by Robin Roseau
"Yes," she said. "Today?"
"Whenever is convenient for her, but not during school hours. I need to get back to a normal schedule."
"I'll arrange it," she said. "Let me come with you."
"I can't," I said. "Ask Angel. If you have a real problem with this, we can skip it, or you can call June. But I can only fly by myself or with June."
"June is in Bayfield," she said. She looked into the hangar at the other airplane. "We can chase you if you fly away."
"You can't, Serena. Lara is in no condition to fly. And Angel can't fly that plane yet. I could, but it would be illegal."
"I don't like this, Michaela," she said. Pain filled her eyes. "Please don't do this to me."
I sighed. "I'm not going anywhere, but if this is going to torture you, you can be the one to push the airplane back into the hangar. I'll wait and fly with June next weekend."
Angel wandered over. "Everything okay?" she asked.
"Serena thinks I'm going to fly away."
"Are you?" she asked.
"No, but I understand why she is worried."
Angel pulled out her phone and made a call. I couldn't tell who answered, but she explained the problem. "Could I ride in the right seat?"
"You can't," I told her. "You're not an instructor."
"I'd be the pilot," she said. "Just in the wrong seat."
It was then I recognized June's voice. "Legally," she said. "Yes. But you're a new pilot and you have no training flying the airplane from that seat."
"There's almost no wind and it's a nice day," Angel said. "Michaela is perfectly able to fly and doesn't need an instructor. I wouldn't have to touch the controls."
I held out my hand, and she gave me the phone. "June, Serena doesn't trust me. Angel is offering an alternative. But you think it's a bad idea, don't you?"
"You can't log the time if she's officially the pilot," June said. "But no, I don't think it's a good idea. Tell her I am going to start giving her lessons flying from that seat."
I hung up. "She said no. Let's push the plane back." I started to do just that, but Serena put her hand on my arm.
"Go on," she said. "Please just promise me you're coming right back."
"An hour flying around in circles," I said. "Lots of landings. That's all."
"Go on," she said.
"Thank you, Serena." I waved them away, smiling at them, and climbed into the airplane.
Then, for a long time, I stared at the controls and cried. I climbed back out and told Angel to get into the pilot's seat. "Take me for a ride, Angel."
She nodded, did her own quick preflight, and climbed in. I sat in the passenger seat with my headsets on, drying my tears.
She didn't say anything, just handled the airplane. Once we were in the air, she turned northwest. "Were you going to run?"
"No," I said. "I stared at the controls and didn't know what to do."
We flew over a few lakes. Then she found a farmer's field that was filled with pumpkins. They looked so funny from the air. We did two circles around the field. We flew around for forty minutes before I told her to take us home. She banked the plane, turning us in the approximate direction, but then told me to navigate us there without use of the GPS.
I laughed, played with the radios for a minute, and told her what heading to take. She frowned, but didn't say anything. Ten minutes later, I said, "There it is."
"I don't think so," she said.
"Straight ahead, three miles."
"Nope."
"You'll see. Come right ten degrees." Two minutes later I told her to look straight down. We were directly over the compound. "I said home, didn't I?"
She laughed.
"Circle it once on your side and a couple of times on mine," I asked. "Then we'll go land."
She did, and once I was satisfied, I gave her the heading to the airport. We had an uneventful landing, not as good as Lara's, but still good. "Take us to the hangar," I said.
"We should fill it," she replied.
"I'm going to shoot landings, if you and Serena will allow it."
We powered off in front of the hangar and both climbed out of the aircraft. The enforcers clustered around and I asked permission to do landings now.
"Of course, Alpha," Serena said.
I caressed her cheek, promised she could see me the entire time, checked the fuel level visually, and climbed back in. Five minutes later I began my first takeoff roll.
I did five takeoffs and landings, then I circled the field a few times. The house was outside the normal pattern, and I was sorely tempted to do a flyover, but I thought Serena would have a cow. I did a few more landings then brought the plane to a full stop at the gas pumps.
