“Morna.” Father’s voice was stern, cold, distant. “Eoin will grow up fine without ye. ’Tis generous of me to allow ye to pick yer husband at all. ’Tis not up to ye to decide how long ye reside in my home.”
I rarely allowed Father’s words to hurt me, but with my heart still sore from learning Jerry truly had returned home, the protective wall I normally kept up between me and my father crumbled.
It was natural for daughters to marry and leave their father’s home. I only wanted him to be more saddened at the thought of me leaving. Even if I wasn’t truly his, had our years together not bonded him to me in some way that made him love me?
“Are ye so eager to see me gone from here? Will ye not miss me at all?”
Father’s eyes softened in the same way they always did when he played with Eoin.
“O’course I’ll miss ye.” He paused and sighed then opened his arms and waved me toward him. “Come and sit on my knee.”
I stared back at him blankly. Never in my life had my father held me. Slowly, I stood and walked toward him and lowered myself onto his lap. It felt strange and foreign, and for some reason I couldn’t explain, it made me want to cry.
“I’ve not always treated ye as I should. I know ye wonder if I care for ye as I do Alasdair. I do, lass. I love ye so much it pains me. Do ye know how much ye remind me of yer mother? Every time I look at ye, I see her. As similar as ye are in personality, I canna believe that ye never knew her.
“No matter how things ended between us, yer mother was the love of my life. If I’ve distanced myself from ye, ’tis only to prevent the pain I feel when I see her reflected in ye. Ye must wed not because I doona want ye here, but because I must ensure that ye will always be cared for—even after I’m gone.”
I couldn’t imagine a world without him. I feared so many things about my future, but losing my father had never been one of them. He was so strong, so forceful. Although I knew it foolish, it was truly the first time losing him had crossed my mind.
Unable to stop myself, I relaxed against his chest and allowed his arms to wrap around me.
He held me there until I fell asleep. I stirred when he stood but feigned sleep when I realized what he was doing. My father—my cold, often-cruel, complicated father—was carrying me to my room as if I were a small child.
The climb up the stairs was easy for him, and he kissed my forehead as he tucked me beneath the blankets. He paused in the doorway as he left, turning back over his shoulder to whisper, “I love you” in Gaelic.
I was wide awake now—shaking and sobbing beneath the covers. It should’ve been healing for my father to confess such feelings to me after years of wanting to hear such words. Instead, it terrified me.
It felt so very much like goodbye.
Chapter 23
The next morning, I woke to Alasdair shaking my shoulders. He was trembling with excitement, and I knew before I opened my eyes that Elspeth had finally told him about the baby.
“Morna, lass, I’ve news to tell ye. Elspeth…she…she’s with child again.”
I couldn’t remember a time when I’d seen him more ecstatic.
Lifting me from the bed with ease, he pulled me into a hug that left my feet dangling a good distance from the floor. He continued to speak into my ear as he spun me around.
“Ye will be an auntie again. She thinks ’tis another boy, though I doona know how she could possibly know. I doona care if the babe comes out half-horse, I shall love it. Always before, when she’s lost them, ’twas earlier in the pregnancy. She has much hope that this one shall live.”
Finally, he set me down. I steadied myself as I smiled at him. I didn’t tell him that I already knew. It was fitting that he believe himself the first to know.
“’Tis the happiest news I’ve heard in some time. What do ye think wee Eoin will think of it?”
Alasdair laughed and moved to the window. Down below, Eoin was readying his pony to go out on a ride with his grandfather.
“I expect he’ll be excited enough until the babe arrives. After that, I willna be surprised if years pass before he makes his peace with having less attention.”
It would certainly be an adjustment for the sweet, spoiled child, but there was nothing better than having a sibling with whom to share your childhood. Alasdair had told me many times that he wished we were closer in age so that we could’ve grown up together. By the time I arrived, Alasdair was nearly grown.
