Henry smiled as he slowly led me away from the crowd.
“Aye, she’s a lovely dancer. Each time I saw Hew look in our direction, I would pull the lass closer. He dinna care for it a bit.”
I laughed as we walked away from the festivities and back toward the castle. No one would notice our absence. Alasdair and Elspeth were too busy visiting with everyone that passed them, and Father wouldn’t return to the castle until he’d successfully danced with every lass in the village.
“Let us hope yer service will irritate him enough to inspire some courage. I doubt that it will though. He is the most painfully shy man I’ve ever met.”
There was nothing shy about Henry. He could charm anyone with his kind manners. I’d never known anyone quite as talented at conversation. He made everyone he spoke with feel like they were the only person in the room.
“Aye, I feel rather sorry for him. Morna, lass, might I ask ye something?”
When we were far enough outside the village that none could see us, I allowed my head to rest against his arm as I moved in closer and wrapped my arm more tightly around his.
“O’course ye can.”
“Do ye ever intend to allow me to kiss ye?”
His question took me aback. Henry was tediously proper and polite. I’d never picked up on any sign that he wished to kiss me. It was part of the reason I was so comfortable around him. He truly made me feel as if we were friends rather than suitors. More than once I’d wondered if perhaps Alasdair brought him here knowing he wouldn’t wish to marry me just to buy me some time before the next suitor was forced to come here.
“Do ye have any desire to kiss me? I dinna think ye cared for me in that way.”
He stopped and untwined my arm as he stepped back and held me at arm’s length.
“Whatever made ye think I doona care for ye, lass? I’ve spent every moment of the past four weeks trying to convince ye that I do.”
“’Tis only that we get on so well together. Ye’ve been so kind to me.”
His brows creased together forming a deep line in his forehead.
“Are ye under the impression that if a man wishes to kiss ye he will be unkind to ye?”
I thought of Seumas’ persistence and then of the anger that had inspired Jerry’s kiss. Until his departure, I never would’ve considered Jerry to be unkind. Now, I couldn’t think of him any other way.
“No, I dinna mean…” I faltered, not knowing what to say. “I thought ye wanted me only as yer friend. I thought perhaps ’tis what Alasdair instructed.”
He looked even more baffled the more I spoke.
“Lass, Alasdair has instructed nothing. ’Twould do him little good if he tried to do so. I’ve treated ye as a friend because I feel ye are one, but that does not mean that I doona also wish to make ye my lover and my wife. ’Tis my own fault if I’ve allowed ye to believe differently. Allow me to rectify that now.”
Henry’s mouth was on mine in an instant, pulling me close as his mouth explored mine with a passion that caused me to moan involuntarily. There was nothing familiar in Henry’s kiss, nothing that spoke to the friendship between us. As his hands roamed down my front, I realized for the first time what it meant to feel desire so strongly you would sacrifice just about anything to have it satisfied.
Henry kissed me until I could no longer hold myself up without the support of his hand at my back. As his free hand palmed my breast and my chest filled with heat, I knew I would never be able to think of him as my friend again.
Perhaps I’d been wrong before. Perhaps this was what love really was. Perhaps at the end of the next two weeks, I would be able to look at the passing date and simply say, Jerry who?
Chapter 21
Jerry
* * *
Even if I rode back from the Allen territory without stopping, I would never make it back to Conall Castle in a fortnight. The date loomed in my mind with a sense of dread comparable only to that I might have if it were the date of my own death. For in a way, if I returned to find Morna married to another, most especially to the utter fool Seumas McCabe, it would be.
I considered turning back at least a dozen times in the first days after leaving Conall territory. The stupidity of my words and the unnecessary harshness of them haunted me every night and day. What sort of madness had driven me to them? Desperation? Fear? A longing for her so deep I couldn’t bear it?
Whatever the reason, I knew I couldn’t turn back to apologize for them. For it wasn’t only my own destiny that lay in the druid’s hands, it was Morna’s ability to unlock the power within her, as well. If I could find him and convince him to help her, everything would be worth it.
All of it had been for nothing.
The man I sought was not there, and no one within the territory had any inkling of when he might return. I couldn’t wait. If I couldn’t bring the druid back to her, I would at least return myself.
I swore to myself as I embarked on the long journey back that if Morna was unmarried when I arrived, I would never let her go again.
* * *
Morna
* * *
“So…how do ye feel? Different—now that ye’re married?”
Only Mary could thaw my father’s icy heart enough to convince him to allow her and Kip so many days away after their wedding. Alasdair arranged a lovely cabin for them a day’s ride from the castle. So she and Kip had escaped to enjoy only each other for a full seven days after their wedding.
Upon her return to the castle, I awaited her in the kitchen. I’d missed her dreadfully.
“Oh, Morna.” Mary patted the top of my head as if I were a child, smiling guiltily as she did so. “While ye will surely feel verra different after yer wedding night, I have never pretended to be the well-behaved lass ye are. I feel quite the same, only more sated and rested than I’ve been in years. ’Tis Kip who is a different man now. Poor lad was as innocent as a wee lamb.”
Eyes wide with shock, I laughed and pulled out the stool next to me so she could sit.
