Wishing on Buttercups

by Miralee Ferrell

  Her mother drew Beth into a hungry embrace. “Yes, honey. And I promise that I will never leave you again.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Jeffery felt as though he stood on hallowed ground. He breathed a prayer of thanksgiving, grateful beyond measure to have witnessed Beth’s reunion with her family and humbled to have played a part in it. He ventured a glance at Mrs. Roberts. Her cheeks had lost their color, and her eyes brimmed with sadness. Was it possible she wouldn’t be happy for Beth?

  Another thought gave him pause. Mrs. Roberts was afraid of losing the young woman she thought of as her own. Beth had found her real family, and from all appearances, the cords that bound them in her childhood would be rewoven and an enduring strand formed. How would that affect his relationship with Beth? Would she be so caught up with her mother and brother that she would forget him? He got to his feet and cleared his throat. “I think I’ll excuse myself now and give you folks time to sort out the rest of the details.”

  Beth turned to him, her hand still clutching her mother’s. “Will I see you later? You aren’t leaving again before we have time to talk?”

  Her breathy question did much to soothe his worry. “I’m not going anywhere. But Father is planning on leaving for home tomorrow, and I want to spend a little more time with him before then.”

  He made it partway down the hall when the light footsteps behind him gave him pause. Beth hurried toward him, her hand outstretched. “I’m so sorry, Jeffery. I really wanted to talk to you as well. I didn’t realize … didn’t expect …” Her voice caught and held.

  Jeffery took her hand and drew her close, his heart pounding. “I know, and it’s all right. I’m so thankful you’ve found your family at last, Beth. I pray they will be able to help heal the broken places in your life.”

  She stood on tiptoe and placed a brief kiss on his cheek. “It’s all because of you. I will never be able to repay you for what you’ve done. You’ll have my gratitude and affection for the rest of my life.” Whirling, she made her way quickly back to the parlor.

  Gratitude and affection. Jeffery clenched his jaw. That was not what he’d been hoping for. Not at all.

  Three days had gone by since her mother and brother had arrived in Baker City, and Beth still hadn’t been alone with Jeffery. It almost felt as though he were avoiding her, but she couldn’t understand why. She’d thought her kiss and request to spend time with him would help him see how she felt. The only thing left was to salvage what pride remained and pour all of her time and attention into her family—not only her mother and brother, but Aunt Wilma as well.

  She knocked on her aunt’s door. “It’s Beth. I’d like to talk if you feel up to it?” Worry nipped at her. Aunt Wilma had looked peaked lately and not her usual outspoken self. Even Frances had a hard time prying more than a dozen words from her friend. She tapped again. “Auntie? Are you there?”

  A quiet voice answered, but Beth didn’t quite catch the words. She pushed open the door and looked inside. Her aunt stood over a carpetbag, placing items of clothing inside. “What are you doing?”

  “Packing.” The word was flat.

  Beth’s heart lurched. She covered the intervening space in two strides and placed her hand on her aunt’s arm. “Why? Where are you going?”

  “To a hotel until I decide what to do next. Or until Caleb and I marry.”

  Beth’s thoughts raced from one thing to another but couldn’t seem to land on anything that might have caused this sudden departure. “I don’t understand. Has something happened to upset you? Is Frances being difficult again?”

  “Frances is fine. I simply think it’s time I move.”

  Beth sank onto the end of the bed, sudden awareness dawning. “Is this because my mother is here?”

  Wilma frowned. “Your brother should be here, not me. You need your family together in one place. You’ve been apart long enough.”

  She stood and took the clothing out of her aunt’s hands. “Look at me, Aunt Wilma.” Beth waited a moment before continuing. “You are my family. That hasn’t changed and never will. Finding my mother and brother again doesn’t mean you aren’t one of the most important people in my life. I love you and don’t want you to leave.”

  Her aunt’s gaze wavered, then tears flooded her eyes. “I love you, too.”