“There will always be plenty of people around the castle to give Eoin attention, so perhaps he willna mind the child as much as ye think.”
I leaned in to hug my brother once again. Alasdair’s smile was contagious. His happiness pushed away the dreadful feelings I’d fallen asleep with.
“I’m happy for ye, brother. And for Elspeth. And even for myself. Being an aunt has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Have ye told Father yet?”
Alasdair shook his head and pulled away to head toward the door.
“No. I mean to join them on their ride and tell them both at once. Eoin watches Father so closely. If he shows that he is glad and happy about the news, mayhap Eoin will feel the same.”
Alasdair all but skipped out of my room. I was still smiling long after he’d gone.
* * *
By mid-day, everyone in and around the castle had heard the wonderful news, and happy chatter abounded. The sudden distraction allowed me time to roam the halls of the castle undisturbed. I spent most of the day working through my own thoughts.
I loved Jerry. I could no longer deny the truth of it to myself. I could also no longer deny that it didn’t matter at all. I could never have him. I would never see him again.
What then was I to do?
I would be married by the end of the year whether I liked it or not. Was Henry the man I wished to marry?
I didn’t love him—of that, I was almost certain. While I enjoyed his company well enough, my mind rarely thought of him when apart from him, and I didn’t feel the same innate terror at the thought of losing him that I still felt when I thought of Jerry.
I enjoyed his company and conversation. I found him charming and attractive and perplexing in a way that piqued my interest. I was sure I would never be bored in a life with him and that at least was something.
There was also the undeniable fact that my body enjoyed his company to the point of making me feel shameful from the desire he stirred in me. While Henry had always remained semi-polite and gentlemanly, if ever the day came when he asked me to do something entirely indecent, I wasn’t altogether sure I would deny him.
I think the possibility of such a request made the allure of him even greater. When in the presence of my brother or father or anyone else really, Henry was the epitome of all things proper.
When alone, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. I didn’t want him to.
A life with Henry would be filled with surprises, splendid conversation, and if our passion in kissing was any indication, spectacular love making. Most people would only ever dream of such a match.
Even if my heart would never love him in the way I wished it would, by the time the sun began to set over Conall Castle, I’d made my decision.
I would be a fool to send Henry away. I would tell him at dinner that I wished to be his bride.
* * *
“Do ye mean it, lass? Ye shall make me the happiest man alive.”
I decided to tell Henry just as everyone gathered for dinner so that he could make the announcement over our meal. He appeared excited by my decision but not the least bit surprised.
I don’t think he’d ever doubted that I would eventually say yes.
“Aye, I’ll marry ye. I thought ye could tell everyone tonight.”
“I doona wish to wait a moment. Let us tell them now.”
Grabbing my hand, Henry led me into the dining hall where Father, Alasdair, Elspeth, and Eoin sat gathered around the table. Mary stood in the corner of the room, waiting for us to sit so she could summon the
other servants to bring out the food.
Henry didn’t waste a moment.
“Today is the happiest of days. Not only have we learned that a new child is to be welcomed into yer family, but I now know that I shall have the privilege of joining ye, as well. Morna has finally agreed to be my wife.”
The reaction around the room was far more mixed than I anticipated. While Eoin began clapping in ignorant delight and Father stood to hug us both, everyone else looked as if I’d just punched them.
I heard Mary drop something in the back of the room. Elspeth glanced down at the table as if to hide her expression, and Alasdair’s face gave nothing away. My brother’s eyes locked with mine in a steadfast gaze that held a thousand questions.
Father carried on his congratulations with such enthusiasm that dinner was able to progress without Henry taking notice of the subdued responses from everyone else. I couldn’t eat a bite. Not with the way Alasdair continued to stare at me throughout the meal. Before everyone was even finished, Alasdair stood.
“Morna, I’ve something of Mother’s I wish to give ye. She’d want ye to have it now that ye are betrothed.”
