Sociopath?

by Vicki Williams

  Rafe nodded. “That sounds fair. In the meantime, keep Dottie on if she wants to stay. You’ll need clerical help.”

  Dottie was Chet’s long-time secretary. She was in her middle-50’s. A tall woman built along the lines of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. She wore no make up, an iron-gray bun on the back of her head, a generally forbidding look and sloppy, unbecoming sweatsuits that ranged from black to gray to navy blue and back again. She could curse like a sailor but, Lord, that woman could speed read a contract and know exactly what every paragraph said and Rafe thought she could type about 500 words a minute.

  She and Rafe had a schtick they did together wherein he tried to sweet talk her and she would have none of it.

  “I wish I’d met you when you were younger, Dot. We’d have made some beautiful music together…in fact, it may not be too late.”

  “It was always too late, Rafe. Some of these fucking dumb broads may fall for your line of crap but even when I was in my twenties, I’d have seen right through you.”

  “Do you think I’m handsome, Darlin’?” standing before her in his sexy firesuit with his black eyes, the lock of black hair on his forehead and the usually-irresistible grin.

  “Go peddle your happy horseshit to someone who is interested in buying, Rafe.”

  “C’mon, Dot, why don’t you admit you adore me?”

  “I adore you like I’d adore having a boil on my butt.”

  After the deal was made, he cooed into her ear.

  “I’m your boss now, Dottie, you’re going to have to be nice to me or I won’t sign your paycheck.”

  “My paycheck could never be high enough to make that fucking happen.”

  He laughed. “Ah, Dot, you’re such a refreshing change from all the women who love me.”

  “God knows a body would never go broke under-estimating the intelligence of the average American female.” She snorted. “Fan club, my ass.”

  *

  Anyway, Dot stayed on, grumpy as ever. Chet rented a suite of three offices in a strip mall in Benedict and gave over one of them to Jeri although she’d mostly be working from home. Rafe told her to buy any equipment she needed and Chet too and send the bills to him and he’d forward them on to his accountant. There was really very little work involved in being rich when you were a Vincennes. Renny, and Rafe supposed, his father and grandfather before him, had arranged the family finances so securely and conveniently you couldn’t help but increase your wealth. It probably wasn’t even possible for a Vincennes to go broke even if they worked at it. Of course, Rafe was usually pretty practical in spending his money. He wasn’t interested in buying a luxury condo in Aspen or a multi-million dollar ocean front villa in Florida as some of the others had. (Jocey and Edgar had the condo and Morgan and Jessica the villa). He had bought himself a metallic blue Harley Davidson Screaming Eagle and he was thinking of trading in the Corvette on a new one although so far he hadn’t had the heart. It had over 100,000 miles on it now but he’d taken such good care of it, it was still in mint condition. He knew eventually he’d buy a plane but he was in no particular hurry to do that. Besides, between racing and acting, he’d actually been bringing in quite a bit more money than he spent.

  *

  In May, he drove to Provincetown, Massachusetts, (to be, he guessed, what would be considered the best man), at Chas and Vic’s wedding. They’d bought a house in the picturesque little town on the tip of Cape Cod, known for being populated primarily by gays. The place was sort of rundown but they had extravant plans for its renovation. It was a small wedding but tasteful (although the reception afterwards got a little out of hand). He tried not to take the center of attention away from the happy couple but they themselves wouldn’t allow that, introducing him to everyone as their straight godson, the famous Rafe Vincennes. They’d all heard the story about Vic getting beaten up and what had happened with Bob Bolover so his reputation had preceded him. They emphasized the part about him being straight so none of their friends would get the wrong impression. Still, he thought he’d never been hugged and kissed so much, surely, never as much at his own family’s gatherings. He wondered why the familiarities he wouldn’t tolerate from other people, he let slide when it came to Chas and Vic and their friends. Maybe it was because they expected absolutely nothing from him. They were proprietary about him but it was in the most undemanding way.

