Rodeo Legends--Shane

by Pamela Britton

  “You promise you’ll be back for the race on Sunday?” she asked.

  “Scout’s honor.”

  She nodded and looked like she might say something more, but then she must have changed her mind. Instead she reached up and kissed him on the cheek.

  “See you Sunday, then.”

  * * *

  WHEN HE PULLED into the rodeo grounds three hours later, Shane had to admit it was a relief. He hadn’t realized until that exact moment just how out of place he’d felt in Kait’s world.

  Better get used to it, bud.

  “You escaped,” Carson said as he walked up to the truck and trailer. Hotrod turned his head when he spotted him. He held out a hand.

  “Miss me, buddy?” he asked softly.

  “Of course I did, Shane,” said his brother. “I can’t live without you.”

  He patted his horse on the neck. “I wasn’t talking to you.”

  “I know.” His brother shot him a smile.

  “Who’s up in the perf tonight?”

  His brother shrugged, set his hat on his head a little more firmly. “Oh, the usual suspects. Miller and Hillard, and the Thomasin brothers. Ray and that new guy. Dustin, I think his name is.”

  Shane nodded. Three days off and he’d missed riding like hell. He didn’t know how he’d deal in North Carolina. Hotrod and his truck and trailer would stay in California until he could find a place for his horse. He’d thought about not bringing Hotrod, but he needed a taste of home. He had a feeling having his horse around would help to keep him sane. Plus he might need his horse for his new job...wherever that might be.

  “Everything going okay at the ranch?”

  His brother nodded. “You know how it is with Dad, though. Never wants to admit how much he depends on you. Still won’t admit how sorry he is that you left, not even with his health the way it is.”

  Shane had been about to head to the tack area to grab his saddle, but he stopped. It was late afternoon and the railing the horses were tied to was in shadow, but he could see into his brother’s eyes perfectly.

  “What do you mean?”

  Carson drew back a bit, clearly surprised by the question.

  “That heart thing he had this week.”

  It felt like he’d been zapped by a hot wire. “What heart thing?”

  Any chance Carson was pulling his leg went completely out the window when he spotted the look on his brother’s face. He was completely and utterly serious.

  “How could you not know?” Carson asked.

  “What is wrong with Dad’s heart?” Shane asked, holding on to his patience by the thinnest of threads.

  Carson shook his head a bit. “A few days ago, I think the same day you left with Kait, he started having chest pains. I thought everyone knew. He went in for some tests. Said it wasn’t a heart attack, but he has some serious blockage going on. They’re doing more tests on Monday.”

  He hadn’t been told. Hadn’t even been called. Not even by his aunt.

  “You didn’t know?”

  “No clue.”

  His brother seemed taken aback. “Wow. He must be more mad at you than I thought.”

  Shane winced because if Carson-Who-Didn’t-Have-a-Care-in-the-World had noticed his dad giving him the cold shoulder, everyone else probably knew, too. That was probably why nobody had called. He would bet everyone had been told not to tell him.

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  Carson shrugged. “I just assumed you’d know.” He stroked his chin. “Although come to think of it, I did wonder why you hadn’t checked on him this week.”

  There were days when he really wanted to hit his brother. This was one of them.

  “Look, I wouldn’t worry about it. We’ve got it covered. I mean, you might want to phone the old man and let him know you’re thinking of him, but I’ll keep you posted on what the doctors tell him.”

  The news took the wind out of his sails. Heart problems. And he hadn’t told him.

  It was hard to focus on roping after that. His brother, usually not very perceptive, must have sensed his troubled mood, because he didn’t say a word when Shane missed his steer. No paycheck for the Gillian brothers that weekend.

  “Are you sure it’s his heart?” Shane asked because, honestly, the thought went through his head that his dad could be faking it just to make him feel bad about leaving. Anything was possible with his dad.

  But then why didn’t he tell me?

  “No. They’re sure. They think he had a blockage of some sort.”

  Shane jumped off his horse. “And his tests are on Monday.”

  Carson did the same, but he paused in the middle of loosening his horse’s girth. “Wait. You’re not thinking of sticking around, are you?”

  Of course he was. He and his dad might not see eye to eye on some things, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care. And if his dad was down for the count, that meant extra work at the ranch, and they were already down one man.

  “Maybe.”

  “Don’t do that.” Carson turned to face him fully. “We’ve got this. If it’s anything serious, I’ll give you a call and you can fly home.”

  But he was already shaking his head. “No.” He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take off when his dad might be in trouble.

  * * *

  KAIT FELT THE same way when he talked to her later.

  “Stay,” she said, her voice low and sexy, although in reality she was probably just exhausted. “I’m sorry you’ll miss your first race, but you’re doing the right thing. Stay.”

  Was that relief he felt?

  “I’ll call you when I know a little more.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Kait?” he asked, wondering if they’d lost their connection.

  “I’m here. I just wanted to tell you...” She paused again. “I just want to say that I...”

  His heart pounded.

  “...I hope your dad is okay. And I’m sorry you got bucked off your bull.”

