The Girl Who Never Was

by Skylar Dorset

  My mother's eyes slide to me. She looks amused.

  'What do you think you can do, either one of you, that will stop what has begun here? You will go into the human realm and try to hide from Seelie power, as so many have done, and how long has that lasted, for any of you? How well has that worked? No one can outrun a Seelie. Not forever.'

  Ben is stiff and unmoving. 'Selkie Stewart,'he says tightly, not looking at me, but I feel a small tingle and wonder if he's drawing energy from me, preparing for something. 'You should have gotten on the hot air balloon.'

  'Not without you,'I tell him stubbornly. 'We promised, remember?'

  'It's so touching, really,'my mother says to Ben, 'how loyal she is to you. How little she knows about you.'Her eyes cut to me. 'You should never believe a word he tells you, you know. He will betray you.'She looks back at Ben. 'And then he will die.'

  Ben's hand slides down, and his fingers curl through mine. 'Do you know what you've done, ever since you met me? You've underestimated me. I am Benedict Le Fay.'He smiles. 'And I'm the best traveler in the Otherworld.'

  And then we are on the hot air balloon.

  And I look back, worried that maybe we still aren't safe, and then I see something that surprises me. Gussie. I'd completely forgotten about her. Guilt twists into my abdomen. I should have gotten her out as well. But I'd been so busy'how was I supposed to save everyone? She is running toward the cliff, and I turn to everyone in the basket, almost hysterical.

  'We have to go back.'

  Ben is panting for breath on the floor of the basket. 'Go back?'he echoes. 'I don't know if you noticed, but we barely got away. And we could get away a little faster.'

  'This hot air balloon is fighting me every inch, Benedict,'Will replies tightly. 'It would be nice if you could help.'

  'As if I have anything left,'snaps Ben.

  I interrupt their sniping, desperate. 'But Gussie,'I say and gesture.

  They look where I am indicating.

  Will draws his eyebrows together and says, 'Is that Gussie Gregory?'

  'Do you know her? She helped me. She''

  Gussie is exchanging words with my mother. I don't know what they are; we are no longer close enough to hear. Gussie is walking slowly backward, toward the edge of the cliff, and if she doesn't stop she's going to'

  I go to shout to her, to tell her to watch out, and then she looks over her shoulder, and I could have sworn that I see her wink. And then she spreads out her arms and lets herself fall backward.

  And then there is a furious, blinding flash of light, and the hot air balloon rocks almost sideways, blown clear across Mag Mell by the force of a gale.

  Chapter 26

  When we reach the slice of meadow on the other side, everyone staggers out. My aunts and Will collapse to the ground, and I rush over to them in concern.

  'We're okay,'Aunt True tells me, trying to sound comforting. 'Just a lot of energy we used up there, and we're a bit out of practice with such active magic like that.'

  'But you're safe.'Aunt Virtue reaches up and cups my cheek in her hand. 'You escaped from Tir na nOg. You're safe.'

  I feel like I might cry. I am so happy to see them, I lean down and pull them into tight hugs.

  Rain starts falling, sheets of it.

  Ben groans audibly from where he too is collapsed in a heap. 'Please stop the rain. Please.'

  It ends abruptly.

  'Sorry,'Aunt True says sheepishly. 'It's just that we're so happy.'

  I blink in confusion.

  'Ogre magic,'Ben says sleepily. 'Rain when you're happy. Rain when you're angry. Rain all the time with you guys. Bit

  inconvenient for me. I could sleep for a thousand years. Or a few seconds. Depending on which time you're keeping.'

  'Well, we haven't time for that sort of time,'Will says impatiently, seeming to gather himself together.

  'I don't understand,'I say, straightening. 'What happened to Gussie? Why did she do that?'

  'Sacrificed herself,'Will says brusquely. 'Wizards can do that, send all the power left in them to the aid of those they wish to help.'

  'She was a wizard,'I realized. 'What was she doing in Tir na nOg?'

  Will's eyes are sharp and glittery on me. 'I was going to ask you that.'

  He is speaking very tersely, but there is something underneath it. He isn't angry; he's upset. 'You really did know her,'I recall. He knew her, and she fell to her death right in front of him, and he's upset.

