The Girl Who Never Was

by Skylar Dorset

  Suddenly I am angry. No one ever tells me the truth, it seems. No one ever gives me choices. I am so tired of being ordered around, of being a spectator in my life. It may be reckless, but I decide I am going to Salem and getting

  answers. If my mother finds me, I have Ben's enchantment on me'and the way I feel at this moment, just let her try anything with me.

  Ben's enchantment, I think. Ben has given me choice. My aunts can't make me stay locked up because I don't want to stay locked up. I need answers, and I need to find Ben too.

  'I need to go to Salem,'I announce abruptly, decision made.

  'Salem?'Kelsey echoes in confusion.

  'Yeah.'

  'For what?'

  I hesitate. 'Do you remember I ducked into that museum while the rest of you hung out in Salem?'

  'What? No. When?'

  'When we went to Salem this year.'

  Kelsey looks at me for a moment, her green eyes quizzical. 'We didn't go to Salem this year.'

  I should have expected that, but I don't know why it seems like the last straw of frustration. Why is this my life, and who can I blame for it? I want to scream.

  'Of course we didn't,'I say resignedly.

  'Selkie, are you okay? You're acting weird. Actually, you've been acting weird for a little while now.'

  'If I told you what's going on with me, you'd never believe it,'I tell her honestly.

  'Of course I'd believe it. Don't be silly,'she says comfortingly, and she is my best friend, and I so wish she could understand.

  I shake my head. 'No, never mind. It's nothing, really. I just'have to go to Salem.'

  'Then I'll go with you,'Kelsey decides.

  'No,'I protest. 'No, really, I don't want to''

  'I'm not letting you go alone. I'd never let you go on an adventure like this alone.'Kelsey puts her hands on her hips. 'We'll have to have some kind of catfight over it, maybe push each other in the fountain or something.'

  The idea is ridiculous. But so is the idea of Kelsey coming along with me.

  'You know I'd beat you in a catfight, right?'continues Kelsey.

  She probably would. 'Kelsey''I begin, but I can't come up with anything else to say. Finally I settle on, 'I'm not sure it's safe.'

  Kelsey folds her arms and gives me A Look. 'Oh,'she says. 'Then I am definitely going with you. What kind of friend would I be if I let you go by yourself to do something dangerous? I'd miss out on all the fun!'

  x I'm a little sulky that Kelsey's won the argument and is tagging along with me, so we don't really talk until we get to Salem. It's Kelsey who breaks the silence.

  'So,'she asks. 'What are we doing here?'

  'I have to talk to this guy I know here,'I answer. 'His name is Will, and he owns a museum.'

  Kelsey doesn't ask me any more questions. She follows me as I walk the blocks to the street where I went to the Salem Which Museum.

  And it isn't there.

  I stand on the street, and I stare at where the museum should be'an alley between a souvenir shop on one side and a bank on the other. I am speechless and at a loss as to what to do. Maybe Will doesn't exist in this enchantment either, like Ben. Or maybe I am a crazy person and all of it'the empty Park Street station, the talking rat, the story about my heritage, Ben himself'was just an elaborate, vivid dream. For all I know, maybe I am in the same institution as my father right at this very minute, still in the throes of this terrible hallucination.

  The harsh November wind tumbles up the street toward us, slamming into us. I huddle instinctively into my sweatshirt, tucking my hands into the pocket'and I close my hand around the shard of tissue-wrapped glass. The museum waves into existence, right where it's supposed to be, just the way it looked before. Kelsey utters a little squeak next to me, but none of the other people coming and going from the bank and the shop so much as look up.

  'How did you do that?'breathes Kelsey, awe in her voice.

  'I have no idea,'I admit. 'That's pretty much how it goes around me.'

  I step forward confidently and push open the door, and there I am again, in the Salem Which Museum. Will is sitting

  in the front room this time, reading, but he doesn't look surprised to see me. He closes his book, sets it aside, and frowns at me.

  'Hello, Iggy,'I say to the iguana wandering around by the front door. And then to Will, 'Hi.'

  Will glances at Kelsey, then back to me. 'Your aunts are furious and terrified. They've raised so much of an alarm, the goblins have completely shut down the subways.'

  'Good thing we didn't take the subway,'I say.

