Good Kings Bad Kings

by Susan Nussbaum

  So I walk with Cheri to the bathroom and I’m waiting out in the hallway and I have no idea what she’s doing in there but whatever it is must take forever. I mean, how long can it take to change a Kotex? Maybe she’s like rinsing off a little. When I was sitting next to her she really had a bad smell. Nothing personal. It’s just a side effect of being homeless.

  When we sit back down I ask her how she came to be here and she says her parents kicked her out.

  “Oh no, I’m really sorry. When did that happen?”

  “Two days ago.”

  So I go, “What happened? Do you mind me asking?”

  She says, “I met a guy at T-Mobile and we got to talking and he followed me home and when we went up to my room he took his thing out of his pants and I got scared. I got really, really scared and I told him he would have to leave my house.”

  The thing about this job is people will tell you anything.

  So I go, “Oh no. Did he leave?”

  “No.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I kept telling him that I didn’t appreciate him pulling his thing out and it was disgusting and it made me sick.”

  “So then what happened?”

  “He left. And I just felt so scared, you know? I felt really nervous and agitated and when my mom came home I told her what happened and she got mad and said she and my dad couldn’t take it no more and for me to get out the house.”

  Honestly? Cheri is not all there. I’m like—she brings a total stranger home and first thing he does is whip out his penis and then she tells her mother? She’s really sweet like I said but—weird, you know? Still her mother shouldn’t have just kicked her out. Not that I know all the details, but still.

  She loves my hair. She asked if it was a weave but it’s not. I have long, silky hair like a Chinese person.

  I ask her if she has a disability and she says, “I have schizophrenia.” Oh my God! Just like that. I could’ve asked this girl anything and she’d just answer. I meant what made her hand all knotted up—I had no idea she had a mental issue. She didn’t seem schizophrenic. Not that I know all these schizophrenic people, but you get this image in your head of someone who’s really out of control.

  So I tell her about this place I know with other kids who are handicapped and how she would have her own room and be safe and go to school and never have to be in a homeless shelter. I ask her if she is on Medicaid and if she wants me to call her parents and talk to them about that place so Cheri can go there. Cheri is underage, only fifteen, so her parents have to sign her in. So she gives me their number and I give her my business card. Now I just have to hope the parents are onboard. Finding a potential patient is only the first step.

  I walk her over to the sleeping area, which is I swear to God a bunch of pews. Not even cots. That’s where people have to sleep, on these hard wooden pews. I’m not sure if Cheri totally understands everything I say but when I see those pew beds I know that I am helping her. I can’t imagine being fifteen years old and being homeless plus schizophrenic plus her one twisted hand and whatever was going on with her feet. At least ILLC has beds. It has everything. Lots of kids her age and everything. I did exaggerate a little about having her own room. But sometimes that does happen, especially for kids who have mental issues, I think.

  I’m already spending the $300 in my head. I’m getting two new tires for my mom’s car, and for me I might get a winter coat at Old Navy or pay part of my Visa, depending on what the tires cost. Homeless shelters can be really profitable. I mean, I’m kidding, but it’s true.

  Yessenia Lopez

  They sure as hell better give me some other room than this one. I am fifteen years old! What am I doing up in here with these stinky children can’t even take their ass to the bathroom? That there should be a crime.

  If this is what it means to be award of the state, you can have your award, I don’t want it. I can take my own booty to the bathroom.

  Benedicta—but I call her Shamu the Whale—was all crying and acting like she didn’t even know she stole one of my teddy bears. Then Beverly just happens to find it in Shamu’s drawer under some clothes. It all happened just like I said and nobody said nothing about sending her wrongful, trifling self to the time-out room. That’s what they call the punishing room here. I just call it the Toilet.

  When I was in Juvie for aggravating assault on Mary Molina? They had a room like that. The guards called it administrating segregation but the convicts called it the Hole. I never got put in the Hole though. The Hole scared the crap outta me.

