Sociopath?
Page 19
“Do you want me to try to find out when I see him next?”
“No, it’s their business and they obviously want to keep it that way. I’m just telling you for information.”
Renny stored it in the file drawer in his brain labeled “Rafe”.
“Well, hey, I’d better get busy. I’ll let you know for sure about Alabama.”
“I’ll look forward to it. And thanks again, Gil.”
“No problem. Talk to you later.”
* *
Rafe - I just had some bad news. Cal’s dad is being transferred to California. He’s going ahead and the rest of the family will be leaving as soon as school’s out. I don’t love Cal, not like…well, you know, but still, he’s so sweet and we’ve had lots of good times together and I’ll miss him a lot. Guess what? Denis and Jeff are going to be Daddies! It’s a sad story, really. The parents were recently killed in a car wreck. Denis and Jeff were the god-fathers of their two kids. They had it in their will and everything that they wanted the guys to get the children if anything ever happened to them. The little girl, Raquelle, is 4 and the little boy, Donovan, is 2. They’re broken up about their friends but I think they’re really happy about having the kids. Going to be a lifestyle change for them, huh? So anyway, the Vincennes family just got bigger by two. Nothing else new here. How is it going there? All my love, Lane.
*
Hey Lane - I think Denis and Jeff will make terrific parents and hell, what’s a couple more members to our family? I can barely remember all their names now - haha! If Gabe marries an Oriental and Annecy marries a Muslim, we’ll have all our bases covered - the United Nations of Vincennes. Everything is okay here. I’ve been working on a project so it has filled my time. I completed it though so now I have to find something else to keep me occupied. I’m really sorry to hear about Cal. I like Cal, thought he was the ideal boyfriend for you. Now I have to worry about a new one and whether he’ll be good to you. God help him if there’s ever one who isn’t. R
*
Rafe - what about us? Who are we going to marry? Love, Lane
*
Lane - I don’t know about you but I seriously doubt I’ll ever marry anyone. Don’t think I could ever settle down to just one. R
*
Rafe - I wish I could settle down with just one. I love you, Lane
*
Dear Rafe,
We just wanted to let you know what’s going on with the fan club. You have a website now - www.rafevincennes.com. It’s just getting up and running but eventually it will have your schedule, a FAQ section, pictures and links to any articles written about you and other race sites, a comment section, etc. We’ll add more as time goes on. You’re okay with that, aren’t you? We’ve also started a newsletter that we’ll be sending out to members and anyone else who asks to be put on the mailing list. We’re all getting really excited about you coming back for the summer although that’s still too far away.
We miss you,
Jeri
PS - do you have Chet’s e-mail address so I can send this information on to him?
*
Hi Jeri - I’m amazed. You all are something else. I checked out the website and it looks terrific. No, I don’t care if you do it as long as you don’t put anything too personal on it! Trust me, you’re not looking forward to this summer half as much as I am. Thanks for all you do. I don’t know Chester’s e-mail address. We don’t keep in that close of touch during the school year. You’ll have to call him - Chester Hughes Racing in Benedict - don’t know the phone number off hand either. Love you girls, R
* *
He picked her up at the airport.
“Do you want to go get something to eat, Lane?”
“No.”
“Do you want to take a ride around the campus?”
“No.”
“Do you want to go to the beach?”
“No.”
“To a movie?”
“No.”
He put his hand on her upper thigh.
“What do you want to do, Honey?”
“You know what I want to do, Rafe.”
“Yes, Lane, but I want to hear you tell me. While we’re driving to the motel, tell me exactly what you want.”
“First, I want you to take my clothes off, kissing me as you go. Then I want to take yours off. I want to touch you and lick your nipples and see you hard. I want you to kiss me all over and suck my breasts and down my stomach. I want you to kiss and lick me between my legs until I come.” Her voice was getting husky, “I want to feel your cock inside me every place it can go. I want to go to sleep with you next to me, then, I want to wake up in the morning and start all over again. I just want to love you, Rafe, for two days I don’t want to do anything but love you.”
