by Tina Beckett
‘Yes. Thank you.’ She went to move away but his hands fastened lightly around the top of her arms and held her fast.
‘I’m sorry, Molly. I never meant to upset you like this.’
‘I know. It’s just that I can’t bear to think of you blaming yourself when there’s no need,’ she said, deliberately blanking out any thoughts about how she felt. It was Sean who needed consoling, not her.
‘Isn’t there?’ He sighed as he drew her into his arms and held her against him. ‘I wish I could believe that.’
‘Then you must try harder,’ she said fiercely. She pulled back and glared at him, determined to make him see sense. ‘It was an accident, Sean. A tragic accident, but you weren’t to blame!’
‘Oh, Molly, I want to believe you. Really I do.’
He drew her to him once more, planting a gentle kiss on her cheek. It was meant to be no more than a token, a simple expression of gratitude for her support, and it might have remained that way too if she hadn’t chosen that precise moment to turn her head. Molly froze when she felt his lips glide from her cheek and come to rest at the corner of her mouth. She knew that she should do something to stop what was happening, but it was as though her body was suddenly refusing to obey her. When his lips started to move again, but deliberately this time, she could only stand there, motionless.
His mouth found hers and she heard him sigh, felt the warm expulsion of his breath on her lips, and it was that which broke the spell. However, if she’d hoped that it would bring her to her senses she was mistaken. Her lips seemed to possess a will of their own as they clung to his, eagerly inviting him to continue. And he did.
Molly moaned when she felt the tip of his tongue start to explore the contours of her mouth. She could taste the richness of the chocolate he had drunk on his tongue and it merely heightened her desire for him. Opening her mouth, she allowed him all the licence he needed to deepen the kiss and he wasn’t slow to take advantage. They were both breathing heavily when they broke apart, both shaken by the speed and the depth of their need for one another. They might not have planned on kissing but Molly knew that neither of them could deny that it had had a profound effect on them both.
‘I didn’t mean for this to happen, Molly.’
‘I know.’ She gave a little shrug then stilled when she felt desire scud through her once more as his hands slid from her shoulders and down her arms. It had always been this way, she thought sadly. Sean had only needed to touch her and her blood had raced. And the most terrifying realisation of all was that nothing had changed.
‘I never planned it either,’ she said huskily, trying to damp down the fear that engulfed her. She didn’t want to feel how she had felt two years ago, definitely didn’t want to risk having her heart broken once more. Now, more than ever, she needed to be sensible—now that she knew about Claire. She had to nip these feelings in the bud before they could grow into something even bigger and far more dangerous.
‘I suppose we should put it down to the heat of the moment. Everything got a bit tense just now, didn’t it?’ His hands skimmed back up her arms and came to rest against her collarbone. Molly could feel the coolness of his fingers seeping into her heated flesh through the thickness of her woollen sweater and shivered.
‘It did.’ She dredged up a smile. ‘My crying like that probably didn’t help either. Sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise. I was touched that you felt that way.’ He returned her smile. ‘You always did have a tender heart, Molly.’
‘In other words, I was a soft touch,’ she retorted, deliberately whipping up her anger in the hope that it would help set her back on track. ‘It’s a good job I’ve decided to make some changes to how I behave. There will be no more wearing my heart on my sleeve in future, believe me!’
‘So today was a one-off, was it? You’ll be hard-hearted Molly from now on?’
‘Yes!’ Molly declared roundly when she heard the teasing note in his voice and realised that he didn’t believe her. The last thing she wanted was for Sean to think she was a pushover. ‘I’m going to concentrate on what I want for a change.’
‘Then I’m glad that we had this conversation today.’ He brushed his knuckles down her cheek. ‘I feel a lot better than I did, Molly, and it’s all thanks to you.’
‘I’m glad,’ she said huskily, so touched by the admission that her anger immediately melted away. ‘So does that mean you’ll think about what I said, about you not being to blame? It was an accident, Sean, and it wasn’t your fault.’
