Blind Love

by Kishan Paul

  “Yes?”

  I’m a masochist who doesn’t know how to keep my mouth shut. “I’m kinda in the mood for Chinese.”

  She laughed. “You get to pick what language the voices in your head speak to you in?”

  He chuckled. Well look at that she’s got a sense of humor. “I do. Last night it was Swahili. And—” he nudged her, “—has anyone ever told you you’re a smart ass?”

  Lauren giggled, her cheeks turning pink. “The label may have come up every now and then.”

  Gabe’s chest tightened. He wondered how her laugh would feel under his lips. Shaking off the thought, he tried to stay on topic. “Anyway, I was wondering if I could pick you up some Chinese food while I was getting myself some.”

  “That would be great.”

  An hour later, he sat at her kitchen table sharing broccoli beef and sesame chicken.

  He watched in awe as she picked up a piece of broccoli with her chopsticks and popped it into her mouth. “So what got you into real estate?” she asked.

  He speared a chicken with his fork. “My dad. He was a real estate investor. Every evening, when I was a kid, he’d sit at the dinner table and talk about property and sales.”

  “So you followed in his footsteps. He must be proud.”

  “Don’t know. He killed himself when I was ten.” Gabe swallowed the chicken whole and tried to figure out why the hell he’d shared that uncomfortable bit of information.

  “Oh.” She reached over and squeezed his hand.

  He stared at the way her slender fingers rested over his large ones, savoring the heat of their connection and hoping she’d keep doing it. The fact that she knew exactly where on the table his arm rested and that he needed her touch, awed him.

  “Those dinner talks you had with him obviously meant a lot to you.”

  “Yeah. My mom was a drunk and she got worse after he died. She’d disappear for weeks sometimes. Which left me in charge of me and my little brother.”

  “Wait, at ten?” When she pulled her hand away, he flexed his fingers, missing her warmth.

  He nodded and played with his food. “Matt was six. Someone needed to be the grownup. I used to tell him the same stories Dad told me so neither one of us forgot him.”

  “You lost your childhood. That must have been hard.”

  “In some ways, it was good for me. Having to take care of Matt kept me out of trouble.”

  “Where’s Matt now?”

  He cleared his throat, took a sip of his wine and considered lying. Too much had already been shared but he couldn’t make himself lie, so with a shrug he dropped the next pitiful part of his life. “Dead.”

  “Oh, Gabe.” She put the piece of beef she’d picked up back in her plate and focused her attention on him. “I…”

  Having said more than he ever intended, he squirmed in his seat and cut her off. “Anyway, in answer to your question, my dad’s the reason I got interested in real estate. Now, your turn.”

  Her brows rose. “My what?”

  “Your turn. I opened my mouth and threw up my pitiful life story to you. Now you need to tell me yours.”

  Her face colored. She fiddled with her chopsticks. “Why?”

  “So I don’t walk away feeling stupid for sharing.”

  She smiled. “What do you want to know?”

  “About you and Officer Joe Cool.”

  Lauren shook her head and took her paper box to the trash. “Not much to tell. Ben and I got married right after high school. Five years later, he cheated on me with Miss January.”

  “Miss January?” Gabe picked up his trash and followed her lead to the garbage can.

  “She was January in Colorado’s Ladies of the Law Calendar.” She proceeded to clear off the table as she spoke. “At least I’ve never had to ask why he did it.”

  “You didn’t deserve that.”

  She shrugged as she wiped down the table. “You didn’t deserve what you went through, either. But it is what it is. At first you cry about it, get mad, and feel sorry for yourself but at some point you get up, wipe off the dirt, and do what needs to be done.”

  The tears she kept blinking away were a sure indication the tough shield she sported wasn’t all that solid. But he stopped himself from pushing the subject. All the emotional stuff was a minefield he did his best to avoid.

  “Well, thank you for an unexpectedly nice evening. I needed it. But I have a long day tomorrow,” she said, walking him to the backdoor.