  “Come here.” Beth gathered the older woman in her arms and held her tight. “Did you honestly think I wouldn’t need you anymore? I will always need your wisdom and strength.” She pulled back a half step. “You believe me, don’t you?”

  Wilma hiccupped and nodded. “I suppose I’m a foolish old woman who’s being overly sensitive.”

  Beth brushed the back of her fingers down her aunt’s cheeks, wiping away the tears. “Not at all. You’re being perfectly normal. I wish you would have talked to me about this sooner though. I didn’t realize you felt this way.”

  “You’re certain you don’t want me to leave so Mr. Harding can live here?”

  “I’m certain. Now come on, let’s go downstairs and have a cup of tea and a chat.”

  “But how about Mrs. Mason?”

  “She’s resting in her room.”

  Wilma nodded. “I wondered. It was good of Katherine to allow her to move in when Mr. Tucker headed home. Is she very ill?”

  “Steven said she has frequent attacks of weakness since her illness so many years ago. I urged him to have Caleb examine her, if he’s willing, to see if there’s anything more that can be done.”

  “That’s a wise idea. Have you caught up on reading the journals she gave you?”

  “I’m taking it slow.” Beth smiled. “It’s still hard for me to take in that she filled six of them, all written to me. It’s allowing me to see into her heart and thoughts. Some of my favorite entries are on my birthday and holidays, when she was reminiscing on what I might have been doing if we’d been together. I’m also happy to know my real birthday at last.”

  “We weren’t too far off. We always celebrated on the day you arrived at the fort in March, not knowing your actual birthday was in early February.”

  “Yes, that will take a little getting used to, but at least I’m only a month older than we thought. I’ve been thinking of something else, Auntie. Since Caleb located Dancing Water and her people, I’d like to see her again. Maybe someday you and I can travel back East together and visit her. I want to thank her for all she and her people did for me.” She linked her arm with her aunt’s and tugged her through the open door. “Enough of the past for now. We need to celebrate the future. You will always be an important part of my life, Auntie.”

  Her aunt sighed and squeezed her arm against her side. “And you mine. Shall we go see if that handsome Jeffery Tucker is about anywhere? I haven’t chatted with him in too long, and we have much to thank him for.”

  Beth slowed her pace toward the stairs. Somehow she didn’t think he cared to be found, although she still didn’t understand why. She tucked the remnants of her bruised heart back out of sight and put on a smile. There was no sense in alarming her aunt for no reason; she’d had more than her share of anxiety lately. “I suppose. We can see if anyone is about who wants to take tea with us and make it a party.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Jeffery stood at the bottom of the stairs wondering if he dared go up and tap on Beth’s door. He could stand the uncertainty no longer. Either she cared for him as much as he did for her, or he’d leave this town and not look back. The idea of staying in Baker City and only garnering Beth’s friendship and gratitude was not something he could tolerate.

  He started up and made it halfway, then paused at the sound of firm heels padding along the hall at the top of the staircase. The chatter of women followed.

  Beth and her aunt swung around the corner of the hall and came toward him, faces alight with laughter. “Why, Jeffery, there you are.” The older woman li
fted the hem of her skirt and started down ahead of Beth. “We were hoping to find you and ask you to tea.”

  “You were?” He kept his grip on the railing and backed down the stairs, keeping his gaze on Beth. No frown marred the beauty of her face. “Actually, I was coming up in hopes of enticing Beth to take a buggy ride. Now that the snow is gone and the weather has moderated, it’s quite a pleasant day and might be one of our last to venture out before another storm comes along.” He moved aside at the bottom and allowed Mrs. Roberts to pass.

  She gave him a subtle wink. “Wonderful idea. You young people get quite restless cooped up in the house. I’d like to find Frances anyway.”

  Beth gaped at her aunt. “I beg your pardon? You asked me to tea.”

