My Husband's Lie: A page turning and emotional family drama

by Emma Davies

  ‘Would Lauren and Chloe like to come and play?’ she asks. ‘And Mummy says that she has some cake for us all, so if you’d like some too you’re very welcome to come over.’ She pauses, mouth pursed, hoping that she’s delivered her message correctly. The girls are already bouncing at my side so I’ve no need to ask them what they think. I’m just inordinately pleased that Anna has invited me round too.

  ‘Thank you, Tilly, that would be lovely. Would you mind passing on a message to Mummy for me? Say that I just need to pop to the shop but I won’t be any longer than ten minutes and then I’ll be right over.’

  She thinks for a second and then nods, happy that she can deliver my reply intact. I close the door behind me as all three girls race off across the lawn towards Rose Cottage, leaving me to skirt the path around to the front of the house and into the lane.

  I’ve already rehearsed what I want to say and, all too predictably, there are several people crowded around the shop counter. I don’t intend to stay long and it looks as if I won’t have to; the bodies part like the Red Sea, leaving me standing in the middle of the aisle with a clear line of sight to Jackie’s astonished face.

  ‘Fabulous,’ I say. ‘The more the merrier.’ I march up to the counter, the biggest smile on my face that I can muster. ‘Hi, Jackie, I’m so glad I caught you. I just wondered if you could do me the biggest favour…?’

  She looks like she’s swallowing crushed glass.

  I don’t give her the chance to refuse. ‘You see, I’ve been thinking… Back in the playground earlier Stacey asked me what I might do should she decide she wants to keep spreading malicious gossip about me… So you see, the thing is Jackie, this is where I’m at…’

  I break off to smile at the faces around me. ‘I’ve had enough of someone I don’t even know telling other people things about me that are simply not true. Now, I reckon I’ve worked out why she’s decided to do that, but the rest of you… maybe you’re not bothered. Maybe you’re more concerned with staying on the right side of her than behaving like decent human beings yourself… Still, I guess it’s up to you how you sleep at night.’

  I clear my throat, willing my voice to stay steady. ‘But, it’s really lovely to find so many of you here all having a little chat, because I’m hoping that one of you at least has a conscience… Plus, of course, you’re all witnesses to the fact that I’m not screaming or shouting, or swearing, or, heaven forbid, threatening anybody. All I’m doing is asking you to pass on a message for me, Jackie.

  ‘You see, I’m sure Stacey thinks she knows all about what happened to Georgia Thomas all those years ago but, apart from the fact that my father is entirely innocent of the crime that was committed, she also seems to think that somehow this… “wickedness” has permeated down the years to infect my whole family. Which frankly is so utterly ridiculous I’m amazed no one has told her to stop being such a prat. There really is no reason to treat us all as if we’re the devil incarnate, not when we’ve done nothing wrong. We’re different people, you see. Jeez, it really is very simple…’ I shake my head in bemusement as I take a step back. ‘Is that okay, have you got all that?’

  There’s a slight snort off to one side and I’m aware of heads swivelling between myself and Jackie, wondering what comeback there’s going to be, if any.

  ‘Anyway,’ I add, backing away from the counter. ‘That’s all I wanted to say, thanks so much.’

  ‘Well I don’t know what the bloody hell you need to tell me for,’ grumbles Jackie, finally finding her tongue. ‘I’m not your skivvy.’

  I smile again. ‘No, that’s true, but I thought I’d tell you because you’re Stacey’s friend… Or maybe I got that wrong. Maybe you’re nothing like her at all…’

  I’m almost at the door to the shop now, but Jackie’s not about to let me go without a fight.

  ‘Stupid cow… I don’t know who you think you are coming in here and making out like you’re better than the rest of us. Not when your dad was a lying paedo…’

  I guess I was asking too much for her not to resort to easy insults. But I meant it when I said I’d had enough.

  I round on her. ‘And you know that for a fact, do you? You think it’s okay to say things like that when my dad was never even formally questioned, let alone arrested or charged. Or maybe the truth doesn’t bother you? It seems to me that the only so-called facts you’ve been listening to are ones put about by someone who’s a low-life bully. And for the record, no, I don’t think I’m any better than the rest of you… Or, I didn’t. Now I’m not so sure…’

  ‘Yeah, and why would Stace even bother with someone like you? Stuck-up poncey artist in your big bloody house. Who do you think you are?’