  “You’re welcome,” Gabe said seconds before the door shut in his face.

  He stood staring as the blinds on the other side of the pane glass swooshed from side to side. He flexed the hand Lauren had squeezed and wondered if she was crying yet. Gabe shook off the thought and walked to his empty house.

  Chapter Seven

  Investigating

  Unwilling to let anyone see her pain, Lauren had managed to push the emotion away for the past couple of hours. Even if she had a desire to let Gabe in, the stuff he shared about his past made her divorce seem trivial in comparison. No one died. She hadn’t lost her family. She had no reason to be this upset.

  As soon as the patio door closed, she stopped fighting and allowed the deluge of tears. They flooded her face and neck, dampening her shirt. She didn’t even bother wiping them away. What was the use? Her chest tightened while her body heated, a sense of sadness suffocating her. She dragged herself upstairs for a much needed shower.

  Once the force of the water hit her skin, she slid to the floor and hugged her knees. She sobbed because the reality was that something beautiful had died. She did lose someone she once considered family. Ben. The love of her life. He was supposed to be the man she grew old with. Proof, to her parents and the world, that she was normal and worthy. His affair had killed her dreams. It had been a harsh slap of reality. Evidence that no matter how educated or in shape she was, it would never compensate for what she lacked.

  Ben’s presence earlier today physically hurt. When he spoke, his voice flowed through her, sending currents of pain coursing through her heart. She ached for him to hold her and fix what he broke five years ago. Of course, it was impossible. Some things could never be undone.

  She rested her head on her knees and worked on breathing. She needed to stop crying and she would…any moment now. Lauren rose and tilted her chin, letting the steady stream caress her. She scrubbed her skin raw and attempted to brush away the sadness. As the water cleansed off the soapy residue, she imagined the mix of emotions about Ben flowing into the drain as well.

  Dressed in her onesie and seated on the edge of her bed, Lauren impatiently waited for the waterworks to get the message she was done. But they still weren’t listening.

  Time for Plan B.

  She picked up her cellphone and spoke to it. “Call Sunny.”

  “Calling Sunny Daye,” the woman’s automated voice responded.

  Seconds later, her friend, out of breath, answered. “Hey, I’m super busy. Everything okay?”

  Jack rested his head in Lauren’s lap. She patted him and lied. “Yup. Just checking in.”

  “Stop it.” Sunny giggled to someone who obviously wasn’t Lauren. The male voice replied with a grunt. “Oh. My. God,” her very aroused best friend moaned seconds before the line went dead.

  Tossing the phone on the bed, she sighed. So different in their lifestyles, she found herself envying Sunny for the very same reasons she judged her. The woman considered sex a physical activity designed to give pleasure and nothing more.

  “Don’t worry about the future. You’ll be dead soon enough,” was Sunny’s mantra. She lived in the moment. Unlike Lauren, she didn’t allow fear to impact her decisions. Which was why, also unlike Lauren, she was currently otherwise occupied.

  Now what?

  When Jack whimpered, Lauren kissed him. “W
ell, at least I have you.”

  He responded with a wet tongue across her cheek.

  “What do you want to do tonight?” she asked him when he pattered off. He returned, dropping a wet teddy bear on her lap. She picked up the soppy mess and tossed it. The toy never hit the ground. Instead it squeaked, alerting her he had caught it.

  She wiped a stray tear. “You’re going to have to help me be strong, okay?”

  The toy continued its frenzied squeak-a-thon. The sound became fainter and fainter as her dog and the noisy bear disappeared out of the room and down the stairs.

  She shook her head. Even Jack was too busy for her.

  The sound of water running through the pipes in the wall caught her attention. Her mind drifted to Gabe.

  “Don’t worry about the future,” she whispered.

  Lauren was terrified of the dark, and yet, with the beam of her flashlight pointed up at her face, here she was. She reached out her hand, feeling the surface in front of her. When her fingers met with glass and wood trim, she knew she had reached her destination. She swallowed down her nervousness and knocked.