  My first night at Juvie I met some of the other criminal elements at dinner. I sat next to Yoyo, short for Yolanda. Yoyo was busted for dealing crack. Her teeth fell all out her mouth so she could only eat soft stuff and she always covered her mouth when she ate her food so you couldn’t see the food falling out of it. She had two babies and she was so, so, so skinny. She said she started out by dealing but started up using it too and that was when she got caught. Her charge was possession of a control substance.

  I met another girl, Erica. She was a lesbian. I’m use to it on account of my tía Cha Cha who is the mother of my cousin Carmen is a lesbian and she used to bring her girlfriend or husband or whatever you want to call it to Tía Nene’s place on Christmas. You can usually tell who is a lesbian because if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and dress like a duck, hey—it’s a duck, you know what I’m saying? There were other girls there ’cause of theft, and some for being in gangs and hating and assaulting on each other. But there was one girl who had just come out the Hole that very night. Her name was Maricela. She was real quiet and she didn’t look too good. You could see she was cute but she seemed like she was having a hard time to figure out should she use a fork or a spoon, you know? Anytime anybody said hi to her she flinched like it hurt her just to hear that. Maybe she was a badass before, but you sure wouldn’t know it no more. I thanked the Lord Jesus Christ that I had my tía Nene as long as I did because when I saw some of those girls up in Juvie, I had to wonder where in hell they mamas was at, you know?

  When I went to bed that night I said a prayer to the Holy Virgin herself and I told her that I was gonna be good and I would not cause no trouble and I would keep to myself and go to all the appointments they make you to go to. Once I make a decision, I stick to it.

  Now I am stuck in this new hellhole. In the daytime I’m back at Herbert Hoover with alla its drama. In school we’re learning about Hamlet. Okay, do he like Ophelia or not? Did they get their freak on before the story starts? ’Cause that girl is depress about something.

  Some of the other people here go to Hoover too. I go on the bus with like fifteen or twenty other of the teenage people they gots on my floor. The bus driver is name Ricky and he’s Puerto Rican like me and that boy kills me. He is hilarious. And he’s hot, okay? The boy is a tall Puerto Rican which if you ain’t one of my peoples you just don’t know how hot that is.

  There is a few people here who don’t go to Hoover because they already graduated. They have classes in life skills what suppose to make them ready for the badass world when they get old enough.

  Some of these children definitely do stink. Especially the younger ones, but not only them. I’ll just be minding my business and somebody’ll go by me, pass by like it ain’t no big deal, and all of a sudden kapow! I’ll be hit in the face with the smell of raw freaking shit! Somebody clean these children up, please!

  I got one friend here. Her name is Cheri. She got put here right after me. We was both in the bathroom and I said, “Hey, don’t you go to Hoover?” and she said, “I sure do,” and I said, “You ever have Miss Coleman?” and she said, “I love Miss Coleman,” and I said, “Miss Coleman is my favorite teacher!” so we got bonded right offa the bat. I said, “This place is jacked up but at least they gots mirrors in the bathroom,” and we both laughed so, so hard ’cause at Hoover they didn’t keep no mirrors in the bathroom, or at Juvie. That’s because they afraid us children will b
reak them up and stab each other or the teachers or ourselves. They afraid of their own children.

  Once you laugh with a person? That person is your friend. You can’t help it. And for me and Cheri we neither of us had laughed since we got put at ILLC, so we are friends for real.

  I told Cheri about my tía and being award of the state and moving to the St. Francis Home for Young Women and then to Juvie. And by the time I got my sentence chopped off to three months they didn’t have no more beds at St. Francis and here I am. Cheri told me how she was a vagrant and how a female with pretty hair tricked her and now she cries every night ’cause she misses her mama and daddy real bad and prays to the Baby Jesus to make them come take her home. But they said for her to stay put here, maybe this place do something with her. They wash up their hands of their own child. I feel bad for her. I really do. Cheri even got the pretty-hair lady’s business card. She says one day she’s gonna call that lady up and tell her off for shutting her up in this pit.

  Sometimes when I’m lying in my bed and Shamu is sleeping, I try to clear up my mind, but Tía Nene keeps coming into it and I try not to think of her but it’s like the pink elephant. You see one in a room, you just gots to think about it.