  I’ve been walking back up the aisle as she was speaking and am now only inches away from her.

  ‘Shall I tell you why Stacey bothers with people like me? Because in her world you dish the dirt first. Isn’t that the first rule of fighting dirty? Create a nice little smokescreen so I’ll think twice about making trouble for her. Well, tough – her son is a thug and a bully and it’s about time people stopped looking the other way. He’s been making a little girl’s life a misery and everyone just ignores it because they’re scared of her. Not hard to see where her son gets it from, is it?’

  Jackie practically spits at me. ‘You can say what you like, but you’re just as bad as her… Anna… You make a right pair, going around accusing people.’ She juts out her chin, the irony of what she’s just said completely lost on her. ‘Maybe she shouldn’t be so concerned with trying to blame other people for her precious daughter’s bruises, maybe she should look closer to home… or even next door… ‘

  Too late I see the danger as she trails off, a triumphant sneer on her face. I’ve pushed her too far.

  ‘Yeah… I reckon that’s right,’ she continues. ‘Stacey said that you and Drew used to be neighbours, that your families were the best of friends. Well, I wouldn’t mind betting they were all in it together, thick as thieves the lot of you, just like you are now. They say the apple never falls far from the tree, don’t they? Huh, they got that right.’ Her eyes are shining as she grins at everyone around her, full of gloating.

  A surge of heat races through me and I slowly move until I’m standing right in front of her. My eyes lock with hers.

  ‘You lot are pathetic,’ I hiss. ‘No, you’re sick… How you could even think such a thing about Rob is beyond me. A man you know, who’d do anything for you, as would Anna… And my Drew has done nothing either. For God’s sake, just listen to yourselves.’ I look at the gawping faces around me. ‘And wouldn’t you all love it if I said I was going to do everything in my power to take Stacey down? Well, sorry, but I couldn’t bring myself to stoop so low. Stacey’s welcome to the gutter, I just hope the rest of you manage to pull yourselves out of it.’ I push myself away from the counter and storm from the shop.

  Twenty-Two

  I don’t remember any of the walk back down the lane until I reach the gate by the churchyard and grasp hold of it, panting for breath. What have I done? Poor, poor Anna, now I’ve dragged her into this as well. How on earth have things reached the point when seemingly perfectly normal, perfectly nice people, start spreading such awful lies? Do we really all need to belong so much that we’re prepared to take the side of someone like Stacey just so they’ll let us be in their ‘gang’? Talk or be talked about, maybe that’s just how it goes. No, I can’t believe that, I won’t believe it. We’re better than that, we have to be.

  Anger is still surging through me, but the rush of adrenaline that fuelled it is now ebbing away, leaving my stomach hollow and my legs feeling like jelly. I’m not even sure I can manage to walk to Anna’s, but I will. If she’s heard any whisper of this I can’t possibly leave her on her own.

  I look up at the sky through the canopy of trees that have been the backdrop to a huge part of my life. There’s little wind today, but they rustle gently, a moving picture of fading greens, bright russets and
golds, and still beautiful despite the poison that seems to have leached into the air of late. I’m not giving any of this up; this is my home, that of my husband, my children and my friends. I take a deep breath, determination helping me to find my feet, and I follow the sound of the girls’ shrieks of laughter.

  The back door of Rose Cottage is slightly ajar when I reach it, and I tap lightly before walking in. Anna is at the sink, staring out across the garden, but something about the way she’s standing makes me realise she’s not seeing anything. She turns when she hears me enter.

  Neither of us say anything for a moment. I had planned to, something warm and apologetic, given the way we parted, but I’m shocked by how dreadful Anna looks and it dries my words. She looks as if she’s barely clinging on, her eyes huge in her pale face.

  ‘Drew said you’d been ill and I…’ She pauses. ‘I meant to come and see you before to ask if you needed anything… but Drew said he had it covered and—’

  ‘Jesus, Anna, you look dreadful!’

