Bella's Christmas Bake Off: A fabulously funny, feel good Christmas read
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‘You’re only a maths teacher, don’t get above yourself,’ she says, holding her organic bird in her arms like a newborn baby.
‘I’m proud to be a maths teacher. I’d rather spend every day with stroppy teenagers than with the bossiest, most unbearable woman I know,’ I hiss, stuffing the turkey with gusto.
This goes on until the dinner is cooked and we’ve argued, compromised and then argued even harder. Finally we end on a glistening shot of the two of us standing by candlelight, surrounded by the bakes and baubles of Christmas.
‘Oh what a tear-inducing finale,’ Tim sets off; ‘…a happy ending at last after all that delicious conflict my darlings… worthy of Macbeth. That’s a Christmas Eve wrap!’ he shouts as Bella and I descend into giggles like two teenagers.
It’s hard to think it’s only twelve months since we rediscovered our old selves and became friends again. Such a lot has happened in that time, we’re both divorced, both happier, Crimson’s changed her name back to Cressida, and she’s at art college now. Last summer Bella and I went to see her work at a college show and I’ve never seen my old friend more proud or happy. ‘I can finally tell the world about my wonderful daughter,’ Bella said, though sometimes I wonder who’s the mother and who’s the daughter, because Crimson has more of a grip on real life than Bella does. Meanwhile, my own kids Fiona and Jamie are now in their final year at uni - I can’t wait to be the proud mum at graduation – and lucky me I get to do it twice!
As for our futures, Bella’s was saved by ‘The Christmas Special’, or ‘me’ as I often remind her. The public loved our festive feuding the previous year, it reignited Bella’s career, and the audience ratings shot through the roof. And as a result of all the publicity, and Mum and Bella’s cookbook, St Swithin’s has lived to see another year, and another Christmas dinner.
Bella’s new idea was to involve me in her show as a co-presenter, and the TV company offered me a fortune to give up teaching and join ‘Bella’s Bake Off.’ I surprised everyone and said ‘no thanks,’ because I’ve seen what that life can do to a girl, and I don’t want to lose myself as Bella once did. So I’m still a full-time maths teacher, I just visit Bella’s show on special occasions to keep her and her spending in check.
My day job is still tough, but rewarding, my Year Elevens did exceptionally well in their GCSEs this year and Mr Jones was forced to admit at prize-giving that ‘Amy Lane’s rather unorthodox teaching methods seem to have a plus side.’ Working with the people ‘on the telly’ made me appreciate my teaching job – even after Josh Rawton and his pals sold his video of me to the press. I woke up last New Year’s Eve to the headline ‘Bella Bradley’s Feuding Friend Fights Homeless Man for Booze!’ Pictures and an online video of me and Stanley marauding in the street over a cheap bottle of brandy went global. Fliss put out a statement explaining I’d bought the brandy to put in my Christmas cake, ‘vehemently’ denying my ‘alcoholism’, ‘attempted theft’ and ‘physical abuse’ of a homeless person – but you know the press, they never let the facts get in the way of a good story. Anyway, seeing a ‘story potential’ Fliss called the magazines who, in return for my tale paid for a hedonistic week in a spa in the Indian Ocean. There by a turquoise lagoon I told the press ‘real and exclusive’ story about how I was amazed to win the prize to star on ‘Bella’s Christmas Bake Off’. I also ‘shared’ with readers how Bella the TV celebrity and Amy the teacher (who came from the same town but ‘surprisingly’ had never met before) were now the best of friends.
I’ve grown to love Fliss too, she’s the only person I know who could turn a video of me clambering over a homeless man into a week’s stay in a five star resort with my best friend and a delicious cameraman. Oh yes - having attended my impromptu Christmas gathering the previous year, Mike never went home, and I’ve never been happier. And to add icing to my Christmas cake, Mike, Bella and Cressy joined me at the spa, so Bella could ‘exclusively reveal her beautiful daughter Cressida, who the brilliant cookery star has kept secret all these years to protect her from the price of fame.’
While in the hot tub, Bella was also interviewed by ‘Star Life’ magazine about the ‘shock at discovering her wonderful husband was in love with another man and had been living a lie, torturing himself until caring Bella realised and told him to go and be free.’ Peter has since married Sacha - Crimson and Bella both attended the wedding and were pictured laughing and throwing confetti over the happy couple. Ironically, the lavish nuptials haven’t put off any of Peter’s adoring female fans – in an unexpected bonus he’s gained a lot of new male fans!
It’s a year down the line and Bella’s still banging on about posh ingredients and telling me how ‘low rent’ my Christmas cake is. Mike’s caught close-ups of her disgruntled face and the soundman has captured my responses to her caustic, culinary comments. Watching it back I realise what great actresses we are on screen, because no one would ever guess how much we like each other.