He looked over at her and grinned. “Thy will be done, Sweetheart.”
*
“So are you going to be okay with Cal gone, Lane?”
“Oh, you know, it’s going to be hard but I guess I’ll get through it. I like him a lot but it’s not that kind of
love, Rafe, although I think it might be for him. In a way, I’m almost relieved. He’s such a good person. He deserves someone who cares for him wholeheartedly like I care for you. Sometimes I feel really guilty for being so dishonest.”
“I wish you could be more of a compartmentalizer, Lane, like me.”
“I know, but I can’t. My heart is just one whole thing and you fill up every bit of it.”
“It’s not good to be so dependent on one person, Sweetie,” he said gently, “especially when that person is me. I’m not always that dependable. I’ll only ever be able to give you a small part of what you want.”
She sighed. “I know, Rafe, but I guess that’s just the way it is.”
* *
Raven died in April. God, she hated to tell him.
*
Rafe, I’m so, so sorry but Raven died. We didn’t think you’d want an autopsy done but Doc said it sounded like his heart just stopped. He was asleep in his bed. I know how much you loved him, Rafe. Are you going to be okay? We buried him under the dogwood tree on that little hill closest to the stables where all those Lilacs are against the fence. I tried to call your cell but it was shut off. Call me if you need to. I don’t know what else to say. I love you, Lane.
*
Lane - no, I wouldn’t want an autopsy. What does it matter why he died? Fuck, Lane. Next to you, he was my best friend. Sounds like you guys picked a nice spot although to tell you the truth, it doesn’t make me feel all that much better, lilacs or no fucking lilacs. I wish I’d been there with him. Yes, I’ll be okay. No, I probably won’t call. I don’t think I want to talk about it but thanks for the support. Love, R
*
Well, Lane, tell Dad I bickered (Christ, just saying those words makes me cringe!) and I’m an Ivian now, for what that’s worth. I guess its worth something to Dad since he made such a point of ordering me to do it. The eating clubs offer food and social interaction, neither of which are especially high on my list of priorities but anyway…..R
*
“Dad?”
“What, Laney?”
“I got an e-mail from Rafe. He said to tell you he bickered and he’s an Ivy member now. He said he thought that would please you.”
“And did your brother seemed pleased about that too, Lane?”
She hesitated.
“It’s okay. I can guess his reaction. I was just curious to know how he expressed it.”
“He said saying the words, ‘I bickered’, made him cringe.”
Renny grinned. “Yes, I can see him thinking that. I’m a father though so every now and then I get to throw my weight around just to prove I can. Even your brother needs to feel the bit in his mouth on occasion.”
Laney just looked at him in puzzlement. She totally did not understand the relationship between Rafe and their father.
~ ~ ~
CHAPTER 8
Two down, two to go - yes!
The Corvette flew down the highway with the speedometer registering in triple digits and the cd player as loud as it would go - some classic George Bad-to-the-Bone Thorogood. He couldn’t believe he’d never gotten a ticket, fast as he always drove. The Highway Goddess must love him. “Home, sweet fucking home, here I come!”
*
He ordered a stone for Raven. Nothing sentimental. Just a smallish polished black oval stone with his name and a paw print engraved into it. Then, he went to the kennel and bought himself a black and silver German Shepherd puppy. (Not another black one, he wasn’t trying to replace Raven). He knew it probably wasn’t the best time with him gone so much at school, but Laney would take care of it for him when he wasn’t home, and he couldn’t stand not having a dog with him when he was outside at Heron Point. He named it Hawk. It followed at his heels adoringly, just like Raven always had.
*
Rafe was glad Renny and Magdelene would be leaving for Florida soon. They were thinking of buying a house there. Magdelene had wanted to do it for years but Renny always resisted. Heron Point was home and he said that was the only house they needed. Rafe figured his father was probably the only one on Forbes list of richest Americans who didn’t own more than one home but he liked being footloose and just traveling wherever they wanted to go. Renny always said when you walked away from a hotel, you turned over the key and you were done. But Maggie was hot to check out Florida real estate and Rafe guessed his dad was humoring her.