  He spent the night with them and they talked until late after everyone else left. They wanted to be filled in on all the details of his life. In the morning, Chas fixed sausage and pancakes. They would be leaving soon for the Boston airport to catch a plane for their honeymoon in San Francisco. He drove on down the Cape to visit Annecy and Mark at their gray-shingled place on the water at Chatham. They had one white-blonde little girl, Christina. The older partner in their vet clinic had retired and they’d bought him out so they owned it now.

  “So, Rafe, did I ever get a chance to tell you what an absolute sweetheart I thought Rhiannon was?”

  “No, Sis, but I could tell you all liked her.”

  “Do you think you’ll get married?”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  “I think she loves you a lot. You won’t hurt her, will you?”

  “I love her too, Annie. Maybe she’ll end up hurting me.”

  “Could anyone ever hurt you, Rafe? Is that even possible?”

  ~ ~ ~

  CHAPTER 13

  He had flown into LAX the night before. She picked him up at the airport, waiting in front at the unloading zone, with her hair tucked under a floppy brimmed hat and sunglasses so she wouldn’t be recognized. (She owned a black Ferrari but she drove her pearl Cadillac Escalade or the gold BMW more often so as not to draw attention to herself.) He didn’t have to go to luggage pick up. He had enough clothes at her place that he never had to pack. They made love and that seemed all right but he could tell she was restless and jittery about something.

  The next morning, she still couldn’t settle down. They were drinking orange juice at the table by the pool. She twisted in her seat and turned her glass around and round.

  “Jesus, Ree, you’re driving me nuts. Let’s have it, whatever it is.”

  She took a deep breath. “I haven’t always been totally up front with you, Rafe. I mean, I’ve never lied to you but I haven’t told the whole truth either.” Her voice took on a note of desolation. “Oh, God, Rafe, I hope you don’t think I’ve been dishonest and feel differently about me when I tell you what I have to say.”

  “I can’t imagine anything that would make me feel differently about you, Ree.”

  “Yes, Rafe, but this is about sex.”

  “Ah, sex,” he said, nodding, “go on.”

  “Remember me telling you about how brutal it always was in West Virginia and then how I sold myself for the first few years when I came here?”

  “I remember.”

  “Well, that part was all true. I hated sex, Rafe, and I guess I thought all girls did. I know me and all my cousins dreaded it when the men came around. Our house was small enough that when Pap screwed our Mom, we knew it and it seemed like a vicious thing he did to her. She always cried after. Sometimes she begged him to take one of us instead…and sometimes he did. When he pointed at me and said, ‘you, Pearl Ann’, I just forced myself to go cold inside so I could endure it. I was so grateful when it was one of my sisters instead.

  And then it was the same out here. We just did it because it was the only way we could live. We joked about how stupid men were, that you could pretend, and how easy it was to fool them because they wanted to believe they were macho studs who could actually make you like it. I can remember counting when it was going on, just praying for it to be over. Do you know it takes the average John 212 seconds to ejaculate, Rafe?”

  “No, Honey, I didn’t know that,” he told her softly.

  “I pretended with the men who took me in after I got off the street too because, you know, it was how I earned my keep and got them to help
me climb the ladder. I had to keep them feeling good abut themselves so they’d want to do that. And remember, Rafe, when I told you that once I made it and could support myself, I vowed I’d never fuck another man unless it was my idea?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, what I really meant was that I didn’t think I’d ever do it, not ever again, because I didn’t think I ever would want to fuck another man. As far as I was concerned, sex was only just ugly. I didn’t even know that it could be good for women too,” tears were running down her face, “no one ever told me that, Rafe, or if they did I didn’t believe them. So I got this big femme fatale reputation. Rhiannon, the sex pot, all the posed pictures with low cut tops and skirts slit to the thigh. But it was never me. It was all just a big act. I didn’t have sex with anyone until that day on the set when I met you. I knew when you took my hand and smiled at me that I had this weird feeling in my stomach. I’d never felt anything like it before, like, you know, anticipation that something wonderful was about to happen. And then when you did what you did and something really wonderful did happen, well, the tears were good for the part, but they were really because I couldn’t believe it. I never knew it could be like that, Rafe.”

