by C T Rhames
“Kraken, I think I’m going insane.”
The puppy whined and licked my foot. He was probably wondering if I was going to drop him some chicken.
I sat at the table until bedtime, staring at the spot where Ethan usually sat. Why did I miss him? Was I that messed up that I needed someone to abuse and mistreat me?
Kraken whined and looked up at me and I scooped him up. “You’re a sweetie, Kraky. And I know, he hardly abused me these past two weeks, but that still counts, right? I’m stupid to fall for someone like that.”
I took the puppy out for one last pee and then climbed the steps to my room heavily. I was tired, so very tired.
“You’re such a good girl for me. You make me feel so good.” Those hands, smooth and soft, rubbing me in all the wrong places. Putting my hands where I don’t want them to be.
“I don’t want to get pregnant, please don’t,” my voice is too small, too quiet.
“Shhhhh, you won’t, don’t worry.”
Then the movements. I drift away to my happy place in my head, even when he starts to thrust harder and faster and my leg falls off the bed. I’m like a doll. A stupid, lifeless doll. Unable to fight back, unable to push him away, just lying there and letting him take his pleasure.
And when he’s done and pats my hip as he pulls his pants on, he tells me again what a good girl I am. “Daddy’s good little girl. I’ll take you out for ice cream tomorrow,” he says. As if ice cream will make up for what he’s done to me, what he’s taken from me.
He leaves and I stumble to the bathroom, turning the water on as hot as it will go, scrubbing my skin raw, trying to remove his awful touch, scraping at the skin between my legs, trying to remove every trace of him. But he’s under my skin, in my blood, in my body, and I know I will never be rid of him. Not unless I cut him out.
I woke up with tears pouring down my face and reached for my kit. It wasn’t there. Ethan had it, I remembered and I sat up, sobbing. I needed my kit. I could feel him inside me, the filth running through my veins.
I reached for my phone and dialed.
Ethan’s voice was even sexier in sleep. “Hello?” he sounded confused and I knew he didn’t look at the caller ID.
I’d never called him before, but the words spilled out of me like a waterfall, “Please, I need my kit, you have to give it back.”
“Broken girl?” He suddenly sounded wide awake. “What are you calling for?”
“My kit, Ethan. I need it back, please, I can’t do this. I need it.”
“I’m not giving you the instruments of your destruction,” he said harshly.
“Please, Ethan. I don’t care if you ignore me forever, I need it back. It has something I need.”
“No.” There was a click and the phone was dead.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and rocked on the bed, feeling the nastiness running through my body. I would never be rid of that horrible man.
Kraken jumped and cried at the side of my bed, trying to reach me and see if I was alright, but I couldn’t untangle myself enough to reach out to him. I needed to cut. I needed to let the evil leak out of me and let me rest in peace for a while.
The sobs still shook me when I heard something downstairs and then footsteps running up the stairs. A moment later, Ethan burst into the room and I stared at him. He was in flannel plaid pants and a black t-shirt, but he had never looked more amazing.
“Did you bring it?” I asked, my voice hoarse.
“No. You don’t need it.” He sat down beside me.
“I do, you don’t understand!” I struck out at him with my fists and he easily could have stopped me but he let me pummel him, my fists bouncing off his hard flesh until I had worn myself out.
“Are you done?”
“No,” I snapped, but I was. My body was exhausted and my mind was racing.
“Tell me what makes you want to cut.”
“No.” I curled up on my side, facing away from him.
“Broken girl, I can’t fix you if you don’t tell me what broke you.”
“Maybe I can’t be fixed anyway, ever think of that?”
He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me around to face him. “You can. We fit, remember?”
“Then why did you ignore me after we kissed?”
He went still and stared out the window for a long moment, then he bent, picked up Kraken and put him on my chest. The puppy nuzzled into my neck and sighed happily.
“That’s not an answer,” I whispered.
“Maybe I can’t tell you,” he whispered back.
Ethan stretched out on the bed beside me, not touching me and we stared at the ceiling together in silence.
Chapter 13
I was almost asleep when Ethan rolled over onto his side and tugged on my hair, instantly waking up all my senses. “Tell me why you needed to cut tonight. What was the trigger?”
“A dream. A memory.” I rubbed my hand over my face and took a deep breath. “I dreamed something horrible, but it was true.”
“And you needed to get it out?”
“Yeah. I need to get the dirtiness out of me. It’s stuck in me and I’ll never be clean.” I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. These were things I’d never said to anyone before.
“You’re not dirty, Cursi.” He grabbed my chin and pulled my face to look at him. “Whatever happened was not your fault.”
“I didn’t stop him.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should have told someone.”
Ethan pursed his lips. Then he lifted one finger and pressed it to my lips. “What are you thinking about?”
“Him.”
“I told you not to think of him when I’m touching you.”
“I can’t help it.” More tears dribbled down my face, soaking the bedspread.
“Broken girl, look at me.”
My eyes went to his and he was frowning down at me. “He is nothing. It’s in the past.”
“He’s still out there.”
