“I don’t want a prince,” he said with a frown. “But a cocky blond with an ego problem doesn’t sound too bad.”
I smiled, even though my chest felt tight. I could never be what Remi wanted me to be. I might have feelings for him, but that didn’t change who I was—who Andrew made me become.
“Come on,” I said, reaching for his hand.
“Where to?” His palm slid against mine, and our fingers linked.
I led him down the hall and into the bathroom before approaching the bathtub and turning on the water. Once it was hot, I used the stopper and started filling the tub.
“You’re running a bath?” he asked, tilting his head. “Why?”
“Thought it’d be nice,” I said, glancing up at him before standing. “Do you have any candles?”
Remi laughed. “For a guy who is anti-romance, you sure have some romantic ideas.”
“Do you have candles or not?”
He left the room and returned moments later with two Hawaiian-scented candles, their wicks barely burned, and a lighter.
“Thanks.” I lit them and sat both of them on the tub, one on each end. “Now take off your clothes.”
“What’s all this for, Jay?” His confusion was beginning to transition to irritation. “You’re making my head spin. First you say you don’t do relationships, and now you’re—”
“You’ve just been through something pretty damn traumatic,” I interjected, cutting him off. “Whether it’s fully sunk in or not, you were almost assaulted. A hot bath and candles will help you relax. Please just shut up and let me take care of you.”
The crease in his brow deepened. “You want to take care of me?”
“Yes.”
Please don’t ask me why.
“Okay.” He finished unbuttoning his shirt—which had been unbuttoned halfway when I came in—and took it off before pulling off the undershirt.
My gaze dropped to his bare stomach, spotting the light dusting of hair I had enjoyed running my fingers over when we’d fucked. He tested my self-control even further when he unzipped his jeans and tugged them down his legs.
Averting my eyes from him, I saw the tub was almost full and turned off the water.
“This is weird,” Remi said, standing in just his boxers. “I’ve undressed in front of people before, but when I’m the only one getting naked, it’s kind of awkward.”
I stepped toward him, caressing the top of his shoulder. God, his skin was so warm. “I can turn around if you want me to.”
“I’d prefer for you to get in with me,” he said.
“If I got in that tub with you, we would never get out of it.”
“Doesn’t sound bad to me.”
I smirked. “It is when that’s the last thing you need right now.” I faced away from him. “Hop in. I promise I’ll behave.”
A raspy laugh reached my ears before I heard the rustling of clothing followed by the movement of water as he stepped into the tub.
“You can look now.”
I turned back around and regretted it. He looked too damn sexy sitting in that bathtub, his bare chest sticking out of the water. Remi didn’t have a lot of muscle. His build was lean and on the smaller side, but he had nice definition in his arms and shoulders.
“You can always change your mind and join me,” he said, running a wet hand down his chest, leaving droplets of water on his pale skin. The damn tease.
I shook my head no, forcing my feet to cement to the floor. Fighting against my desires was new for me. I very rarely turned down sex, especially with someone I was interested in.
“Can you at least sit on the toilet or something instead of standing there watching me?” Remi asked, his eyes holding the same amusement as his voice. I did as he said, putting the seat down before sitting. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, a curve to his lips. “Mm. This really is nice. Thanks, Jay.”
“You’re welcome.”
Little did he know I was going off personal experience. There’d been a night when Andrew had gotten drunk and called me up, telling me to go to our usual hotel. When I’d gotten there, he had shoved me against the wall and given me hard, sloppy kisses.
“It’s all your fault,” Andrew growled, shoving me harder against the wall and gripping my neck. “If you weren’t so beautiful, I wouldn’t be like this.”
I had tried pushing him away, and it had only excited him further. He’d then thrown me on the bed and tugged down my pants before taking me hard and fast. I had never told him no, but fear had seized my heart the entire time. Fear and also grief. Because I had thought I loved Andrew at that time and couldn’t understand why he’d been so harsh.
Once Andrew had left the room, I had run a bath and sunk into the tub. Hoping the hot water would burn away the feeling of disgust he’d left on my skin.
“Jay?” Remi asked, his voice pulling me from the memory. I blinked and focused on him. “Are you okay? You zoned out for a second there.”
“I’m fine.” He didn’t look like he believed me. “I should go.” I stood to leave.
“What if I need your help scrubbing my back?” Remi asked in a playful tone. His eyes, though, remained uncertain. Concerned. “You should stay just in case.”
Even after the warnings about me being horrible for him, he still wanted me to stay. If I did, would we both be playing our roles? Him as the magnet and me as the heartbreak? We both needed to break the habit.
