“More,” I whimpered as he sucked the weak spot below my ear. Everything about him was incredible: his taste, his scent, the feel of his strong hands moving along my skin.
Jay was like lightning during a thunderstorm, and I was the fool holding the metal rod in the air. It was a horrible idea, but the electric current of him moving through me was too good to resist.
“I can’t wait to be buried deep inside your ass,” Jay murmured against my neck, the vibrations of his voice—and the image his words created—giving me goose bumps.
“Who said you’ll be in my ass?” I panted, tangling my fingers in his blond hair like I’d wanted to do for so long. The question was mostly a joke; I preferred to bottom. I’d just wanted to see his reaction.
Jay stopped and lifted his head, meeting my stare. “I only top. Is that okay?”
His sudden seriousness surprised me, and I had no smart-ass comeback. “Y-yeah. I mostly bottom anyway.”
“Good.”
And then he was kissing me again. Rougher than before. More heated.
I could barely catch my breath in between the kisses before his mouth was on mine again. Grabbing a handful of his shirt, I tugged him with me down the short hallway and into my room.
Before he’d come over, I had set condoms and lube on the nightstand so they’d be easily accessible. Because god knows I was impatient to have him naked in my bed.
Jay pushed me on the mattress before pulling off his shirt, revealing his mouthwatering abs. I wanted to lick them, but all I could do was sit and stare. A smirk was in place as he unbuttoned his jeans and shoved them down.
“Wouldn’t you prefer me to undress you?” I asked.
“Want you too much. Can’t wait.” He pulled my face to his again, kissing me hard and leaving me breathless.
I lay back as he got on top of me, his lips moving along my jaw and to my ear. I whimpered as he sucked on my earlobe. My head spun in the best way. I’d been sober for five years, but Jay was proof of my addictive behavior. I craved him in a way I’d never craved anything else. And god I wanted more. He made me soar with just a kiss. I couldn’t imagine what I’d feel once he was actually pounding into me.
“So glad you want this,” Jay said, his fingers dipping below the waistband of my pants.
“Mm. I do.” My eyes fell shut as he took hold of my erection. “I want it. I want you.”
His tongue swept across my nipple as he stroked me, and I nearly shot off the bed. I met his gaze, my lips parting as another whimper escaped. His eyes appeared to grow brighter after that, as if the sound was fuel to his internal fire. As if he lived off sex and the pleasure he gave.
“I see you’re prepared,” he murmured against my skin, his gaze darting to the nightstand with the condoms and lube.
“Always.”
“Safe sex is sexy.” Jay sat up and grabbed the lube, popping the cap. The sound made me even harder, as did that smoldering look in his eyes. A look that told me of all the wicked, delightful things he was about to do to me.
“You have a lot of sex, I reckon.” God, why did I say that? I really didn’t want to know the answer.
His gaze flickered to mine again before he looked away. “Yes.”
Had he been with anyone recently? I put a stop to those thoughts real fast. It didn’t matter one way or the other what he did. Specifically, who he did.
“I don’t,” I admitted, my voice shaky. With nerves? Lust? Probably both. “It’s been a while for me.”
“Don’t worry.” He smiled softly, and my heart jolted at the sight. “I’ll take good care of you.”
Jay tugged my pants down and tossed them aside before getting between my legs. My nerves jumped higher. Sex was like riding a bike, right? It had been a while, but my body would remember what to do. I hoped.
“Oh, fuck,” I said, as he slipped my cock between his lips. My whole body went limp, and I sunk into the mattress.
Yep. It had definitely been too long.
“I haven’t even gotten started, darlin’.” He stroked my base and continued sucking me, his gaze lifting to mine. The heat of his mouth held no comparison to the heat in his eyes, a raw hunger shining through.
I had assumed Jay would throw me on the bed, tear my clothes off, and rut against me like a sex-crazed beast. He did the opposite. He was aggressive in his movements, sure. His kisses were hard, and he had no problem flipping me over and positioning me how he wanted me—on my knees and facing the wall as he got behind me. But then he kissed my spine, the softness of his lips complementing the roughness of his fingers as they moved inside me, opening me for him.