  Wilma waved her hand. “Fiddlesticks. Everyone is welcome to change their mind once in their lifetime. And Mr. Tucker is correct. You might not get many more of these fine days. Why, even though it’s the middle of November it feels like fall again. Go along with you and have a good time. I’m perfectly content to visit with Frances.” She walked away, head held high.

  Jeffery peered at Beth. Had he pushed too hard to get his own way? Surely not. Mrs. Roberts was the one who insisted that Beth accompany him. “Would you care to come with me?”

  Her smile warmed his heart. “I’d love to, Jeffery. Very much. But we’ll need to ask Katherine or Mr. Jacobs if we can use their buggy.”

  He grinned. “I hope you’ll forgive me for presuming, but I was so excited about taking you for a drive that I already obtained permission and harnessed the mare.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. “I also warmed two bricks in the oven to place at your feet in case it gets cold.”

  “How thoughtful.” Her face glowed with pleasure. “I’ll get my gloves and hooded cape and meet you outside.”

  A few minutes later she stood on the porch as Jeffery stopped the buggy before the house. He wiped his damp palms on his trousers, then tugged on his gloves and jumped down from the seat. Please, God, be with me today and bless my endeavor. If only this would go as planned, he’d never beg God for another thing as long as he lived.

  Beth allowed Jeffery to tuck a lap robe around her, relishing the feel of his strong hands. “Thank you, I’m quite comfortable. I’m so glad you thought of this. It’s wonderful to be outside.” What she really wanted to add was, “with you,” but couldn’t quite muster the courage. She peeked from beneath her lashes at his handsome profile as he urged the horse forward into a slow trot. “Where are we going? Or are we simply driving and enjoying the day?”

  He laughed, and to Beth’s ears it was absurdly satisfying. “I have a destination in mind, but you’ll have to wait and see.”

  “All right. I’m perfectly content to sit beside you and enjoy the day.” There, she’d said at least a little of what she felt and hoped he would understand the rest.

  “As am I.” His dimple showed at the corner of his mouth before he turned his attention back to the mare. “Is your aunt all right?”

  Beth wrinkled her forehead. “Yes, why do you ask?” Was it possible Jeffery could be so perceptive?

  “I noticed her eyes were rather red-rimmed when you came downstairs, although she was smiling. I hoped she hadn’t been ill … or something.” He glanced at her.

  “We had a good talk and cleared up her concerns.” Beth didn’t hesitate. How wonderful to know she could confide in Jeffery. “She was worried my mother and brother would usurp her position in my heart. I assured her nothing could do that, and she’d always be my family. I’ve simply added to it, not replaced her.”

  Jeffery nodded. “Wise answer.” He shook the reins as the horse slowed. “We’re almost there.” The buggy pulled up a rise and topped out with a view looking toward both mountain ranges, the valley spread out between. “I discovered this on our trip to La Grande and thought you might enjoy it.”

  Beth absorbed the quiet beauty that lay on all sides, taking in the peaks in the distance tinted with snow, and the valley dotted with cattle and horses, and the outer edges of the town within sight. The man beside her completed the image of peace and wholeness. “What a lovely picture. I’m so glad you brought me here.”

  He set the brake and wrapped the reins around the handle. “Maybe you could draw it sometime. That is, if you stay in this area.”

  She turned her attention to him. “Why wouldn’t I? I see it as home now. Even more so than I did Topeka.”

  “I wasn’t sure, now that you’d found your family, if you might move.”

  “Steven says his position at the bank here will be permanent, and his mother”—she felt warmth blossom in her cheeks—“our mother is content to stay where her children are. How about you?” Her voice faltered. “I know your father wants you to return home.”

  “I want to visit them in the future, but I feel the same as you.”

  She relaxed, gratitude sweeping aside the tiny residue of worry.

  He swept his arm in a wide arc toward the valley. “This is where I want to live—assuming I don’t have to live here alone the rest of my life.”

  Beth’s pulse quickened, but she offered a demure smile. “Were you thinking of adopting a pet? A dog or cat, perhaps?”

