The Vow

by Jody Hedlund

  But there were times when I felt smothered by their vigilance, by their attempts to keep me healthy and safe. They couldn’t keep me tucked away forever. They eventually had to let me grow up and face the realities of life; the hardships, and even the illnesses.

  I could say no more. At least for now. Instead, I rose to my feet and tried to still the shaking in my limbs.

  Chapter

  2

  I stood on the balcony in front of the Keep and watched the chaos unravel in front of me in the inner bailey. I dug my fingers into the comforting thick fur of my dog, Pup, who sat by my side, the only calm in the storm that had begun to rage around me.

  Servants and laborers were rushing about with a decided attitude of panic. Mother was busy overseeing the loading of my hastily packed trunks into a wagon. Father was barking orders to his captain of the guard regarding the supplies that needed to be gathered to combat the Plague. And Baron Caldwell and his retinue of servants were finishing packing their carts and readying their horses for their journey home.

  Mother had admonished me to stay inside. But I’d gradually crept out onto the balcony that formed the entrance of the Keep, unable to resist the activity. From my high perch, I could almost see over the tall castle walls into the town that lay below, the town now languishing with not only a deadly disease but a very contagious one.

  The thatched roofs and the wattle and daub homes formed a large portion of the town, the part relegated to the poor — those with little skill or no trade. The taller structures with the tiled roofs belonged to the tradesmen who had more lucrative businesses.

  From what I’d heard, the Plague showed no mercy. It infected rich and poor alike. Soon no one in town would be safe.

  Even though I was disappointed that my time with Thomas was coming to an abrupt end, I couldn’t begrudge his safety. I wished him and his family Godspeed and prayed that the Plague wouldn’t follow them.

  “My lady,” Thomas said, bounding up the stone steps toward me. Since we’d returned from our hunt, he’d been occupied helping his parents prepare for departure. Although I’d secretly hoped to the chance to say good-bye, I wasn’t sure if he’d remember me in all the commotion and hurry to leave.

  His jerkin was askew, his hair mussed in his obvious haste, and he was breathing hard as climbed the last two steps and finally stopped in front of me. Pup, who was by my side, stiffened. All week, my dog had regarded Thomas with wariness. I knew Pup was only protecting me and that it would take time for him to realize Thomas wasn’t a threat. I only wished that Thomas had more time to stay and prove himself to both my dog and myself.

  “My family and I must say our good-byes,” he said, his rich brown eyes taking me in and coming to rest upon my face.

  “Farewell, my lord. I wish you safe travels.” I wanted to tell him not to forget about me in his absence. I had no doubt there were other ladies, perhaps older than myself who were ready for marriage, who would be vying for his attention, whose parents would be aiming to match their daughters with this kind and wealthy man who would one day be a baron.

  What reason did he have to wait for me? What reason did he have for thinking of me at all? I wished there was something I could give him as token to remember me.

  He shifted and glanced to the bustling courtyard below. Then, clearing his throat, he took a step forward and closed the distance between us so that he was less than a foot from me. “My lady,” he said breathlessly. “I find myself in a predicament. I’ve been ordered to leave. And yet I’m loathe to go.”

  “Then you’ve enjoyed your time in Ashby?”

  “Enjoyed doesn’t quite seem the fitting word.”

  “What is fitting, then?”

  “These days with you,” he rushed, but then seemed to catch himself and slow down. “These days have been the most pleasant of my life.”

  At his admission, my breath caught.

  The noble lines in his face were taut with sincerity. “I know we’ve only just met. I know we’ve only just begun to get to know each other. I know that I have no right to ask anything of you. But . . .”

  I nodded at him to continue, every nerve in my body thrumming in anticipation.

  “But I hope that you won’t have the inclination to spend time with other men in my absence.” His gaze dropped to his leather boots as though embarrassed by his admission. “I don’t like to think about the possibility that you’ll spend time with anyone else but me.”

  I couldn’t very well admit that I’d been hoping the same thing about him, that he wouldn’t spend time with too many other women while we were apart. Nevertheless, I knew I had to assure him that I was feeling the same way. “You’ll have no reason to worry. There are no other men who are inclined to spend time with me.”

  He gave me a faint, humored smile, the kind a parent would to a child. “There may not be any other young men today, at this moment. But there will one day be more than you can count. You’re young and beautiful. And once word spreads that you’ve reached an age to entertain suitors, I have no doubt men will come from far and wide to fight to win your heart.”

  I smiled at his exaggeration. “You’re too kind, my lord.”

  “And you are too humble.”

  I shook my head to deflect his praise. “I shan’t need many men to come . . . I shall only need one.”

  At my statement he gave a sharp intake, and I suddenly realized how bold my words sounded. I hadn’t meant to insinuate that he was the one. I’d only meant to say that I wasn’t the kind of young woman who took pleasure being the center of attention or being flattered. Not that I’d had all that much practice with those issues in my short fourteen years. Even so, I didn’t relish the idea of juggling the attention of numerous men. I would be much more content getting to know one man, slowly, over time.

