by Smoak, Ivy
My back felt cold where his warm hand had once been. I pulled down my sweater. My whole family seemed to be staring at me.
"I can't even believe it," my mom finally said.
"Mom. We only just started dating. It's not that big of a deal."
"You should see the way he looks at you," she said.
"He doesn't..."
"He does," Izzy said. "He's so in love with you. He couldn't even keep his hands off you."
"No, he's not." Is he?
"When you know, you know," my mom said and smiled at me.
"You're all being silly. I'm going to go check on him." I got up and went toward the kitchen.
Tucker smiled at me when I walked into the room. "Mhm," he said into the phone. "I'll be home soon. I love you too." He hung up and slid his cell phone back into his pocket.
I had this brief moment of jealousy. I thought he wasn't dating anyone. I shook away the thought. What did it matter? It's not like he was actually my boyfriend. But I wanted him to be. This night was seeming more and more real.
"My mom finally realized I was missing," he said before I let my imagination run wild.
"So you need to get back?" I was disappointed that he was leaving. I liked having him. I liked the way he kept looking at me and how he couldn't keep his hands off me. Even if it was just pretend.
"I guess I probably should. Unless you want me to stay?" He smiled down at me.
"Oh." I shrugged. "You already sold it really well. My whole family thinks that you're in love with me."
"And what do you think?"
"I think that it was really nice of you to go out of your way to help out a relative stranger. It was the best Christmas gift I could have possibly asked for. I think my family is going to be heartbroken when they find out."
He frowned. "When they find out? Julia, I meant everything that I..."
"Come on you two," Izzy said and poked her head into the kitchen. "Mom wants a picture of you guys by the tree."
"I can just tell them you need to get back," I said when Izzy disappeared.
"I don't mind. I'm having a good time." He grabbed my hand and led me back out of the kitchen.
"Oh, wait," my mom said, with her camera already facing us. "Stay right there."
Tucker and I froze before entering the family room.
My mom pointed up. Tucker and I both looked up at the mistletoe hanging above us in the archway.
Oh my God. I could feel my face turning red. I was mortified that my mom was forcing Tucker to kiss me. But at the same time, I couldn't have been more excited. I nervously looked up at him. The way he was looking at me made me forget everything else. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
"Tucker, if you..."
But my words were drowned out when his lips met mine. And it wasn't just a simple peck to appease my mother. His tongue invaded my mouth, making my whole body react in a way I didn't even know was possible. I moved my hands to the back of his neck and deepened the kiss. It wasn't just all the passion that I had for him. I could feel his passion too. As if he really had been waiting years for this kiss, just like me. I felt his hands wander to the small of my back as he pulled my waist toward his. I didn't just want to be kissing him. I wanted to be alone with him. I wanted to explore every inch of him.
I heard my father clear his throat.
Tucker immediately pulled back. His eyes were ablaze. He was looking at me like his thoughts matched my own. If we had been alone, what would have happened? I let go of his neck and pressed my thighs together. But he kept his hands on my back. His cologne was starting to make me feel dizzy.
Is this love? I could no longer tell the difference between what was real and what was just pretend. I so badly wanted tonight to be real.
Tucker's Adam's apple rose and fell as he looked down at me.
I was only vaguely aware of the fact that my family was staring at us.
My father cleared his throat again.
I immediately stepped away from Tucker. "Oh, um..."
Tucker laughed.
"Actually, Tucker has to get going," I said. What is wrong with me? He had just offered to stay. Why am I pushing him away?
Tucker's smile faded. "Right. Yeah, I'm sorry to cut out so soon, but I have to back to hang up stockings. One of the many family traditions."
"It's really coming down out there," my mother said. "Are you sure you don't want to just spend the night?"
"Um," Tucker said and looked down at me for a second. "No, I probably shouldn't. But it was really nice meeting all of you." He looked back down at me. "Do you mind walking me out?" he whispered.
"Of course. I'll be right back," I said to my family.
Tucker grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. "Merry Christmas," he said over his shoulder.
"Merry Christmas, Tucker," my family said in unison.
Tucker didn't say anything as we stepped out into the snow. But he kept his fingers intertwined with mine. It was like he was waiting for me to say something.
"Tucker." I stopped him in front of his truck. "You really can spend the night."
"Do you want me to spend the night?" He was staring at me the same way he had after we kissed.
"Yeah, I mean, I can make up the couch for you."
He searched my face for a second. "I should probably get back."
"Okay." I let go of his hand.
He looked down at his now empty hand and pressed his lips together. "Well, let me see if I can even get it started." He opened up the door and stepped up into his truck. A second later, his truck roared to life.
I felt my stomach twisting in knots. You couldn't really fake the way he had looked at me. Could you? I wrapped my arms around myself. I hadn't grabbed a jacket. But I think it was more of an internal cold. It seemed like I was having déjà vu. At our high school graduation I had promised myself that I'd talk to him. We had actually made eye contact. And I had immediately turned away from him. But we had made eye contact. Which meant he was looking at me too. Was it really possible that he had liked me this whole time?
He rolled his window down. "I think I can probably get home okay."
