I stepped outside and locked the door before, hesitantly, taking his hand. It was warm. His smile was too. That’s when I decided to shove aside all thoughts of Jay—a man who had no intention of treating me the way I craved—and focus on the man who was doing exactly that.
“How was your day?” Nathan asked, guiding me down the steps like a perfect gentleman and then holding my hand as we approached his BMW.
“It was good.” I thanked him as he opened the door for me, and I slid into the passenger seat. Once he walked around and got into the driver’s side, I added, “My students surprised me by playing ‘Happy Birthday’ in class.”
“Awe.” Nathan smiled over at me before starting the car. “Sounds like a good group of kids. I’d sing for you, but it’s best if I don’t. I want you to actually like me.”
I chuckled. “I do like you. Even if you suck at singing.”
Being with him was so easy. Conversation flowed well as we drove through town, and I never once felt awkward. Nathan and I had dated for four months before we broke up, and even though it had been over a year since I’d last seen him, it felt like no time had passed. He was still the same guy who crinkled his nose when he smiled and who told corny jokes.
He was also the same guy who loved big, juicy steaks. I couldn’t help but smile as he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. When we dated, we had always gone to steak houses for dinner.
Some things never change.
“I hope this is okay,” he said, once parked. Doubt shone in his hazel eyes. “I can take you somewhere else if you want. Like Olive Garden.”
“No, this is great.” If the night ended like I assumed it would, eating a bunch of garlic wasn’t a good idea.
We got out of the car, and he grabbed my hand again as we walked toward the entrance. A group of people standing outside eyed our joined hands. Nathan noticed them gawking and let go of my hand, practically tossing it aside.
I tried not to let it bother me, but it still did.
Nathan had called ahead and made a reservation, so our table was ready for us when we approached the hostess.
“Right this way,” a waiter said, grabbing a basket of fresh rolls and cinnamon butter before leading us to a booth against the far wall. Once we were seated, he took our drink orders and walked away.
“So,” I said, grabbing a roll and tearing it in two so it could cool faster—they were fresh out of the oven. “I saw on Facebook that you got a promotion last week. Congrats.”
Nathan was now head executive of some advertising agency in Little Rock.
“Thank you,” he responded with a smile. “I’m really fortunate. Three other people were in line for the position. I was the least qualified of them all too.”
“What did you do, sleep with the boss?” I was joking, of course. However, his eyes widened and he quietly cleared his throat before grabbing a menu and flipping it open.
Holy shit.
It wasn’t my place to argue the ethical violation of his promotion, so I pressed my lips into a line and looked over the menu too.
“Do you remember why we broke up?” Nathan asked a few minutes later, folding his menu and setting it aside.
“You said I felt more like a friend to you.” It had been the least painful breakup I’d ever had, but it’d still hurt because I had really liked him. “I admit I was a little shocked when you messaged wanting to see me tonight, but also excited.”
He shrugged. “I was in town visiting family and remembered it was your birthday. Kind of hard to forget since it’s also Valentine’s Day.”
Ironic, right? I was born on one of the most romantic days of the year but couldn’t find love.
The waiter returned to take our food orders, dropped off another basket of rolls, and left again. Nathan told me about life in Little Rock and how he preferred living somewhere more populated. I talked about my job and shared a bit about playing in the band with Johnny and the other guys.
“Still into jazz, then?” he asked, cutting into his nine-ounce steak once the waiter brought our food.
“Always.”
Nathan crinkled his nose. “Damn. I absolutely hate jazz.”
“You do? You used to like it when we dated.”
“No, I pretended to like it,” he said. “You’d get so excited when playing songs for me, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying I thought it sucked.”
Did that mean all the times I’d played the piano for him, he was inwardly cringing the whole time?
“Oh.” Talk about a mood killer. “You could’ve told me you hated it.”
“What’s done is done,” he said like it was no big deal. “I still like you. I just hate your music. And at least you don’t wear that stupid fedora anymore.”