It was the perfect excuse, but I knew there was no gift awaiting me outside the room. Nerves settling deep inside me, I followed my brother outside.
“Ye’ve a habit of pulling me away from dinner.”
Ignoring me, Alasdair turned and sat down on one of the stairwell steps. I joined him.
“Are ye sure about this, lass? Ye doona have to marry him.”
I nodded.
“Aye, I do. Father has made it clear that I must marry. Ye know if I send Henry away, Ludo Buchanan will come. If he’s anything like ye described him to be, I’m quite certain I’d rather die than marry him. Henry is a proper choice. I’ve made up my mind.”
Alasdair sighed. “I want so much more for ye than a ‘proper choice.’ I want ye to love as I have loved.”
Reaching my hand to soothe him, I patted my brother’s back. “We canna all be as lucky as ye and Elspeth. Doona worry for me. I’m settled in my decision.”
“Does that mean ye’ve told him, then? He knows of yer magic and ye trust him with it?”
My hand stilled on his back. I would never tell anyone of my magic ever again. I wanted nothing to do with it.
“No.”
“Ye must tell him, Morna. I doona know what happened between ye and Jerry, but I am no fool. His departure injured ye in a way that turned ye away from magic. Ye know ye doona have that choice—magic is not something that ye can either take or leave. It will always be a part of ye.
“When ye doona practice, when ye doona continue to learn, the power builds up inside ye. Ye canna hide it from Henry forever. If ye are willing to trust yer life to him, ye must trust this secret to him, as well.”
Alasdair stood, kissed the top of my head, and left me with the only ultimatum I’d ever heard escape his lips.
“’Twould be unfair to both of ye to wed and keep this a secret. I’ll give ye three days, lass. If ye doona tell him by then, I’ll do it myself.”
Chapter 24
Every day following Alasdair’s ultimatum, I tried to tell Henry.
On the first day, I took him riding—something I rarely did. I much preferred walking, but I hoped the distance away from the castle might give me the courage to tell him.
Instead, I only ended up with a sore arse and a bad mood.
On the second day, I casually mentioned the use of magic and asked what his opinion was. His response did nothing to ease my nerves.
He said, “I doona know what to think of those who claim to possess such magic. ’Tis much like ghosts, I believe. Until I see one myself, I canna say anything either way. Though, if I do ever see a witch, it might frighten me enough that I run them through with a sword. The very thought of another changing anything with simple words makes me uneasy.”
So not only did the thought of magic make him uneasy, but he also considered killing witches a plausible option if seeing one. It didn’t bode well.
By day three, I was resolute in my determination to tell him. I couldn’t possibly let Alasdair be the one to reveal it to him.
I woke early in the morning, dressed, and after making certain that neither Father nor Alasdair were anywhere in the corridor, knocked on the door to Henry’s bedchamber.
He opened it with only his kilt on—his chest entirely bare. Every muscle in my body clenched just looking at him, but I couldn’t allow myself to be distracted.
“Lass, I never thought I’d see the day when ye would so brazenly knock on my door. What if someone sees ye? ’Twouldn’t look good for either of us.”
Undeterred, I kept my gaze on his eyes.
“No one will see me for I have no intention of stepping inside yer room. I wish to show ye something. Will ye dress and meet me downstairs?”
Intrigued, he nodded, bent to steal a quick kiss, then closed the door in my face.
* * *
I stood on the hidden door to my basement, staring up at Henry, completely unable to say to him what I knew I must.
“Henry, I…there is something I must tell ye, something ye must know if we are to be married.”
His patience thinning, Henry reached for my hands and squeezed them gently.
“Aye, I know, lass. Ye’ve said that three times now. Why doona ye go ahead and tell me what ye must? There is no reason for ye to be frightened. I can think of nothing that could dissuade me from my desire to make ye my bride.”
My palms were sweating, and my heart pounded painfully against my ribs.