Rafe needed to spend some quality time Laney and that was easier to do with the folks gone. She seemed to be rather at loose ends since Cal had left.
“Have you got your eye on anyone else you might want to date, Lane?”
“Justin Delaney asked me to go with him to Dawn’s party. I told him I’d go with him but I didn’t want to consider it a date. I hope I’m more loyal than to start going out with other guys practically before Cal has had time to get to California. Anyway, Rafe, I think I just won’t date this summer while you’re here.”
“I’m going to race again,” he warned, “and I’ll be traveling a lot.”
“I know but, well, I’ll start thinking about dating next year when school starts.”
* *
“Goddam, I’m glad to see you, Kid. You know, I’ve had sponsors calling me about you? That’s unheard of at the level you’re at as a driver. Usually, it’s the other way around. I think the fan club is part of it. That story made the rounds in racing circles. Jeri is turning out to be one hell of a publicist. When you’re a rich professional driver, you need to put her on your payroll.”
“Slow down, Chet. I’ve got two more years of school. I just want to spend this summer and next doing what I’ve been doing. Maybe after that, we’ll start talking about what comes after I graduate.”
“No, Rafe, we’re going to start moving you on. We’ll keep you driving sprint cars this summer but next year, I’m going to try to get you a ride in at least a few Busch series races. We’ll see how that goes and then if you want to shoot for the big time when you’re out of school, you’ll be ready.”
“You worry about all that, Chester. In the meantime, you just point me to a race car and I’ll drive it.”
“Good enough, Kid.”
*
The girls were, of course, thrilled to see him. He had Jeri pass the word through e-mail that he was reserving a room at one of the most elegant restaurants in Baltimore and any of the members who wanted to come were invited. By the time, they all RSVPed, there were 112 of them. He chose prime rib and baked potatoes and salad for the menu. It cost him a pretty penny but he thought they deserved it. Besides, that year he took off, between racing and playing music and handling Laney’s funds, he’d piled up money instead of spending it the way he thought he would. And he always saved a big part of his allowance because there weren’t that many things he really wanted, so his bank account had grown significantly.
Jeri sent out a press release about the Appreciation Dinner and it must have been a slow news cycle because in addition to a couple of print reporters, Channel 5 News sent out a crew to film them going in. They interviewed several of the women, not dressed in Fan Club tee-shirts now, but in their dress-up best. They, of course, expressed nothing but adoration for Rafe. Mostly the media people wanted to talk to Rafe himself to get a feel for what this was all about and he didn’t disappoint them. Everyone who works in film knows that there are certain people with whom the cameras simply fall in love and they could tell right away that Rafe was one of them. The lenses seemed as if they wanted to wrap themselves around him, enhancing his lean, chiseled handsomeness, capturing the quick gleaming smile and the enigmatic dark eyes, dwelling on the lock of black hair that fell so appealingly across his forehead.
“How do you account for the fan club phenomenon, Mr. Vincennes? I mean, let’s face it, your stature hasn’t really reached the point where this would be expected?” the beautiful blonde reporter, asked, all professional on camera, but thinking, “hell, I know exactly how to account for it, I’m ready to sign up myself. Can anyone say sex appeal?”
Rafe’s quick smile acknowledged that he probably knew that was the answer as well but of course, he didn’t say it.
“I don’t know, exactly. There’s just kind of a connection among us. I can’t tell you how much their support means to me……”
When the recorders and cameras were off, he told her. “I can’t really explain to you in words but I could probably show you.”
“What time do you expect your party to be over, Mr. Vincennes?”
“I’d guess before midnight.”
She gave him a business card with her home address and phone number written on the back. “Call and let me know when you’re on your way.”