  Thomas surprised me by reaching for my hand and wrapping his fingers around mine. “If you’ll permit it, my lady, I’d like the chance to get to know you better, for us to spend more time together, for you to have the opportunity to see if perhaps I’m the one.”

  His words rippled through me, blazing a warm trail and leaving a nervous excitement in its wake. The pressure of his fingers was firm and warm, and I couldn’t think about anything but the fact that he was holding my hands and asking for permission to see me again.

  “I do permit,” I whispered. “And I shall pray that the day of your return happens with all haste.”

  His relieved smile lit up first his face then his eyes. “My prayers shall join yours.” At the nudge of Pup’s wet nose, Thomas squeezed my fingers before letting go and putting proper amount of space between us.

  With the increased distance, already I began to miss him. I twisted the bracelet on my wrist, one made of silver with a single carved cameo of a rose. It had been a gift from my father and mother for my last birthday, meant as a symbol of the fact I was no longer a tiny bud. I was blossoming into the woman I was created to be.

  I unhooked the clasp and traced the rose pattern. Then, before I could change my mind, I held the bracelet out to Thomas. “Perhaps this will help you remember me.”

  He shook his head. “I’ll need no help remembering you, my lady.” At the low rumble in his voice, my pulse sputtered forward, and I ducked my face to hide the color that surely infused it. “I shall be hard pressed to think about anything but you.”

  “Does that mean you’ll miss me?” I tried to lighten my voice, to sound playful, to hide my longing.

  But he did no such thing in response. Instead his voice turned nearly hoarse. “I shall miss you every minute of every day.”

  My heartbeat couldn’t go any faster. “Then you must take this.” I thrust the bracelet into his hand. “And then, when you can find no other excuse to visit me, you will always have a reason to come, to return the bracelet to my wrist.”

  He finally took it, caressed it with his long fingers. And then he lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss against the cameo rose. All the while his eyes
held mine and were filled with so many promises. And although he wouldn’t dare give me a kiss good-bye in this place, in front of everyone, I had the distinct feeling that the kiss on the cameo was his way of telling me that one day he would lay claim to my lips.

  He slipped the cameo into a pocket near his heart, and with a last bow he retreated down the stone stairway.

  I could only stare after him in breathless wonder and pray that our time apart now would be our last.

  Chapter

  3

  I peeked out the guesthouse door. The neatly trimmed yard was dotted with the skeps the monastery used for raising honeybees. But other than the conical wicker baskets and a few bees, the lawn was deserted.

  “You can’t go, my lady.” Trudy clasped my arm and attempted to pull me back into the sparsely furnished room that had been my home for the past week.

  I didn’t budge. Instead I opened the door wider and peered past the abbot’s house. Still no one. If I ran, I could likely make it across the yard and through the side gate into the monastery without detection. Once inside, I would have no trouble making my way to the infirmary.

  “Sun, moon, and stars,” my nursemaid said. “You’ll be the death of me yet.”

  “You stay.” I turned back to the woman who’d been my caretaker since I was born. Strands of her graying hair poked out from the plain veil draped over her head. Her plump cheeks were splotched red. Even though she wore a gorget around her neck and shoulders, the linen band couldn’t cover the red staining her throat too, the telltale sign of her frustration with me.

  A whisper of guilt gave me pause. I hated to distress my nursemaid, but like my parents she worried about me too much. I pressed a hand over her clammy fingers. “I insist that you stay. I don’t want to put you at risk.”

  Trudy rolled her eyes. “I’m not worried about myself. You know that.”

  I looked again in the direction of the infirmary that stood behind the monastery walls. The slate roof beckoned to me, and all week I’d had a difficult time resisting its call. There were too many people for all of the monks to assist. The sick and dying lined the corridors of the cloister. Although as a woman I wasn’t supposed to go inside the monastery, during this time of dire need, no one had forced me out.

  “Your dear mother and father will chop off my head if they discover I allowed you to be anywhere near the infected.”

  I knew as well as Trudy that my parents would do no such thing. Even so, her words did exactly what she’d intended — increased my guilt. I surely didn’t want Trudy to suffer any remorse if something happened to me. My parents wouldn’t blame her, but Trudy would never forgive herself if I came to any harm.

  I released a pent-up breath. “I don’t understand why Mother and Father can go out and mingle among the sick and provide aid, but they want to keep me locked away here, where I have absolutely nothing to do.” That is, nothing to do except think about Lord Caldwell.

  Over the past week I’d relived every moment of the time we’d spent together, especially that last hunt when he’d asked me to call him by his Christian name and had told me that he couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing me every day. Remembering the way his rich brown eyes had melted me was enough to make my insides do strange things again.

  We’d had so little time to say good-bye; but every detail of those last few moments on the balcony burned inside me nonetheless. I still marveled over the fact that he’d all but admitted his desire to court me, to win my heart, to have my affection for his alone. And I couldn’t deny that I was entirely enamored by the prospect. It didn’t matter that he was the first man to notice me or the first one I’d really interacted with. Even though I was young and inexperienced, I could see that he was a man of the highest and most noble caliber.

  I was quickly learning, however, that the brief memories of my time with him were not enough to sate me. And now, in the seclusion of the monastery guesthouse, without my dog or anyone to talk with except Trudy, I had too much time to brood and to think about Thomas.