  “And why would you think any of this would upset me, Ree?” he asked quizzically. “Men are usually proud of being able to satisfy their woman, especially if it’s for the first time.”

  “Because, you see, I was such a phony. I figured you were attracted to Rhiannon, the sophisticated sex goddess, and here I was just ignorant little Pearl Ann Mosier from Blister Springs, West Virginia.”

  “Come here,” he said, “and sit on my lap.

  He drew her close, with her face against his shoulder, rubbing her back while he talked.

  “Did you really think you were fooling me, Ree? It was easy enough for me to tell you weren’t the worldly person you were pretending to be. I could sense you working through it, finding your way. I knew fucking for pleasure and going down on me because you wanted to, and having the same things done to you, were new experiences for you, not that you hadn’t done both things lots of times before, but in the feelings you had about them. I wondered why you were handling it that way, Ree, and why you thought you couldn’t confide in me but I figured you had your reasons and I’d let you tell me when you were ready. I didn’t fall in love with either Rhiannon or Pearl Ann, Honey, I just fell in love with you.”

  She buried her head in his neck. “I’m ashamed of myself though, Rafe. I gave you that sermon about trust and made you let me tie you up and all the time, I didn’t really trust you because I was so afraid if you knew the truth, you would change your mind about me.”

  “Well, I didn’t.” He kissed her. “So have we got all this squared away then, Ree?”

  “I may as well go all the way while I’ve got my nerve up. There’s one more thing, Rafe, that I want to ask you about. Something I want more than anything in the world but only if you want it too.”

  His mind did a quick run-through of possibilities. Marriage? (Answer: no). A movie? (Answer: maybe).

  “You’re starting to make me nervous, Ree. Like I’m about to be led down the garden path. What is this thing you want more than anything in the world?”

  “I want to have a baby, Rafe.”

  His face went blank. “What did you say?”

  “I said I want us to have a baby. Honest, Rafe, it would hardly change your life at all,” she pleaded, “I’m not asking you marry me. I don’t want to use it to try to domesticate you. You don’t have to come anymore often than you would anyway. You sort of raised a baby once and you did great except that one thing…”

  He grinned, “you mean that one tiny detail that society calls incest, Ree?”

  She brushed him off. “You’d be a great father, Rafe, you know you would. Your nieces and nephews all adore you. Please, Rafe? I’d never trick you into it if you said flatly no but I will be ecstatically happy if you agree. I never even thought about wanting to have children until I visited you at Heron Point and saw what real families could be like and then, it just made me long to have your baby, Rafe, it’s almost all I’ve been able to think about ever since.”

  “Christ, Ree, you’ve totally blindsided me here. You’re going to have to give me a little time to think about this.”

  “I won’t nag you about it, Rafe. Just let me know whenever you decide.”

  *

  He thought about it that night as she lay curled up beside him sleeping. Sharing her secrets seemed to make a big difference. Like she’d given up a burden, making her more relaxed and eager than she’d ever been. He thought it was because she knew now she didn’t have to perform for him, but just be herself. With all the pain and insecurity she’d suffered in her early life though, she was still a work in progress. You just didn’t give up those kinds of deep-seated traumas overnight. But no one could be more patient than Rafe and in time, he’d teach her to offer herself to him as completely and wholeheartedly as Laney did. It would be an interesting project to bring her to that point.

  Ideally, he’d have them both together, one on either side. He gave himself over to imagining for a few minutes what it would be like to have blonde hair falling over his face as Laney kissed him while dark hair tickled his groin as Ree went down on him, or vice versa, of course - either way.