After filming, Fliss smiles and teeters over on abused kitten heels to hug us both. ’Fabulous dahlings – two women arguing ferociously over Christmas truffles and Boxing Day ham, it’s what Christmas is all about.’
So here we are – Bella and I back together at Dovecote on Christmas Eve, our friendship re-established and both our lives on a kind of happy parallel. Bella would disagree and say her life is far more glamorous and successful. And she still insists she’s the better baker, but I’m quick to remind her, “my cupcakes were always the prettiest, darling.”
We may argue on screen and sometimes off – and every so often I get a strong urge to push her smug face in a bowl of ‘very naughty’ trifle. But one thing we do agree on is that these days our lives are so much richer for having the other around… especially at Christmas.
A note from Sue
Thank you so much for reading Bella’s Christmas Bake Off I hope you enjoyed a little Christmas glimpse into the world of TV cookery shows. As a TV producer I’ve worked on several cookery programmes and trust me Bella’s crazy production team and gadget-rich kitchen is nothing compared to the real thing!
Anyway, if you liked the taste of Bella’s Bake Off and would like to know when my next book is released you can sign up by clicking the link here:
www.suewatsonbooks.com/email.
I promise I won’t share your email address with anyone, and I’ll only send you an email when I have a new book out.
I would love for you to follow me on Facebook and please join me for a chat on Twitter.
In the meantime, thanks again for reading, and do try the Rudolph the Red Nose Brownie recipe and let me know what you think. I love them… and sadly so does my figure, which expands with joy every time one touches my lips!
Sue x
@suewatsonwriter
suewatsonbooks
www.suewatsonbooks.com
Also by Sue Watson
Love, Lies and Lemon Cake
Snow Angels, Secrets and Christmas Cake
Summer Flings and Dancing Dreams
Fat Girls and Fairy Cakes
Younger Thinner Blonder
Rudolph the Reindeer Brownies
These delicious, cranberry studied brownies always take me right back to my friend Amy’s house at Christmas. It was always warm and cosy and in the vanilla and cinnamon scented kitchen we would ‘help’ her mum by sampling the batter and scattering the dried cranberries, which we’d pretend were Rudolph noses. Every Christmas Eve, Amy’s mum would leave one of these for Father Christmas and one for Rudolph, and on Christmas Morning they were gone - which is why we kept believing in Father Christmas.
This is Amy’s mother’s recipe…
Ingredients
250g dark chocolate
100g butter, plus a little extra for greasing the tin
3 eggs
250g cooked beetroot, drained
250g light brown sugar
150g ground almonds
2tbsp cocoa
1tbsp baking powder
50g dried
cranberries
Teaspoon of cinnamon
Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C and grease a 23cm square baking tin with a little butter and line with non-stick baking paper. Leave two ‘tails’ at either side to help you lift the cooked brownie out of the tin.
Break up the chocolate into squares, place in a heatproof bowl with the butter, and set over a pan of barely simmering water. Allow the mixture to gently melt, while stirring gently.
Tip the beetroot into a food processor and purée, (Amy’s mum used to mash with a strong potato masher, but I love my gadgets!) Then add the melted chocolate, butter and eggs and whizz again until combined. Then add the sugar, ground almonds, cocoa, baking powder and cinnamon and process until you have a smooth batter. Lift the lid off - breathe in, and the sweet, spicy fragrance of chocolate and cinnamon will take you straight to Christmas heaven.
Now pour into the baking tin, sprinkle on the cranberries (Rudolph noses) and bake for about 30 minutes until the top is set and the brownie is starting to pull a little away from the sides of the tin.
Once out of the oven, ease the brownie from the tin with the paper ‘tails’ and cut into 16 squares. When cool, dust the surface with a little icing sugar, while singing ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas.’
Happy Christmas!
Love, Bella x
Acknowledgements
Thank you to the wonderful team at Bookouture who never fail me and this time turned my Christmas cake batter into something extremely scrumptious. Christmas kisses to Oliver Rhodes, Kim Nash, Emily Ruston, Jade Craddock and the rest of the tasty team for baking until golden and adding all that yummy frosting!
To Nick and Eve Watson, thanks for putting up with my ‘Christmasness’ in July, and as always thanks to my lovely family and friends for their love, support and laughter.
And a special thank you to my readers, for buying my books, getting in touch and inspiring me in so many different and delicious ways. Happy Christmas!
Published by Bookouture, an imprint of StoryFire Ltd.
23 Sussex Road, Ickenham, UB10 8PN, United Kingdom
www.bookouture.com
Copyright © Sue Watson 2015
Sue Watson has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publishers.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events other than those clearly in the public domain, are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
ISBN: 978-1-910751-60-2