed it again. ‘Stupid pins and needles again.’

  ‘Fine then, eleven I guess?’

  That onl
y gave her two and a half hours.

  Misha’s phone rang. She reached into her handbag and answered. ‘Jules. Yes, yes. I have the dye in my hair now. No. I’m in the car.’ She guffawed. ‘Dropping Natalie off at her friend’s place. What? Seriously? No way! You have to say something … no … no, wait a minute.’

  Misha placed her hand over the phone and raised her eyebrows. ‘Are you waiting for something?’

  Natalie yanked open the door and jumped out. Misha shrieked with laughter as she drove away.

  She stood alone in the dark street, staring at Katelyn’s familiar besser brick house with its stained wooden door. She wanted to ring the doorbell and throw her arms around her best friend. Ex-best friend. That left a bitter taste in her mouth. She missed Katelyn … the old Katelyn. Having these feelings for Chris, she now kind of understood how Katelyn must have felt about Markus. She’d judged her. She’d been wrong to do that and she wanted to apologise, but didn’t quite know how. Or when. Lately, Katelyn always had Brooke or Chloe in tow.

  Going to this party would be so much less daunting if Katelyn was with her. She’d pat her on the shoulder and congratulate her for taking a risk. She always complained about how strict Natalie’s parents were. Defy them, she’d say. Live your life. In fact, she’d written a similar message on the inside of Natalie’s school bag. It was Katelyn’s way of motivating her. But it was easy for Katelyn. Her parents let her do whatever she wanted.

  Natalie turned and walked towards Blythe Road. Chris was only a block away now. Maybe watching for her, hoping she’d rock up. The thought sent a nervous shiver down her spine. Oh God. What if he only thought of her as a friend? She’d risked everything to come to this damn party and make a fool of herself. But then, what if he did like her? What then? Why was she even doing this? What did she hope would happen? Nothing ever could. She was crazy to come.

  She spun around and walked the other way. Back towards home, her chest tight, her hands rolled into fists. She wasn’t like the other kids at school. She didn’t have the same freedoms. She had to live the life decided for her. Tread the same terrain trodden on by her mother, her grandmother, no doubt her sister and countless other girls and women from her community. Her road was set—long, straight, even, the scenery black and white. She would finish school, work for a while in a mediocre job, marry a man from the community, quit work, have children, grow old and wait for grandchildren. If she was lucky, she’d end up with a husband who was happy to travel. Then maybe she would get to see the world. Maybe.

  Katelyn’s voice rang in her head. Live your life, Natso. Yours. Not theirs.

  She stopped, torn. Damn it. Why couldn’t she just accept things the way Misha did. Marry someone from church, lead the typical life, have children and spend her days caring for them and her home. She shuddered. It just didn’t sit right with her. She wished it did. It would make things so much easier.

  She closed her eyes and took a long breath. She needed to steady her nerves, to clear her mind and think. She let the darkness wrap her, calm her, like Mama’s arms when she was a little girl. She stood there a long while listening to the steady hum of night.

  Your life. My life. MINE.

  Her eyes snapped open. Screw it. For one night, she would choose. She turned and headed back towards the party.

  Chapter 7

  She walked down the empty street lined with elm trees and tall streetlights. Her shadow lay long against the asphalt road. The closer she got to the party, the more the thought of seeing Chris turned her stomach to jelly. Would he be glad to see her? What would Katelyn think? Should she have bought booze? Was she even wearing the right clothes? The more she thought about everything, the more she wanted to turn and run home, but she couldn’t do that. Not after she’d promised Chris she’d come.

  As Natalie neared, she heard music blaring from the party house. A bunch of kids stood by the fence drinking and smoking.

  The front door stood wide open. She walked in through a dim hallway and found herself in a crowded kitchen, lit with lanterns and candles. Girls wearing low cut tops and tight jeans or tiny strappy dresses tottered past on high heels, squealing and giggling with bottles of brightly coloured vodka mixers in hand. Guys were huddled in groups with cans of beer, either eyeing the girls or toying with their mobile phones. One couple was wrapped around each other in a dark corner, and a lone girl lay passed out on the couch, a high-heeled shoe on the ground beneath her tattooed foot. Dance music blared through two wall-mounted speakers. A few people danced to the beat of Calvin Harris, eyes glazed, bodies gyrating, some entwined with their lips locked, some taking selfies with pursed lips and jutted chins.

  She ripped off her decoy jumper and ducked into the bathroom feeling totally out of place. Her reflection in the mirror was so plain, so unsexy. She put on mascara and lip gloss, cursing herself for not bringing an entire make-up case and a sexier pair of shoes. She found a brush and messed up her hair so she was less churchy, but it didn’t help much. Why would Chris be interested in her when he could have girls like the ones in the kitchen? Girls who knew how to style their hair and put on make-up and dress to impress.