“Doona say that until ye know what ’tis that I am.”
His brows pinched together.
“What ye are, lass? What ye are is the lass I mean to marry.”
Nodding, I searched for the words. Then I suddenly realized with such clarity that it dizzied me what my problem was. I wasn’t nervous to tell him. I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel safe.
Tears sprung up in my eyes as I looked up at him and thought of the last time I’d told someone my secret. It had been so different with Jerry. Rather than fear or apprehension, I felt desire—a desire to tell him my deepest secret with no worry that doing so would put me in danger.
I didn’t feel that way with Henry. Alasdair was right. How could I possibly marry a man I couldn’t trust with the most sacred parts of myself?
Henry noticed the moment something in my gaze shifted. Before I knew it, his hands were on me. It seemed to be his greatest talent—noticing when my mind would distance itself from him—realizing when doubt slipped into my mind. He used his lips as a distraction, and I always succumbed to it.
With his hands bracing my arms, his lips against mine, he moved me until my back touched the castle’s outer wall. His lips were rough and demanding, and I melted against him, surrendering to the thrust of his tongue and moaning as his hands roamed my body. There was more persistence in this kiss than most. As his hand slipped beneath the top of my dress, dipping to touch my breast, I gasped and squirmed beneath him.
With each encounter, our level of intimacy grew.
Groaning, he moved his mouth to my ear.
“If ye wished to kiss me, lass, ye dinna have to create a story of some false confession to do it. I’ll always touch ye if ye wish it. Ye simply could’ve entered my room when ye knocked. Ach, the things I could do to ye there.”
I allowed my eyes to flutter closed as I relaxed against the wall, exposing my neck as he licked and bit until I was moaning in delight.
The sudden sound of a horse approaching caused my eyes to fling open as all desire left me. Henry heard it, too, and pulled himself away with incredible speed. As he stepped away, I saw the unmanned horse, and my blood ran cold.
Jerry’s horse that was notorious for finding ways out of the stables to go roam on his own, slowly approached.
Without a word, I turned and ran to the stables, leaving Henry panting on top of the secret I would never share with him.
The stables lay a good distance from my spell room. By the time I burst through its doors, I was red-faced and breathless. Bending to rest my hands on my knees, I gasped for air. I expected to find Kip, but it was my brother’s voice that called to me from the opposite end.
“Morna, lass, what is the matter? Has something happened?”
Standing, I struggled to speak through gasps of air.
“Jerry’s…horse…” I took a deep breath. “Did it…did it find its way back here…on its own? Did ye send someone after it?”
I couldn’t make sense of any of it. Wouldn’t the horse have stayed with the druid’s clan?
Alasdair said nothing. He simply shook his head then bobbed it toward the space behind me.
When his hand touched my shoulder, everything grew dizzy as my mind protested against the truth. At the sound of Jerry’s voice, my eyes filled with tears.
“I brought the horse back myself. The druid wasna there, and their territory lay much further away than expected.”
Fury unlike any I’d ever experienced filled me. With my back still toward Jerry, I pointed to my brother and shooed him from the stables.
“Alasdair, I need ye to leave here and make certain no one else enters until I step outside these stables. I doona ever ask ye for anything. Allow me this time alone with him.”
If my brother had suspected what lay between me and Jerry before, my reaction now surely confirmed it, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Graciously, he understood the seriousness in my tone and backed out of the stables without another word.
The moment we were alone I spun, palm open, as I slapped Jerry hard across the face.
Chapter 25
Jerry
* * *
The lass could hit with more force than most men. If I wasn’t already completely in love with her, I would’ve fallen for her right then. It knocked me off balance, and I stumbled until I caught myself on a wooden post of one of the stalls. When I steadied myself, her eyes were as vibrantly green as I remembered them, though there was more fire in their center, and the heat of her anger was palpable.
Love Beyond Reach: Book 8 of Morna’s Legacy Series Page 12