“He’s not here.” He leaned in ran his tongue over my scar from my temple to my jaw, then nipped my neck sharply with his teeth.
Thoughts of my stepfather flew out of my mind as the heat spread from my scar, starting the tingling between my legs again. My body reacted to Ethan as though he were seducing me, but his fingers were digging into my arms, causing pain that somehow became pleasure as he nipped and scraped his teeth over my neck and my collarbone. He pulled the top of my t-shirt down, sinking his teeth into the top of my breast and I groaned at the sensation.
“Still thinking of him?”
“No.”
“Good. And you’re not getting your kit back. I told you, I’m the only one who will mark you.”
“With your teeth?” I asked, arching my back to give him better access, but he pulled away.
“No. I want more than that. But only if you’ll give it to me.”
“I will.” It didn’t even matter to me what he wanted. I needed to forget right now. I needed to erase what that man’s evil hands had done to me, what his body had wrought on mine.
“Strip.”
“What?” I gasped, but he swung me over him and set me on the floor, then placed Kraken gently on his bed on the floor.
“Strip.” Ethan leaned back, his hands behind his head, watching me as I pulled my shirt over my head with shaking hands. I wasn’t wearing a bra and as my breasts came into view, he sucked in his breath audibly. I dropped the shirt and hugged myself, hiding my chest.
“Keep going,” he smirked. “I never said to stop.”
I wasn’t at all sexy as I pulled my pajama pants down, suddenly panicking that I hadn’t shaved my legs in the past few days. My foot caught in the pant leg and I tumbled forward.
Ethan caught me before I hit the bed. “Maybe I’ll finish this.” He flipped me onto the bed and in a smooth motion, pulled my pants off, leaving me clothed only in my panties.
He ran a finger around the upp
er edge of the panties, making me breath harder and faster before he hooked his fingers under each side and pulled them down over my legs. He didn’t seem to notice the stubble on my legs and I tried not to think of it. Besides, I was lying completely naked in front of the guy who had tortured me for weeks now and that was even more embarrassing.
“You’re blushing.” He stood at my feet, his eyes roving over my body.
“You’re looking at me.”
“My food filled you out nicely,” he said admiringly. “Too bad you threw that chow mein in the garbage.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Are you really?” He ran a finger over my ribs and I jerked at the tickle response it provoked.
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Maybe not sorry enough.” He looked at me and ran his tongue over his lips. “I think another punishment may be in order.”
I gasped and stared up at him, my backside already tingling at the thought of more spanking. This was sad. I shouldn’t need to be hurt. But spanking was better than cutting, I decided. This was messed up, but maybe not as messed up as normal.
Ethan’s lids were heavy with lust and his jeans were straining across his erection as he ran his eyes over me again. Then he grabbed my hips and flipped me over, exposing my back to him.
Before I could say anything, he undid his belt. I was already damp and the sound of his belt coming undone and being pulled through his belt loops made me even wetter.
Then he hit me. The belt, doubled up, didn’t hurt as much as his hand, but it made more noise, which startled me. I jumped and he put a hand on my lower back to hold me still. Then, without words, he brought the belt down on my buttocks again and again, varying the rhythm as he had the last time, so I never knew quite when to expect a blow.
“Beautiful,” he breathed, after a moment. “Your skin reddens perfectly. You bruise so easily.”
I didn’t answer, just wriggled under his hand until he chuckled coldly. Holding the belt in one hand, Ethan ran his other hand between my legs, his finger digging into my sex.
“You’re soaked,” he said with a tone of satisfaction. “Didn’t I tell you we were meant for each other?”
“You did,” I rolled over, breathing heavily as my sore butt hit the bed. “Is that all you’re going to do to make me forget?”
“Hell no.” Those icy eyes of his burned blue and he pulled off his shirt, revealing a six pack and sculpted chest. He was literally perfect.
His eyes fell on my thighs and he frowned. Then he opened my legs and knelt on the floor to get a closer look at the cuts and scars that criss crossed the insides of my thighs. From his position between my legs, his eyes flicked up to mine. “You wanted to cut him out.”
I nodded, tears filling my eyes again.
“Mine now,” Ethan growled, throwing my legs roughly over his shoulders. He pushed closer to me, forcing my legs to move upward, exposing my core to him. “This is all mine, understood?”
“Yes,” I moaned. “You can have it.”
He staked his claim with sharp bites all along my scars, leaving his own marks on top of the fading marks that I’d placed there. He moved up one leg and then switched to the other legs to bite his way back to my pussy. There he spread my lips. Normally this would have caused me no end of embarrassment, but I was too far gone to care that he was staring at me in a way no one else had ever looked at me.
He slid two fingers inside me and I jumped at the intrusion. His fingers began to strum a part of me I hadn’t even realized existed and I felt something building inside me that made me buck my hips.
“Hold still,” Ethan said sharply and I tried to comply. It was hard with his fingers inside, working their magic, but then he latched onto my clit and scraped it with his teeth and I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed his head and thrust my pelvis up against his mouth, striving for more of the exquisite pleasure he was serving up.