“No? Do ye really mean it? Kip was a…a…he...” I was the innocent little lamb. I had so much more difficulty discussing such matters than Mary did.
“A virgin, lass. Aye, he was. I wouldna have believed it either, but the poor lad was terrified of me. Doona worry for him, though. I made certain he overcame his fear quickly enough.”
I opened my mouth to ask her about their journey but stopped short when I noticed how she was watching me. Her arms were crossed and she had her head turned oddly to one side as she looked me over with just one eye.
“What is it? Is there something on me?”
She smiled, slow and wide. “Ye look different. Verra different. Is it possible ye and Henry have shared a similar experience as of late?”
Horrified at her implication, I nearly fell backwards out of my chair.
“No! O’course not. Whatever made ye think that?”
“Doona act so shocked, lass. Something happened whilst I was away. I can see by the way ye are bouncing in yer seat that ye wish to discuss it. Come on now. Out with it.”
Consciously, it hadn’t even been the reason why I’d gone to the kitchen, but I knew she was right. Mary was the only woman in my life with whom I could discuss absolutely anything. My mind was so muddled as of late, I feared I would grow mad from the confusion I constantly felt.
“Aye, fine. Can ye tell me why every man kisses so verra differently?”
Amused, Mary’s smile remained as she scooted back in her seat and placed her hands on both my legs, effectively pinning me to my seat.
“Every man? I only know of the one ye’ve kissed. Have ye truly been so busy while I was away?”
“Only two others. Henry kissed me the night of yer wedding,” I paused, realizing the dishonesty in my words, then finished, “and many times since. The other lad was some time ago.”
Moving to cross her arms again, Mary stood and began walking in circles around the room. Mary was so used to spending eve
ry waking hour working that she could not sit still for more than a few brief moments.
“Ye canna mean Fulton, can ye? If that lad had the bravery to kiss ye, I shall be shocked. Even Hew is less shy than that poor bloke.”
I’d spoken to no one of my conflicted feelings for Jerry, but it was killing me to keep them to myself.
“No, ’twas not Fulton. ’Twas Jerry.”
“Ah.”
She didn’t look the least bit surprised.
“What do ye mean, ‘ah?’”
“O’course ’twas Jerry. He’s been in love with ye since the day ye found him.”
My heart rallied against her words. I couldn’t bear for them to be true. He wouldn’t have left so easily if they were.
“No. Jerry used me in the hopes I could get him home. He doesna love me. The moment he learned of another who might be able to aid him more quickly, he left. He will never return here.”
“Do ye truly believe that? ’Tis not why he left, lass. He left because his feelings frightened him. Men often run from such things. Ye doona have to believe me, but I’d wager two toes on the fact that he will return to ye. When he does, he will have realized just how foolish he was.”
I couldn’t spend my days hoping for his return. I thought about him enough as it was—even with the distraction Henry so willingly provided.
“Ye dinna answer my question, Mary.”
She chuckled and leaned against the wall behind her.
“With the count ye’ve gathered over these past weeks, I’m not sure I have much more practice kissing men than ye do. Tell me what was so different about each man’s kiss, and mayhap we can work through the whys of it together.”
It amused Mary to see me so flustered over men. She was one of many who worried I would grow old alone.
“I hardly know what to say about Seumas’ kiss.”
Mary interrupted, laughter erupting between every word. “I saw that kiss with my own eyes. No need to say anymore. What of Jerry’s kiss?”
Jerry’s kiss repeated itself in my dreams. It seemed etched forever in some warm corner of my soul where all of my most precious memories remained.
“Jerry spoke to me with his kiss. ’Twas as if each touch of his lips was meant to tell me something—the way he held me stirred more than my body—it stirred something within my soul.”
Mary’s suspicious gaze was back. I cleared my throat in my haste to move on.
“I canna think when Henry kisses me. ’Tis as if I am consumed by him, and I disappear beneath his touch. I canna breathe nor think nor move, and I doona want to do anything other than keep kissing him when his hands are on me.”
When I finished, Mary stood silently for a long time. I couldn’t tell if when she spoke it would be through bursts of laughter or tears.
“Say something, Mary.”
Eventually, she moved to sit next to me once again. Her voice was soft and serious when she spoke. “Have ye told Henry of yer magic?”
It had never occurred to me to tell him. “No.”
“Why do ye think that is?”
I didn’t know. I shrugged.
“When ye think of marrying Henry, how do ye feel?”
“I feel nothing. I doona ever think of marrying him.”
She continued her inquisition as my head began to throb. “And why do ye think that is?”
Again, I shrugged.
“Lass, ’tis not a why, ’tis a whom.”
His name slipped out before I could stop it. “Jerry.”
“Aye. Ye already know the answer to yer own question, Morna. One man has awakened yer heart and soul, the other simply yer body. ’Tis up to ye to decide which ye desire more. Now, get out of my kitchen. The lassies who cared for it in my stead left it a fair mess.”
Chapter 22
For the following fortnight, I allowed myself to ponder the possibility that Mary might be right about my feelings toward Henry and Jerry—that perhaps my feelings for Henry were based on nothing more than physical attraction, and it was Jerry who held my heart. If Jerry returned before the end of two months, I knew where my heart would lead me.