  A few seconds of silence later, she shook her head and started her trek back. Using one man to help ease the pain inflicted by another was bad. Really bad. She was better than this.

  I don’t need the cowboy or Sunny, or Jack even, to deal with Ben. No. What I need to do is go home and remind myself of who I am.

  Strong. Independent. Confident.

  She chanted the words and was at step eighteen back to her home when she heard the flip of the light switch. The metal bolt of Gabe’s lock slid. She froze and tried to think of a darn good reason why she was standing out there in the dark with a flashlight pointed at her face, but was getting nothing.

  “Lauren?”

  Her cheeks warmed. She flipped off the flash and kept her back to him. “Hi.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yup.” She took another step toward safety.

  “I thought I heard a knock.”

  Lauren rolled her shoulders back and decided to go with the truth. “It was me, but I changed my mind.”

  She counted two more steps and turned to the left.

  “Are you sure it’s the right thing to do?”

  “What?” she choked out. He must be a mind reader because she had been asking herself the same question all the way to his door.

  “Changing your mind. Why don’t you come in so we can discuss it?”

  She closed her eyes and willed herself to walk away. To pretend this never happened. Going to him wouldn’t solve any of her problems. In fact, it would create a whole suitcase full of new ones for her to lug.

  Her heart raced. Why in her right mind would she have even considered this an option?

  Although rhetorical, she knew the answer to the question. She obviously wasn’t in her right mind. Her chest tightened and eyes filled.

  She didn’t want to be alone.

  And, if only for a little while, she wanted someone to make her feel like she was good enough.

  “Lauren?”

  “Yeah,” she whispered, unable to move.

  “Are you okay?”

  She wiped the evidence of her sadness off with the side of her sleeve and shook her head. “I’m standing in our backyard in my onesie trying to talk myself out of making a mistake.”

  The soft earth squished under his feet as Gabe approached. The smell of cedar and pine filled Lauren’s lungs. He stood behind her. After a firm squeeze of her shoulder, he tucked her hair behind her ear. There was something calming about him and his touch.

  Gabe pressed his cheek to hers. “Are you sure it would be a mistake?”

  Her need to feel desirable, loved was becoming harder and harder to ignore. “I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore,” she whispered.

  “Come here.” He turned her around and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her cheek on his shoulder and cried. For the longest time, he didn’t say a word, just held her and let her release her pain. A couple of times, he kissed the top of her head. As simple as the gesture was, no one had kissed her like that in a long time…which only made her cry harder.

  Since Ben, a couple of men had come in and ran out of Lauren’s life; none stuck around. Why would they? Yes, she pushed them away, but if she were worth it, wouldn’t they have fought for her? No one ever had. Not even Ben. Leaving her with one ultimate conclusion. She was blind. Broken. Therefore, not long-term material.

  So here she stood, temporarily finding comfort in the arms of a stranger. If happily-ever-after wasn’t in the cards for someone like her, what was wrong with what she was about to do?

  She placed her palms on his chest and felt firm skin and a patch of hair. Clearing her throat, Lauren took a step back and mopped his bare shoulder and chest dry with her flannelled forearm. “Please tell me you’re wearing pants.”

  He laughed and wiped away the moisture on her cheeks with his thumbs. “I could, but it would be more fun for the both of us if you investigated.”

  Gabe’s hands pressed into the sides of her face, warming her skin. His flirting warmed other parts of her.

  “Investigate seems to be your favorite word,” she said, hoping he’d keep touching her.

  “Only when it’s in relation to you,” he whispered. He rested his forehead against hers and kissed the tip of her nose. At the very moment when his lips pressed against her skin, Lauren knew she wanted him. More than want, she needed him. Needed this.

  A one-night stand. No complications. Pure, physical gratification.

  She traced the side of his neck as she considered her next move.

  His pulse throbbed under her fingers and she felt it quicken. “Gabe,” she whispered.