  'I'Yes. She was''He clears his throat. 'Doesn't matter. We have to get back to Boston before the Seelies regroup.'

  'It should take them a while.'Safford sounds awed. He is staring at me. 'You brought clouds to the Seelie Court. I've never seen clouds at the Seelie Court.'

  'Ogre magic,'Ben says again. He is shaking his head briskly, as if to wake himself up, and drops of water are flying out of his thick, dark curls. 'That's Selkie, getting angry and determined enough to bring clouds to block out the Seelie sunshine.'

  'And you,'Safford says. 'I've never seen anyone make a jump on Seelie land.'

  'Best traveler in the Otherworld, remember? And I had a little help.'He winks at me then leaps lightly to his feet.

  I am dazedly looking at the clouds. 'But I didn't do that. How did I do that?'

  'I already told you. You got angry and determined, and it spilled out of you. You just didn't know.'

  It doesn't make sense, that I could do that without knowing. Then again, I broke Ben's enchantment way back at the beginning of all this without having any idea that's what I was doing.

  'How did all of you get here?'Ben is asking the rest of them.

  'The long way,'Will answers. 'With a bit of help from the Threader. How do you feel? Well enough to jump us all to Boston?'

  'Absolutely not. But I might be able to make Cottingley.'

  'We can't go to Cottingley,'Aunt Virtue says stiffly. 'We have to go back to Boston. We have to get Selkie safe. We have to bring Kelsey home.'

  'I'm fine,'Kelsey says, but she says it shakily. She is sitting on the grass, looking as exhausted as the rest of us.

  I sit beside her and give her hand a squeeze. 'What are you even doing here?'I ask. 'You didn't have to come.'

  'You were in trouble. Of course I had to come.'

  I experience an overwhelming surge of affection for her and lean over and hug her fiercely. I am surprised when it starts

  to drizzle. I hear Ben sigh good-naturedly. I draw back from

  Kelsey and say, 'Sorry.'

  'I'm coping.'He smiles at me.

  'We can get to Cottingley because there's a strong faerie connection to Cottingley. Easier for Benedict. We can't get to Boston until Benedict's finished recovering a bit,'Will explains to my aunts.

  'We'd rather go straight to Boston,'Aunt True says staunchly.

  'We don't like being surrounded by so many faeries.'Aunt Virtue looks at Ben and Safford suspiciously.

  'We don't have a choice right now,'Ben says, almost cheerfully. 'Your only other option is the long way through the Otherworld, with faeries at every turn.'

  'And Seelies eventually on our heels,'Safford adds darkly, looking over his shoulder at the Seelie Court with a shudder.

  I look at it as well. It is storming over there, thunder and lightning surrounding the fortress, so that it is almost obscured entirely from view. I have seen storms like that move into Boston, rain in sheets so thick that the John Hancock Tower disappears into it, but very, very, very seldom. I stand, transfixed for a moment by the sight.

  'I did that?'I say, because I have no recollection of doing anything like that.

  'That's the thing about ogre magic coming up against Seelie magic,'says Will. 'It clashes, like a disturbance in the atmosphere.'

  'It literally makes it storm,'realizes Kelsey.

  'And Seelies are weakened by storms?'I say, confused, because my mother certainly hadn't seemed to share Ben's aversion to being wet.

  'They don't mind a regular storm in the Thiswo
rld. An Otherworld storm caused by foreign magic short-circuiting their power? That they definitely mind.'Ben looks both amused and proud, looking across at the disturbance.

  'Foreign magic in the Otherworld,'breathes Safford. 'I've never seen it like that before.'

  'Well,'says Ben with a smile, 'Selkie doesn't like to do anything the usual way.'

  'We should go,'Will says. 'I don't know how long it will take them to untangle the ogre magic from their own, and once they do that, they'll name us immediately.'

  'Let's get out of here,'Aunt True says with a shudder.

  'Fine.'Aunt Virtue's voice is flat. 'Cottingley. But after that we get to Boston.'

  Ben's hand slides into mine. 'Hold hands, everyone.'

  And then we are standing on a cobblestoned street, outside a brightly lit convenience store. It is misty and damp. Ben sighs and says, 'I hate England.'

  x We sit at a table in a caf', and although we are two faeries, two ogres, a wizard, a human, and a'whatever I am, to

  the outside eye, we probably just look like a normal group of people.

