Waiting Fate

by Kinnette, W. B.

  She collapsed in their room, laying on the bed while she watched Desee and Sadi have free run of the place. At this point, she didn’t care if they tore it apart. She was just too tired. “Could you both not do anything that will require me to drive you to a hospital please?” she begged half-heartedly as she watched Desee bouncing on the opposite bed. It would be just her luck to have her baby bounce wrong and launch herself headfirst into the wall, but she hoped it was unlikely enough that she didn’t have to stop Desee from jumping.

  Eventually, both Desee and Sadi wore themselves out, and Ivy cuddled them both close, not even bothering to change out of her clothes. She listened to the storm howl for a second before she was lost to sleep.

  Ivy hoped the storm would lessen overnight, but she was devastated when she shuffled to the window the next morning, feeling like an eighty-year-old woman. She pulled back the curtains and all she could do was stand there, watching the storm in all its fury. Her car was buried. They had gotten at least a foot of snow overnight and it was still coming down in sheets.

  But she didn’t have enough money for another night’s stay. She didn’t have a choice.

  Plus, she wanted to see Archer. To tell him she was sorry. And that she wanted to try. “Okay, guys. Start praying,” she said as she grabbed their bags and darted to the car.

  She had lived in Alaska for two winters, and yet she had never driven in such horrible weather. She couldn’t see a thing, and her hands were shaking so badly that holding the steering wheel straight was becoming more of a problem with every mile. Every hundred yards or so, she would pass another accident, another car off the road. And yet, she kept going and kept praying. Desee seemed to realize that they were in trouble, and she sat, silent in the back seat. She watched Ivy, Sadi’s fur clutched in one tiny fist, yellow stuffed puppy held tightly in the other.

  Somewhere along the way, she had started following a big black truck. It might have been her imagination, but it seemed this truck was trying to help her. It slowed when she got too far behind, and the one time she did slide off the road, she saw the truck pull over a few hundred yards ahead of her. She was able to get back on the road and keep going, and it too pulled back onto the road. Ivy had no doubt that following that big truck was an answer to her prayers. If it hadn’t been clearing the path in front of her and giving her something to follow, she would not have made it.

  When they finally made it through the storm, hours and hours later, the taillights tapped twice as the big truck exited the freeway. It had been looking out for her. Ivy whooped with relief and blew kisses that the big truck couldn’t see, wishing she could bake them cookies or something in gratitude.

  She found a little restaurant with a play area and let Desee run. Poor Sadi had to stay out in the car, so they couldn’t stay too long. Then she bundled Desee up and took Sadi for a run in an empty parking lot, but it was so cold Ivy could feel the breath freezing in her lungs. It hurt to even breathe. Both dog and baby objected loudly at being put back in the car, and Ivy felt for them. “Just a few more hours,” she promised, but neither of them looked like they believed her.

  The roads were clear the rest of the way home, and she was able to keep her promise. Putting her car into park in her parents’ driveway felt like a bit of a miracle. “We’re home! We’re home!” she crowed. Sadi scratched at the door and Desee cried. Clearly, they didn’t want to celebrate, they just wanted to get out of the horrible car.

  As soon as they were settled and warm inside, she sent a text to Archer. Her hands shook a bit, but she was so exhausted she didn’t have the energy to shake too hard. I need to talk to you.

  He didn’t respond. Ivy bit her lip, waited ten minutes, and tried again. I am home. I drove six hours in a blizzard. Can I talk to you?

  Several minutes went by and she was about to do the unthinkable and actually call him when he wrote her back. On my way.

  She looked horrible, but there was no time to shower, so she twisted her hair up into a messy bun and patted on some foundation, trying, at least, to hide the circles under her eyes. She was about to change her clothes, because she’d been wearing them for two days, but he pulled up just as she was heading for the stairs.

  “Archie!” Desee slid off the couch and met him at the back door.

  “Hi,” Ivy said, but his face wasn’t friendly.