  He let out a breath. “Thanks. And you have a safe trip back home.”

  He stared at his cell phone long after they’d hung up. What had she been about to say? For some reason he didn’t think it was to wish his dad well.

  Shane, I...

  Love you.

  That was what it sounded like she’d been about to say. And if she did, what then? It was good news given what they had planned for the future.

  Only for some reason, it didn’t feel good. It felt terrifying.

  Chapter Twenty

  “So is he staying another week in California?” her mom asked two weeks later.

  Kait hung up the phone and turned, trying to hide her disappointment. “Yeah.” She sighed. “Just until his dad is back on his feet again. I guess the surgery hit him harder than expected.”

  Her mother nodded in understanding, but as Kait swiveled her chair to face the glass window that overlooked Cooper Racing’s main shop, she wondered...

  “It’s not easy when it finally happens, is it?”

  She turned to face her mom again, and for a moment she contemplated playing dumb. She knew what her mom was saying. It didn’t make it any easier to admit, but she knew. She and her mom never kept secrets from each other.

  “I thought it would be different,” Kait admitted. “I thought falling in love meant happily-ever-after.”

  Her mom sat in a chair opposite Kait’s desk. Kait had had her own office at Cooper Racing since the day she’d signed on as a driver. It was covered in mementos from her racing career; from her first peewee go-kart trophy to her most recent win in Michigan. Photos were on her desk. In the winner’s circle. At a family wedding. Out with her family on vacation on the Colorado ski slopes.

  “Trust me, Kait. No relationship is perfect.”

 
“You and Dad seem pretty happy.”

  Her mom huffed with laughter. “Because you don’t live with us any longer. Believe me, it’s no fairy tale. We had our share of struggles, mostly after you kids were born and I was the one having to stay home all the time. It was tough on me. Your father is a very good-looking man. I always worried some other woman might turn his head.”

  “So what’d you do?”

  She shrugged. “I had to learn to trust him. And after a while, it got easier, but there was always that fear.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that, Mom. Dad loves you.”

  “And Shane loves you, too.”

  Kait felt her jaw go slack. “What makes you say that?”

  “Just a hunch.” Her mom nodded. “I think he felt completely overwhelmed at the race in California.”

  Kait picked up a snow globe she’d gotten overseas. The Tower Bridge became barely visible thanks to a sudden snowstorm.

  “He’d have to learn to get used to it,” she said, shaking the globe and watching the tiny white specks dance around. She felt a lot like she lived in a snow globe right now. Completely off-kilter. Shaken up. Unable to see things clearly.

  “You couldn’t have picked a guy more different than you,” her mom observed. “Never been to a race in his life. Rides bulls. Lives in California.”

  All things she’d been thinking herself. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  Her mom leaned back in her chair. “So? What are you going to do?”

  Kait shrugged. “Wait and see, I guess.”

  Her mom snorted. “Since when have you ever waited to see if something would work out?”

  Kait just shook her head. “What choice do I have?”

  “You could go see him.”

  “And say what? I love you? Don’t leave me? Come join me and my crazy life?”

  “That would be a start.”

  Kait got up from the chair, and as always happened, her hand landed on her belly. Her doctor said not to freak out that she seemed bigger than a house already. She was carrying twins. She needed to cut herself some slack, but it was strange to feel the way her belly protruded and to wear clothes with elastic in the waist and to be so off balance. She hated it.

  “If he wanted to be here, he’d be here.”

  “So you’re just going to let him go?”

  She didn’t know, damn it, so she shrugged. There was a reason she hadn’t told Shane she loved him. She didn’t want to be the one to chase him around. Or make him feel obligated to say it back. She was romantic enough to want him to want her.

  “What if he doesn’t love me?” she asked.

  It was her biggest fear. That he’d tell her he didn’t want a relationship with her. That he’d be a dad to their babies, but that would be it.

  “There’s no way any man in his right mind wouldn’t want you.” Her mom shook her head. “But the circus that goes along with you?” Her mom frowned. “That’s a different matter entirely.”

  And that was it in a nutshell. That was the fear that kept her up at night. He’d gotten a taste of her life in California, and she hadn’t even been driving a race car. If anything, her life was more chaotic then.

  “I don’t want to lose him, Mom.”

  “Then go after him, honey.”

  “Why am I terrified about doing that?”

  “Because you love him. It’s hard to let it all hang out there, Kait. Probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but you need to tell him. And you need to let him say it back...or not.”

  Her mom was right. She needed to go to California and lay it all out. She just wished that snow globe doubled as a crystal ball because if Shane didn’t love her, well, she didn’t know what she’d do.

  * * *

  “HE LOOKS GOOD,” Reese Gillian said, leaning against the rail of their arena, despite the doctor’s orders to take it easy. He’d been lucky. The procedure he’d undergone had been one of the less invasive ones. His dad told people he’d had his pipes cleaned out. Still, he was supposed to be off his feet for a few more days. Shane’s dad didn’t know the meaning of the words bed rest.