  We are silent with a bone-deep weariness. Everything seems to be catching up with me. I can't figure out if I was at the Seelie Court seconds ago or centuries ago. Faerie time makes me feel perpetually jetlagged.

  I think of Gussie, winking at me before falling backward to her death, or whatever they would call it. I feel like I will see her falling backward, tumbling through air, forever when I close my eyes. And if I'm not seeing her, then I'm seeing Kelsey, so close to plummeting the same way.

  'She said someone else had hidden the other three fays,'I say dully, eventually, into the heavy silence all around us.

  'Who said?'asks Will.

  'Gussie. That's what she told me. They're still hidden. I'm the only one who'asked questions. Or something.'

  'Who hid them?'

  'I don't know.'

  'Well, didn't you ask?'snaps Will, sounding annoyed.

  'Of course I asked. She said we needed some book. Some stupid book. I don't know. Something about a pickle or something.'

  'A Pickle for the Knowing Ones?'says Will.

  I look at him in surprise. 'That's it. Do you know it?'

  'I knew the idiot who wrote it. Called himself Lord Dexter, because he was obnoxious.'

  'Well, can we get his book?'

  'The Witch and Ward Society banned it, of course, so to get

  the copy that would be any use to us at all, we'd have to get into the library. But I don't know how much good it would do us. It's a powerful book, but it tells the past, not the future.'

  'Whoever hid the fays hid them in the past,'Ben points out.

  'But we need to find them in the future.'

  'Maybe by finding whoever hid them in the past, where they put them,'I say. 'It's worth a try.'

  'Fine,'Will agrees on a sigh.

  'So we'll go back to Boston,'Aunt Virtue says, satisfied.

  'We were always going back to Boston. Boston was constructed for battle,'Will says. 'Boston was constructed for this.'

  My aunts shake their heads.

  'It was never supposed to happen,'Aunt True says, her voice trembling with something. Fear?

  'It was always supposed to happen,'Will corrects them.

  'What is anyone talking about?'Kelsey asks, her voice full of exhausted exasperation. She is sitting with her head in her hands.

  'Enchantment headache,'Safford says, looking at her sympathetically. 'That's a Seelie side effect. I've got one of my own going on. This helps.'He holds up something that looks like a blob of phlegm.

  Kelsey peers at it closely. 'What is that?'

  'Tangible moonlight,'Safford answers.

  'It looks gross.'

  Safford shrugs.

  Kelsey hesitates, takes it, and then, screwing her eyes shut, tosses it in her mouth, swallowing it whole. Then she opens her eyes and says, surprised, 'Tastes like chocolate.'

  All this faerie stuff is so weird.

  'In the meantime, how long until you're well enough to jump us back to Boston?'asks Will.

  Ben frowns, clearly thinking. 'Depends on the time you're keeping. It's feeling very far away. Much farther than it should be.'

  Will and my aunts exchange abashed-looking glances.

  'What?'I ask.

  'We may have reinforced Boston's anti-faerie barriers,'admits Will.

  Ben makes an irritated sound. 'Why would you do that?'

  'Because you weren't the only faerie getting in, Benedict. And because you were in Tir na nOg.'

  'And you thought I was never getting out,'concludes Ben.

  'Well,'says Will, 'the odds weren't good.'He pauses. 'It's good to see you though.'

  Ben raises his eyebrows. 'Really? Are you glad to see a faerie? They'll revoke your wizard classification.'

  'Why can't we go as soon as you dry off?'asks Aunt Virtue impatiently.

  'Not that simple. I was also named.'

  'They only half-named you?'Will sounds surprised. 'How did you pull that off? You must be better at enchantments than I thought.'

  'First of all, I am definitely better at enchantments than you think. Second of all''Ben pauses and fidgets, then admits, 'I have a hidden name.'

  Safford drops a fork with a clatter that is especially loud in the sudden absolute silence that has fallen over our party.

  'Sorry,'he whispers when everyone looks at him.

  Will looks back at Ben and says, 'Of course. Your mother. What a trick to be hiding up your sleeve. How did you keep secret the fact that it was hidden?'