‘I’ll try.’
Although he agreed readily enough, Molly had a feeling that it would never actually happen. Sean was determined to blame himself for the tragedy and it hurt to know that his life would be blighted for ever by it. Reaching up, she cupped his face between her hands.
‘Then you must try really hard!’ Her voice caught. ‘I can’t bear to think of you ruining your life this way.’
‘Oh, Molly!’
Turning, he pressed his mouth against her palm and she shuddered when she felt desire spike through her once more. When she felt the tip of his tongue start to stroke her skin, she moaned softly. It was almost too much to feel the light moist pressure of his tongue caressing her flesh. Closing her eyes, she gave herself up to the moment, blanking out any thoughts about the wisdom of what she was doing. She didn’t want to think—she just wanted to feel.
The tip of his tongue moved from her palm to her wrist, lavishing it with the same attention. Molly had never realised before that her wrist could be an erogenous zone and closed her eyes, savouring the moment. Kisses were fine but this was different. This gentle act of seduction implied an intimacy that she had never expected. Maybe she was mistaken but she couldn’t imagine that Sean had done this with many women.
The thought filled her with a sudden sense of peace. One of the hardest things to deal with had been the thought that she had been just one of many women in Sean’s life. However, the gentle pressure of his tongue as it moved over the delicate inner skin of her wrist put paid to that; it made her feel special. Wanted. Cherished.
He raised his head and his eyes were so dark that they appeared almost black as he looked at her. ‘I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I can’t help myself,’ he said hoarsely. ‘Tell me to stop, Molly, if it isn’t what you want.’
Molly bit her lip, unsure of what she wanted. Oh, she didn’t want him to stop—that was a given. But was it wise to let this go any further, to risk falling under his spell all over again? He had hurt her so badly and she didn’t think that she could go back to that dark place again. But if she called a halt then would she regret it, always wish that she had taken the risk in the hope that it might bring her closure?
‘I don’t know what I want, Sean. Part of me is terrified at the thought of feeling like I did two years ago. I can’t go back there. I don’t think I could bear it.’
‘Oh, sweetheart, don’t! Please don’t upset yourself because I behaved like such a crass idiot.’ He tipped up her chin and kissed her lightly on the mouth. ‘I regret it more than I can ever tell you, Molly.’
‘Do you?’ she whispered, her blood humming inside her veins at the feel of his lips on hers.
‘Yes. I hurt you and I never meant to do that. It’s just that I found it so hard to do what was right.’ He brushed her mouth with another sensual kiss. ‘I knew I should end our relationship but I kept putting it off, and there’s no excuse for that.’
‘Why did you keep putting it off?’ she asked, her breath coming in rapid little spurts so that it sounded as though she was having difficulty breathing, which she was. Being held in Sean’s arms like this, having him kiss her, was making her feel breathless... As well as a lot of other things.
Sean knew that he shouldn’t answer that question. Admitting that he had delayed ending their relationship because he couldn’t b
ear to part with her wouldn’t help either of them. It was all in the past and it should remain in the past too. And yet some tiny part of his brain was insisting that he told Molly the truth, that he should hold up his hands and confess why he’d had such problems letting her go. Surely he owed her that much at the very least?
‘Because I hated the thought of being without you.’ He rested his forehead against hers, not wanting to look into her eyes in case he weakened. ‘That time we spent together was one of the happiest times of my life and I wanted it to continue, even though I knew it couldn’t.’
‘Because of Claire?’
He heard the catch in her voice and hated to think that he might be causing her yet more pain. But it was two years since they’d parted: she’d had two years to get over him. The thought helped to steady him even if it didn’t come as the relief it should have been.
‘Yes. I made a vow after Claire died that I would remain true to her memory and I can’t break it, Molly, not for any reason or anyone.’
‘I understand, Sean. Really I do.’