  She bites her lip, smiling uncertainly. ‘So do you, actually…’ Her words end in a wry smile before she bursts into tears.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ she says, backing away. ‘I know you don’t need this… You really don’t need to stay, it’s just I…’

  But I catch her sleeve. ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ I reply. ‘Don’t be so bloody stupid.’ And I pull her into a hug which makes her cry all the harder.

  ‘I’ve got some tissues somewhere.’ She sniffs, eyes searching the room.

  ‘Here.’ I hand her the box from the side and she slides them onto the table, plucking out a handful before sitting down. I sit silently on the seat opposite, giving her some space to compose herself. Her face is blotchy, red spots livid against the paleness of her skin, and this isn’t the first time she’s been crying either. I can see it in the tightness around her eyes.

  ‘I’ve treated you appallingly,’ she splutters.

  But I hate that she can even think this way, not after the way I’ve behaved. ‘No, no you haven’t. It’s me that needs to apologise, Anna. For heaven’s sake I questioned everything you are, as a wife and a mother. I should never have said the things I did. It was rude, judgemental and… well, just vile actually. How else were you supposed to respond after I’d backed you into a corner?’

  She looks up, sniffing. ‘Yes, but I didn’t understand then… And you were right all along. Trying to pretend that something isn’t happening doesn’t stop it from being so.’ She opens her mouth to say more but just the act of recalling what she needs to say brings a fresh bout of tears. She swipes at her nose with a tissue. ‘I can’t believe people could even think such a thing. I mean, what kind of depraved…? I know things like that happen, I’m not that naive, but…’ And then she stops dead and looks at me, horrified at what she’s just said. And I no longer know whether she’s talking about me or her.

  ‘Can I get you some water, Anna? Or something else…’ I cast about the kitchen for something, anything, that will make her feel better.

  But she shakes her head, fingers shredding the tissue. ‘How have you coped?’

  I might not be sure what she’s talking about but I can still answer the question. ‘Well, I haven’t, clearly. I’ve blown a hole in my marriage, argued with a good friend, and then taken to my bed for nearly a week to pretend that the outside world doesn’t exist.’

  Anna’s mouth drops open. ‘Oh…’ She wipes a tear from her face. ‘But I saw you today at school,’ she says. ‘You were… fierce…’

  I smile sheepishly. ‘I didn’t feel like it,’ I reply. ‘I was terrified.’

  ‘But at least you’re standing up to her. I’ve tried… but now I just seem to have made things so much worse.’ She pauses to marshal her thoughts and I know she’s wondering how to tell me.

  ‘I’ve just come from the shop,’ I say, holding her look. ‘I know what they’re saying, Anna.’

  He mouth gapes open.

  ‘And I may have just shot my mouth off…’ I recount the conversation, wincing as I hear my words all over again. ‘I’m sorry, Anna, I just couldn’t help it. What an absolute load of bollocks, I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous.’

  To my surprise a smile flits across her face. ‘Actually, I should thank you, Thea. You wouldn’t believe the people who have hesitated, looked at me just a little bit longer than necessary, taken just that little bit too long to come up with a response. People who I thought were my friends. People whose children Rob has christened, even married in a couple of cases.’

  I can feel my anger building again. Because this is exactly what happens when our emotions are toyed with, when our maternal fears are jerked like the strings of some evil puppet; we start to see shadows where there are none. And I can see how easily we begin to distrust our own instincts. Rob is no more capable of hurting Tilly than my dad was capable of abusing Georgia. But the seeds have been sown, and in fertile soil they’ve started to grow…

  ‘How is Tilly…?’ I prompt, reaching forward to give her hand a squeeze.

  It takes a while for her to even start explaining. It’s too raw, too present, and it’s bad enough having the thoughts inside her head, let alone having to put them into words. But eventually she finds a place to start and draws in a deep breath.

  ‘You were right,’ she begins. ‘About Tilly being bullied. I thought it was just the one time, when you saw the bruises. And I let myself believe that was it. But it’s not just the odd shove here or there, or teasing getting out of hand. It’s targeted, almost daily acts… insidious…’

  ‘Leo?’