  “Hi.” He did, however, smile down at Desee and ruffle her hair. “Hey, Des.”

  “Listen, about what happened… I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

  Archer held up a hand, cutting her off. “It’s fine, Ivy. You weren’t ready. I get it. But taking off like that without even an explanation? That was uncharacteristically cruel of you.”

  Ivy felt the color drain from her face. “I didn’t mean —”

  “Look, Ivy. I’ve got a football game in a minute, so I can’t stay. I just wanted to let you know I agree with you. It was a mistake.”

  “I see,” Ivy whispered.

  Archer crouched down by Desee. “You be good, ‘kay?

  “Otay.” Desee’s bottom lip quivered as she watched him leave.

  Ivy watched him get in his truck, and then she scooped Desee up. She’d done it again. She’d let some stupid guy hurt her baby. “I need a tea party,” she said brightly, swallowing hard the tears clogging her throat. “Do you need a tea party?”

  “Uh huh,” Desee said, her little voice sad. Ivy kissed her forehead and closed her eyes tight, because they were threatening to tear up, and she could not fall apart in front of Desee. “I think Sadi needs a tea party too. Shall we set a place for her and puppy?” Desee smiled, but it was a sad smile. Babies should not have sad smiles.

  So they had their tea party, with special doggy tea for Sadi and Desee’s beloved puppy. They took a nap, and they watched cartoons, and they survived the day.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “What in the world were you thinking?” Austin bellowed.

  Archer glared at him, glancing around to see if any of the others were watching. They were. Of course they were. “Can we just forget about it and play football?” he snapped.

  “No. She tried to apologize and you threw it in her face.” It took a lot to make Austin mad, but right now he was furious. Archer could see that, and he didn’t blame him. Austin had always been protective of Ivy — he treated her more like a sister than a friend, and Archer had just hurt her. A lot.

  He swore. “What was I supposed to do, A? I wake up thinking the world is all…” he paused, frustrated, as he searched for the right words, “butterflies and roses. She was mine. She knew how I felt. All morning, I was checking my phone every couple of minutes. I couldn’t wait to get a text message from her, because I missed her that much.” Archer kicked the snow hard, watching as ice chunks flew through the air. “I missed her that much after twelve hours, and then I get this text message and she tells me she never wants to see me again. She breaks up with me over a text message when we weren’t even together, takes off for a week to who knows where —”

  “She was in Arizona with her family. You knew that.” Austin cut him off.

  “Yeah, I knew that because Gunner mentioned it. He knew it and I didn’t.”

  “Is that what this is about? Gunner knew? What are you, five?”

  “No. This is about the fact that she wasn’t even decent enough to tell me what was going on. She texted me and took off. Why aren’t you asking her if she’s five?” Archer growled.

  Austin shook his head, his eyes sparking angrily. “She’s been through enough pain, Archer. I thought I could trust you to take care of her.” He turned and stalked off the field, climbing into his truck and slamming the door with enough force to shake all the snow off the windshield before he shot out of the parking lot.

  “What’s wrong with him?” Gunner asked, pausing next to Archer, his breath making little puffs of white in the frozen air.

  “Who knows? Can we just play? I’m tired of worrying about what’s wrong with everyone else.”r />
  It took Archer a couple of days to get over his pride, and by the time the anger had abated, he just hurt. It took him a couple more days to get up the courage to try to text her. And then he tried calling her, but it went to voicemail every time, and she didn’t return his messages.

  He had lost her. For a couple of days he tried going to Jay’s, but she didn’t come. Jay and Gunner hadn’t seen her either. “It’s finals. She’s holed up in her house, studying,” Jay said when Archer asked in a roundabout way why she wasn’t coming over.

  “Yeah, and her court date for her divorce is next week,” Gunner said. He looked too excited by the prospect, and Archer wanted to punch him in the mouth, although he, too, was anxious for Ivy’s divorce to be final so she could put it behind her.