I was done always second guessing myself. I wasn't going to let him get away again. I was sick of living a life of regret. "Wait." I ran to the other side of the car, opened up the door, and climbed in next to him. I scooted into the middle seat and turned his keys in the ignition. "When you kissed me. Was that pretend?" I looked up at him.
He looked down at me and shook his head. "No."
"Stay. Really, you can sleep on the couch."
"I don't want to sleep on your couch." He was staring at me with such intensity. His eyes seemed ablaze again.
I could tell he wanted to know what I was thinking. But I didn't know what to say. I felt like I was back in high school, too shy and awkward to speak to him. But I wasn't going to let this moment slip away. Because I didn't want him to sleep on the couch either. I wanted him to sleep with me. I grabbed the collar of his jacket and brought his lips back to mine.
He didn't hesitate at all. He leaned into me, pressing my back against the leather seat. I had never felt like this before. I wanted to experience all of him. I moved my hand under his shirt and ran my palm up his six pack. It felt even better than I had imagined. My fingers wandered back down and traced his happy trail to the button of his jeans.
Tucker grabbed my waist and pulled me on top of him so that I was straddling him. His hands had pushed my skirt up, and he kept his palms pressed against my upper thighs. "As much as I was hoping this would be how you paid me back, your family is probably wondering what's taking you so long."
"I don't care."
He pushed my skirt up even more, tracing his thumbs up the insides of my thighs. "Julia, I've always wanted you."
A knock on the window made me jump. My ass pressed against the horn, making it honk in the silent, snow covered night.
"Shit," I said and immediately covered my mouth. I hadn'
t meant to curse in front of him.
Tucker started laughing.
I climbed off his lap as he lowered the window.
Tucker cleared his throat. "Mr. Wild."
"Is everything okay out here?" my dad said.
"Everything is fine. I'll be right in, okay?" I said.
"Okay. I just thought you might be having car trouble."
"Nope, everything's fine, sir."
My dad smiled and nodded. "We're all heading to bed soon, Julia. You don't want to miss The Night Before Christmas." My father still read that story to us every night before bed.
"I'll be right in, Dad."
"Merry Christmas, Tucker," my dad said and wandered back up to the house.
As soon as Tucker rolled up the window he started laughing again. "Close call."
"Yeah."
"Maybe we should continue this when we're not home for Christmas?"
"That's probably a good idea." But I didn't really want that. I didn't want to have to say goodbye to him. What if we never decided to pick up where we left off? What if he was just being nostalgic because he was home? Everyone felt alone at Christmas when they weren't with someone. That's how I was feeling before I had run into him. There was something magical about tonight. And now I might never see him again.
"What's your number?" He pulled out his phone.
"555-2176," I said and watched him put it into his phone. Or maybe he'd just never call me.
"I'm really glad I ran into you," he said and leaned toward me again.
"Me too."
He placed a soft kiss against my lips. "To be continued," he said.
"Thank you for tonight. For everything." I grabbed the handle of the car and stepped out.
It looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he just smiled and put his key into the ignition.
I closed the door and walked back up the house. I heard his car start, but I didn't look back. I just wanted to hold onto this feeling.
Chapter 2
I turned in my bed and sighed. I grabbed my phone off my nightstand and looked at the display. It was 4 a.m. and I had been trying to fall asleep since midnight. I was hoping Tucker would text me. But what was there to say? "It was fun being your fake boyfriend, have a nice life?"
I pushed my covers back and stepped out of bed. Tucker had mentioned that him pretending to be my boyfriend would be just like a movie. Which meant he had seen the movies like that. Which meant he knew that the couple always fell in love at the end.
Was he trying to see if I loved him? I pulled on a pair of jeans and the same sweater I was wearing earlier. I ran down the stairs and pulled the phone book off the shelf. It only took a second for me to find his parents' address. He really did live close. Which was good, because I didn't have a car.
"What are you doing up?" Izzy had just walked into the kitchen and turned the light on.
What am I doing? Stalking Tucker Mills, of course. I had completely lost my mind. I slammed the phone book shut. "Nothing."
Izzy looked down at the phone book.
"What are you doing up?" I asked.
"I'm starving. I was craving some of those Christmas cookies." Izzy sat down at the kitchen counter and removed the plastic wrap from one of the plates of cookies.
"I didn't realize you got late night cravings for cookies. Are you secretly Santa Claus?"
She laughed. "Yeah, I'll probably look like him soon. I'm pregnant."
"What? Oh my God, Izzy." I wrapped my arms around her. "You're going to be a mom?"
"I'm going to be a mom! Oh, but don't tell Mom and Dad yet. I was going to surprise them tomorrow. Only Ben knows."
"Of course. I won't." I released her from my embrace. I suddenly wanted to cry. "Izzy, what happened to us? We used to be so close."
She sighed. "Life? I don't know. I'm used to sharing a room with you. And now we don't even live in the same state."
I sat down next to her at the counter. "I'm sorry if I've been acting weird the past few days. I just really thought you would have called me right after you got engaged."
"I wanted to. I just through with everything that happened with Brendan..."
"That doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy."
