The Girl Who Never Was

by Skylar Dorset

  'I told you.'Ben scowls. 'I didn't break the enchantment.'

  'But how did she know your name?'asks Will.

  'Dad told me,'I answer, looking at my aunts.

  Will makes a noise of disgust and throws up his hands. 'I warned you about him. Now everything's spiraled out of control.'

  Ben crinkles his nose. 'Exactly what I've been saying. But why should anyone listen to me? I'm just the one who's been keeping her safe all this time.'

  'You,'shrieks Aunt Virtue. 'Keeping her safe?'

  'What's going on?'I shout, and they finally fall silent. 'Ben says my mother is looking for me, but I can't have her find me. Tell me why.'

  My aunts look nervous. They wring their hands in concern.

  And then Will suggests, 'Maybe you should make some tea. You always did make exceptional tea''

  'What do you know about it, Will Blaxton?'Aunt True snaps at him. 'You stopped coming for tea, remember?'

  'Will you never get over that?'asks Will, sounding long-suffering.

  'No, I won't get over that! You broke my heart! I was just a young girl!'

  'You were four hundred years old!'Will retorts, voice rising again.

  'But I was young in the ways of love!'Aunt True exclaims.

  We're off topic again but off topic in a different sort of way. 'Wait a second,'I interject, looking between the two of them. 'You two''

  'Not really,'Will responds stiffly.

  This causes Aunt True to burst into loud tears, burying her face in her hands, while Aunt Virtue rubs her back soothingly and shoots deadly glares at Will.

  'Oh, for the love of''says Will. 'It was a very long time ago.'

  'The wound is still fresh,'Aunt Virtue proclaims grandiosely. 'The heart does not heal at the same rate as the rest of the body. But I would not expect you to know that, as you do not possess a heart at all.'

  Aunt True's wails begin anew.

  Will looks very awkward and uncomfortable in the dining room doorway, an incongruous black eye making him look much more rakish than his professorial attire would have predicted. 'True,'he pleads across the foyer, 'it was never going

  to work out, love. You know that. I'm a wizard, you're an ogre; these things don't work.'

  Aunt True sniffles and lifts up her head to look at him, hiccupping, her frazzled dark hair sticking out all around her head. 'I know,'she says, her voice very small and unlike her and, unexpectedly to me, young.

  Will moves hesitantly across the hallway, like he is approaching a skittish horse. He reaches Aunt True, and she closes her hands into the sweater he is wearing and turns her head into his chest.

  'There, there,'he says and pats her head uncertainly. 'Let's focus on your''He glances at me and gestures lamely. 'Whatever she is.'

  Apparently, these are the magic words of reconciliation. Aunt True straightens away from him and wipes her eyes and says, 'Fine. I'll make tea.'

  Chapter 8

  This whole thing is so strange, but everyone is behaving as if it's not. I sit, stunned, at the kitchen table while Will and my aunts make tea, chatting amiably about people with names that sound like faerie tales, as if there had been no odd scene at all, as if none of this was the very height of oddness. I am frustrated beyond belief'so frustrated I feel tongue-tied.

  Ben comes to sit next to me. He seems uncomfortable, a bit fidgety, and I think how strange it is that he is in my house after all this time. He really does look like he's out of his natural habitat. I stare at him, my mind so full that it's blank.

  He says to me, 'There's something I've realized you need to know and probably don't know: nobody can force you to do anything.'

  I feel dazed and try to process this. It sounds like an after- school special, and unlike Ben, and I don't know how to react. 'Okay,'I decide slowly.

  'No, I mean it. Nobody can make you do anything that you don't want to do. Just remember that if somebody tries to'hurt you or'just think, 'I don't want this,'and the

  charm will kick in, as long as you're wearing this.'He reaches

  out, brushes his fingertips over the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

  'My sweatshirt?'

  He nods. 'That's the talisman of the protective enchantment.'

  'That's the enchantment?'I ask.

  He just looks at me solemnly. Why do I need a protective enchantment? Somehow, it's clear everyone thinks I'm in grave danger. Ben has been keeping me safe my entire life. I resent all the secrets and mysteries, everything I haven't been told, but everyone has been working so hard to keep me safe, it seems.

  'Why does everyone think I'm in danger?'I ask.