  “And neither of you have talked to her? You don’t think that’s weird? You aren’t worried?” Archer asked.

  “No. She’s a big girl. It’s not like we talk to her every day, Archer. What I think is weird is you and how you’re acting right now.” Jay scowled at him, pushing his chair back and locking his hands behind his head.

  Archer just glared at him and left, slamming the door behind him.

  He went by her house a few times, but she never answered the door and her parents were still traveling. She didn’t want to see him. And he deserved it.

  With no other options, he threw himself into work, staying late and going early and picking up side jobs until he was working eighty hours a week and was too tired to do anything but fall into bed at night. He’d never been a dreamer, and he was grateful for that now. If Ivy had haunted his dreams at night, he was sure he would lose his mind.

  ****

  Is Archer stopping by tonight? Ivy paused. How odd of a question was that to text Jay? Would he know something was up? It didn’t matter. Her mom had come home, saw her moping, and demanded she go out and have fun. Finals were over. Her court date was the next morning. She needed to get out. Or so Bev said.

  No, he hasn’t been by for a couple weeks. Neither have you.

  Okay. It was safe. Can I come tonight? Need to get out of the house for a bit.

  Jay, never one to mince words, wrote back. Yup.

  “Haven’t seen you for a while. Where ya been, missy?” Gunner met her at the door.

  Ivy shrugged as she came inside, tugging off her coat. “Finals. Divorce proceedings. Been busy.”

  “We’ve missed ya,” Gunner said. Ivy looked up sharply, but Gunner was staring at the floor, rubbing a spot in the carpet with his boot.

  “I missed you guys too,” she said, forcing a smile. She had missed them, but not with the aching, constant depression that she missed Archer with. Not only had she lost the one chance she’d had with the boy she’d been in love with since forever, but she’d lost a good friend. It hurt to even think about. Her heart hurt. It hurt to breathe. Everything hurt. She should have just stayed home.

  Instead, she collapsed on the couch. “Decided you’re not too good for us, huh?” Jay asked, coming around the corner and plopping down next to her. She rolled her eyes at him, laying her head back on the cushions. They sat in silence, watching some cartoon that they were way too old to be watching, and Ivy was wondering why she was there instead of at home, in her bed, asleep and not hurting.

  “Where’s Gigi?” Ivy asked, breaking the silence.

  The look Jay gave her clearly said she should have known the answer to that. “She’s in southern Utah. Working for the forest service.” When Ivy stared blankly at him, he continued. “Mapping trails or something… she’s getting paid to hike. Where have you been?”

  Where have I been? How did I not know this? “How long has she been gone? When is she coming back?” Ivy asked.

  “She’s coming back in a few weeks. She’s been gone since school got out.” Jay looked sad. He misses her. Ivy opened her mouth with every intention of telling him he was an idiot for ignoring his obvious feelings, but she hesitated, snapping her mouth shut. Was he an idiot? If she’d ignored her feelings for Archer, she would still have him as a friend right now. She wouldn’t have lost him completely. What a conundrum.

  Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she hoped it was her mom telling her Desee was awake, and Ivy needed to come back home.

  It wasn’t. It was Vick. She deleted the message without reading it. With a mischievous grin, Gunner snatched it out of her hand. “Oh, so your phone does work. We’ve been texting you for weeks with no response. I thought maybe —”

  Ivy reached for it, but it was too late. Gunner had already seen the messages from Archer. I knew I should have deleted those. Way to go, Ivy

  His face lost all color.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Jay asked, getting up off the couch. Gunner tossed him the phone and turned wide, accusing, hurt eyes on Ivy. She didn’t know what to say, so she just stared back at him.

  Jay swore. “What is this?” he asked, throwing her phone back at her like it was diseased.

  She flinched. “Don’t throw things at me, Jay.”

  Jay’s face warred between anger and confusion at her reaction. “How long?” he asked.