  “Yes?” His voice was hoarse.

  “I’m going to touch your face.”

  “Please.”

  She ran her hand through the prickly stubble of his jaw line. He shuddered when she brushed against the corners of his mouth. Her lips opened at the thought of kissing him there. Instead, she moved her hands higher, touching smooth skin. Thick hair scratched against the pads of her fingers while she caressed his brow bone. He groaned.

  When she pulled her hands away, he grabbed her wrists and returned them to his face. “Don’t stop.”

  He moved in closer and pressed his desire against her stomach. Her body coursed with heat.

  She touched the slight dips of his temples, detecting the pulse of his heart. His breath warmed her cheek. When Lauren’s hands returned to his mouth, his lips parted. All thoughts of being a mentally stable individual went out the window when his tongue wet her fingertips.

  “God,” Gabe whispered. “Your hands are…” Before he could finish, her mouth was on his.

  Chapter Eight

  Dueling Heads and Rabbits

  Gabe ran his hand down to the arc of her back and pressed her into his growing length. Lauren gasped. She gripped his face tighter, her teeth clashing into his. Her mouth tasted of peppermint and, at the moment, he loved peppermint. When he traced her lower lip with his tongue, she moaned. He delved in farther only to be stopped when she bit the tip of his tongue softly and teased it with hers. Another part of him stood at attention, pulsing, begging for her to do the same to it.

  The way she touched him with her hands, her mouth, was erotically magical and driving him crazy. She had visited his sexual fantasies since the first day he laid eyes on her. But none of those dreams did justice to what he was currently experiencing.

  Their lips still locked, he palmed her ass and lifted her off the ground. With a few quick strides, he had her back pressed against the brick wall of the townhouse. She wrapped her legs around him and dug her fingers into his scalp. He ground his need into her. Both moaned at the friction.

  He cupped her chin with his free hand an
d traced her cheekbone as their tongues explored each other. Her muffled sounds of appreciation made his ache to be inside her much more intense. Lauren’s skin was soft, her mouth erotic, and she wanted him. It should be all he needed to know. But…

  A distant voice in his head told him to stop.

  He pulled back and looked down at her. She was panting and her cheeks were flushed, her mouth parted slightly. How could he stop? Not when she tasted so damn good. When she bit her lip, he went in for another serving. Gabe kissed her softly. Then again and again. The sweetness of her mouth combined with the way his very hard shaft felt rubbed up against her, made it impossible to listen to anything between his ears.

  Gabe slid his fingers down the length of her slender neck, felt her pulse throb against his skin, and when he reached the top of the furry pink collar, he tugged on the zipper.

  Lauren rested her forehead against his as the metal slowly inched down. Her chest rose and lowered with each breath. His mouth watered in anticipation of peeling the flannel clothes off her. Her cheeks stained red, lips swollen from their kissing, she was beautiful—even with puffy eyes.

  The zipper almost to her breasts, Gabe stopped. The voice, AKA his conscience, now screamed at him like his drill sergeant used to. He stilled and listened to what it had to say.

  She was hurting. It was the only reason she stood before him, wanting him.

  The realization was like a glass of ice on his overheated body. His hard-on deflated. What the fuck was wrong with him?

  With an exasperated sigh and profanities mumbled under his breath, Gabe pulled the zipper back up and tucked her hair behind her ear. Unwinding her legs, he planted Lauren on her feet. Her hands palmed his shoulders and felt their way over every dip and valley of his chest. He shuddered. God, those hands were magic.

  Her breath blew against his mouth and he savored the taste of it. His hips stayed glued to hers. He bit her lip and tugged. “We can’t do this,” he mumbled, hoping she’d be strong enough to walk away so he wouldn’t have to.

  She pulled her lower lip from his teeth and pressed her tongue on the sensitive spot behind his ear. The kiss went straight to his crotch and his cock inflated back to rock hard. His hands chose to listen to the head between his legs and cupped her flannel-covered breasts while he tried to ignore his brain.