Exes and O's

by Joy Argento

  “Sure. I have a few minutes.” She set the bag on the coffee table and sat down across from her. Ali could smell the donuts and her mouth watered. The bowl of popcorn next to her paled in comparison.

  “I wanted to thank you for sticking around and taking care of Madison. From what Madison tells me you’re really helping her.”

  Ali was glad that Madison thought that. She was doing her best but felt like she fell short at times. She wished she could ease her pain. “I’m happy to do it.”

  “Madison shared your history and more recent…” Jenny hesitated, seeming to search for the right word. “…events.” Ali wasn’t surprised.

  “I’ve apologized to Madison. I’m so sor—”

  Jenny put her hand up. “I know. I guess I’m just trying to tell you how much I appreciate you being here after everything that happened. Most people would have run back home way before now.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “Oh no. They would have. But you stepped up to the plate. You’re a good apple in my opinion.”

  That touched Ali’s heart. She expected Jenny, and anyone else Madison told about the situation, to hate her. She was glad Jenny didn’t. Patty hadn’t acted like she was mad at her either. Jenny only stayed a few minutes more. She explained that she had a husband waiting at home and she was anxious to put her feet up. Ali helped herself to a donut as soon as the door closed behind Jenny. She found some Ziploc bags in a kitchen drawer for the rest. She felt a little bad—but only a little—throwing out the bowl of popcorn but figured it would get stale if she saved it.

  Ali turned off the lights, locked the door, and tiptoed up the stairs to check on Madison. She looked so peaceful. And beautiful. Ali stood there longer than she probably should have, just taking her in. She wanted this memory to take back to Syracuse with her when she did have to go.

  Syracuse. That seemed so far away and so insignificant. The only thing she had going for her there was Charley. He was the only one who would miss her if she just disappeared one day. Not that she had any plans to do that. She had nowhere else to go. They say you can’t go home again and they—whoever they are—were right. This had been her home once. This little town and its people had been important to her. She had left all that behind and they had moved on without her. Nobody would miss her here when she left. That made her more than a little sad.

  She got herself ready for bed and slipped under the floral comforter with the matching sheets. The bed was much more comfortable than sleeping on the floor in Madison’s room. She was tired, but sleep eluded her. Thoughts of the last few days drifted in and out of her mind. Madison being spitting mad at her. Madison in pain. Jenny thanking her. Grayson grabbing hold of her little finger and hugging her tightly when they said their good-byes.

  Madison had a wonderful support system here, and Ali was thankful for that. It was good to know that they would be here for her when Ali left. She lay in bed for what seemed like hours. She slipped out of bed and padded back down the hall to Madison’s room. She leaned against the doorjamb and tried to convince herself that she was just checking on her. But her heart knew better. Her heart recognized the strong feelings of longing. Feelings that she had no idea what to do with.

  Chapter Twelve

  Each day, Madison felt a little better. By the fourth day, she was still sore but could get up and down the stairs without assistance. Jenny informed them that she could cover a couple more days at the donut shop. It was time to tell Ali she could go home. Madison wasn’t sure if Ali would be relieved or disappointed. She had really come through and had been a godsend.

  Ali was already fixing breakfast as Madison, still moving slower than normal, made her way downstairs. The smell of bacon greeted her as she pushed open the swinging door to the kitchen. Ali was quietly singing, off tune. Her back was to Madison as she flipped pancakes at the stove. Madison stopped and just watched her for a couple of minutes. The last few days really opened her eyes to who Ali had become and who she still was. The fact that she was going to miss Ali surprised her. They had managed to cohabitate seamlessly.

  Ali turned around and jumped. The spatula she was holding flew into the air and landed on the floor with a thud. She laughed, obviously embarrassed. “I didn’t hear you come in. How long have you been standing there?”

  “An hour and a half.”

  “Liar.”

  Simultaneously, they bent to pick up the spatula, and ended up face-to-face, inches apart. Madison’s gaze landed on Ali’s lips. Red. Full. Looking so kissable in that moment. It took her another second or two to get a handle on her feelings and that thought—that very unwise thought. She stood up a little too quicky and felt an unpleasant twinge in her back. “Ooh.”

  Ali was up and next to her in an instant. “I don’t think you’re quite ready for calisthenics yet. Here. Sit down.” She took Madison by the elbow and eased her into a nearby kitchen chair.

  “It was just a little glitch. I’m all right.” Ali raised one eyebrow. “Seriously.” She waved a hand toward the stove. “I think your food is burning.”

  “Oh shit.” Ali moved with lightning speed, grabbed the handle of the frying pan, and moved it to the center of the stove. She flipped over a pancake and showed it to Madison. “Should still be good.”

  Madison stared down at the black pancake and tried to decide if Ali was joking. “Um. Yeah. It looks fine. You can have that one. I prefer mine a little less cooked.”

  “Oh, come on. This one’s perfect.” Ali laughed. “Luckily, this was the last one. I have a whole stack here.” She threw the burnt one in the trash and picked up a plate full of fluffy pancakes. “I think we need to eat in the dining room. That smell is pretty bad.”

  “Agreed. What can I do to help?”

