We lay there panting together in the brilliant aftermath. The intense feeling of contentment I had gave me the most peaceful feeling of my life. As much as that scared me, I was in awe of it. I was in awe of her. She had this amazing effect on me. I was too tired to review it now, but damn if I didn’t want to change my whole life to be with her.
Chapter 10
The next morning, I woke to feel her hair tickling my chest. She was there, tucked into the crook of my arm laying naked against me. The feeling of contentment that swept over me was unparalleled within my life. In a rare moment, I allowed myself to bask in this feeling. I did my best to memorize every detail. The way our legs entwined. The way her breasts fell towards me. The angelic lines of her face and pretty pink color of her lips. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. I had never cared this much before. Of course, I had slept with my fair share of women before, and never once had I cared to commit to memory the details of my time with them. Ever. What did this say about Guliana? I chided myself not to continue thinking about it. We drank a lot last night, it was very likely she would wake up and regret the intimacy between us.
Her eyes fluttered open a few minutes later and she peeked up at me with a slight blush tinting her perfect, olive skin, “Morning,” met my ears from the beautiful sleepy voice beside me.
“Morning.” I replied back ready to bolt the minute she said boo.
Instead, she took my breath away as she smiled and said, “Well that was some night.”
“I’ll agree to that.” I continued to lay very still for fear she would disengage. I was very much enjoying her body against mine. Surprisingly she burrowed closer towards me as she said, “I’ve never slept with someone so quickly before. Maybe there was something greater at work in our meeting besides the whole, you know, you keeping me alive thing.” Of all the things she could have said, nothing would have shocked me more. She smiled brightly up at me then hopped out of bed heading for the bathroom. I lay there dumfounded for a minute. She really was the most amazing person I had ever met. She handled a kidnapping, so to speak, with courage and composure. She somehow turned this into a positive thing by thinking I have saved her life. She likes reading thrillers but hates to watch them. She drinks whiskey. She sleeps with me, her kidnapper, less than 48 hours into knowing me, and somehow spins this into divine intervention. I was stunned. It took me only a few more minutes of reflection before I decided to take whatever she was willing to give. There was no denying I wanted her. There was something about her that just made me feel like I was home. As much as I knew this could not possibly last. I vowed then, to myself, to enjoy my time with her in whatever way she wanted. Reality would find us soon enough.
Chapter 11
Reality finally caught up to us. We had successfully both managed to run our respective businesses for twelve whole days. Somehow we juggled our individual work responsibilities and spent our down time falling in love. Oddly enough, even with the inevitable fear of reality finding us, it was the happiest I had ever been. It took me a day to realize that the texts and emails were getting more insistent and The Boss’s patience had hit its end.
There was no way I could continue putting them off. They had been asking for more than a week now to meet. I came out from the office to see her sitting on the sofa. She was wearing my t shirt, with her legs curled up under her. I knew she was deep into some hair raising thriller by the way she was biting her lower lip. She looked up only as I sat down and reached out to rub her leg, “Hey, I barely realized you walked into the room.” She stated as she placed the book down on the coffee table and sat up a little.
“I have to go back to the city.”
“Oh, ok. The store?” Her eyebrow arching in the adorable way I’d come to cherish.
“No. I can’t put The Boss off anymore.”
“Oh.” With that small word she sat completely up, feet hitting the floor swiftly as she stood up and began to pace. “I see.” She said after another beat.
I watched her, not really sure what to say. I wanted to reassure her that she was completely safe, that she was in no danger. How could I make that promise though? I had no idea what would happen when I go back, when I told them she was alive. Worst of all, when I told them I’d die keeping her safe. They would think I changed allegiance. They would think I was untrustworthy and very likely kill me right there. I’d be no help to her then at all.
“I told them I could meet them tomorrow night. With any luck I will be back here very late thereafter, or worst case scenario, early the next morning.” We did not say much more about it. But as we made love that night there was a strange urgency in us both that neither of us had the courage to voice.
Chapter 12
I told Tommy to meet me on one of the roof top decks I knew really well. Even though it was getting chilly, this particular place used plenty of space heaters allowing them to maximize their outdoor profits until at least mid-October.
I got there a few minutes early and sat facing the entrance so I could see him walk in. It was crowded, thankfully. I saw him step out onto the roof and scan the crowd looking for me. His eyes lit up with acknowledgement then he was walking toward me. We greeted in the usual way, but I could see there was concern ebbed on his features. The waitress came with our pre-ordered drinks and we sat back to presumable peruse the room.
“You ok?” He asked first thing.
“Yes, of course.” I answered quickly, a little shocked at the question.
“You didn’t do it, did you?” He said as he pulled his drink up to his lips and took a sip.
“No.” I said firmly, jaw set and cold defiance evident in my eyes.
“Ugh, I knew it. I knew something was off with you disappearing like that! The store kept telling us you hadn’t been to work,” Tommy paused and took a breath before he went on, “You don’t understand.”