“Remember that poison apple?” I asked, meeting his gaze and trying my hardest not to check out his nakedness beneath the water. “You’re getting dangerously close to taking a bite.”
“Please stay?” Remi’s expression faltered. He looked so haunted right then. “I… I don’t want to be alone right now. I need a friend.”
A friend. I could be that much for him.
I recalled what I’d told Emery before. He had kept everything close to his chest, and it had made him angry at the world. When he said he felt like he was drowning, I had told him that he wasn’t in the middle of the ocean with no life raft—that if he needed me, I’d be that raft for him.
I’d do the same for Remi.
“When is your next gig?” I asked, sitting back down.
He relaxed with relief and grabbed the soap, lathering up. “Not sure.” Soap fell on his chest and trickled down his ribs, and I tightened my hand into a fist, fighting the urge to go over and touch him. “Mike, the guy I fill in for on piano, should be able to play with them again soon.”
He then told me that Mike had gone through chemo, which was why Remi had started playing in the band.
“You and the guy with the beard seem close,” I pointed out, remembering seeing them joking around with each other before they’d gone on stage.
“That’s Johnny,” Remi explained, running the soap over his forearms. “I’ve known him since I was a kid. He and my mom were childhood best friends, so I grew up with him hanging around. He’s like a second dad to me.”
“Does your mom ever come to your shows?”
Pain flashed in his eyes, and he looked away from me. “No. She died when I was twelve.”
Shit.
“I’m sorry,” I said. Leave it to me to bring up a past trauma when I was trying to distract him from his current one. “What about your dad?”
A dry laugh escaped him. “What about him? He’s an even bigger asshole than you.” He smiled, though, to soften the blow. “He called me today, and you know what he said?”
“Happy Birthday?” I guessed.
“Nope.” Remi shook his head. “He told me to come work for him for the millionth time, and when I said no, he got pissed and hung up.”
“Work for him? Where?”
“He owns a company that specializes in building condos, vacation homes, and all that shit for insanely rich clients. He wants me to move to California and be the head of that branch.”
“That doesn’t sound like you at all,” I said, failing to imagine Remi working in an office
job as some big-shot CEO.
“Right? Crazy how you can see that after only knowing me like a month, but my own dad can’t see it.”
“I’ve technically known you since last summer.”
“The times where you creepily came to the 906 and stalked me doesn’t count,” he said, snorting.
“I didn’t stalk you. I enjoy having a smoke while listening to jazz. If that’s a crime, then sue me.”
“So you like jazz? Really?” he asked. When I nodded, he smiled and scrubbed his other arm. “Nathan always told me he liked jazz when we were dating. I’d play songs for him on the piano and everything. He admitted tonight that he actually hates it. Maybe it’s stupid, but it hurt my feelings.”
“It’s not stupid,” I said, forcing myself to stay seated. The sadness in his eyes made me want to pull him into my arms again. “The world is made up of two kinds of people: people who like jazz and people who are wrong.”
He smiled. “Like jazz, life is best when you improvise. Toss aside the rules and follow whatever path calls to you. It’s why I refuse to accept the job offer from my dad. That’s not my path. I’m playing a whole different rhythm.”
I wondered then if I was playing the same rhythm as Remi. Maybe not the same instrument, but definitely part of the same song, one that had highs and a few lows.
Remi rinsed off the soap and stood from the tub, his cock hanging thick and wet between his legs. I tore my eyes away and handed him a towel, my face heating. Since when did I get nervous seeing a naked man? What the hell was wrong with me?
“I never thought I’d see the day when Jay fucking Foley blushed.”
“I’m not blushing.” However, right as I said the words, my face got even hotter. “Cover yourself up.”
“Why?” Remi grabbed the towel and slowly ran it down his body, his blue eyes alive with a mischievous gleam. His dick swung a bit as he moved the towel across it. “Do you not have any self-control?”
My jeans grew way too snug, and I released a somewhat shaky breath. The tables had definitely turned. There he was teasing me instead of the other way around.
“The fact I’m standin’ here and not falling to my knees in front of you and slipping that beautiful cock into my mouth is proof of my self-control.”
His cock twitched in response to my words.
“No one’s stopping you.”
I can’t give in. I don’t want to hurt him.
“I’ll be in the living room.” I exited the bathroom. My willpower was slipping fast. Another moment and I would’ve pressed him against the wall and captured those delicious lips before doing exactly what I’d described.
Without meaning to, I had let Remi Barnett through the barriers I kept around myself.