  She nods. ‘And I’d been doing my best to ignore all the warning signs… trying to persuade myself that it was all a storm in a teacup and there was no need to make a fuss but…’ She visibly shakes. ‘Now I know the extent of it.’ She looks straight at me, her face taut with anger, but something else too. And I know that look well, it’s guilt.

  ‘Tilly is… very independent as you know, but there are still quite a few things that she needs help with, personal things like washing her hair, and to start with I thought that perhaps she was getting a little self-conscious, growing up, you know. And she’s always understood she’s different, but maybe her perception of her disability was changing, maybe she was becoming more aware of it herself.’ She breaks off to shake her head. ‘But really all I was doing was just pretending there was no problem.’ Her lip begins to tremble. ‘I’ve let her down so badly…’

  ‘No, no you haven’t, Anna. You have a beautiful, well-adjusted daughter who has only good things to say about people. And that’s because you and Rob always strive to let her be the best she can.’

  She thinks about my words for a few seconds before clearing her throat. ‘I don’t have a faith, Thea,’ she continues. ‘Not like Rob does, but I do believe that generally people are good and kind and if you believe that then… Except now I think maybe I’ve got it wrong. That I’ve set Tilly up to fail somehow because she expects that from people too.’

  ‘Oh Anna, that’s the only thing to believe. Imagine how awful life would be if we didn’t hold onto that. Some people just hide their goodness very deep indeed…’ I break off, thinking of Leo and his mum. ‘Or, they’ve never been taught that it’s okay to let it out. Worse, that only bad behaviour gets you attention…’ I watch Anna’s face as she wrestles with herself. ‘Were there lots more bruises?’ I ask gently.

  She hangs her head. ‘Her poor little body… all up the insides of her arms, especially around her stump, pinch marks mostly, but right where the skin is softest…’

  ‘And right where it’s not obvious…’

  Anna’s head jerks up. ‘Yes… I hadn’t thought of that.’ Her eyes dart around the room as she takes in what I’ve just said. ‘But that still doesn’t excuse it. I should have noticed, I’m her mother for goodness’ sake. And Tilly’s been quiet, even withdrawn on occasion. You know what she’s like, she never complains, and I just thought maybe she was c
oming down with a bug or…’ She holds my look, her own one of abject despair.

  ‘Anna, you don’t need to explain, not to me.’ The irony of what I’m about to say almost makes me smile. ‘You’re not the one at fault here, don’t forget that.’

  Apology flashes across her face. ‘I’m so sorry, Thea. I should have been the one reminding you of that fact. The way you’ve been treated is appalling. You’ve had the most awful time of things, haven’t you?’ she says.

  My head is still swimming, crowded with conflicting emotions; anger, regret, sadness, but maybe just a little hope too.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want a cup of tea or something, Anna?’ I ask. ‘Only… I think I could do with one…’ I hold out my hand to show my still trembling fingers.

  Her expression changes immediately. ‘Oh God, sorry, Thea… you must be feeling awful.’ She jumps up and, as she looks at me, she smiles properly for the first time since I got here and I feel the foundations of our friendship begin to re-shore themselves up. ‘Actually, I can do better than just tea. Hold that thought,’ she says with purpose. ‘I’ll be back in a sec…’

  She arrives back just as the kettle is beginning to boil, carrying an enormous cake tin which she plonks down on the table.

  ‘And before you say anything, yes I know we’re not a huge family.’ She cranks off the lid to reveal an enormous chocolate cake, made in three layers, which stands about ten inches tall. ‘This isn’t the first one of these I’ve got through this week either.’ She eyes me over the table, a challenging look on her face.

  It’s in such contrast to the mood of just a few minutes ago that a snort of laughter escapes before I have time to contain it. ‘Oh, amen to that!’

  I clap my hand over my mouth but Anna just laughs. ‘Half each?’ she asks.

  And suddenly, when just a short while ago eating anything seemed like a massive chore, my mouths fills with saliva and I think I probably could finish the entire cake.

  Anna hands me two plates and a knife, leaving me to portion the cake however I see fit, while she finishes making the tea.