“No, you don’t understand. I can’t do it, and I won’t let anyone else get to her either.”
“No, Jimmy, you really don’t understand. Her father.” Pausing Tommy put his hand on my shoulder before continuing, “her father was the one who killed your parents.” All the commotion around us ceased. What did he just say? I couldn’t make out the words that were pouring from his mouth, nothing around me made any sense. People were moving, I know there were voices, but I couldn’t hear a thing. I blinked a few times as if that would reset whatever was going wrong inside my head. “What?” I repeated 4 or 5 times before I could hear myself say the word. Tommy motioned for me to follow and numbly I followed behind him. He pushed the door open to the stairwell and we stepped inside. He turned around to face me slowly, “I’m sorry Jimmy. It was her father. The Boss thought of this hit as a gift for you. Once he found out who it was, he immediately called you in. He was going to tell you, but then thought you would have a clearer head, a clearer hit, if he didn’t.”
“What?” I said shaking my head. I understood what he was saying but somehow could not manage to grasp any other word. It made sense though. I had done too many things, hurt too many people. I did not deserve the love I shared with Guliana. I had known that from the beginning. Yes, I had hoped that somehow the past would be forgiven and I could move forward with her in a new life. But Karma didn’t work that way, and neither did God. It was coming full circle. The anger rolled off me, anger at Tommy, at the Jersey Boss. Most importantly, though, I was angry at myself. Every bad action of my life had led me to this moment. Jersey deserved to suffer, deserved to feel his whole life shift with the twisted anguish the grief of a blood family member would cause. He deserved to wither away knowing that his own selfish actions had caused the inevitable pain. I deserved my vengeance. Eye for an eye. Yet even as I thought it I felt sick to my stomach at my own thoughts. For me to have my revenge meant…I could not even make my brain form the thoughts.
Chapter 13
“I gotta get out of here.” I said to Tommy as I tuned and fairly quickly ran down the stairs. He was smart, he didn�
��t try to follow. He didn’t shout after me with questions. I knew I’d hear from him later and that was fine. Right now, though, I needed to clear my head. There was too much anger building within me. My muscles felt tight from trying to keep the anger inside.
Guliana. What was I going to say to her? Oddly, and as irrational as it was, I was angry with her too. At this moment I resented her, resented our connection, resented how my body reacted when she was near. All that ridiculous comfort that I felt with her, what a waste of emotion! Made me lose perspective. I could not afford this in my life. I had to run the business, and honor my family. That was it! Those were my only goals for the majority of my adult life. Nowhere in there was there room for falling in love and re-routing my life. This wasn’t worth it! It was not worth falling off the clear path I had set for myself. My feet pumped at the pavement as I walked briskly up the street. I had absolutely no destination in mind I just knew I could not stop walking. The midday sun soon gave way to night, and finally I noticed my phone buzzing incessantly inside my jacket. I stopped and pulled it out. Countless text messages each one increasing in worry from Guliana, and a few missed calls from The Boss, another text from Tommy. I looked at his first, replied quickly before putting the phone in my pocket and taking a look around. Damn, I was far from home. I hailed a cab and thankfully stepped into my place 20 blessed minutes later. My phone continued to buzz and I continued to ignore it. Despite myself, I envisioned her sitting in my cabin worrying over my welfare. I showered hoping that would afford some clarity, but even after that I felt like a ball of nervous energy. I paced back and forth stopping every few minutes to gaze out on the lit city skyline. There was so much light here, I realized. I missed the darkness that surrounded the cabin at night, missed the sounds of nature outside my window. I missed her. That thought just sent me pacing once more. I could hear the phone buzzing on the coffee table where I had flung it. I walked back over to it and answered, “Hello.”
“Oh thank God.” The guilt hit me hard as I heard the tears in her voice. “Are you ok?”
“Yes, yes I am ok.” I could hear the coldness in my voice, hated myself for it, yet as proud that I could put some real distance between us.
“Did you just finish your meeting?”
“No.” She stayed silent, I knew she was waiting for me to elaborate, but I wasn’t so inclined.
“Oh,” she said breathlessly after a moment, “Are you on your way back, or are you going to stay there tonight?”
“I’m staying here.” My hold, hard voice like the slice of a knife.
“Oh.”
Breaking my resolve to remain aloof I said, “Don’t worry, they don’t know where you are.”
“It never crossed my mind for a moment that you would tell them where I was.” Her tone changed toward the end of that sentence, and after a moment she asked, “Should it have.”
“No.” I said before I could choke it back. Dammit. As pissed as I was and as much as I wanted her father to hurt, I did not want to hurt her. I knew I would never give her location up. The silence on the phone stretched, just as I was about to give some trivial excuse and hang us she asked, “James, what happened tonight?” Her voice was so sweet, so concerned, it was almost more than I could take.
“They know you’re alive, but our conversation was interrupted. They want to talk again tomorrow.” Which was, after all, the truth. After Tommy dropped the bomb, there was no way I could continue with a level head. I had texted him back just a little while ago agreeing to meet in the morning.