  Ben glances toward Will and my aunts. 'It's'Your mother''

  'If you've known this all along, why didn't you tell me? Any of it?'I am numb with hurt. My entire life is in upheaval, but it's Ben's betrayal that hurts me the most. I can understand my aunts and father holding some deep, dark secret back on me'I'd suspected it for so long'but for Ben to be involved, Ben who I'd considered'well, so much more. Everything. Ben who has been more than a crush, Ben who I've been in love with'was it all just a lie? An enchantment, as he would call it?

  'Tell you that your mother was looking for you, but I didn't want you to find her, I needed you to stay with us instead?'

  'You didn't think I'd listen,'I conclude.

  'You didn't when your aunts begged you to drop it, did you?'

  'But you would have been different,'I say desperately. 'You're you.'

  Ben looks at me for a second, then drops his eyes to the table. 'I didn't know my mother either,'he says, and I blink at the revelation. 'I was trying to decide, if I heard that my mother was looking for me, whether my curiosity wouldn't''He clears his throat.

  I don't know what to say to that. I'd like to ask Ben more about his mother, but Ben's voice is reluctant, and I do not think he is eager to open the topic. And anyway, the focus now is on my mother. 'You're going to explain everything to me now, right?'

  My aunts set cups of tea carefully on the table'sugar, milk, a plate of cookies. I don't want any of this, but my aunts and Will set about preparing their tea as if nothing is happening. Will grabs two cookies and pops them in his mouth in quick succession.

  Aunt True looks at Ben. 'It's not going to rain inside. You can take off some of your layers,'she says.

  'Thank you, but it is always on the verge of raining here,'he replies politely. 'The very air is too moist for me to function correctly.'He seems to reconsider his statement and adds, 'Except in winter. It's not bad in the wintertime.'

  'Plus, it's an ogre house,'says Will. 'Benedict feels ogre magic like a scratchy wool sweater. The layers are protection.'Will looks at me confidentially. 'Water is Benedict's special affliction, especially if it's flowing. He doesn't work right if he's wet.'

  This would all be very fascinating to me, except''Ogre house?'I echo and look at my aunts.

  'How is it they have told you absolutely nothing?'Will demands in disbelief.

  'It wasn't time,'Aunt True says.

  'It was time. She told Benedict her birth date.'

  'I agree with them,'Ben interjects. 'It wasn't time. We weren't ready.'

  'It was time, Benedict.'Will turns his frown from him to me. 'This is not a good idea,'he announces.

  'What isn't?'Aunt True asks.

  'Benedict has a soft spot for her,'Will flings out, sounding disgusted. 'The two of you having a soft spot for her''Will waggles his fingers at my aunts''that we expected. But Benedict wasn't supposed to get emotionally attached.'He drawls it mockingly.

  I look at Ben, complete with a ridiculous little flutter in my heart.

  Ben is scowling at Will. 'I disagree with you about the issue of timing. We needed more time than this. You know we did.'

  'You needed more time; you weren't ready because of how you feel about her. But it was never for us to dictate the timing of things. It was for her.'He indicates me. 'She told you the date of her birth, Benedict. That was the omen.'

  'I've had en
ough,'I interrupt abruptly, and everyone looks at me in surprise, as if they had forgotten that I was there and that I'm angry. 'I want someone to explain to me what is

  going on here, and I want that explanation now. You tell me the story, or I let my mother find me and I hear it from her. Your choice.'

  There is a moment of silence.

  'We might as well get settled,'says Will wearily, taking another cookie. 'We'll be here for a while. Now, my dear.'He looks at me kindly. 'What do you know about your birth?'

  Chapter 9

  One day my father walked into his Back Bay apartment to find a blond woman asleep on his couch,'I say to Will. 'Yes.'Will looks delighted by this story. 'True enough.'

  He looks at my aunts. 'What a lovely, clever way to put it.''Who is she?''Who?''The blond woman asleep on the couch.''Your mother.''I know that,'I say impatiently. 'But who is my mother?'Will looks about to answer but Aunt True interjects, 'Let

  us tell her.'She looks at me and takes a deep breath. 'Your

  mother is a bean sh'th of the Seelie Court.''I don't know what that means,'I say. 'She's a faerie,'says Aunt Virtue. 'Not just a faerie,'says Will, 'one of the most powerful

  ones. The Seelie Court rules the Otherworld.''My mother is a faerie?''Yes,'says Aunt True. 'A faerie queen,'corrects Will.