She stepped back, deliberately setting some distance between them, and Sean had to stop himself hauling her back into his arms and telling her that he had changed his mind. He felt bereft without her in his arms, empty, incomplete. It took every atom of willpower he could muster not to say too much but he mustn’t mislead her. After the heat of the moment had passed then he would regret breaking his vow...
Wouldn’t he?
‘Thank you.’ His voice grated and he cleared his throat, unable to deal with all the conflicting emotions rioting around inside him. Did he really want to let Claire go and look to the future? Could he bear to do so when he might be consumed by guilt for ever? He had to be sure because he couldn’t play with Molly’s emotions, couldn’t lead her to believe that they had a future together when in all likelihood it wouldn’t amount to anything.
‘There’s nothing to thank me for.’ She gave a little shrug and he almost weakened when he realised how brave she was being. However, it would be wrong to allow this to go any further, so very wrong to risk hurting her all over again.
Sean’s heart was heavy as he said goodbye and made his way to the door. Molly saw him out although she didn’t wait to wave him off, not that he could blame her. She was probably glad to see the back of him after what he had told her. He stood in the road for a moment, sucking in great gulps of the frosty air. It should have been a relief to tell her about Claire and explain his reasons for breaking up with her but it wasn’t relief he felt. Not right now anyway. Maybe relief would come later but at the moment all he felt was a deep sense of sadness for what he could have had if things had been different.
If he hadn’t made that vow then he could have had Molly in his life. For ever and always.
CHAPTER TEN
SURPRISINGLY, SEAN DISCOVERED that he did feel better after his talk with Molly. He wasn’t sure why when it had thrown up so many other issues but it felt as though some of the weight had been lifted off his shoulders. There was a definite spring to his step when he went into work two days later but, sadly, it didn’t last very long. One glimpse of Molly chatting to Adam Humphreys soon put paid to it. Even though he knew it was wrong, he hated to see her with another man.
Fortunately, the department was as busy as ever so he had no time to brood. There’d been a car crash on the bypass which resulted in several casualties being brought in at more or less the same time. Molly was doing triage that day and she quickly dispensed with the less seriously injured, leaving him to deal with the rest. However, it was only when the paramedics rushed the trolley into Resus that Sean discovered one of the casualties was Joyce Summers, the most senior Sister on the unit.
‘Let’s get her on the bed.’ Sean did the count as they quickly moved Joyce off the trolley. She was receiving oxygen as her Sats were worryingly low. She was unconscious and had been since the paramedics had arrived at the scene. She had suffered a serious head injury and Sean’s heart sank as he ordered a CT scan because he knew it would be touch and go whether she pulled through. Molly had followed the ambulance crew into Resus and she asked if she could accompany Joyce to Radiography.
‘Of course,’ Sean agreed immediately. He sighed as he watched her help the porters wheel the bed out of Resus. If Joyce didn’t make it then he knew that Molly would be terribly upset and he hated to think of her suffering that way.
He forced his mind back to the job as he set about dealing with the second casualty, a young man called Sam Prentice who, thankfully, wasn’t as seriously injured. He had several broken ribs which were causing him some problems breathing. Sean suspected—rightly so—that Sam had a haemothorax and set about sorting it out with the help of Steph Collins, their F1 student. It was the first time that Steph had performed the procedure so Sean guided her through it, showing her how to insert the needle through the tough intercostal muscles between the patient’s ribs while they drew off the blood that had collected in the pleural cavity and was compromising Sam’s breathing. By the time they had done that, Joyce was back so Sean left Steph to keep an eye on their patient while he went to check the results of the CT scan. It was immediately apparent that it wasn’t good news.
‘Heavy bleeding on the left side of the brain,’ Sean observed, pointing to the area in question. ‘The blow to the right side of her head must have carried enough force to knock the brain sideways and cause it to collide with her skull. She’s going to need immediate surgery.’
‘What are her chances?’ Molly asked and his heart ached when he heard the catch in her voice.