“So when are you coming back?” I closed my eyes trying to block out what the sound of her voice did to me. Her tone was pure love and it made my heart ache, which made my anger rise.
“I’m not sure. I’ll touch base with you after I see them in the morning.” My voice sounded strained even to my own ears.
“Ok, but I wish you would tell me what is going on. I can hear it in your voice, something isn’t. right.” Her voice sounded stronger now. Now that her fear for my welfare had abated, she was sparking up. I smirked slightly, then shook my head.
“I need to think, get a good night sleep. That’s all.”
“We’ll go with that for now, but I’ll expect more from you tomorrow.” I managed to get off the phone without exploding. I had absolutely no idea how to deal with the warring emotions inside myself. I did the only logical thing I could think of, ran. I changed swiftly into my sneakers and hit the treadmill hard. I had not bothered to set any of my usual settings, I just got on and started running. My thoughts ran in circles with me. I loved this girl. I knew it. She knew it. Yet the layers of complexity that needed to cease existing just so we could be together seemed insurmountable. Then again, maybe I didn’t love her. I’d never felt like this before, sure. But what did that mean other than possibly, that I needed to date more. Maybe even think about settling down, didn’t have to be with her. Maybe this whole experience was designed to teach me that I’d reached a new phase in my life. I almost laughed at myself as these thoughts raced through my head. I sounded like a complete idiot. I knew that all of these things I was feeling was because of her. She had triggered them. Only she could call them to surface. I ran until just after 2 am, after a fast shower I climbed into bed with limbs shaking.
Chapter 14
The next morning, I woke up feeling awful. My head was pounding. The last thing I wanted to do was engage in an intellectual battle with The Boss. Luckily, Tommy texted saying something had come up and The Boss would not be able to meet. He said he would be in touch. Without thinking I packed up some clothes and found myself in the car intending to head back to my cabin. Thankfully not every part of my entire being had shut down. Instead I knew to keep checking my rearview. No one knew where my cabin was, it was not in my name. On paper, I owned nothing. Not the store, not my apartment, not a single car. Nothing. Thank God for Trusts I thought as I accepted that no one was following and headed out of the city.
I called Guliana, but she didn’t answer. I left a voicemail and told her I was heading back, asked if she needed anything, told her to text if she did. I had woken up reaching out for her in bed. The morning had provided even more clarity, and little less anger. I missed her though it had been less than twenty-four hours since I had seen her. It was as simple as having to let go of all of the anger. My parent’s whole lives had been the product of their love for one another. I had never doubted that the stable, cushioned life I had grown up in stemmed from that love. They never held on to anger, never cultivated negative emotions. They believed they were poison to the soul. I had shaken that foundation off thinking that they would not apply it to the person who had been responsible for their deaths. Sometime in between my heart wrenching run and this morning, I realized how wrong I had been. Now, all I wanted to do was scoop Guliana up in my arms and pledge my love.
Once I hit town I headed straight toward the super center. Inside the store I checked my messages to see if she had said she needed anything. The very last thing I expected to see were the words, Pregnancy Test. I stopped short and the poor older lady behind me almost rammed me with her cart. I apologized and tried to shoot her a genuine smile but I was pretty fairly certain that all of the blood had drained from my face leaving me to look very odd. I stood there for a few minutes warring with myself. Do I text back? Was she making a joke? I tried to call again, and it went to voicemail. I stood still for only one more minute before I kicked into high gear racing through the store for everything I thought we needed, and a pregnancy test.
Chapter 15
I walked into the house not really sure how I should greet her. The minute I saw her a multitude of emotions went flooding through me. She was pale, her eyes red from crying, her hair a mess. She was still breathtaking. I had absolutely no idea how much of her crying was because of our conversation last night, and how much had to do with the pregnancy test I was about to hand her. Either way, I just wanted her in my arms. Forgotten were the thoughts of who her father was and wha
t he had done to my family, to me. All thoughts of vengeance had ceased, and there was only her.
I placed the packages down in the kitchen and walked over to her. She started to speak, but my forceful hug cut her off. I buried my head in her hair, took a deep inhale. I held her close, I wanted her to feel everything I felt inside for her. Finally, I pulled back and looked at her. She wore an expression that was equal parts confusion and fear. Starring into her eyes I said, “I just need to hold you, ok?” I asked the question and waited. She nodded mutely and I pulled her to me once more lifting her off the ground and carrying her to the couch where I nestled her on my lap and held tight. I did not know how to say what I wanted to say. There was just too much rolling through me. This was the best I could do to communicate and I hoped she understood. We sat like that for a long time, until she finally whispered, “I really need to go use the bathroom.” I knew what she meant so I dropped my hands and let her get up, following her over to the packages. I rummaged through and handed her what she wanted.
MAFIA ROMANCE: The Hitmans Obsession: Bad Boy Alpha Male Mafia Pregnancy Romance (Contemporary Crime Thriller & Suspense Romance) Page 3