  Jeffery threw back his head and emitted a shout of laughter, the joyous sound echoing across the valley. “That might be an option someday—should I have a child who has a yearning for one.” He gave her a meaningful smile.

  Beth ducked her head, not caring to have him see her blush.

  He lifted her chin with a gentle touch. “You mentioned earlier that you were adding to your family, not replacing it. Do you think you have any more room in your heart for another addition?”

  “I guess it would depend on who that was, and what position he or she wanted to fill.”

  He stroked his finger down her cheek, and she leaned her face into his touch, loving the feel of his skin against hers. His voice deepened. “I was thinking of applying for the position of husband, if it happens to still be available.”

  She opened her lips to reply but stopped short. How could she have forgotten? He wouldn’t want her when he knew. Beth drew back against the seat.

  Jeffery dropped his hand to his lap. “Beth? Did I say something wrong? Is it too soon? I’m so sorry if I’ve rushed you.”

  She turned away. “That’s not it at all. You did nothing wrong.”

  He gently drew her around to face him. “Then what? Please explain it to me, so I can make it right, whatever it is.”

  Sorrow swelled in her heart. “No one can make it right. It all happened so long ago, and there’s no changing it.”

  “Beth, look at me. Please.” He waited until her eyes met his. Warmth flowed into her, and she drank it in like someone too long in the cold. “If you’re talking about the fact that the Arapaho had you for a number of months, or that you didn’t know who you were much of your life, that doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t care if you still didn’t know, or if you’d lived with the Indians for years instead of months. I love you, Beth, and your past is part of who you are. Surely you see that.” He tucked a wayward curl under her hood, and the touch of his hand sent shivers up her spine.

  She wanted to pull away—insist he drive her back to the house and allow her to go her way—but she didn’t have the strength to break free of his touch. Longing for his love drew her, but disillusionment from so many rejections in her past pushed her away. She felt like a piece of warm taffy, tugged first one way, then the other, stretched almost to breaking. “It’s not that either, Jeffery. You don’t understand.”

  “Then make me understand. Tell me what is troubling you.”

  Beth grasped her sleeve and shoved it up almost to her elbow. She thrust it toward him, the rigid scar uppermost. “Look.”

  He wrinkled his brow as he peered at her arm, then raised a quizzical glance to hers. “W
hat am I supposed to see other than your perfectly lovely arm?”

  Was he teasing her or trying to make her feel better? “The scar.” The words were more curt than she’d planned, but she needed to disguise her hurt.

  “I see that. Does it have some significance?”

  She slumped in her seat. He didn’t understand. “That is only one of many. The bits and pieces of memory have been coming together these past weeks. I’d been playing with the other children and got tired. I must have fallen asleep in the tall grass of a meadow and maybe that’s why no one saw me. By the time I woke, the wagons were gone. I don’t think I actually saw them leave. That memory might have come from being used to walking behind at times and watching them roll across the prairie.”

  Jeffery nodded and offered an encouraging smile.

  She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “I remember running and crying. I stumbled and fell into a fire pit still full of hot coals. My arms, legs, and part of my back were burned.” She shivered at the dark memory that returned stronger each time she revisited it. “I am horribly scarred, and even I have a hard time looking at some of the more deformed places.” She shook her head and drew farther away. “I don’t think you could see them and still love me.”

  Jeffery grasped her hand. She tried to pull away, but he clasped it tighter. “Is that all?”

  She stared at him, not sure she understood. Was the man daft or being purposely obtuse? “All what? I told you I have many of these.” She lifted her arm again, determined he appreciate her words this time. “All my life I’ve lived in fear of these scars. At an early age I recognized they set me apart from other children—made me less desirable as a person in their eyes. I was damaged and not someone they cared to bring into their innermost circle. I learned to live on the outside and raised the walls of my heart to keep out the pain, but I always knew. I am not like other women and never will be.”