That was like a kick to the gut. Suddenly, all romantic ideals I’d allowed to build in my head started trickling away. Since when did Nathan become a jerk? I was sure he didn’t mean to be one, but he came across that way.
“Actually, I still wear the hat.”
“Bummer,” he said, grinning.
Seeing a head of short blond hair from the corner of my eye, I looked that way with my heart in my throat. The man sat at the bar beside our section, wearing a gray suit. Same hairstyle and build. But when he turned his head and I saw his face, my heart dropped back into place. It wasn’t Jay.
Why did it bother me? It wasn’t like I actually wanted him to show up while I was on a date with someone else. Or maybe I did. I don’t know. My head is so messed up.
“You okay?” Nathan asked, drawing my attention. Jerk or not, he still had such kind eyes. And a set of nice, plump lips.
“Do you want to come back to my place after dinner?” I asked, surprising myself a little with how forward I was being.
I blamed Jay. My desire for him consumed me, and his actions over the past week of little to no communication after the best sex of my life had pissed me off. I wanted to get over him for good. What better way to do that than to get on top of someone else? Casual sex wasn’t my thing, but I’d make an exception that night.
I was just irritated enough to do it.
Nathan mirrored my shock before the edge of his mouth curved in a smile. “Hell yeah.”
***
Nathan and I crashed against my front door, our lips locked and our hands pulling at each other’s clothes. I pulled away long enough to unlock the door and fling it open, and then we were kissing again in the living room, falling on the couch.
He grinded his hips into me and sucked the base of my throat. I arched my back with a moan, grabbing at the material of his shirt.
“Sex with you was always amazing,” Nathan said with a growl, slipping his hand under my shirt and tweaking my nipple.
My body responded to him just fine. It was my head that wasn’t in it. I returned his kisses and moaned accordingly, but that damn blond bastard dominated my thoughts. Because I was comparing the two men. Nathan kissed me, and I remembered how Jay kissed me. His lips had been softer. He’d tasted sweeter.
Jay had taken my breath away.
He still had that breath too. As though a part of me was with him even now as I got ready to fuck someone else.
“What’s wrong?” Nathan asked, as I sat up and stood from the couch. My belt was unbuckled and flapping open, and my shirt was unbuttoned.
“I’m sorry,” I said, meeting his confused stare. “I thought I was ready for this, but I’m not.”
Nathan swept a hand through his brown hair and reclined against the back cushion. “You getting over someone?”
“Something like that.”
“So I was the rebound guy?” he asked. “That’s shitty.”
“Hey, you’re the one you messaged me,” I said in defense. “And it’s not like you planned for this to last more than one night. You’re only in town until Sunday.”
The nice guy from earlier had fled in an instant. Nathan stood up and neared me, backing me up against the wall. He had several inches of
height on me, so I had to tilt my head to meet his hardened gaze.
“I lied to you, you know,” he said, sliding his hand to my nape and holding it in a firm grip. “Back then. I broke up with you because I was bored. You were a good lay, though, which is why I hit you up for tonight.”
“I think you should leave,” I said, my voice steady despite the knot in my gut. So much for a painless breakup. Nathan wasn’t the man I’d thought he was. He had put on a show.
Which made me think of Jay again. He might’ve irritated me, but his honesty was refreshing—even when I wanted to slap him.
“You don’t want to fuck me first?” Nathan asked, pressing his body against me.
“No.”
“Ah, come on, Remi.” That’s when he crushed his lips to mine, his hand tightening on my nape.
I shoved against his chest, but it was like hitting a brick wall. He didn’t budge. “Get off me!”
“Stop being a tease,” he said, nibbling at my ear and sticking his knee between my legs to cage me in. “I bought your dinner and treated you well. Giving me a piece of ass is the least you could do.”