  They made me see a counselor at Juvie name Ms. Flowers. She said I could call her Patricia. She said she read my record from Family Services, and she seen I’ve had lost people, such as my tía, but also my mother and father. I told her the only one I lost was my tía Nene. Those other two are still alive and kicking, far as I know. I told her I never even seen my father, so I don’t feel like I lost a thing and he’s just the sperm donor if you ask me. I told her my mother was technically my mother? But my tía Nene raised me and made me the woman I am today. She asked me do I ever talk to my mother since Tía died and I said sometimes. I don’t hate her but I don’t like her either, I said. I told her again how Tía Nene is my real mother. So don’t get me a foster mother or a adopting mother ’cause that will never happen. I will die first. Patricia said she respect my feelings and it wasn’t up to her to put me with a foster nobody. Then she wanted me to talk about Tía Nene again.

  I told her. I do not want to talk about Tía Nene. She just wants me to cry. Then she goes, “I admire how good you done handling that difficult situation.” She goes, “I don’t think too many people could do as good as you.” So I go, “If I’m doing so good, then why I’m a convict?” We both laughed at that. And then I did talk about my mother being a crackhead and how my tía took over raising me and taking care of me and being with me in the hospital when I had to go there because of my disability making me sick and the time my mother came to visit me and I caught her in the bathroom smoking crack out of a car antenna. And then my time was up.

  One time even before Tía Nene was sick I heard her talking to Tía Carmen and telling her, “When I die, who’s going to take care of Yessenia? Who going to do that when I’m gone?” and that made me feel mad because even Tía Nene never seen me for myself. Even she thought somebody always gots to take care of me. But I can take care of myself. I don’t give a damn what nobody thinks.

  I don’t.

  Teddy Dobbs

  I got a plan to run away. I’m gonna go right before they’re set to ship me out of here. I been figuring it out but there’s still a few details that need a little work. I know how I’m gonna sneak out, that’s easy, but I’m not sure where I’m gonna stay at. The plan has to be perfect so I don’t end up in a place even worse than this place.

  I saw this guy once when my dad was driving me back here last Christmas and he was a wheelchair guy in the middle of Pulaski with no pants on. Just sitting there in his chair. It was winter too. It was cold. Cars zipping all around him. And all he had on was a old pajama top. He didn’t have no pants on even. I asked my dad if we could give him some money, so my dad stopped the car and gave the guy ten bucks. My dad said the guy would probably use it to buy booze. I always think about that guy when I think about running away. I’m pretty sure that couldn’t never be me though. Another problem I have when I think about running away is every time I really get going on my plan my head goes off someplace else. It’s like I know I got to figure this out and I’m telling myself to think on it and next thing I know I’m thinking about what it’s like when Mia touches me or that time my dad took me to see the Cubs.

  You get a allowance. Every month Mrs. Phoebe and them give you thirty dollars. It ain’t like it’s their money. My dad said it’s my money because Mrs. Phoebe and them take it outta my SSI check and then they keep the rest. Thirty dollars might sound like a lot but it don’t go so far for a whole month. Bernard spends alla his on smokes. One pack at a time because if you buy a whole carton it’ll just get stole. We’re not allowed to smoke but me and my buddy Bernard got a lot of little nooks and crannies we know about. We’re like the Keebler Elves ’cause we got nooks and crannies. There’s a place down the hall from the physical therapy room where they got this big old swimming pool that nobody’s used for like a lot of years. It had a electric thingamajig to lift the kids in and out of the water but it got broke and nobody ever fixed it. But I got the key from when Mr. Wehle left his key ring by the sink in the boys’ bathroom and we keep it hid at where Bernard tapes it under his bed in our room. So when we need a little privacy we go in there. I wish I could smoke but I can’t hold a cigarette. Bernard holds ’em for me sometimes. There ain’t even any windows, so nobody’s gonna look in and bother us. You know what else we like to do? We jerk off. We sit at the edge of the pool which ain’t got no water in it and try to land it inside the pool. It’s awesome.