  I stare at him for a moment. Then I say skeptically, 'You're telling me I'm a faerie princess?'

  Ben chuckles'such a normal sound out of him that I am momentarily startled. I look at Ben, and he grins at me.

  'Yes,'he says, 'he's telling you you're a faerie princess.'

  'Faye Blaxton is a faerie queen?'I clarify.

  'That's not her name,'says Will.

  'What's her name?'I ask.

  'Oh, no one knows.'Will shakes his head. 'No one will ever know. That is one of the most precious secrets, the names of the faeries in the Seelie Court. Names are powerful things.'

  'I know your names,'I point out. I remember Ben, complaining about the way I was using his name.

  'You know what I have told you to be my name, which is not quite the same thing,'says Will. 'As for Benedict, he has the misfortune not to be faerie royalty. Names of mere plebeian faeries are required to be revealed under faerie law. Must keep the population in line, you know.'

  'How does that keep the population in line?'

  'Say a faerie's name the right way, you can dissolve his or her enchantments, weaken him or her.'

  I look at Ben. 'That's what happened when I said your name.'

  Ben nods.

  'What was this enchantment?'I demand.

  'To keep you safe,'says Aunt True.

  'Safe from what? Why do I need to be kept alive? I don't get it. Why am I in danger of dying?'

  'Not dying,'Aunt True says somberly, anxiously. 'Being killed.'

  'Being killed by who?'

  Aunt True and Aunt Virtue wring their hands together fretfully.

  Will explains, 'The members of the Seelie Court do not have children. There was a prophecy, so many years ago that nobody can even estimate the age of this prophecy any longer''

  'Or just the other day,'interjects Ben.

  'Don't be confusing,'complains Will.

  Ben shrugs.

  'A prophecy,'Will continues firmly, 'that there would be four fays born of the seasons and, according to the Seelie Court, that these four fays would be the reason that the Unseelie Court would rise and take power in the Otherworld.'

  'What's the Unseelie Court?'I ask.

  'They're our greater of two evils,'answers Ben grimly.

  'Exactly. The Seelie Court may have its issues, but the Unseelie Court, well, no one wants them in power. Anyway, the four fays born of the seasons would be Seelies themselves. No other fays would have nearly enough power. So there was a prohibition on the Seelies creating children.'

  'But''I begin.

  'But here you are,'Will agrees. 'Your mother fell from the Otherworld. She was pushed. To this day, no one has ever caught the perpetrator, and the assumption is that it was someone from the Unseelie Court. She fell and your

  father found her, and he nursed her back to health'it is a long distance to fall. Your mother was in his debt, a dangerous place for a Seelie to be. She was desperate to be out of it. She asked him to name his payment.'Will pauses. 'And he named a child.'

  I am silent for a second. 'Why would he do that?'

  Will looks at my aunts, and I follow his lead.

  Aunt True and Aunt Virtue exchange a look, and then Aunt Virtue starts speaking. 'We are ogres, child. The last of the ogres'your father, True, me. We came here with Will years ago, here to this place. Safety from the Seelie Court, for all the creatures of the Otherworld who weren't faeries'it was Will's idea. The Seelie Court was always biased a bit in favor of their own kind.'

  'Yes, their cruelty toward faeries is slightly milder,'agrees Will drily.

  'So Will founded Parsymeon, an Otherworld place locked into the Thisworld for all the non-faeries to stand together, to weave our own protective enchantments, and together, all of us, we could keep faeries out.'

  'Parsymeon?'I say.

  'Boston,'says Ben. 'Will insists on calling it Parsymeon, but it's Boston, centuries ago, before the Boston you knew. This is Will Blaxton, who founded Boston by planting apple trees on Beacon Hill, apple trees born of the apples of the Isle of Apples.'

  I stare at Will. 'Boston was founded by a wizard?'

  'Yes, as a home for supernatural creatures.'Will sounds annoyed that I sound so dubious. 'A new world'why should it only house Puritans? I named the place Parsymeon. But then the Puritans were dying in their stupid little settlement, and I felt bad, and I invited them here, and they renamed it Boston and they ruined the whole place.'