“You ready for me?” he asked, gliding three fingers in and out of my ass, turning his hand as he did.
“Yes.” I gripped the sheet below me and dropped my head, pushing my ass against his hand. Seeking more. So much more. More of his touch and more of him. His hands on me, his voice, the soft brush of his hair as he leaned forward and gently bit my shoulder—I wanted—needed—it all.
When he withdrew his fingers, a small whine escaped my lips. I felt too empty. Aroused and aching, I stroked myself. He reached around and replaced my hand with his, kissing my back as he jerked me. When he stopped, I gritted my teeth.
He’ll be the death of me.
“You are so goddamn beautiful,” Jay said from behind me, palming my ass cheek.
I looked over my shoulder at him, seeing his gaze trailing my naked body. It should’ve made me feel self-conscious, but it didn’t. He had a way of making the person he talked to feel like they were the only one that mattered—at least for the moment. He made them… me… feel special.
“What do you want to do about it?” I asked, moving my hips suggestively.
Emerald eyes shifted to mine. “You’re about to find out.”
He tore a condom from the pack, rolled it on his cock, and lubed it up. My legs quaked with the anticipation, as did my arms. I hung my head and breathed deep as Jay settled back behind me and placed a hand on my waist. The other hand was on his cock, guiding the thick head to my entrance. I had thought I was prepared for the thickness of him, but as he started to push inside me, I clawed the sheet and winced.
“Izvini,” Jay said, stilling. His tip hadn’t even fully breached me yet.
“What’s that mean?” I asked, trying to focus on my breathing, which somehow only made me tense up even more.
“I’m sorry,” he answered, moving his thumb in circles on my hip. “I’ll be more gentle.”
“No.” I turned to look at him. His hair fell into his eyes, and his lips were parted—a face built for sin. “I want you to fuck me. Hard.”
Because if he went slow and kissed me softly as he rocked into me, my heart would break the chains and try to make the night something it wasn’t. This is only a casual thing. Strictly sex. Feelings weren’t allowed to get involved.
“I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll remember me for days,” he said, taking a firmer hold of my hips. “But I refuse to hurt you to do it. Breathe. Focus on relaxing your muscles.”
I did as he said, and when I exhaled, he pushed a little farther inside. The sting was intense, but it lasted only a second before my body welcomed him.
“That’s it,” he said, rubbing my hip. “Perfect.”
“I feel like a stray dog you’re trying to usher from the bushes,” I said, laughing. “That’s it, boy. Just a little farther.”
His raspy chuckle reached me. “Then come here and let me give you a bone.” He shoved in deeper.
I moaned and arched my back. He smoothed his palm down my spine, speaking Russian. I had no idea what he said, but the words sounded encouraging. Sexy. And then he was thrusting into me. Hard. The bed squeaked with each forward motion, and the sound of our skin slapping together filled the room.
The feel of him was mind-numbing. His cock glided in and out of my tight channel, stripping me down to the basics. Every thought slipped away until I was left with nothing but the need to fuck and be f
ucked. That’s all that mattered.
“Harder,” I begged.
Jay fisted my hair and yanked my head back, bringing my upper body to rest against his chest. His lips brushed my ear before he murmured, “Is this how you want it?”
“Mhm.” I breathed heavily through my nose as he picked up pace, angling his hips to thrust upward.
“Tell me.”
“This is how I want it. Hard. Fast,” I said. He released my hair, and my head dropped forward. I tried not to moan too loudly since I was positive my neighbors could hear, but having sex with Jay was probably a once-in-a-lifetime thing. He wouldn’t want me again once he’d had me.
Might as well make the most of it.
Jay splayed his hands on my hips, gripping them firmly as he pounded into me. I braced my weight with one arm and reached to stroke my cock with the other, needing the friction before I went crazy. A minute passed, maybe longer, and as each second ticked by, I felt my orgasm building stronger.