I had filled the first tank by the time my security detail reached the pumps. Serena was frowning.
"I was good!" I said defensively.
"Yes," she said. "I wasn't. I was a hundred yards away when you climbed out of the airplane."
"Oh, right. Expect that I will always fill up after flying."
She nodded, and we were fine.
I let the wolves put the airplane away while I did all the paperwork. It had been a nice flight, and I felt better.
* * * *
Lara was livid when we got home.
"Your solo flying privileges are in the pattern only! You are grounded!"
"It's good to see you too," I said. "I wasn't the one flying." And I turned my back on her and walked right out the door, Serena and Angel scurrying to catch up.
I stood on the steps, calming myself.
"I'll go talk to her," Angel said.
"No," I said. "She'll figure it out. I'll cut her some slack. She's pregnant and tired, and she feels badly already. I just needed to calm down myself."
"Vivian will be here in another hour," Serena said.
"I am going to calm Lara down, have a bite to eat, and if you allow, go for a run before Vivian arrives. A long run afterwards, perhaps. Then I will be in for the night."
"All right," she said. "We'll be ready."
"That's easier to say lately, isn't it?" I was thinking of the instant shift she could do now.
She grinned. "It sure is."
I went back in, and Lara was still upset. "If you weren't flying," she asked me. "Who was?"
I sat her down and told her what had happened. I didn't get very far before she started apologizing.
"It's all right," I told her. "It's my fault everyone is on edge around me. I'm sorry."
There wasn't any makeup sex, but there was a little kissing. "Up for a run?" I asked her.
"No, but you go ahead."
"Vivian is coming by," I told her. "She might stay for dinner after she and I talk."
* * * *
We had a nice run, if short. The word had gotten out I was going for a run, and about half the compound joined us. As soon as I stepped out onto the porch, they greeted me, most of them in fur already.
"No games today, at least none I am playing," I said. "It's a short run for me, but you all are welcome to run for as long as you desire."
I turned to Serena. "What are my rules?"
"You don't lose me," she said. "If I am not immediately next to you, you stop and begin yipping immediately. I will find you. Do not come to me. Otherwise run however you want."
"All right," I said.
I stepped down from the porch and was immediately surrounded by wolves, accepting their sniffs and nudges. Kaylee gave me a play bow, but I told her, "I'm sorry, Kaylee, not today. Your mom says I have to behave. You know what that is like."
She huffed once then offered a wolfy grin.
I heard Serena tell Scarlett, "Angel is on duty. Don't distract her."
"Can I help?" she asked.
"Play with the fox. Keep her company. She is really hurting right now." I looked over and stared at them. I wondered if I was supposed to hear that.
I loosened my clothes, dropped all my silver on the edge of the porch, pulled off my clothing, a
nd shifted to fox. I waited for my guards to get into fur, then walked over to Scarlett. I gave her nose a lick, then batted her nose and ran.
She immediately chased after me.
Scarlett and I took turns chasing each other. I accidentally lost Serena a couple of times, but never for more than a second, and I always had several wolves around me. Every time I lost her, I yipped twice, and she was immediately there. Each time, she gave me a lick or a nudge.
Then Elisabeth came bounding into the fray, chuffing, and I bowed to her. She bowed back, and soon she was chasing me all over, completely unable to catch me. I yipped the entire time so Serena could keep track of me.
I had lost track of Scarlett, so I listened for her. With all the other wolves, I couldn't find her. I cut left and practically ran right into Serena. She turned with me, and then I came to a stop, looking around. I ducked around Elisabeth's lunge and dashed underneath Serena.
Where was Scarlett?
I yipped.
I looked around. Angel, Emanuel and Rory were all holding a guard position. I saw and heard other wolves, but I couldn't find Scarlett.
I slipped out from underneath Serena and shifted to human. "Where is Scarlett?" I asked.
The enforcers all chuffed and yawned.
"I'm worried, where is she?"
