“Keep the change,” I say with a smile.
Gwen and Lucas each take their ice cream and turn in search of an empty table.
“Thank you, enjoy. Your son’s adorable by the way,” the woman comments, and my heart skips a beat.
Son.
The assumption that I’m his dad should fill me with fear, but it does nothing other than warm my heart. The scary thing is, I like it.
I see Gwen’s body still beside me as she stands with her back to me. I can’t see her face, but I know she heard it too. She stays paralysed for a second before continuing forward, heading over to the table in the far corner by the window where Lucas is sitting and
I give the woman behind the counter a curt nod before I turn and head towards Gwen and Lucas, who’s scoffing his ice cream so fast, it covers the lower half of his face, dripping down his chin.
“Baby, what have I told you about eating too quickly?” Gwen asks Lucas, smiling. She pulls out a napkin and wipes his face.
“Sowwy mommy. Chocslate is yummy!”
“What do you say to Zach for buying you ice cream?”
“Thank you Zach!”
I smile. “You’re welcome buddy.” I give him a wink.
“So you remember how I said I’ve been spending time with my dad?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I want you to meet him. I wanted to get to know him better before introducing him to everyone but, do you wanna come for dinner tomorrow night?”
“I’d love to.”
“Great.” She smiles.
Once we’ve finished our ice cream, we spend the rest of the afternoon shopping, spending most of our time hopping in and out of toy stores. It’s been so long since I was a kid myself that I forgot the magic and the feeling of excitement of walking into a huge toy store. The feeling of being completely and utterly in awe. The second we step foot inside the door I see Lucas's eyes light up, and it’s the best feeling in the world.
∞∞∞
I drive them home just as the sun is setting, and as soon as Gwen unlocks the door, Lucas charges into the apartment armed with his electronic Buzz Lightyear I treated him to. Gwen has to practically wrench it out of his grip when he refused to eat his dinner and wanted to keep playing with his toys, but finally, she wins.
After dinner, he goes to his room to play. I sit with Gwen on the couch with her in my arms, not really paying much attention to the movie on the TV screen.
“Tell me about Luke,” I say.
Gwen pulls herself upright from where she was slouched in my arms and looks up at me. “You want to know about my ex-boyfriend?”
I get that it must be weird, to have your boyfriend ask about your ex, but I’m genuinely interested in who he was. He was important to her and she lost him. He is a part of her and Lucas and always will be.
“Yeah. You loved him, he fathered Lucas and he died. He was important to you. I want to know what he was like.”
“Hayley introduced us to Kyle one day, and brought Luke along with him, and we just kind of hit it off. It didn’t start out as anything serious, just a bit of fun really, but soon it became something more. He was wild and funny, he made me laugh so much. One time I woke up in pain because I’d been laughing so hard.” She smiles fondly at a particular memory. “Then I found out I was pregnant. I called him to come and meet me. I waited and waited, kept calling him but he never showed. I assumed he’d stood me up, but then I found out he was in an accident on the way over here.” I notice her chin trembling a little as she fights back tears and I give her a comforting squeeze. “If I hadn’t asked him over, he might still be alive.”
“You can’t think like that, you had no idea what would happen, no one did. It was just an accident, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, it was nobody’s fault,” I tell her.
Has she blamed herself all this time? For the past four years, has she believed that she was the reason Luke died?
“What hurts the most is that Lucas will never get to meet his daddy, and Luke will never know him, never see him grow up...”
“I have a daddy?” Gwen and I both turn out heads around to find Lucas standing by his bedroom door clutching his teddy bear.
“Lucas, come here,” Gwen says. He walks towards us and climbs onto her lap, his little legs dangling over her knees.
“Is Luke my daddy? We haves same name.”
“Luke was your daddy, baby, that’s why you have the same name, because you’re special. If he was here right now, he would love you so much.”
“Where’s my daddy?” he asks.
I can see the fight within Gwen not to cry in front of her son. A memory flashes in my mind, back to when I was eight years old being told my parents had died. Of course, I was older than Lucas, I understood about death, but he’s only three. How is he supposed to understand?
“You know how we’ve talked about when people go to heaven?” Gwen asks.
He nods. “Like Rosie’s cat Fluffy?”
“Yes, like Fluffy. Do you know what it means?”
“That theys not alive no more and goes to heaven to be an angel.”
My heart squeezes painfully, tears stinging the backs of my eyes.
“Yes. You see, your daddy’s not alive anymore baby, he’s in heaven now. You’ll understand better when you’re grown up, but he’s looking down from heaven on you, and you know what, he’s so proud of you.”
“Whats daddy look like?”
Gwen pulls out her phone and scrolls for a moment before turning the phone around to face Lucas. He grasps the phone in his hands, holding it close to his face as he studies it.