  ‘Hey, we need the toilet.’ Someone rapped on the door. ‘Seriously, this girl is about to puke.’

  Natalie unlocked the bathroom door. ‘Sorry.’ She squeezed past a guy who was acting a crutch for a pale and sweaty girl.

  The girl’s head drooped, and her arms hung useless on either side of her body. Her breasts spilled out of her top, which was soaked in either alcohol or vomit. Natalie couldn’t tell which. The two squeezed into the tiny bathroom and shut the door behind them.

  Leaning against the wall, Natalie considered leaving again. But what would she do until Misha picked her up? Wait alone on a dark street for two hours? Walk all the way home? What excuse would she give for that? She could always call her sister and get her to pick her up, but had she gone to all this effort to back out now? No. She’d find Chris and say hi and show him that she’d actually shown up. Show him she didn’t back out on promises.

  She looked around. Where was he? Definitely not inside, although it was so dark she couldn’t be certain. A couple of people walked out a sliding door.

  She ducked through the kitchen, across the pseudo dance floor, and followed them out into a huge backyard. Coloured fairy lights blinked on trees and bushes in the chill air. Groups of people were either gathered around a metal bin with a fire in its belly or seated around an outdoor table. Others were dispersed into small groups across the expanse of the backyard. She scanned the area but couldn’t see Chris. Maybe he hadn’t arrived yet.

  She joined the group around the metal bin, busying herself with warming her hands. Someone handed her a vodka mix. It was yellow and tasted of pineapple. She’d had them before. Funnily enough, her parents weren’t strict about alcohol. She often wondered if that was why she wasn’t particularly interested in drinking.

  ‘Natalie?’

  It was Katelyn. She hopped up from a nearby picnic blanket, wearing jeans and a white hoodie. She was sitting there with Brooke and a bunch of other girls from school.

  ‘Oh. Hey.’ Was Katelyn going to demand an explanation again?

  ‘Are you really here? Or am I seeing things?’

  ‘Ah. You’re seeing things.’ Natalie said, relieved Katelyn’s tone was light.

  ‘Seriously. What the …? You’re the last person I was expecting to see here.’

  It had been a while since they’d really talked, and so much had happened. Besides, what would she say? That she’d come for Chris? She wasn’t even sure there was anything between them. ‘My parents went out, and, well’—she took a gulp of her drink—‘I decided to … live my own life. Just like you always tell me to. At least tonight.’ She held Katelyn’s eyes with hers, urging her to see how much she wanted to make amends. Wanted things to go back to the way they were.

  Katelyn dipped
her head, blinking quickly. ‘Good on you.’

  ‘Umm … are you well?’

  ‘Yep. Doing okay. You?’

  ‘Yeah. You know. The usual.’

  ‘Still can’t believe you’re here.’

  ‘Me either.’ She gave Katelyn a crooked smile. ‘I’ll have to leave before the clock strikes eleven though.’

  Katelyn nodded. She got it. Only Katelyn understood what it really meant for Natalie to be here tonight. Only Katelyn understood the risks she was taking. Her best friend Katelyn. What had she been thinking? Sex or not, this was the same Katelyn she’d always known. The one she loved and cared about. Nothing had changed. Not really.

  ‘Hey,’ Natalie began, her throat tight. ‘About things. You know … between us. I—’

  ‘Kitty Kate,’ Brooke called. ‘I’m getting another drink. Do you want one?’

  ‘Oh, yeah. Grab me one.’ Katelyn turned back to Natalie. ‘Sorry, you were saying something?’

  ‘Nah. Nothing important.’ Damn it. She’d lost her nerve.

  ‘Okay, I better get back then.’ Katelyn gave her a tight smile and slowly walked back to the picnic mat.

  Natalie’s shoulders dropped. ‘Okay. Sure.’

  Katelyn re-joined her group, taking the beer Brooke handed her. Their interlude was more like old times, but not exactly. Still, it was a step in the right direction.

  The guy standing next to her nudged her arm. ‘I’m James.’ He held out a hand for her to shake.

  ‘I’m Natalie.’ She shook his hand, wondering why he was being so formal.

  ‘Do you like beer?’

  ‘Kind of.’ She hated beer.

  ‘I got a brewing kit for my birthday. I’m making my own beer now.’

  ‘Cool.’ Surely this conversation could only go downhill from here.

  As the fire warmed her hands, and James intricately explained the different ways to brew beer, Natalie found her mind wandering. Where was Chris? How could she disentangle herself from this guy without seeming rude?