Angel shifted to human and grinned. "I love doing that. Honey, she's hunting you. She's trying to do it your way. Keep playing with Elisabeth."
I looked at Elisabeth. "Are you two helping each other?"
Elisabeth chuffed. I laughed. "All right," I said. "If I win, you have to tell me everything you can about the Iowa pack."
Elisabeth growled, and it was a serious growl.
"Okay, can't blame me for trying. If I win, Lara gets a backrub a day from one or the other of you from now until she gives birth."
Elisabeth chuffed.
"If you win, and if I can't let this thing with Iowa go, I promise to give you twelve hours of warning before I ditch my security detail."
Serena whined. Elisabeth growled, but finally she chuffed.
"I win if I make it back to the porch without Scarlett tagging me. You aren't allowed to pin me, but you can herd me. I promise to try to avoid you. Serena, I won't try to lose you."
Elisabeth chuffed. I shifted to fox and made a wild dash in the opposite direction from the compound. Five wolves set off in pursuit of me, my security detail giving me a little more room so Elisabeth could play.
She cut me off, bounding ahead and growling at me. I made a dash like I was going to cut in front of her, but then as she dashed to cut me off, I jumped over her then turned hard towards the west.
After that, Elisabeth got serious. I was trying to pull Scarlett out of position. I had no idea where she was, and I needed her to move, but she was being decidedly quiet. I wondered if Elisabeth knew where she was. I was afraid if I made a dash for the compound, I would run directly into her.
I was willing to let them win, but I really wanted those backrubs for Lara.
Elisabeth kept cutting me off, and little by little, she pushed me back towards the compound and the path she was choosing. I finally decided I was going to have to head for the compound, but on a path of my choosing. I managed to pull Elisabeth out of position, then dashed underneath Angel and began running full out for the southwest, well off the path Elisabeth had been pushing me into.
I got thirty yards before Elisabeth cut me off. I cut south, but she stayed alongside me, pushing me back to the east, then she cut me off from the south as well and tried to herd me due east.
Slowly I was forced to back away from her. Every time I tried to dash west or south, Elisabeth was there. Once I ran straight to her and she batted me over and threw herself on top of me, taking my throat, then she dragged me twenty yards east as punishment before releasing me.
I nipped at her when she let me up, then we both chuffed good-naturedly at each other and I tried running south.
Somehow Elisabeth knew exactly where Scarlett was waiting, I was sure of it, and bit by bit, I got pushed where Elisabeth wanted me. Finally I turned tail and ran. Elisabeth was surprised but quickly bounded after me. I ducked under a fallen log, cutting for the compound.
I ran right into Scarlett. She didn't even have to move, I ran right into her and bounced off. She threw herself on me, rolled me onto my back, and settled down on top of me, pinning me.
Elisabeth sauntered up while Scarlett held me pinned. Elisabeth was chuffing happily. I chuffed back at her then tried to wriggle out from under Scarlett.
She settled her weight a little more, letting me know I wasn't going anywhere, then began licking me. Elisabeth licked me, then all my enforcers did before Scarlett finally let me up.
I batted all of them on the nose and began an easy trot towards the compound, the six of them surrounding me.
Vivian was waiting when we got back. I shifted human and pulled my clothes on with my entourage seconds behind me except for poor Rory, who was left to shift the slow way.
"That was fun, Elisabeth. Thank you."
She laughed. "You made me work for it."
I turned to Scarlett. "I never knew where you were. I kept hoping you would break cover so I could pinpoint you."
"I've never tried to be so silent before," she said. "You make it look so easy. It's not!"
I looked at Elisabeth. "You won. I'll keep my promise."
Elisabeth nodded then gestured me towards the side, putting her arm around me. "Please let it go. If you let it go, we'll get Lara her backrubs. You can't do this to her, Michaela. You have to let it go."
"I'm trying, Elisabeth."
"What else can I do?"
"I don't know. I'm going to go talk to Vivian now."