  Ben gives him a look, a look that makes me suppress a shudder. 'I told you,'he says. 'I am much better at enchantments than even you think.'

  There is a moment of uncomfortable silence. Will looks as if he doesn't quite know what to make of what Ben has said. My aunts look almost fearful. Safford ducks below the table to retrieve the fork.

  Kelsey says, 'My head hurts.'

  Then she yawns, which makes me realize I am tired too. It's been a long'day? Week? Decade? Minute?

  'If it's going to take you a while to recover, where are we going to stay in the meantime?'I ask. 'We need to sleep.'

  Ben sighs and looks across at Will. 'Will, be a wizard for a change and get us somewhere to stay.'

  x

  Will convinces a family that they suddenly need to go to London to visit relatives. I suppose this is magic. The house he's procured for us is not enormous, but it is a decent size. Ben strips out of all of his layers except one, leaving a sodden trail of jackets behind him, and disappears into a bedroom, reappearing a short time later in a completely new outfit and clutching a hair dryer.

  'Well done, Will,'he says and sits on the floor and commences aiming the hair dryer at every spot on his body.

  'Glad you approve,'Will replies dryly and then sits next to Safford on the couch. Safford is curiously flipping through channels on the television, never pausing on any long enough to register what's playing.

  'Thisworld magic,'he says, sounding delighted. 'This is wonderful.'

  I look at Kelsey.

  'I have to go to bed,'she says, looking white and drawn. 'My head is killing me and I am exhausted. Can we catch up in the morning?'

  'Yes,'I say. 'Sure thing.'I give her a tight hug, and then she trails off into the nearest bedroom, collapsing onto the bed.

  I look at Ben and Will. 'We're safe from the Seelies here?'

  'For now,'Will answers. 'The Seelies detest Cottingley; there's too much old magic here that interferes with them. We don't have long here, but it should be long enough for Benedict to get better.'

  'What if it's not?'

  Will and Ben exchange a look that doesn't make me feel safe. But Will says, 'It will be.'

  I look at Ben, still aiming the hair dryer at himself, and hear my mother's words. Benedict Le Fay will betray you. And then he will die. 'My'mother said something,'I begin, stumbling a bit over what to call her, because mother seems inappropriate.


  I feel everyone look at me expectantly.

  'She said it was prophesied for'for Ben to die.'I leave out the first part. I can't deal with all of this at once; it just seems too much.

  'She would have said anything, Selkie,'says Ben. 'Any powerful words she could find. Don't let the words have the power she intends.'

  I ignore him, looking at Will.

  Will looks between the two of us. 'Benedict's right. She could have just been saying it.'

  'You've never heard that part of the prophecy.'

  'No,'Will says hedgingly.

  I narrow my eyes, thinking. 'But would you have?'

  'Prophecies are incredibly tricky things. They're almost impossible to read. If they were easy, everyone would do it and no one would ever do anything that wasn't prophesied, and that's not how the world works. So'no, I've never heard that part of the prophecy. But that doesn't mean she was lying necessarily.'Will says it reluctantly, awkwardly, looking at Ben.

  Ben shakes his head and looks at me, pale eyes glittering. 'She would have said anything, Selkie. Anything at that moment. If she knew so much about the prophecy, then how would we have been able to escape?'

  It's a good point. But it doesn't quite ease the tight ball of nerves in my stomach.

  x In the morning, I wake without realizing I'd fallen asleep. My aunts are still snoring, but there is the sound downstairs of people moving about, so I get up and go down to investigate.

  Will and Safford and Kelsey. Will is in the kitchen, and he is cooking something that smells heavenly. Safford and Kelsey each have an omelet in front of them.

  'I don't understand,'says Safford, frowning at it. 'It tastes like strawberry jam.'

  Kelsey laughs, and Safford turns a pleased shade of pink in response. 'It tastes like an omelet,'insists Kelsey.

  'This is what strawberry jam tastes like,'says Safford. 'The Thisworld is a strange place.'

  'Good morning,'I say.

  'Good morning,'they all chorus. Kelsey blushes, which is interesting.

  'Omelet, Selkie?'asks Will.

  'You cook?'I've never really thought of Will cooking.

  'I've lived several centuries. I spent a few of them perfecting my omelet,'replies Will.