  “I think he’s going to be a good one.” Shane reached down and straightened a piece of the sorrel’s long mane. “He’s definitely futurity material. I think he’ll be ready to compete this fall.”

  “If you keep riding him.”

  He didn’t want to have this conversation with his dad. Not again. He’d agreed to stay on to help out until his dad was back on his feet. The doctor had said Reese needed three to four weeks before he could resume exercising. That meant at least another month of being away from Kait.

  You could visit her.

  But the thought of flying out to North Carolina, and of jumping back into Kait’s life... He didn’t know if he could do it. Didn’t know if he was man enough to always take a backseat to his famous wife. The realization had made him want to vomit, but he could no longer deny it. The longer he stayed away, the more he recognized his own fears. He was terrified of falling in love with his own wife.

  “You’ll find someone else who’s just as good with the colts as I am, Dad. I can’t promise anything.”

  Couldn’t he, though? Hadn’t he decided it was better to distance himself from Kait? Now? Before he got in too deep? He still planned to take care of her. To help raise their kids. He’d never shirk from that responsibility, but more than that? He honestly didn’t know.

  “Who’s that?”Reese asked.

  Shane followed the direction of his dad’s gaze.

  And froze.

  There could be no doubt who walked toward him. Her long hair was unmistakable. In the afternoon sunlight, it lit up like autumn leaves. Her body, though, that had changed. He couldn’t believe how much. And on the heels of that thought came a flood of guilt that he hadn’t been there to watch it happen.

  “Is that Kait?” his dad asked.

  “It is.”

  His dad glanced back at him, but there was no disappointment in the eyes beneath the cowboy hat. Or recrimination. Or dismay. There was just fear.

  His dad was terrified.

  It was like suddenly being hit by a wrecking ball. His whole body reacted to the realization that his dad didn’t want him to stick around because he worried about Shane’s rodeo career. He was afraid of losing him to another family.

  She was so close now that he could see into Kait’s eyes. Shane slipped off his horse.

  “Give us a moment, Dad.”

  He would analyze what he’d gleaned later, after he talked to Kait, because if she was here in California, this wasn’t a social call. She’d come a long way to talk to him. It must be serious.

  His dad tipped his hat at Kait as he walked by. Shane didn’t move. He stood there, holding the reins of the colt he’d been training. His heart beating in tune with her steps.

  “Shane.”

  That was all she said, coming to a stop a few feet away. No smile. No real greeting. No pithy comment about the weather.

  He’d been avoiding her. Sure, his dad had been sick, but that first week he could have slipped away to see her. For sure he could have done so the second week. It wasn’t like he was hurting for money. He’d won more than his fair share of purses this spring.

  “How you been?”

  She patted her belly. “We’ve been fine.”

  No doubt about it, she wasn’t happy with him, and he didn’t blame her. Sure, he’d called. They’d spoken on the phone. So he hadn’t completely abandoned her. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have a good excuse for going MIA. Still.

  “I’m surprised to see you here.”

  She tipped her head sideways, and he knew she would dive right into what was on her mind. That was the way she did things.

  “What happened, Shane? One minute you�
�re all set to move to North Carolina and the next I hardly hear from you.”

  He winced. “My dad was sick.”

  “I know your dad’s been sick. Your aunt’s been keeping me in the loop. She said he’s doing okay now, and he looked pretty good to me. A little paler than usual, but okay. So you could have left for North Carolina this week if you’d wanted to.”

  He was tempted to deny it, but he prided himself on being honest. It was time to put it all out there.

  “Kait, look.” He fiddled with the edge of the reins. “I just don’t think I can do it.”

  She tilted her chin up. It was the same pose he’d seen in magazines and on billboards. Kait Cooper: big bad race-car driver.

  “So you’re staying here?”

  “For now.” He shrugged, but it was hard not to feel bad about the situation. He’d told her he’d be there for her, and he’d planned to do exactly that, but then he’d gone to the race, and for some reason things had changed.

  “When the babies come, I’ll be there. No doubt. And afterward, we can work out a schedule. And if you need me before then, you know you only have to call.”

  Some of the bravado faded. Another expression entered her eyes. It gave him pause, made him brace for her next words.

  “But I love you, Shane.”

  It was then at that moment that he understood what he’d seen in her eyes. Heartbreak.

  “Kait, I—”

  “No.” She held up a hand. “Hear me out. I love you. I’ve known it for awhile now, I was just too stubborn to say it.” She inhaled deeply, and he realized she was fighting to hold herself together. “I had some stupid idea that the man should be the first one to say it. But now I’m wondering, if I’d said it earlier, maybe you might be saying something different to me now. If it might still get you to say something different.”

  She was Kait Cooper. Famous race-car driver. A woman who could have any man in the world, and she was baring her soul to him because she loved him. He could barely breathe for a moment.

  “Kait, please—”

  “No,” she said. “Don’t say another word. I can see how you feel about me in your eyes.”

  And it wasn’t that he didn’t love her back. But when it came right down to it, he knew their lives were too different. He was just saving them both future heartbreak. Wasn’t he?