He looks up to Gwen. “My daddy?”
She nods.
He cocks his head to the side as he studies the photo. “We haves same hair.”
Gwen laughs. “Yes you do.”
He gives Gwen back her phone and buries his face in her chest. “I wish daddy were here.”
“Me too, baby. Me too.”
∞∞∞
After Gwen puts Lucas to bed, and while she heads off to take a shower, I unload the dishwasher and put the dishes away. I'm so immersed in what I’m doing that I don’t hear Gwen come out of the bathroom until two arms wrap around my waist from behind. I turn around, take her face in my hands and capture her mouth with mine. Our tongues dance as I lift her up into my arms as her legs wrap around my waist. I spin us around and place her on the kitchen counter.
She breaks the kiss and trails her lips across my jaw and down my neck. I tip my head back slightly, letting out a moan. God, I love the feeling of her mouth on me.
She pulls back slightly and stops. She looks as though she has something on her mind, and she goes to speak but stops herself.
“What is it?” I ask.
“At the ice cream shop... the woman...”
“Is this about what she said, about Lucas being my son?”
She nods slowly, not meeting my eye. “Yeah,” she replies quietly.
“Look, I get it. It’s too soon to be even thinking about that, and don’t think for one second that I could ever replace Luke, because I could never, but I won’t deny how hearing her say it made me feel.”
“How did it make you feel?” she asks.
“Happy.”
I see the surprise in her eyes as they begin to well with tears. “Is that something that you would want, someday?”
I press a kiss to her lips. “Someday.”
∞∞∞
A short while later, Gwen falls asleep in my arms as we sit on the couch, and I carry her to bed, placing her down carefully, pulling off her clothes and tucking her in.
I'm just about to climb in beside her when my phone begins to buzz in my pocket. Kyle’s name flashes up on the screen.
I leave the room and pull the door shut quietly behind me.
“Hey, man,” I say.
“Hey, I just thought I’d call you to let you know that our little problem will soon be resolved. It’s all set for Satur
day night,” he adds.
“Awesome. I'll meet you at the casino?”
“Sounds good.”
“Thanks, man. See you there.” I hang up.
A weight has lifted off my chest at the thought that soon Josh will be out of Gwen and Lucas's life, and we can finally begin to build a life together.
I could never picture it before... a family... a future, a future I’ve wanted so desperately but never thought I could have is within arm’s reach, all I have to do is reach out and take it.
And what a bright future it is.
Chapter 40
Gwen
“Hey, thank you for coming,” I say, pulling open the door and allowing Patrick and Susanne through, or should I say, my dad and Susanne?
That concept is still messing with my head. It’s weird. All these years I believed him to be dead, and here he is, twenty years later, alive and well, standing in my living room, the same room he grew up in when he was a child.
Since that day that we met up at Hayley’s uncle’s diner, we’ve seen each other a few times, getting to know each other a little better. He and Susanne took me and Lucas out for dinner, where he spent the better part of two hours solely focusing on Lucas, making up for lost time with his grandson. I can see the love and adoration he has for Lucas in his eyes when he looks at him, and his smile when Lucas says something amusing.
“Granddaddy! Granddaddy!” Lucas comes bouncing over to us, leaping into Patrick’s arms wearing the biggest grin. As soon as he found out that I did actually have a dad, he wasted no time in calling Patrick, Granddaddy.
“Howdy partner!” Patrick greets, spinning him around in the air above his head, breaking Lucas out in a fit of giggles.
“Zach should be here soon, I can’t wait for you to meet each other.”
“Well, we can’t wait to meet him.” Susanne smiles.
I make us all a drink and check on dinner which is cooking in the oven, trying my hand at cooking lasagne from scratch. At the minute, it’s looking edible, but there’s still time for things to go south.
I return to the living room with our drinks, setting them down on the coffee table. Patrick and Susanne are sat on the couch with Lucas squeezed between them as he babbles on about something to do with Toy Story, no surprise there.
There’s a knock at the door and I rush over to answer it, butterflies filling my belly. When Zach comes into view, I step forward and crush my lips to his, winding my arms around his neck. He kisses me back, his tongue sweeping into my mouth.
“Hello to you too,” he whispers against my lips, his mouth curving into a smirk.
“Hi Zach!” Lucas shouts, running towards us, holding his arms up above his head so that Zach can lift him.
Zach bends down to pick him up. “Hi buddy, how are you?”
“Good!” he says.
Zach smiles, setting Lucas back down on his feet, and he runs off back into the living room.
I take Zach’s hand in mine and tug him into my apartment, kicking the door shut behind him as I lead him into the living room.
“Patrick, Susanne, I’d like you to meet Zach,” I say. Patrick and Susanne both stand up and their eyes meet Zach. “Zach this is my dad, Patrick and his fiancée, Susanne.”