  Reluctantly, I admitted that I also missed my parents. I’d never been apart from them for any length of time. As smothering as they’d seemed at times lately, I couldn’t deny that I longed for their company, their laughter, and their conversations.

  “Trudy, please try to understand.” I grasped both her hands between mine and squeezed. “I cannot sit around here a moment longer without anything to do.”

  “You have your embroidery —”

  “How can I stitch when people are dying?”

  “What about your spinning?”

  I shook my head. “I couldn’t bear such tedious work at a time like this.”

  “Perhaps I can send word to your tutor and have him resume lessons.”

  I pivoted back to the crack in the door. The silence and stillness of the ancient monastery greeted me. Although I’d never been inside the convent during my childhood, I’d attended mass in the spacious church that formed one corner of the walled complex. I’d always been curious about the monks who lived on the other side of the wall, who shaved their heads except for a round ring of hair, who wore plain brown habits, and who kept to themselves, rarely speaking or interacting with anyone. What would it be like to take a vow promising never to marry and instead spend one’s whole life devoted to serving God?

  I couldn’t understand why anyone would willingly choose such a life. But at times of crisis, like with the current plague outbreak, the monks refused to turn away anyone who needed help. I was sure my parents didn’t know about the sick and dying escaping past the town walls to the monastery, or they would have sent me farther away; likely to some remote estate in the country where I’d be even more isolated.

  As if realizing the direction of my thoughts, Trudy thumped her fists against her wide hips and narrowed her eyes. “If you don’t stop sneaking inside the monastery and visiting the sick, then you’ll force me to ask the earl to relocate you. And believe me, lass, the next place will make the convent seem like paradise.”

  “You wouldn’t dare say anything to my father.” I swung the door all the way open.

  “Watch me.”

  I flipped my braid over my shoulder and then stepped outside. I tossed her a smile. “I’m watching.”

  My dear nursemaid huffed and shook her head.

  I felt my smile curl higher. I loved Trudy almost as much as I loved my parents. In fact, I was more comfortable with Trudy, who’d seen me through many childhood antics. There were still times, like now, when I couldn’t resist a bit of childish teasing. I moved into the open yard, drawing closer to one of the skeps. “I’m still watching.”

  Trudy clucked like a mother hen before bustling outside after me.

  I turned and skipped away.

  “Earth, rivers, and sky,” she muttered.

  I raced across the distance of open yard and then past the abbot’s house, veering toward the side gate I’d discovered earlier in the week. I refused to allow myself to harbor any more guilt. Another visit into the infirmary wouldn’t hurt anyone. At least it hadn’t so far. I wanted to do something useful, something to help. Surely if my parents were spending their days caring for the sick, the minimum I could do was follow their example. How could they fault me for that?

  I skimmed my fingers along the stone wall that was weathered gray and covered in places with overgrown blackberry brambles. The gate was behind one such thicket.

  “Lady Rosemarie?” came a voice from the direction of the abbot’s house.

  I froze. A thousand thoughts came and went. Ought I act as though I hadn’t heard? Or slip through the gate without answering?

  Honesty won the battle. Slowly, I turned to find myself facing the tall abbot who’d greeted me the day I arrived at the convent. Abbot Francis Michael’s face was gaunt, and his shoulders and elbows formed sharp points in his habit. But, as before, I was struck by the compassion in his eyes.

  “Your ladyship,” he said. “May I be of service?”


  “Father Abbot,” I replied. “I was on my way to help the sick.”

  He glanced to where the side gate was hidden and then smiled. “I see you’ve found my entrance into the monastery.”

  I wanted to deny it for fear he’d prevent me from using it again. But from Trudy’s frown as she finally caught up to me, I had the feeling I wouldn’t be using the gate much longer anyway.

  “We’re sorry for disturbing you, Father Abbot,” Trudy said, bowing. Although the distance hadn’t been long, Trudy’s breathing was labored. She wiped at the beads of perspiration forming on her forehead.

  “You’re no disturbance at all,” he said. Behind him, the door of his house stood open. Why wasn’t he in the infirmary helping with the sick alongside all of the other monks?

  “I’ll just take Rosemarie back to the guesthouse.” Trudy fumbled for my arm.

  I stepped out of her reach. “Father Abbot, please allow me to give aid to the monks. They’re overwhelmed with so many sick.” Perhaps if I couldn’t convince Trudy to stop sheltering me, I could convince the abbot.

  The abbot cocked his head and regarded me. The seriousness of his expression gave me hope that perhaps he would consider me an adult where others had failed.

  “Father Abbot,” Trudy spoke again. “My lady’s parents sent her to the convent for safekeeping. They won’t be pleased to learn the disease has made its way here. They’ll be even more displeased if Lady Rosemarie is further exposed by direct contact.”

  “You’ve taken precautions?” the abbot asked Trudy, his thin brows coming together to form a pointed V above worried eyes.

  “Yes,” I replied before Trudy could answer. “My dear nursemaid has made me wash in vinegar, eat onions and garlic, sleep on my stomach, and carry flowers and scented herbs nearly everywhere.”