“Goddammit, Nate, I said back off.” My throat tightened just like his hand did on my neck. My anxiety began to spike.
“Stop fighting it,” he growled, grabbing my face. “You know you’ll like it. Just relax.”
“I said no!”
A heavy knock came at the door. Then another.
Nathan jumped, his grip on me slipping. I shoved him backward to escape his hold and bolted toward the door. I hadn’t been expecting anyone, but I was grateful for whoever it was in that moment. I opened the door, and the air left my lungs as I saw who stood on the other side. Jay. My eyes watered and my mouth popped open, but no words came out.
“Everything okay?” Jay asked, glaring at Nathan, who stood behind me. His green eyes then moved back to me. “Remi?”
I was shaking. I couldn’t stop. What would’ve happened had Jay not shown up beating on my door? I didn’t ask why he was at my apartment, and I didn’t care. I rushed forward and threw my arms around him. As his familiar scent hit me, tears fell from my eyes.
“It’s okay, darlin’. I’ve got you,” he whispered, wrapping his arm around me and rubbing my back. Then, his voice turned cold as he said, “Leave.”
Nathan shoved past us without a word, stomping down the steps.
“Let’s go inside,” Jay said, his voice soft. Comforting.
I let him guide me back inside the apartment, and he closed and locked the door behind us. He didn’t say a word as he led me to the couch and gently pushed me onto the cushions. Once I was seated, he pulled me back into his arms.
“I’ve got you,” he repeated, as my body trembled against him.
I felt like I was overreacting. Nathan hadn’t hurt me. We’d still been dressed, and all he’d done was kiss me and hold me tighter than I’d like. But the fear… god, the fear. It had me nearly paralyzed. My body had gone into survival mode so fast, and now that I was safe in Jay’s arms, I was shutting down. Unable to speak or move.
“It’s taking all I have not to go after him,” Jay growled. Though his voice was rough, his touch remained gentle as he rubbed circles on my back.
“Not worth it,” I managed to say, pressing my face against his neck. The tension was leaving my body, making me feel weightless, but tired. I closed my eyes and focused on each breath he took. Focused on his warmth. “Just… stay with me.”
“Okay.” Jay nuzzled my cheek and held me closer to his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”
For a week—well, more like ever since the first night we’d ever talked—I had fought my feelings for him, cursed his name, and pushed him away so many times.
But now I wanted him to stay right where he was, my head resting in the crook of his neck as he kissed my temple.
Chapter 9
Jay
Going to Remi’s apartment that night had been a spontaneous decision, one I had nearly talked myself out of. I’d sat in my car in the apartment parking lot, telling myself he was probably banging his date and wanted nothing to do with me. But something had pushed me to get out of my car and walk up the steps to his front door.
And thank fuck I did.
Right when I got to the door, I’d heard him yelling and had acted on impulse. Once he answered the door and I saw how visibly shaken he was, it had felt like molten lava in my veins. I’d wanted to grab the man who’d hurt him and beat him to a bloody pulp. And when Remi had thrown himself against me, releasing a small, strangled cry, my chest had cracked wide open.
It still hurt as I sat on the couch, holding Remi against me. He’d stopped shaking but continued to cling to me. It was that moment when I realized how much I actually cared about him.
I could say I had only wanted sex, but I wouldn’t be there right now if that were true. The extent of my feelings for him remained a mystery; all I knew was I didn’t want him to be alone.
“So much for a happy birthday,” Remi said, tilting his head to look up at me. “My ex-boyfriend, who I thought was a good guy, turns out to be a dick, and the guy I’m crazy about shows up having to see me in such an embarrassing state.”
“You’re crazy about me?”
He pushed his face into the crease of my neck. “Just kill me now. I can’t believe I said that out loud.”
“I won’t hold it against you,” I said, smiling into his hair. “I’ll only bring it up every single time you turn me down from now until the end of days.”