  'This isn't funny,'snaps Will.

  'I agree. Where is Ben?'

  'It doesn't matter,'says Will. And then, 'Does it matter?'

  'Of course it matters. He always matters. And he's made a mess of things. I was kissing Mike Summerton because of him.'

  'What?'says Kelsey.

  'Who is Mike Summerton?'asks Will. 'Not a goblin, is he? Goblins can be very seductive.'

  'He's not a goblin,'I say.

  'Goblins look just like any of us,'says Will. 'Just much more attractive.'

  'What are we talking about?'asks Kelsey in bewilderment.

  Will and I ignore her.

  'Where. Is. Ben?'I say.

  'Do you know how rude it is to bring this up in mixed company?'Will sweeps a hand toward Kelsey.

  'Kelsey,'I start.

  'No. No way.'She shakes her head firmly. 'I want to know what the hell everyone's talking about.'

  There is a moment of silence.

  'Where's Ben?'I ask again.

  Will is silent for a long moment. Then: 'He's a special guest of the Seelie Court, or so I hear. And there isn't a prophecy without him; he's part of the prophecy, the one where we win, anyway.'

  I think of what Ben said would happen to him if the Seelies got him. 'Is he''I trail off, not sure what to say.

  'Well, his enchantment's flickering, but it's holding, so I would imagine he's weakened but pretty much okay. He hasn't been named yet.'

  'Why not?'

  Will's gaze is flat and unamused. 'Oh, my dear, that should be obvious.'

  I bristle. 'It isn't to me, so why don't you tell me?'

  'The Seelie Court needs him to get to you.'

  'But if they named him, wouldn't the protective enchantment around me dissolve?'

  'But you're here in Boston'a Boston that's been reinforced. The goblins are raising armies and the borders are more tightly closed. Can they get at you here? Yes. Of course. Eventually, I'm sure. But would you make it a whole lot easier on them if you went to them? Yes.'

  Well, there's nothing to be gained by walking into a trap. And yet'

  'Ben's there because of me, isn't he? Because he could only save one of us, so he saved me, not himself.'

  'Don't think of it that way,'says Will.

  'How else should I think of it?'

  'You shouldn't think of it at all. Ben didn't want you to.'

  'If I'm going to be the downfall of the Seelie Court, maybe I can bring it about now,'I suggest.

  'You're not going to be the downfall by yourself. We need the other three fays of the seasons.'

  'There are others?'

  'Of course. Did you think you were all alone in this? None of us is ever as special as we think. You're just the autumn fay. There are three others, and the prophecy is firm that all four of you must be assembled.'

  'So where are they?'

  'You are the only one we know about. And I've no idea how to find the rest. I've been reading every book I can think of, but I'm getting nowhere. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Even if we have all four fays, the prophecy requires a Le Fay, and there's only Ben left of the line, considering his mother hasn't been seen in centuries now'or a few minutes, depending on the time you're keeping.'

  I blink. 'Did you know his mother?'

  'Of course. Everyone knew his mother. She was the best enchantress in the Otherworld. Where do you think Benedict gets it from?'

&
nbsp; 'What happened to her?'

  'No one knows the answer to that. Trust me, she's a dead end; we'll never find her. If we're going to find the other three fays, we need Benedict. It's what the prophecy says.'

  'If the prophecy says Ben's going to help us, then won't it just happen? He has to escape and help us; it's prophesied.'

  Will shakes his head. 'That's not how prophecies work. Prophecies war, one against the other. Until the words are written down, the possible paths are manifold. We have one; the Seelies have another. The prophecy isn't that you will restore peace to the Otherworld. It's that it will never be done without you.'

  'Then we don't have a choice, do we? We have to go to the Seelie Court to rescue Ben.'

  'I would like you to tell me how you propose to waltz into the Seelie Court and waltz out with a prisoner.'

  I frown. 'Well, first, you're going to help me.'

  'Even if I thought this foolhardy plan wasn't going to get all of us named immediately, I can't actually set foot in Tir na nOg, no non-faerie can, not without a silver bough, and nobody knows how to make one of those except the Seelies.'

  There is too much here for me to unpack. Will is using words that make absolutely no sense to me. 'You need to start at the beginning.'