‘Not good, I’m afraid.’ He sighed. ‘The bleed is extensive and even if the surgeon manages to stop it then there’s probably going to be extensive brain damage.’
‘It’s so unfair. Joyce is due to retire this Christmas and she and her husband have a whole list of things they are planning to do, including her dream holiday, cruising around the Caribbean.’
‘You’re right. It isn’t fair,’ Sean said quietly. He dredged up a smile, wishing there was more he could say by way of comfort. However, he understood better than most how one’s plans could alter in mere seconds. ‘All we can do is hope that things aren’t as bad as they appear.’
Molly didn’t say anything. Sean suspected that she didn’t believe it any more than he did. He went to the phone and asked for one of the neurosurgical team to attend, aware that his efforts to reassure Molly had failed dismally. He sighed. There was very little else he could have said as it wouldn’t have been fair to raise her hopes but it didn’t stop him feeling bad about it.
He frowned as that thought sank into his consciousness. If only he had thought harder about being fair when they had been seeing one another then maybe he wouldn’t have ended up making such a hash of things. He had known for weeks that he should end their affair but he had kept putting it off because he hadn’t wanted to let her go. He had behaved with the utmost selfishness and he would always regret it.
Molly deserved someone better than him, someone without all his attendant baggage. Someone like Adam Humphreys, for instance—steady, reliable, ready and eager to make a commitment. Quite frankly, he should be glad that she had met someone like Humphreys but as he went back to his patient Sean knew that it wasn’t happiness he felt, not by a long chalk. Right or wrong, but he couldn’t bear the thought of Molly falling in love with the other man.
Sean tried to put that thought out of his mind but, typically, it seemed that Humphreys was never out of the department. Every time he turned round, he spotted Molly and Humphreys chatting to one another. Fair enough, most of their conversation was related to their patients but Sean could feel his irritation rising each time he came across them. Surely the guy could tell that he needed to give Molly some breathing space rather than...than bombard her this way! He did his best to ignore them but when he happened to overhear Humphreys inviting he
r out for dinner that coming Friday, he finally flipped. No way was Molly spending the evening with Humphreys. Not while there was any breath left in his body!
‘I hate to butt in, guys, but you already have plans for Friday, Molly.’ He smiled as Molly turned to him in surprise. ‘It’s Bert and Doris’s wedding reception—remember?’
‘I’m sure they aren’t really expecting us to go,’ Molly said shortly, glaring at him. ‘They probably only asked us for politeness’ sake.’
‘Not at all.’ Sean held his smile although the way Molly was glowering at him would have made a less determined man waver. ‘In fact, Bert assured me that they’re both looking forward to seeing us there.’
It was only the smallest distortion of the truth but Sean crossed his fingers anyway. Bert had said that he and Doris would be delighted to see them when he had issued the invitation but he had no intention of explaining that to Molly.
‘When did you speak to him?’ Molly demanded.
‘Oh, I’m not sure—a few days ago,’ Sean replied, crossing the fingers on his other hand as well. ‘It doesn’t really matter, does it? I mean I’d hate to disappoint them, wouldn’t you?’ He turned to Humphreys and grimaced. ‘Sorry to scupper your plans, and all that. But it’s important to keep a promise, don’t you agree?’
‘I...erm... Yes, of course.’ Adam Humphreys both looked and sounded decidedly put out but Sean didn’t care.
Sean turned to Molly, smiling winningly at her.
‘We’ll sort out the time nearer to the day. At least I won’t have to drive very far to pick you up.’ He laughed. ‘I’m moving into the cottage this week so we’ll be living just around the corner from each other very soon.’
He didn’t say anything else as he went to fetch his next patient; however, he could tell that Molly was seething about the way he had railroaded her into falling in with his plans. Tough luck, he thought, as he headed to Reception. Although Humphreys might appear perfect on paper, he wasn’t right for Molly. He was convinced about that—