  Ali turned the fan over the stove on. “Nothing. Go make yourself comfortable at the dining room table. I’ll bring everything out.”

  “I’m not an invalid—anymore, anyway. I can help. In fact, why don’t you go sit down and I’ll serve you. You have waited on me enough. It’s my turn.”

  “I’m thinking—”

  “Don’t start a sentence with a lie,” Madison interrupted.

  Ali laughed. She hadn’t heard that line since—well, since the last time Madison had said it to her years ago. For a moment, she was transported back in time, to happier days. Much happier. “I’m thinking,” she repeated. “That you shouldn’t be pushing it, considering the back spasm you just had.”

  “You win. I’ll go sit and let you wait on me hand and foot.”

  “Good. Go.”

  Madison padded over to the dining room through the open doorway. She was barely gone a minute when she called Ali.

  Ali stopped what she was doing and went to see what Madison needed. “Is it pain? Do you need the heating pad?”

  “No.” Madison pointed at the wall. “There’s a spider.”

  Ali remembered that Madison was not fond of insects. She laughed. “That little old thing. He’s cute.”

  “He may be cute, but I don’t want him in the house.”

  “I’ll take care of it.” Ali headed back to the kitchen to get a cup and a piece of cardboard or something to scoop him up with.

  “Don’t hurt him.”

  Ali stopped in her tracks. “What?”

  “Don’t hurt him. Can you just get something to move him outside?”

  This wasn’t the old Madison Ali remembered. She would have squashed that critter and not thought twice about it. “You used to hate spiders.”

  “I still do, but just because they freak me out doesn’t give me the right to kill it. I’ll move it outside if you don’t want to.”

  Ali smiled. Madison’s compassion had expanded to include spiders. Her heart swelled at the thought of it. “No. I’ll do it. I agree. He should just be encouraged to go live somewhere else.” Ali found an old paper Chines
e food menu in a drawer. She placed a small glass over the spider, slid the menu between the glass and the wall, and captured the little guy. She shook him loose off the side of the deck outside.

  “You and Jasper are now safe,” Ali said when she returned.

  “Jasper?”

  “Yeah. That’s what he said his name is. You don’t think he was lying do you?”

  “No. Not unless he’s in the witness protection program, and as far as I know they don’t usually include spiders in that.”

  “They do if the spider testified against a mob boss.”

  Madison laughed and Ali warmed to the sound of it. “You’re such a smart-ass.”

  “Hey. I saved your life and you call me names.”

  Ali gathered the food and place settings and made several trips between the dining room and kitchen setting everything up.

  “I feel like a slug sitting here watching you go back and forth and not helping,” Madison said.

  “You have a hard time relaxing, don’t you?” Ali poured orange juice into Madison’s glass.

  “I can relax. It’s just that I haven’t done anything for days. I’m getting restless.”

  “Would you like to do something today? We could go to the ocean, sit on the beach. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day.”

  “That’s just more sitting. Unless you want to go.” Madison poured syrup on her pancake and took a bite.

  Ali racked her brains. What else was there to do in Clyde that wouldn’t stress Madison’s back? She came up empty. “Did you have anything in mind?”

  “We can go to the ocean—”

  “That’s what I said,” Ali interrupted.

  “And take a stroll on the boardwalk. The exercise will do me good.”

  “Oh. I didn’t know there was a boardwalk.” Ali half expected Madison to blast her for not knowing stuff that had changed in the last twenty years. She didn’t. Ali realized that Madison hadn’t done that since her back went out. Maybe she wasn’t quite as mad at Ali because she was helping her. Or maybe she wasn’t as mad because she realized Ali wasn’t her enemy. Whatever caused the change, Ali was glad.

  “You don’t think that will be too much for you? Remember it’s an hour’s drive.”

  “I can put the seat back so I’m reclining on the ride. We can walk some, and if it gets to be too much we can sit on the beach for a bit. I have beach chairs in the garage.”

  “If you’re sure,” Ali said. The last thing she wanted was for Madison to be in more pain.

  “I’m sorry. I should have asked you if you mind driving that far.” Ali would drive a hundred miles if it meant spending more time with Madison. “It’s no problem. I’m the one who suggested it in the first place.”

  Madison laughed. “Oh yeah. That’s where I heard it. I’ll give you gas money.”

  “Stop being ridiculous. I’ll buy the gas—but I’m going to make you pump it.” Ali dived into her breakfast.

  “Okay.”

  “I’m just kidding. You are going to take it as easy as you can. I may even carry you on the boardwalk.”

  “Good plan. Then I can take care of you for a week when your back goes out.”

  “Deal.”

  They finished their meal, Ali cleaned up and Madison located the beach chairs. They packed a few things, sunscreen, water bottles and such.

  Madison adjusted the car seat and was fast asleep before they had driven twenty minutes. Ali attributed it to days of being in pain. That could wear you out for sure. That gave Ali time to think. Maybe too much time. She knew the dreaded conversation was just around the corner. Madison was getting better every day, and soon Ali’s services would no longer be needed. She would have no excuse to stay and Madison would expect her to go home. She didn’t want to go.