  'No,'says Will. 'I don't need to start anywhere. You are going straight home. I am not going to be responsible for getting the autumn fay killed.'

  'So that's it?'I say. 'You're just going to let Ben be named?'

  Will falters. 'Benedict knew the risks.'He must realize how lame that sounds, because he adds, 'There's nothing I can do, Selkie. Nothing any of us can do. I'm sorry. But if Benedict's going to get out of Tir na nOg, he'll have to find some astonishing way to do it.'There's a moment of silence. 'He's an exceptionally talented faerie. He'll figure it out.'

  I am silent, thinking furiously, because I can't just leave Ben in there. I can't; he's there because of me in the first place.

  A rabbit comes hopping into the room, and I look at it fully. 'Does it talk?'I ask, thinking maybe it will be of help, the way the talking rat could have been in Ben's world.

  'No, that's just Bunny,'says Will.

  'Not very original when it comes to names, are you?'drawls Kelsey sarcastically.

  'Don't be silly. Those aren't their real names.'Will glares at her, then turns back to me. 'Now go home.'

  I'm not going to go home, I think. The subways are links with the Otherworld. If I can figure out how they work, if I can just get to a subway'

  Will ushers us out the door. I am deep in thought, but I grab a button from his change-collecting bowl on the way out because you never know.

  'Now what?'Kelsey asks when we find ourselves standing on a Salem street, with the Salem Which Museum disappeared behind us again.

  'You should go home,'I say. 'Take the ferry, like we came.'

  'And what are you going to do?'

  'I'm going to get on the T,'I say grimly.

  'Then I'll go with you.'

  'Not a good idea.'

  'Why not?'

  'The T is'supernatural.'

  Kelsey lifts her eyebrows. 'The T is? Supernaturally terrible at working, maybe.'

  'No, it really is.'

  'Then I've got to see this.'

  'Kelsey,'I protest. I wish Ben's enchantment made me able to force people to do as I wish rather than just keeping them from forcing me to do things. It would make life so much easier. The enchantment he's left me with seems boring and stupid and useless at the moment.

  So Kelsey and I walk to the T, which is in chaotic disarray because one of the lines has stopped running'probably the line I need to take to get to Tir na nOg. I wish I knew what to do to make the subway a portal to the Otherworld, but it seems just like the usual subway. Kelsey and I get on and it kicks into motion. I peer out the window, and I don't know what I'm looking for'maybe a glimpse of that bright, sunny world Ben transported us to? But all I see is the dark tunnel.

  I turn away with a sigh. The man across the aisle, dressed in a dapper trench coat with a plaid scarf, reading a Metro, is looking at me. Is he looking at me? I feel paranoid and confused. I look away, then back at him quickly, and in that moment, reality flickers. It's the best way I can describe it. I

  am, for one brief moment, no longer in the T. I am in what seems like an expensive hotel lobby with clusters of fancy, uncomfortable seating and a fireplace. And then, before I can get my bearings and look around, I'm not. I'm just on the T, and it's squealing into Park Street.

  'End of the line,'the PA tells us. 'Everyone off.'

  The man I thought was watching me gathers up his briefcase and exits the subway car.

  'But this isn't the end of the line,'I point out, bewildered.

  Kelsey shrugs. 'Something must be going on.'

  We find out what once we're back on the platform.

  'Fire on the tracks,'someone comments. 'No trains past Park Street.'

  Park Street is a mess at the best of times; now it is a teeming mass of irritated humanity. The air sounds like complaints and annoyance. And it's pointless to stand here, jostled and crowded, unable to get anywhere. I wish I knew what to do. I curse Will for not helping me.

  Someone says to me, 'You should get out of here.'A man, tall and dark, with brilliant blue eyes.

  I shrink away from him instinctively and do just that, taking Kelsey with me.

  And when we get aboveground, Will is there, looking very unamused. 'You,'he says, 'are an enormous amount of trouble.'

  'How did you find us?'I grumble, annoyed.

  'The goblins control the subways. You don't think the goblins know when the autumn fay gets on?'

  'And then you beat us here?'I demand.

  'I came express. The king of the goblins is a friend. Now what do you think you're up to?'

  'For someone who won't help me,'I retort, 'you're awfully concerned with where I go.'