  'Blaxton,'I realize. I look at Ben. 'You called him Will Blaxton.'

  'It's where your mother's last name came from, yes,'he confirms. 'Surely you've realized by now where the Faye comes from. It isn't her name. It was simply the best we could do with the records.'

  'Faye like your last name?'I say to Ben.

  'Yes,'Will answers on Ben's behalf. 'But it really just means faerie. Benedict's family happens to be a very old one.'

  'But not a royal one.'Ben smiles tightly. 'We have a bad habit of falling out of favor, we Le Fays.'

  'Anyway, Parsymeon is still supernatural today,'continues Will, who is beaming like a proud father about this. 'It has the highest concentration of supernatural beings anywhere in the Thisworld.'

  'But only two faeries,'murmurs Ben.

  'Well, wasn't that the point?'says Will. 'Keep the Seelies out, keep all faeries out?'

  'How did you get in?'I ask Ben.

  'Special permission from the Witch and Ward Society,'he replies. 'I had to apply and everything. But you were to be

  kept safe, and they needed a faerie to do that, much as they hated to admit it.'

  I look at my aunts, connecting the dots. 'Because you don't like faeries,'I conclude.

  'Faeries are flighty and capricious,'says Aunt Virtue staunchly, 'and you are not one. Not entirely. There is ogre in you.'

  'Ogre,'I echo. 'So I'm'half and half.'

  'Exactly,'agrees Aunt Virtue.

  Aunt True says, 'We'd wanted a baby so very desperately for so very long. Centuries.'

  'Or minutes,'murmurs Ben.

  My aunt ignores him. 'But how were we to get one without faerie magic? So your father asked your mother for a baby.'

  'I warned him not to,'Will says. 'I knew the prophecy. I knew the danger you would be in from the very beginning. And I knew there would be a price'the Seelies always extract a price. But Etherington would not be dissuaded.'

  'And your mother brought us a baby.'Aunt Virtue smiles at me, her expression so soft and full of affection. 'You. A beautiful little changeling, half-faerie, half-ogre.'

  'Which made you''Aunt True's voice is hard''only half ours.'

  'My mother named me,'I realize.

  'Of course she did,'Will says. 'Powe
r over you.'

  'Is it a problem that everyone knows my name?'

  'No one knows your whole name,'Aunt True tells me.

  'Your middle names are secret,'Aunt Virtue adds.

  'You should keep them that way,'says Aunt True.

  'Why?'

  'In order to completely dissolve a faerie's powers,'explains Will, 'you would need to know all of the faerie's middle names. Faeries frequently have three or four middle names, to make them harder to dilute. Of course, give a faerie too many names, and they can't work under the weight of their burden, and you have the same effect as their name being known.'

  'I have a cousin with 302 middle names,'muses Ben. 'She's quite useless.'

  'So, know a faerie's whole name, dissolve all his powers. Know just a couple of his names''I look at Ben.

  'It weakens us. But it doesn't destroy us completely.'

  'That's why you couldn't hold the enchantment around me together anymore.'

  'Right. It was broken. And why I had such a difficult time jumping. I was wet and diluted.'

  'But,'interjects Will softly, and he is staring at me, delight in his face, 'not dissolved.'He turns his look to Ben now. 'Oh, it's very pretty work, Benedict. I would never have known it was there if we hadn't been discussing your enchantments.'

  'What?'I ask. I look from Ben to Will to my aunts in confusion.

  Will is still smiling at Ben, looking a cross between proud and amused. 'How much energy is that taking you, to keep

  that up? No wonder you're letting the Seelies get closer to you

  than usual and fretting about the moisture in the air.'Ben looks embarrassed. 'It's not a big deal,'he grumbles. 'What? 'I demand. 'Benedict's still got you enchanted. It's a minor enchant

  ment, but it's very well done, virtually undetectable'''The protective charm,'I realize. 'Yes,'says Will, eyes narrowed speculatively at Ben. 'And

  what a very pretty thing it is too.'There is a moment of uncomfortable silence. I venture finally, 'If faeries aren't allowed into Boston, how

  did my mother manage to get here?'

  'Ah,'says Will. 'That is a question we have never been able to answer. She was pushed through to Thisworld, but we don't really know how.'