  Mr. Wehle got fired anyway. Not ’cause of the keys but ’cause Shawn Hooks ran away when Mr. Wehle was supposed to be watching and Shawn didn’t get back for almost a week. He went to his old neighborhood and did drugs.

  I’m starting to save my allowance up. It’s part of my plan for running away. I saved last month’s allowance for a week and I was gonna give it to my dad for safety but then Louie stole it. I know it was Louie ’cause he’s a asshole and I had it the night he worked and next morning it was gone. I had it under my seat cushion and he was the one who plugged my wheelchair into the charger after I was in bed. It don’t do no good to complain. They just say, “I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it!” and you can’t prove it they did.

  When I’m on the loose I’m gonna get a place to live and a aide. I’m gonna go to bed as late as I want. I’ll eat dinner when I want. I’ll have beer. I’ll take the bus wherever I feel like it.

  One thing I’m wondering is if Mia would be real mad if I hired a hooker so I could try doing sex. I wouldn’t love the hooker. If I was doing it to get good at sex so I’d know all about it when I’m doing it with Mia—maybe she wouldn’t mind that. I wonder how much do a decent hooker cost?

  I’ll be twenty-two in six months. Can you believe I’m twenty-one years old and never been laid? I been having a boner nonstop since I was ten. Ask anyone and they’ll tell you. But my birthday is Bye Teddy Day for me. The day I turn twenty-two they want to ship me off to a old people’s home. They’re gonna stick me with the grandmas and grandpas.

  So that’s why I got to run and the sooner the better. I ain’t doing it all half-ass like Shawn and other kids who run away from here. I’m getting out and I ain’t coming back.

  Oh no, it’s Nurse Donna.

  She says, “You’re not allowed to loiter here in everybody’s way.”

  So I says, “Ain’t nobody around here, so how am I in the way?”

  “Teddy, I am telling you to move.”

  “Why can’t I sit here? I ain’t hurting you.”

  “You are hurting me because I need a clear pathway here and you’re in the way.”

  “That ain’t fair.”

  “Do I have to call a houseparent to physically remove you?”

  I couldn’t think of nothing to say back to her when she said that.

  “All right,” Nurse Donna says, “I’m calling a houseparent.”

>   I go to the elevator to get away from her and decide to ride up to two and see what Mia’s doing. Mia’s my hot Mexican mama.

  When I got put here I was fifteen and Mia was thirteen. Mia was the hottest girl here and still is. But we didn’t get to be boyfriend and girlfriend until I made her fall in love with me. I’m charming. I know how to dress, is one thing. I wear a suit every day. And a tie. I got a black suit and a brown suit. One day I wear the black and one day I wear the brown and at the end of a couple weeks one of the houseparents puts them in the washer and then I start over again.

  “Hey, my hot little Mexican mama! It’s your lover boy!”

  “Teddy!”

  “Can I get a little kiss?”

  “Jus’ a leetle one.” That’s how she talks. She has a Spanish accent.

  “Hey, is your hair different?”

  “Do you like it?” Mia says.

  “It’s pretty.”

  “Demetria wrap it in a circle. See? And she putting a scarf around my neck but not right now. She gonna put it after eberybody finish school, you know? And she putting makeup all over my face. Oh my goodness, I so exciting!”

  “You don’t need no makeup. You’re just gonna look more prettier but that’s okay I guess. Can I kiss you again?”

  “Okay, jus’ a leetle one.”

  Toya grabs Mia’s chair and yanks her away. She’s one of the houseparents. That’s how it is here.

  Toya says, “Teddy, will you get away from that girl. She’s got physical therapy now.” Then she grabs Mia away. Mia don’t have no say about it.

  “We was having physical therapy right here!”

  Then Toya says how I’m a piece of work. She says, “Leave this poor girl be. And your suit needs washing.”

  “No, it don’t. You can’t wash these kinda clothes too much. It ain’t good for them.”

  “Well, you smell. Something needs washing.”

  “Bye, Teddy!” Mia says. “I see you at dinner!”