Zach’s body stills and his face falls as his gaze meets Patrick’s. “You,” he breathes out.
“Oh my Lord,” Patrick mutters, his face falling.
“You’re her dad?” Zach asks through gritted teeth.
Patrick nods. “Yes.”
My eyes flick between them. “What’s going on? You two know each other?” I look to Zach for my answer, but it’s Patrick who speaks.
“Gwen…” he begins. He swallows hard. He goes to speak but no sound comes out.
“Will someone explain what’s going on?”
“This is the man who killed my parents, Gwen,” Zach spits out. My head whips around as I look up at him. His eyes are hard as he glares at Patrick.
My breath catches in my throat. “W-what?”
My gaze flicks back to Patrick, who’s face says everything. He remains silent, hanging his head low.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “No, this isn’t happening. Patrick, please tell me he’s wrong.” My eyes begin to fill with tears, praying that Zach is wrong, but the feeling in my gut is telling me the opposite. Deep down I know the truth, I just don’t want to believe it. Patrick remains silent, still staring at the ground. “Patrick?” I prompt.
“Patrick?” Susanne asks.
His eyes flick up to mine, glassy with tears. “I’m so sorry.”
A cry slips free. How is this happening?
So this is how Zach’s parents died. They were the couple Patrick hit while drunk.
I look back to Zach who’s face is vacant of any emotion, he just stands there, staring at the ground, quiet and still.
“Zach?” I ask.
His eyes flick up to meet mine, giving me a look I’m all too familiar with. “I uh… I have to go.” He begins to back away.
“Wait, Zach. Don’t go. Please,” I beg as a tear trickles its way down my cheek. He says nothing as he keeps walking. I follow him towards the door, and just as his hand grips the handle, I reach for his arm, spinning him around to face me. “Zach. Please. You promised you wouldn’t leave me.”
He looks down at me, as his own tear slipping free. “I’m sorry,” is all he says, his voice thick as he pulls the handle and disappears out the door.
I stumble back against the wall behind me, clutching my stomach as pain tears its way through my body, and the sound of my strangled cry fills the space. It takes everything within me to stay on my feet and not collapse into a heap on the floor, because I know I’ll never be able to get back up.
∞∞∞
Soon after, Patrick and Susanne leave, feeling it best to give me space right now. If it were up to me, I’d throw dinner in the trash and curl up into a ball in the middle of my bed, but I can’t let Lucas go hungry, so I feed him. I watch him dig into the lasagne that I slaved over all day, watching as tomato sauce spatter in a million different directions. If this were any other day, I’d probably be laughing, but not tonight. Tonight the last thing I feel like doing is laughing, I don’t think I could even if I tried. I peer down at my own dinner that I’ve been picking at and pushing around my plate for fifteen minutes, knowing full well it’s cold now, but I don’t care. I lost my appetite the second I found out that the drunk driver who killed Zach’s parents when he was a little boy was my dad.
Once Lucas has finished eating, I toss the leftovers into the trash, the dishes and cutlery too. Washing up the dirty dishes is the least of my worries. I’ll buy new plates, so what?
I give Lucas a bath, get him dressed and ready to bed before reading him a bedtime story. I usually love reading him stories, but tonight my mind is elsewhere, so I don’t concentrate on what I’m reading. Something about a dog running away from home and going on some wild adventure.
Oh, how I’d love to run away right now. Away from all of this.
I’m glad he’s too young to understand any of this, I can avoid all the questions that I don’t want to answer.
I don’t understand how this is happening.
How did everything go from perfect to disastrous in such a short space of time?
What hurts the most is that he never even tried to talk to me about it.
By now, my pillow is soaked with my tears. I hit call on Hayley’s name, and she answers almost immediately.
“Hey, what’s going on?” she asks.
“Hales. I need you.”
Chapter 41
Zach
I blast down the freeway on my bike doing over a hundred. I’ve been riding around for over an hour now, not going anywhere in particular. Fuck the speed limits, Fuck the fact that I’m not even wearing a helmet, right now I don’t really care.
Fuck everything.
It’s spitting with rain, though each droplet of water stings my face
like needles as I weave my way through the traffic towards the city. The sun is just beginning to set and it’s starting to get dark.
I can’t believe this is happening. Of all the fucking people in the world and that son of a bitch had to be her dad.
When I looked up to his face, for a moment I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. No way could he be her dad, the odds are absolutely ridiculous. He looked different than when I last saw him five years ago. I’d just graduated college and finally bucked up the courage to face the man who stole my parents away from me when I was only eight fucking years old. Let’s just say that prison hasn’t been good to him, he seems to have aged a decade. He’s slimmer now, more grey hair.
The Promise Page 18