* *
Linda Dee gave a little moan when she saw him on the news. Her daughter, Chelsea, who was home from college herself, began to cry.
“Oh, my, God, Mom, he’s even better looking than he was in school.”
“Chelsea, I’m warning you. If you even think about joining his fan club, I will disown you!”
*
Lane spent her summer in a low-grade depression. She did all the usual things, parties and water-skiing and barbeques with her friends, but she just couldn’t seem to get into the swing of the season. Everyone treated her gently and let her get away with it for the most part because they attributed it to Cal leaving. And that was a part of the reason. She missed him. If he wasn’t quite the man of her dreams, as everyone believed, he was a wonderful friend, one she’d relied on a lot. A bigger reason for her emotional slump included Cal in another way, because he was involved in the deceit she had to engage in when she allowed everyone to make their assumptions. If her eyes suddenly filled with tears and Missy patted her on the back with sympathy for her broken heart, she had no choice but to go along with the misconception.
It was the first time she’d really faced what her feelings for Rafe implied for her future. She flat-out loved him and she didn’t think she could change that even if she wanted to but if she didn’t, she realized she would live her entire life protecting a secret. She had already spent ten years with the dominating fact of her existence being locked away inside herself. She could never, ever confide in anyone except Rafe himself, never be honest with her friends. Like now, when they were being supportive and compassionate, but for the wrong reason, and she had to let it happen that way. She wanted and needed their concern but it made her feel guilty that it flowed from a lie.
Laney had to put constant effort into being deceitful because at her core, she was naturally drawn toward openness and honesty. She knew Rafe wasn’t at all like her. He constructed his public persona in the way he wanted people to perceive it although it didn’t even come close to the reality of who he really was. He simply told people what he wanted them to believe and rightness or wrongness didn’t even enter into it. She’d asked him about it once, how he could lie so easily and make his lies sound so sincere.
She knew too that they were direct opposites in terms of how they felt about one another. For her, love was an all-encompassing thing. It filled her world. She still remembered asking him once if they couldn’t run away together and take new identities so they could be together all the time. He’d laughed at her then but she still knew she’d give up everything else if it meant she could spend her life with him. When he wasn’t around, it was almost like a part of her went into suspended animation, waiting for him to return, even though she went through all the motions of her daily routine. Her mental calendar was always focused on when they’d be together - Christmas, for instance, and then when that was over, she concentrated on her trip to see him in February. The rest of the dates were like time-fillers in between.
But the harsh reality, she admitted to herself, was that he didn’t feel the same way about her. She didn’t doubt he loved her in his own way but she was allotted only one small section of his brain. She had once tried to calculate what percentage that section took up, and even though it was impossible to measure in real terms, she estimated it was maybe 20 percent, if that much. And she thought out of sight was pretty well out of mind with Rafe.
The hard part of all this was that she knew it would never be any different. Let’s say for the sake of argument, they had run away together or that they were husband and wife instead of brother and sister, he’d still be who he was, off doing his own thing the majority of the time. That 20 percent of himself was all he was willing, maybe even capable, of giving her no matter what the circumstances. She thought faithfulness to Rafe was about as elastic as his definition of truth.
So where did all that leave her and the rest of her life? She sighed to herself. She couldn’t go much farther with this line of thought until he left again because when he was home, reason went out the window.
Last night, for instance. Renny and Magdelene were at Cape Cod. She heard him come home late, felt every move he made. Heard the shower come on and off as she lay there in her bed, tense with anticipation. When she saw his shadow in her doorway and heard him whisper, “Laney, are you asleep? Why don’t you come on over here with me,” her heart leaped and she couldn’t get to him quick enough. In bed, he’d kissed her and murmured, “in the morning, Honey, I’m really tired tonight. I just wanted to feel you close to me,” then put his arms around her and fell asleep. Just feeling that beloved body beside her was enough to fill her with happiness. And in the morning when he made love to her, she just decided she wouldn’t think about the rest of it right now.