  “How long what?” Ivy sighed, rising to her feet. Sitting while they towered over her put her at a distinct disadvantage, and she was having enough trouble not trembling in front of them as it was.

  “How long were you two lying to us? Going behind our backs? You’re married, Ivy! Do you know what that’s called?”

  Ivy shook her head, gritting her teeth to keep from spitting at him. “I don’t owe you an explanation, Jay, but I’ll tell you this. Before you call me whatever you have running through that ignorant mind of yours, you should know that I’ve been trying to get divorced for years.”

  “That doesn’t make it any better, Ivy,” Jay snapped. Ivy felt like he’d just stabbed her in the heart. Didn’t it? Was she as horrible as the person she saw reflected in his eyes?

  “If you’ve been trying to get divorced for this long and it hasn’t happened, it’s because it wasn’t meant to. You should go back to your husband.”

  Ivy knew Jay had that whole weird thing about divorce. But the fact that he could say that, without having any idea what she’d gone through or what she was escaping was too much. “You don’t know anything.” She grabbed her coat off the couch, and without another word, she whirled and stormed out of the room, grateful that the tears waited until she made it outside.

  Jay’s anger had hurt, but not as much as the pain in Gunner’s face. She scrubbed the tears from her eyes as she rammed her car into reverse, almost backing into an oncoming car. She shrieked, slammed on the brake, and pounded her fist on the steering wheel.

  You should just go back to your husband.

  She’d rather die. It took her several minutes sitting half on the road and half in Jay’s driveway before she calmed down enough to shift into drive and get herself out of there. She hadn’t gone more than two miles when her phone started beeping. She didn’t pick it up, not until she got home. She pulled into her parents’ driveway, shut her car off, and checked her messages.

  Why didn’t you tell us? It was Gunner. Had it been Jay, she would have sworn at him and left it at that. She thought of a smart reply about how it was none of their business, but Gunner was hurt. She didn’t want to hurt him. She never meant to hurt him. She loved Gunner, like one loved a good friend. He was the one that checked on her when she was sick, who saved her a seat and teased her into being comfortable.

  I didn’t want to hurt you, she wrote back.

  Seconds later, he wrote her again. Then you knew how I feel and you chose him anyway?

  Ivy frowned. How he felt? “Oh no, no, no. Oh Gunner.” Now she understood. Now it all made sense, and her already-broken heart shattered for him, for the way she’d hurt him. I didn’t know. You never said anything…

  I was doing the right thing. I was waiting until your divorce was final. Archer didn’t have the decency to wait.

  Ivy leaned her head back against
the seat, feeling the tears soak into her hair. It was cold, way too cold to be outside now, but Ivy couldn’t go inside with red eyes and smeared makeup. Her parents would worry. So she sat, shivering, in her car while she tried to figure out what to say. You don’t want me, Gunner. I’ve got so many issues.

  Don’t tell me what I want or what I can handle. I would have handled any of it for you.

  Ivy sobbed. How could she have not realized? And how did she tell him that she could never love him like that?

  She couldn’t.

  Instead she wrote, I’m sorry, Gunner.

  She cried herself to sleep with her head pressed against her steering wheel, until her mom found her and brought her inside. Bev may have not known what was wrong, but she knew her daughter was hurting, and she was there to tuck her in and hold her hand while she cried.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Walken. Per Alaska state law, since the child has not been living in the state for the last two months, we no longer have jurisdiction over this case.” Ivy had guessed it was coming, but the crushing disappointment still almost overwhelmed her. “However…” The judge cleared his throat. Ivy couldn’t see him, but he sounded kind, except when he spoke directly to Vick, who he didn’t seem to like one bit. That made Ivy like the judge even more. “Given that you have already waited beyond the six month waiting time, I would be willing to send a personal note to the court that does currently have jurisdiction and ask that this be put through without a further waiting period.”

  Ivy wanted to squeal with gratitude, but thought it might be a tad inappropriate. “Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you so much.”