  'Look,'he says, 'I don't know what to make of the prophecy now that Ben's gone'reading prophecies isn't, strictly speaking, my specialty'but I'm not going to lose the one fay we've found. You are, right now, the one glimmer of hope we have in taking back the Otherworld. So, like it or not, I'm keeping you safe. And surely you've noticed by now that that's getting harder to do, that the walls between the worlds are breaking down. We're scrambling to reinforce them, but it would be easier for all of us if you would just stay put.'

  'Okay,'Kelsey interrupts. 'I've had enough. Finally. I mean, I think I've been pretty patient so far, but what the hell is going on here?'

  Will looks at her. 'Who are you, anyway?'

  Kelsey opens her mouth, but I cut her off. 'Don't tell him. Names have power, and he's a wizard, and not one I'm sure I trust.'

  Will looks highly indignant. 'Not trust me? Not trust me? I have kept you alive your entire life, child!'

  'Ben's kept me alive,'I point out. 'Ben and my aunts and my father. All I know is that from the moment I've met you, I've barely had two seconds strung together where my life isn't in danger. So the verdict's still out on you.'

  'Trusting a faerie over a wizard,'grumbles Will. 'It's easy to tell you are new to the Otherworld.'

  'This is what I'm talking about,'says Kelsey, frustrated. 'Faeries? Wizards? What is going on?'

  'Humans don't get involved in Otherworld politics,'Will snaps at her.

  'Huh?'says Kelsey eloquently, staring at him.

  'Your friend here,'says Will, sweeping a hand toward me, 'is half-ogre, half-faerie-princess. There's a dangerous prophecy that she is going to overthrow the ruling faerie government and restore peace to the Otherworld, which is why her mother wants her dead. Everything clear now?'

  Kelsey blinks at Will then looks at me in amazement. 'He is insane,'she hisses at me, obviously worried about Will's state of mind.

  'Possibly,'I agree awkwardly. 'But he's not wrong.'

  She stares at me.

  'You're going home,'Will says. 'Both of you. To your separate homes.'

  'No,
definitely not,'says Kelsey. 'Either Selkie is surrounded by crazy people, or you're all totally sane and this is true. Either way, do you think I'd leave her alone?'

  I have never in my life loved Kelsey as much as I do at that moment. I mean, I've always known that she is pretty much the best friend you could ever ask for, that she is the definition of loyal, that she will stand by you through thick and thin, but I never really stopped to consider if she would stand

  by me if I found out I was some kind of faerie princess harbinger of death or something. I mean, who would consider such a thing? But there she is, just outside Park Street station, as if this is totally within the realm of what you sign up for when you become friends with someone.

  I bury her in a sudden, fierce hug.

  Will sighs. 'Fine,'he says. Then again, more firmly and sounding more annoyed, 'Fine. I will let your aunts deal with you.'

  He says this like it's a threat, but I've had seventeen years now of dealing with my aunts. I'm confident that things are shifting my way.

  We walk toward Beacon Street together. The wind sweeps over the Common in the way that only wind over the Common can'like a sentient being that fiercely battles your desire to reach your destination. Will shudders deeper into the threadbare coat he has pulled on, but though I feel it raw against my cheeks, the wind halts at my sweatshirt, draws up short at the barrier of enchantment so much more perplexing than wool.

  If Ben could market these sweatshirts, he'd make a fortune.

  Will makes a little noise of disgust, a tiny hmph, as we reach the edge of the Common opposite my house, and I look at him.

  'It's just, well, predictable, isn't it? I was thinking that the other day. Looks exactly the same as it did in 1632.'

  'Houses weren't built like this in 1632,'I tell Will.

  'How do you know how enchanted houses were built in 1632?'he demands.

  'This house is enchanted?'says Kelsey.

  'Got the lavender windowpanes. That's how you know a house in Boston is an enchanted house.'

  'I knew it!'exclaims Kelsey triumphantly. 'I always knew there was something weird about this house.'She pauses. 'So, the lavender windowpanes, huh? I thought that was just a chemical reaction, a bad batch of glass.'

  Will gives her a withering look. 'That's never been replicated? Ever? Really? It's actually been replicated lots and lots, just not by humans. It's goblin glass.'