  Well, he may as well give that fantasy up. He thought both Lane and Rhiannon were too traditional in their thinking to consider that idea. Ree thought of herself as being like him and she was closer than anyone else had ever come. What she’d been through had made her tough and hard and determined when she needed to be but it was a toughness that had been born of harsh circumstances while his was innate. And love had softened her rough edges. So, in reality, it was no contest. He could outdo her in toughness or hardness or determination with one hand tied behind his back. He even thought she was starting to realize that as their power dynamic gradually shifted from equality to one that gave him the edge.

  In all the years since he was seven, he considered now and then if Miss Dee had been right about him. Was he really a sociopath? He hadn’t turned out to be a serial killer. He didn’t even think of himself as being an especially cruel person, at least, not deliberately, although Professor Barnes had called him amoral and he might have to own up to that. But he even loved some people and he thought sociopaths were characterized by an inability to love. He’d always loved Laney and now he loved Ree. And he loved Chas and Vic and maybe his Dad, although he wasn’t sure he loved him so much as looked up to him. But, whatever he was, he knew it wasn’t exactly average on the scale of human emotion. So did he want to take a chance on passing whatever was aberrant in his personality on to a poor, defenseless baby?

  In the morning, he awoke early and watched her as she slept. It was warm. The doors were open to the terrace and a flower-fragrant breeze ruffled the curtains. She lay on her back. For all the times she’d been mistreated, she’d emerged without scar or blemish. His eyes travelled the length of her creamy body wondering that a malnourished backwoods childhood could have produced such perfection, from slender delicate feet, up long golden legs to a flat stomach and those beautiful firm breasts with their pinkish-tan aureoles and on to a heart-shaped face surrounded by a mass of sable curls. With her eyes closed, her thick lashes lay curled against her cheek, her full mouth was parted in a little half smile, a small beauty mark near her top lip. One arm was stretched out, her hand lying against his shoulder. He’d noticed that no matter where she moved in the bed or in what position, she managed to stay touching some part of him, as if reassuring herself that he was there.

  “What the fuck?” he thought, if all the billions of other people on the planet concerned themselves with whether they were fit to reproduce, the species would die out. It was always a toss of the dice, hoping the positive genes would dominate.

  He woke her up kissing her belly.

  “Okay,” he said.

  Her eyes opened wide. “Do you mean….
?

  “Yes, if it’s what you really want.”

  She threw herself on top of him. “Oh, I do! God, Rafe, I love you so much! Thank you! Thank you!” kissing his forehead and eyebrows and eyes and nose and mouth. “I don’t think I was ever happy ‘til I met you and now I’m happy all the time!”

  “So,” he said, “do you want to try to make this baby right now?”

  *

  Later. “Do you hear this sound, Rafe, do you know what it is?”

  “The garbage disposal?”

  “Yes, it’s the sound of my birth control pills being ground up and carried off to the sewage treatment plant!”

  He chuckled, “pop me another bagel in the toaster, will you, Sweetie and pour me another cup of coffee?”

  She brought his coffee and sat down.

  “I hope I get pregnant before you leave this time. I looked it up on the internet and some women get pregnant almost immediately after they quit taking the pill. I hope I’m like that. Would you rather have a boy or a girl, Rafe? Do you have any favorite names?”

  “Hold on, Ree. I only just agreed to this an hour ago. I haven’t even quite adjusted to the idea of being a father yet and you’ve already got me choosing sexes and names?”

  “I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking about this so much and hoping you’d let me do it that I forget I only sprung it on you last night.”

  “Let’s just let it happen in its own time, Honey.”

  *

  Their schedules for the next few months were hectic. She was shooting her next film, partly in Paris. He was following NASCAR’s schedule. Once they managed to mesh their travel plans long enough to meet in Atlanta for 24 hours, getting a room in a generic hotel near the airport, before they both flew off again in opposite directions.

  She hadn’t had a period since his visit to Los Angeles but she didn’t say anything even though the over-the-counter pregnancy test came out positive. She wanted to go to the doctor first to be absolutely sure. He assumed nothing had happened yet so when she called him, elated, to tell him they were three months into becoming the parents of twins, he was in shock.