“On your back,” he growled before flipping me over with ease.
I stared up at him as he propped my ass up and continued fucking me, his bangs falling across his brow. My lungs burned as I fought to breathe. His raw masculinity was overwhelming. Everything about him was. Emerald eyes, kissable pouty lips, a smooth, toned chest and a rock-hard physique; he was truly sex incarnate.
“So good,” I panted, meeting his gaze.
A smirk played at his lips before he closed his eyes and groaned. Hearing the sound was almost as amazing as feeling him moving inside me. His balls slapped my ass as he pounded me into the mattress, leaving me gasping and begging for release.
I had never been filled so completely, never felt so connected to another person during sex as I was with Jay. He took me with both aggression and passion, leaving an invisible mark inside me no one else would ever come close to reaching.
And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, Jay wrapped his hand around my cock and stroked me in sync with his thrusts.
“I’m gonna…” I couldn’t even finish saying the words before I was a sputtering mess beneath him. Orgasms in the past had been ripples in the water compared to the tidal wave crashing down on me right then. My voice cracked as I let loose a string of incoherent murmurs.
Jay grunted and began to falter. “You feel so good.” He tilted his head back, exposing his throat. He turned into a beast then, fucking into me with more ferocity. Chasing his high. His fingers dug into my hips as his body tensed and his abs tightened. “Fuck.”
He emitted a breathy moan as he came, his hips slowing in their rocking. Jay was gorgeous, but when he was lost in orgasm? God, I’d never seen anything sexier. And the sounds leaving him… Jesus.
I trembled as I met his gaze. He remained in place, slowly pumping in and out of me and regarding me through long lashes. Our breaths were ragged, our skin glistened with sweat, and for that one moment where we stared into each other’s eyes, I felt something. Something powerful that went beyond the physical.
But then the moment faded.
Jay pulled out, and I stared at his toned ass as he got off the bed and walked across the hall to the bathroom. To dispose of the condom and clean up, I was sure. When he came back into the room, he grabbed his clothes from the floor and started getting dressed.
Heaviness pressed down on my chest, and I put a hand there as I worked on calming my overactive heartbeat. What did I expect? Jay didn’t seem like the cuddling type, but I had hoped—foolishly—that he would’ve stayed in bed at least a few minutes with me afterward.
“You’re leaving so soon?” I asked.
His back straightened, and he looked at me over his shoulder. That strand of hair that always seemed to fall in his face begged me to touch it, but I stayed right where I was. “Early morning tomorrow. I need to get home.”
“Ah. I see.”
Jay pulled on his pants before tugging on his shirt, covering his washboard abs. He then sat on the edge of the bed to put on his shoes. An awkward silence passed between us.
Wanting to wash up before the mess on my stomach dried—and also wanting a reason to leave the room—I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I wet a cloth and cleaned myself before grabbing my sleep pants and putting them back on. I followed Jay out of the bedroom and down the short hallway toward the living room.
He hesitated in the walkway and turned to me. “Tonight was great.”
“Yeah. It was.”
More silence.
I was used to confident and cocky Jay. The one in front of me now seemed unsure. I preferred the cockiness. At least then I could call him an ass and kick him out or something, both of us grinning as I slammed the door in his face. But it was just weird now. It was like he wanted to leave but felt conflicted about it too.
“I’ll see you around,” he said, placing a hand on the doorknob.
“See ya.”
He opened the door and walked outside before turning back to me. The chilly night air sweeping into my apartment made me shiver as I stood in the doorway, waiting for him to say something.
“I’m glad you messaged me,” he said.
“Me too.”
“You don’t regret it?”
Was that why he was acting so weird? He thought I was upset with him?
“No, I don’t regret it,” I responded, trying not to look at his lips as he smiled. I wanted to pull him against me and claim those lips again. I wanted to throw him back into my bed and press my face against his chest as I went to sleep.
Intimacy. That’s what I craved more than anything. Not just sex. However, that was the one thing Jay wouldn’t give me. He’d made that clear.