“Asshole,” he muttered. He kissed my collarbone before resting his head on my shoulder. We were both lying on the couch now, him on top of me. “Why did you come over tonight? After the way I talked to you over the phone, I didn’t expect to hear from you anytime soon.”
“Honestly? I don’t know.” I hated not knowing. I had never felt that way before. About anyone. “When you said you had a date, it bothered me. I went to the 906 for some drinks, and as I was driving home, I ended up coming here instead.”
“Thank you,” Remi whispered. “I’m not sure what would’ve happened if…” He swallowed and shook his head.
“Don’t think about that.” I glided my hand up and down his spine. “He’s gone, and you’re safe.” The lava continued to flow through my veins. “If he ever shows back up here, you call me and I’ll take care of it.”
“He won’t be back,” Remi said. “He’s only in town for the weekend.”
“What did you ever see in that guy anyway?”
Chuckling, he unwound from my arms and sat up. The place he’d been lying felt cold now. “Do you really want to discuss my dating life? Because I don’t.”
“Why not?” I pressed. I had always been open about sex, and it didn’t bother me to talk about it.
“If you really want to know, fine.” Remi stood and walked around the corner into the connecting kitchen. I could see him from my spot on the couch. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before offering me one. I accepted it and waited for him to say more. “Nathan made me laugh, and he always knew what to say. I guess he was a charmer like you, but not as obvious about it. He broke up with me, saying he thought of me more as a friend. He’s just one guy out of a dozen who’ve said in one form or another that I wasn’t good enough for them.”
“They’re all dickwads,” I said.
“Maybe.” Remi looked at his feet. “But the thing they all have in common is me. I’m a magnet for heartbreak. I think some guys take advantage of my niceness, and others say all the right things until they get what they want, and then they screw me over.”
Did he put me in one of those categories?
“Wait. You’re nice?” I asked.
Remi laughed, which had been my aim. He had a great laugh and needed to do it more often. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?” I took a drink of water and set the bottle down beside me.
“Make me feel so…” Remi lifted his shoulders. “I don’t know… lig
ht, I guess. Even when we’re arguing and jabbing at each other, a part of me enjoys it. A big part of me. You’re infuriating, annoying, and a goddamn asshole.”
“Thank you.”
Remi strode forward and gripped my chin, tilting my face up. “But I’m falling for you, you bastard. And I hate myself because of it.”
They were the words I’d been afraid to hear, but also words that made my stomach flip, as if I’d just reached the top of a roller coaster and took a nosedive toward the ground. I didn’t know if I should scream in fear or exhilaration.
“I…” A lump wedged in my throat. “I told you I don’t do relationships.”
“I know,” he said, his voice so low I almost didn’t hear. “Like I said, I’m a magnet for heartbreak. I attract the wrong men.” His thumb smoothed across my lips before he stepped away. “I fall for them too.”
I snatched hold of his hand before he went too far, drawing him back to me. I stood from the couch and stepped as close as our bodies would allow, bringing his hand up to my cheek. His blue eyes fell to my lips and lifted again. His breaths turned heavier. I wanted to kiss him, to take him to that bedroom and fuck him senseless.
Normally, I wouldn’t have hesitated, but I did that night. He’d been through too much.
“I’m bad for you,” I whispered before kissing his palm and letting his hand fall away. “So fucking bad for you.”
“And I’m a glutton for punishment,” he said, moving his face closer. I felt his breath on my lips, and my body tingled from head to toe with the urge to close that agonizing gap between our mouths. “I know the apple is poison, yet I can’t help but take a bite anyway.”
He wasn’t the first man to call me toxic.
I was sure he wouldn’t be the last.
“Maybe you have to go through a few poison apples in order to get to the one that’s just right,” I said, touching his jaw before taking a step back. Putting distance between us before I did something stupid, like kiss him and drag him farther into my messed-up world. “According to the fairy tale, a prince will be waiting for you at the end of all this.”
His Surrender Page 9