  Besides not wanting to leave Madison, she was starting to appreciate small town life again. It was the simple things, like going into a smaller grocery store and not have it mobbed with people. And folks you didn’t even know said hello or at least nodded to you, acknowledging your existence. It felt nice. It wasn’t that Syracuse was a bad place to live. Ali had gotten along just fine there. It was just that more people meant more separation. She had been back in Clyde for less than two weeks but settled back in as if she never left. But she had left. And she had to leave again. She just didn’t want it to be too soon. She and Madison had gotten on well the last several days. She still longed for the possibility of them getting back together. She played out the scenario in her mind.

  Madison could cut her hours at O’s if she wanted to. With the money Ali made they could afford to do that. Madison would go to work, Ali would write, then make dinner for the two of them. A white tablecloth covered the dining room table, two candles in the center. The table set for two and dinner staying warm until Madison walked through the door. Ali would greet her with a lingering kiss. It was stupid. It was never going to happen. Stop wanting what you can never have.

  “What are you thinking?” Madison asked.

  Ali hadn’t notice that she had woken up, and the question startled her. Good question. Probably best not to answer it. “Nothing.”

  “You do realize I can see right through you, don’t you?”

  She always could. Apparently, not everything had changed in twenty years. “Then what am I thinking?”

  Madison took a few moments to answer. “You’re thinking that I’m getting pretty self-reliant and you will be going home soon. What I don’t know is what your thoughts are on that subject.”

  “So, your mind reading skills only go so far?”

  Madison put her seat back up into an upright position. “Ali, let’s be serious here for a moment. Can you tell me how you feel about that? Please?”

  Ali rolled the question around in her mind. She knew without a doubt how she felt. What she didn’t know was how much of it to admit to Madison. Madison had made it clear that she wanted Ali gone, but that was before she hurt her back. They hadn’t discussed it since then, and she had no idea how Madison felt now. “How do you feel about it?” she asked, bracing herself for the answer.

  “Oh no. You aren’t turning this back on me. I asked you. I want you to tell me honestly how you feel.”

  Honestly? Okay, she could do that. “I’ve gotten used to being back in Clyde.” Okay, so that was only partially honest.

  “And?” Obviously, Madison wasn’t going to let her get away with that answer.

  “And—I would like to stay longer. I’m not really ready to go home.” There it was, out in the open. Best to leave out the part that she wanted them to get back together.

  “Don’t you want to get back to your life there? Your friends? Your goldfish, I don’t know. Whatever?”

  Ali laughed. “Goldfish?”

  Madison laughed along. “I don’t know. I just always pictured you with a goldfish. I just didn’t like the thought of you being alone and I didn’t want to imagine you with anyone else.”

  “You thought of me?”

  “Ali, how could I not. You may have disappeared from my life, but you didn’t disappear from my heart. I mean. It took a while. But… I mean…” Madison seemed to be stumbling over her words.

  “Am I still in your heart?” Ali asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

  Madison took so long to answer that Ali was sure she wasn’t going to. Her face flushed with heat as she waited. She hoped she wasn’t turning red.

  “I’m going to try to answer as honestly as I can. I think you deserve that.” Another long pause. “A piece of my heart will always belong to you. You were my first love. How could I forget that?” Pause. “That being said, you also shattered that same heart into pieces. That’s not something you get over easily.”

  There it was. Not the answer she was hoping for, but not as bad as it could have been. “I know. Believe me, I know the feel
ing because I had a broken heart too. Granted it was of my own doing, but I didn’t know that for a whole lot of years. But for me I got over the broken heart as soon as I saw you.”

  “As soon as you saw me? I doubt that. You certainly didn’t act like you were over it.”

  “Maybe as soon as I realized that I had been the one in the wrong. I wanted to make it up to you as soon as I found out the truth.”

  “You’ve made up for it these past several days. I want you to know I forgive you for leaving, and I’m sorry I was such a bitch when you first showed up.”

  Ali couldn’t stop smiling. Madison forgave her. She still needed to work on forgiving herself, but Madison forgave her. That was more important. “I don’t blame you for not being the most welcoming when I appeared out of the blue.”

  Madison knew that Ali wanted more than an apology, she wanted another chance. Madison wasn’t ready to give her that. But she also didn’t have to send her away so soon. “You said you aren’t ready to go home yet. Why don’t you stay around a while longer? I’m sure there are other people, old friends from school, that you would like to see.”

  “There’s no one here I kept in touch with. When I left, I left nothing here to come back to. My parents moved to Florida right after I graduated so I didn’t have to come back here for them. But I really would like to stay longer, if you don’t mind. I mean we had a deal.”

  “That was a stupid deal anyway. I had no right to demand that you leave town. Tell you what, as soon as I take my last dose of medicine we can go out for another drink—or two—or four, and I won’t make you go home the next day.”

  There was that smile again. “Deal.”

  “Good. There’s a bar three blocks from my house. We can go there and walk home and not have to worry about driving.”

  “There’s a gay bar so close?”

  The look of surprise on Ali’s face was endearing. “No. It’s a straight bar. It’s still Clyde you know. The town is not quite ready for that. But the good news is they don’t ask your sexual orientation at the door.”