Two months to the day that Jerry left, I made my peace in the only way I knew how. I raged and cried and went to my spell room to search for a spell that might allow me to find him. Maybe he was on his way back. Maybe the druid hadn’t been able to help him. Maybe something had slowed him down along the way. There were so many possibilities, and I couldn’t bring myself to give up on him without trying to find out where he was.
I’d not entered the basement since Jerry left. In many ways, the room felt as if it were as much his as mine. He’d helped create it for me, and I could see every memory of us talking and laughing in my mind as if they were only yesterday. It still smelled of him, and it made the center of my chest ache dreadfully.
I knew the book I sought—one of the first I’d read. It detailed spells for visions that I had never naturally possessed. I’d never had reason to try one of the spells until now. Such spells were tricky. So much depended upon the caster’s intention—what lay in the mind of the witch as the spell was cast.
Grier’s notes made it even more difficult to decide which one to use. There appeared to be multiple uses for each and every spell. I read for a long while and finally chose what I hoped would be the safest choice—a simple seer spell that was meant to show me the answer to whatever question was in my heart.
It was a simple recitation in Gaelic. As I put Jerry at the forefront of my mind, I recited the words with care. It was the strangest experience of my life. One moment, I could see the basement’s stone wall in front of me, the next all I could see was a small home unlike any I’d seen before.
Its walls weren’t stone, and its roof wasn’t thatch. Through the window, the rooms appeared to be lit by hundreds of candles. Confused, I forced myself to glance around the scene. I gasped at the sight of a large wagon-like contraption I had no reference for.
Movement from within the home drew my attention back to the window. Tears filled my eyes as understanding sunk in. In the background, I could see a woman. Then as I continued to stare at the window, Jerry appeared, smiling widely as he reached to pull the draperies closed.
The scene confused me. It was the last thing I’d expected to see. Some desperate and hopeful part of my mind had been convinced I would find Jerry resting in the forest on his way back here. But he would never be back here again. Jerry had succeeded in finding his way home.
What I was seeing wasn’t from my time, but his. The druid had helped him. Jerry was home, in his own time, happy with someone I could only assume was his wife. Oh, how she must have missed him while he was away for so long.
When the vision before me returned to my basement, I laid my head down and quietly cried myself to sleep.
* * *
It was dark when I woke. The candles had long since burned away. Feeling my way to the stairs, I climbed up out of my spell room to find the moon high in the sky. Many of the castle’s windows were still lit with candlelight.
What excuse would I give when I entered the castle? Father would be furious, and Alasdair would be worried. Everyone would demand to know where I’d been.
As I rounded the corner, I spotted Mary, her short legs moving so quickly she was barely able to stop herself before smashing against me.
“Morna, ye must get inside. I’ve made excuses for ye as long as I can. Yer father was readying himself to go into the village to retrieve ye.”
“Is that where he thought I was?”
Nodding, Mary grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind her.
“Aye, when ye dinna come to dinner, I told him ye’d left to help Mae.”
“Why is he angry then? I often do go to help her.”
Thank God for Mary. She’d thought of the only excuse he would believe.
“I doona know, lass. Ye’ve not done so since Henry arrived. I believe he thought it rude of ye to leave him. Doona worry. Just doona leave Henr
y’s side once ye enter the castle. Yer father willna yell at ye in front of him.”
Reaching to adjust my hair, I pulled at Mary’s hand so she would slow down.
“How did ye know where I was?”
“I know what day it is, lass. I suspected ye might have escaped to yer spell room to spend the day alone.”
Hugging me tight, Mary pulled away and pointed toward the castle. “Best get inside. Henry was in the sitting room with Alasdair when I last saw him.”
* * *
Henry wasn’t inside the sitting room when I entered. Neither was Alasdair. Only Father remained.
“Ah. Ye’ve decided to return. Come, lass. I wish to speak to ye.”
“I’m sorry, Father. I wouldna have gone into the village unless I were truly needed.”
Lies came too easily to me when speaking to Father.
He held up a hand to stop me. “’Tis not ye that I worry about. What will Mae do when ye leave here?”
“Leave? What do ye mean?”
Father motioned to the seat across from him. Almost every serious conversation I’d ever had with him had taken place in this room with us sitting opposite each other in just the same way.
“Doona be daft, lass. One way or another, ’tis time for ye to make a decision regarding Henry. He’s shown far more patience with ye than I would have. Six weeks is a long time to make him wait.”
“I doona think he’s in any hurry, Father. He rarely speaks of it.”
Father grunted and crossed his arms.
“As I said, the lad is patient. Ye care for him. I can see that ye do. Can ye think of one reason ye shouldna marry him?”
My only reason was now living centuries ahead of me.
“One day I may wish to marry him. I am not ready to leave here yet. I wish to see wee Eoin grow.”
I said nothing of the new babe. While Elspeth would be forced to tell Alasdair soon, news of the babe was still our secret.
Love Beyond Reach: Book 8 of Morna’s Legacy Series Page 11