"I know. And if I knew you were dating Tucker Mills, I definitely would have called you. You could have told me about that too, you know."
"God." I put my face down in my hands. "I'm not dating Tucker Mills."
"What?"
I lifted up my head. "He was just pretending to be my boyfriend to get Mom off my back."
Izzy laughed. "Very funny. Tucker adores you. Obviously you've been dating for awhile. I almost thought he was going to pop the question at one point tonight. And that kiss..."
"What? No. Izzy, I just ran into him at the grocery store tonight. My car was stuck in the snow and he offered to take me home. And one thing led to another..."
"Wait, seriously?"
"Yes." I was so embarrassed. My whole family was going to think I was crazy.
"Julia, he didn't look like he was pretending."
"I know. I mean, I think I know?" I sighed. "I don't know at all. He's Tucker Mills. And I'm just...me."
"Julia, I don't think that Tucker was pretending. I think he might be in love with you. Who else would do that on Christmas Eve?"
"Someone who was avoiding his family?"
Izzy laughed. "I don't understand why you're still sitting here talking to me. You've been in love with Tucker Mills for as long as I can remember. You have to tell him. Now. It's Christmas Eve. It's so romantic."
"I was about to go over to his parents' house." I put my hand on the phone book. "But that's crazy, right? He's probably asleep. And I can't just knock on the door. I'd wake everyone up."
Izzy smiled. "I have a great idea."
***
When I arrived at Tucker's house, I was completely frozen. It was only half a mile away, but walking over in high heeled boots and barely any clothes on under my jacket was a terrible idea. Why had I listened to Izzy?
And now that I was here, I had no idea what to do. Tucker's house was dark except for the Christmas lights outside. Everything was silent, covered in a blanket of snow that was growing denser by the second. I had a fleeting idea to climb onto the roof and go down the chimney. But just because I was dressed in a slutty Santa costume didn't make me Santa. Besides, that would probably classify as breaking and entering. Spending Christmas morning in jail didn't seem like a good plan.
I took a few steps closer to his house and heard a crunching noise under my feet. Tucker's sidewalk was made up of a bunch of small pebbles. Perfect. I picked up one of the pebbles. I wished that Tucker was having trouble sleeping too so that his light would be on upstairs, but I had no such luck. I bit my lip. I'd just have to guess. His house was similar to mine. Maybe his bedroom was where mine was too. I cocked my arm and was about to throw the pebble when the front door opened.
"Julia?" Tucker was standing there, staring at me. He laughed. "Was that to throw at me?"
I laughed. "No, your window." I pointed up to where I was about to throw the pebble.
"My window is in the back." He smiled.
"Oh." I dropped the pebble back down on the sidewalk. Oh God, he's going to think I'm a lunatic.
"Did you walk here?"
"Yeah." I'm a stalker. "Like you said, it wasn't that far."
"Geez, come inside, you're shivering." He turned around and opened up the door. I followed him into his house. It smelled like gingerbread and hot chocolate.
"How did you know I was outside?" I asked.
"I didn't." He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward his fireplace, where a small fire was dwindling. There were at least a dozen stockings hung above the fireplace. The Christmas tree in the corner was decorated with tons of ornaments clearly made by little kids. I bit my lip. I was in Tucker's parents' house. Where he had grown up. Tucker probably had nieces and nephews waiting upstairs for the real Santa. Why had Izzy th
ought tramping over here in a slutty Santa costume was a good idea? I pulled my coat tightly around myself. This is so inappropriate.
Tucker tossed another log onto the fire to make the flames burst back to life. He pulled off his jacket and then turned to me. "Let me take your coat." The way he was looking at me made my body shiver even more. Somehow he looked even more handsome as the flames from the fire cast ever-changing shadows across his face.
I crossed my arms over my chest. "No, that's okay. I'm still cold, so I'm just going to leave it on." I had gone over a whole speech in my head while I was walking over here. About how I had a crush on him since middle school. And about how the couples in those movies always fell in love. But how it was different for us because I was already in love with him. Now that I was here, I couldn't seem to find the right words. And how was he supposed to take me seriously in this ridiculous costume?
"Julia, your coat is soaked. You're not going to get warmer until you take it off."
I wasn't sure I'd ever have the confidence to tell him how I really felt, how I'd always felt. Maybe I could pick up where we left off in the car, though. I knew I could show him how much I liked him. And maybe this outfit would actually help with that. I slowly unbuttoned my coat. The costume that Izzy had loaned me was a super short red velvety skirt with fake white fur around the bottom. It had a matching velvety, midriff bustier. Please think this is sexy. I grabbed the matching Santa hat out of my pocket and put it on my head before letting my coat fall to the ground. I couldn't even bare to look at him. I was never this forward. But he had already seen the costume. There was no going back now. "I was hoping this might be a good way to thank you for everything you did for me," I said to the floor.
Tucker put his hand under my chin and tilted my face toward his. The intensity that I had seen in his eyes after our first kiss was there. "Honestly, I was just hoping you'd let me take you on an actual date. But this is so, so much better." He immediately leaned down and kissed me. I grabbed both sides of his face and kissed him back. I wasn't sure how many times I had dreamed of doing that.