“Cool,” he said, taking a step back. “Good night.”
Once he walked down the steps, I closed the door and bumped my forehead against it. Stupid. Stupid. Butterflies jostled in my stomach at the memory of his lips on mine, and I sighed before pushing away from the door.
I had hoped to get Jay out of my system by fucking him, but I was afraid I’d just made things even worse.
Chapter 7
Jay
Leaving Remi had been harder than expected.
Normally, I fucked and left with no hesitation. But with him… I had inwardly struggled with it. The only other man I had spent any kind of time with after sex had been Emery—before he and Cason had gotten serious anyway, and then the sex had stopped. For a while, I’d thought Emery and I could become more than friends with benefits. He’d certainly held my attention longer than anyone else. It had turned out my feelings for him did mean more than sex, but they weren’t romantic.
I loved Emery as a friend. Which was the closest I’d gotten to romantic love in many years. With Remi, I felt a similar connection. While a huge part of me had wanted to get the hell out of his apartment, another part wanted to stay.
When Remi looked at me, I felt like he actually saw me. Not the me everyone else did—the arrogant bastard who’d charm the pants off anyone. He certainly saw that too, but I felt like he saw even deeper. He saw the me I’d tried to bury over the years.
“Knock it off,” I muttered to myself, getting into my car.
I didn’t do relationships or commitment of any kind. I liked it that way.
Sputnik was waiting for me when I got home. He meowed and rubbed against my leg as I shut and locked the front door.
“Privyet,” I greeted him, bending down to show my baby some love. His purrs vibrated through his chubby body as I scooped him up and carried him to the bedroom.
Once I was in bed, I closed my eyes and recalled Remi’s expression as I sunk into him. His pale blue eyes—and a left iris that was partially brown—surrounded by dark lashes as his gaze met mine. Lips I had kissed, and kissed again, somehow not getting enough.
Sighing, I turned over and punched my pillow, trying to get comfortable. Sputnik grumbled and swatted at my arm. I had interrupted his beauty sleep. He settled back against me and started purring again. I ran my fingers t
hrough his orange fur and eventually fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke early to go into the office. Several big cases were open, and I felt like I was drowning in paperwork. The county was going after one man for a meth lab found in his basement. Another case involved the homicide of a police officer, allegedly committed in self-defense. Many facts didn’t add up, so I had filed a murder charge against his wife. That was the case giving me the biggest headache.
To make matters more interesting, Emery was the defendant’s attorney.
We’d already had the pre-trial hearing where the judge determined there was enough evidence to stand trial. The first day of trial was on Tuesday, and I very rarely got nervous, but I was. So much was riding on the case. With the victim being a police officer, the pressure from his unit for a conviction and everyone in the court system who’d known him was suffocating.
It was the biggest case since Jeff Ritter’s trial last spring.
“I’m counting on you,” Michael Kingston, the head prosecutor for the county, had said when I’d been assigned the case.
As deputy prosecuting attorney, I worked under him. Oh how I wished to be under him in other ways—or preferably him under me. But he was happily married, and while I might be a whore, I tried not to get involved with married men if I could help it. Not anymore anyway.
Stop. Don’t think about Andrew. That man had fucked me over in more ways than I could count.
A ding from my phone took my attention from the stack of papers on my desk. A text from Emery.
Cross: You working today like a good little prosecuting douchebag?
Me: Excuse the hell out of me. That’s ‘mister’ prosecuting douchebag to you, asshole. Why are you texting me? Shouldn’t you be rolling around in bed with your hot boy during your weekend getaway?
Cross: He’s still asleep. I kept him up late last night. What about you? I figured you’d be with your piano man right now.
Me: You know damn well I don’t stay long afterward. I fucked him, and then I left. End of story.
Emery had called me last night after Remi messaged me about hooking up, and I hadn’t been able to keep quiet about it. But my best friend had it all wrong if he thought I’d be changing my ways anytime soon. They’d worked for me for years. Why change now?
His Surrender Page 7