“Ethan,” I moaned and he nipped my bud. A scream started low in my throat, fighting it’s way out as his mouth and fingers forced me to forget everything but his name. A rising crescendo built in my pelvis and then he slipped a third finger into me and I exploded around him, my pussy gripping his fingers and milking them as indescribable pleasure ripped through my body.
When it was over, Ethan lifted his head, his fingers sliding out of me. He watched me with a satisfied look as I lay gasping on the bed.
“What . . . what was that?” I groaned.
“That was an orgasm,” he snorted. “I take it that was your first.”
“I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
“Don’t you touch yourself?” he looked confused for a moment.
“No, why would I? It was . . . that was his thing.”
Ethan’s eyes darkened. “No more. This is mine now.”
“Yours,” I agreed, as sleep threatened to overtake me.
“No more cutting, just let me do the hurting,” he whispered, folding the blanket over my naked body.
I couldn’t answer. My body was completely sated and I was exhausted. My brain barely registered that he was leaving when I realized something.
“Wait, what about you?” I asked groggily.
“Next time.” He told me and then he was gone.
I slept without any dreams.
Chapter 14
He was waiting for me at school the next morning, just like always. Seeing him standing there, looking completely self-assured, made me feel small and insignificant. Everything had changed for me last night, but he looked exactly the same.
“Broken girl,” his voice rasped in my ear as I walked up to him.
“Ethan,” I responded. My body responded even more rapidly, my underwear was damp just from his voice.
“Did you sleep well?” His eyes were at half mast, his voice lazy, but I knew he was proud of himself for giving me my first orgasm.
“Like a baby.”
“Babies don’t sleep well, you know,” he told me.
“Fine, like a log.”
“No more dreams?”
“No.”
“Good.” He smacked my butt, sparking pain and arousal at the same time.
I whirled to see if anyone had noticed. They had. There were several students giggling and watching us. Rosa was standing by the door, her mouth open and her eyes wide.
“You’re embarrassing me.”
“I’m claiming you.”
“Whatever, it’s embarrassing.” I walked away from him, toward my first class and I could feel his eyes on me as I walked.
In class, we were back to the usual with Ethan sitting behind me, tapping his pencil and occasionally bopping me on the back with it. He seemed to be completely normal. The earthshattering event of the night before appeared to have no effect at all on him and I found myself irritated with him for it.
At lunch, I sat with Rosa and ate my yogurt slowly, my eyes straying to Ethan with his group of friends every so often.
“So, you and Ethan?” Rosa grinned. “I never saw that coming. I thought you hated each other!”
“I do hate him. But sometimes he’s okay.”
“But that butt slap this morning . . .” she waggled eye eyebrows.
“I’m not talking about the butt slap. He just did it to make me embarrassed.”
“You enjoyed it though,” she giggled. “So, what have you two been up to?”
“Not much. I run into him sometimes on the beach when I’m walking Kraken.”
“Oh,” she looked a little disappointed at the lack of gory details, but I wasn’t about to spill all my secrets. One person knowing was enough.
Chapter 15
Ethan showed up at five, like he had before the kiss. I watched him cooking quinoa and some vegetables in a cream sauce as I petted Kraken and tried to get him to stay. The puppy was not interested in staying, though he’d mastered sit and lay down.
When he set a plate in front of me, I started to eat ravenously. I was actually hungry. That hadn’t hap
pened in a long time.
“I have a question for you,” I told him when we’d finished eating. I was washing dishes in the sink and he was drying.
“Okay.”
“What do you want from me?”
He looked at me through lidded eyes and carefully set down the plate he’d just dried. “Why do you need to know?”
“I want to know what this is.”
“No labels.”
“Okay, no labels, but what are we doing?” Why are you fixated on me, I wanted to ask.
“We’re fitting our puzzle pieces together, broken girl.” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me hard against him. “No more questions.”
“But . . .” He sank his teeth into my shoulder before I could say anything else and I was lost in sensation.
A few minutes later, we were in my bedroom and I stood there watching him to see what he would do. While the night before had been mindblowing, I didn’t want to repeat it. I wanted more from him. I wanted what he wanted.
“Tell me what you want,” I demanded.
Ethan raised an eyebrow at my aggressiveness. “You might get scared off by what I want, broken girl.”
“I won’t.”
“You will,” he grated. “Everyone does.”
“You haven’t scared me of yet,” I pointed out. “I don’t know why, because any normal human would be running away from your bites and slaps, but somehow I’m still here.”
“Because you’re bad, too.” He smirked at me and pulled my shirt over my head.
“Just tell me what you want. Please.”
“I will. If you tell me what happened to you.”
I stiffened and glared at him. “That’s not fair.”
“Information for information. It’s very fair.”
“Ethan. Just tell me. I won’t run away.”
“I’d have to show you,” he said. “And you’re not ready.”
“I am.”
“No more. Be quiet and get out of your clothes.” His voice dropped and he grinned predatorily.
I crossed my arms over my bra. “No.”
“You want me to make you?”