"It will kill Lara, Michaela. If you go off half-cocked, it will kill her."
"I won't go off half-cocked. Revenge is a dish best serve cold, Elisabeth, and they have never seen someone like me before."
"You can't do it alone."
"Then help me."
"I can't, Michaela. You know that."
I sighed. "I'm trying, Elisabeth."
I shrugged out from under her arm, but I squeezed her hand before walking to Vivian. "May I offer you anything?"
"I'm quite fine," she said. "Where would you like to talk?"
"Your office, I guess." I helped her to her feet, and together we turned towards the school, Serena and Angel flanking us.
Several minutes later found us staring at each other. "They made me a victim, Vivian."
"I know."
"They need to pay."
She was silent at that. I thought perhaps she would ask me why, and then I could have told her, but she didn't. She didn't argue with me at all.
I told her everything that had happened. She knew most of it.
"It's all my fault. I know you'll say it's not," I said. "But it is. And I don't know how to fix it."
"What are you trying to fix?"
"I don't know," I said. "But they made us weaker."
"That's what a feud does," she said. "It makes both parties weaker. The weakness you inflicted on them is greater than the weakness they inflicted on us. Now you have to decide: are you going to work to make them weaker, or are you going to work to make us stronger?"
I buried my face in my arms, hiding from her for a while.
"Are you having nightmares?" she asked.
"No," I said.
"Are you physically harmed?"
"I was weak. I'm fine now."
"How are Lara's babies?"
"She says they are good, but Elisabeth keeps hissing at me about stress."
"You should listen to her. Elisabeth has never been known for being dramatic."
"Vivian," I said. "Every wolf who has ever made me a victim in the past is dead. A few tried and lived, but the few that succeeded all died, every single one at my hand. And now I'm supposed to let these wolves get away with it?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, Michaela. But yes. The cost of v
engeance is high."
"I don't know how to let go of this. It is poisoning me."
We talked for a while. Nothing was resolved.
Before we finished, I told her, "I don't want to feel this way. But I don't know how to stop."
* * * *
I taught classes on Monday. The students were happy to have me back. Physically I was fine, but Michele Lassiter seemed happy to stay and help. There were a few moments when it all caught up to me, and I would lose my thoughts for a minute or two. The kids were patient.
One time it went on for a few minutes. After a few seconds, Lily climbed from her seat and pulled me to look out the window, and Michele took over the class.
I didn't cry; I just was caught in a loop of horrible thoughts. I wanted to lash out, but there was no one to lash out at. My thoughts went around and around. Lily stood there quietly, an arm around my shoulder, a hand on my arm, and her body shielding me from any other eyes.
Finally I spoke. "How did you know what to do?"
"Ms. Lassiter told us you might have trouble for a while. We thought perhaps it would be easier to let the girls touch you, so whoever is closest will help. This time that was me."
"I am being silly," I told her.
"I don't know," she said. "I think I'd be a wreck for weeks. We're all proud of you."
I heard something Michele had said. I kissed Lily on the cheek. "Thank you." Then I turned around and tried to figure out how to correct Michele without embarrassing her.
She caught the movement from the corner of her eye.
"I thought my teaching would get your attention," she said with a grin. "I was just teaching the kids that sometimes adults don't know what they're talking about."
The kids laughed. I squeezed Lily's hand and took over the lecture again.
After that, I was able to hold it together until class was over, but as soon as the kids were gone, I began to tremble.
Michele was right there next to me. "Michaela?"
"I need to hurt someone, Michele," I said. "They did this to me. I need to hurt someone. I don't think I'm safe."
"Nonsense," she said. "And you're stronger than this. You aren't going to give them this power over you."
I took a breath, nodded, and thanked her, then I stormed out of the class and straight to Serena. "Twelve-hours-"
And her hand was over my mouth, her other hand at the back of my neck, holding me quiet. "No," she said. "Don't say it. Please, Micheala. Give us a few more days. Please."