Chapter 10
Remi
As Jay left the room, I wrapped the towel around my hips and smiled. Yeah, I was falling for him big-time. The more he tried to convince me otherwise, the faster my descent into madness. Because it was total madness to let myself get tangled in his net of sex, charm, and inevitable heartache.
But damn if it wouldn’t be one hell of a journey. I’d done a complete one-eighty in my way of thinking. Instead of pushing him away—which was safer—I was practically inviting him back into my bed. Into my life.
I went to my bedroom and grabbed a clean pair of boxers and sleep pants before putting them on and walking into the living room where Jay waited by the window. His arms were crossed, accentuating his toned biceps, and he had a faraway look in his eyes, as if he wasn’t actually seeing whatever he was supposedly looking at outside.
“Hey,” I said.
Jay turned to me, tucking a hand into his pocket and using the other to ruffle his blond locks. “I’d say it’s nice to see you clothed, but that would be a lie. You look much better with nothing on.”
“You’re the one who told me to get dressed.” I walked closer to him. His gaze dropped to my waist before slowly lifting in silent praise. His hungry eyes stirred the fire in my belly. But, just like last time he was in my apartment, I craved the intimacy more than the sex. “I can always get naked again. Just say the word.”
He smiled. “I’ve never been put in this position before. I’m usually telling men to take their clothes off, not put them on.”
“So why are you now?”
His eyes narrowed a little, and the smile fell. “It would be inappropriate for me to take advantage of you after what happened tonight.”
“Wow. I’m impressed.” Deep down, below the sarcasm, I truly was. “You actually are a decent guy.”
“I have my moments,” Jay said with a smirk in place, even though his eyes remained guarded. What was he hiding? “You should get into bed. You look half-asleep already.”
“Only if you come with me.”
“Remi…”
“Not for sex,” I clarified. “For company.”
I had little hope he’d agree, so I was shocked when he nodded and approached me, gliding a hand across my bare side as he passed me to go down the hall. I followed him into the room and crawled into my bed as he sat beside me. I was under the blanket, and he stayed on top of it.
“Another first for me,” Jay said. “Being in bed with a man and keeping my hands to myself.”
No one was forcing him to keep them to himself, but he seemed firm in his decision. It was both impressive and annoying.
“Did you really want to take me to dinner tonight?” I asked. I had thought I had Jay figured out, but then he surprised me by doing the unexpected.
“Yes. Hell if I know why. But I did.”
“And it made you jealous that I had plans with someone else?”
His jaw clenched. “Yes.”
“That’s how I feel every time I see you flirt with Brent,” I admitted, flipping to my side and facing him.
“I know.” Jay turned his head toward me, staring at my lips before meeting my gaze. “It’s why I do it.”
“Jerk.”
“If it means anything, the flirting is harmless.” Jay leaned against the headboard, spreading his legs in a teasing way. I vibrated with the need to straddle his hips and claim his lips right before letting him claim my body. “I’ve never wanted Brent.” Green eyes shifted to me. “You’re the one I want.”
“Even after you’ve had me?”
“Especially after I’ve had you,” he answered. Those emerald beauties fell to my lips again.
Every part of me tingled with the anticipation of his body moving on mine. The need was a physical thing between us, drawing me closer to him like we were two magnets that attracted instead of repelled.
“R-Remi…” Jay exhaled and shifted closer, his face so close we shared the same breath. “Visualize the apple. That goddamn poisonous apple that will hurt you.”
I placed a hand on his hard chest. His heart was beating as fast as mine. “Know what I think? You disguise yourself as the bad apple, but really, you have a beautiful core.”
He had shown me a new side to him that night. Considerate and gentle, holding me as I shook with panic and giving me soft kisses to my head to calm me down. Those weren’t the actions of a bad guy.
“No, darlin’,” Jay whispered, his breath tickling my lips. “I really am bad.”
“Liar.”
And then I kissed him.
Jay sighed and pulled me on top of him. I straddled his hips just like I’d wanted to do earlier and buried my fingers in his hair. His tongue sought entrance, and I opened for him, moaning as the kiss deepened.
He was beautiful, frustrating, and irresistible. He made me crazy but also brought me peace, a contradiction in every way.
“Touch me,” I panted, sitting back and pulling his head to my chest.
He nibbled my collarbone before tugging my face back to his and taking my breath away with a heated kiss. His hard cock pressed to my ass, but his shaky breaths told me he was still fighting with himself because he was holding back.
“God, I want you so much,” he
growled, dropping his face to my neck and kissing me there. “I want to lick every inch of you.”
“I’m right here.” I rolled my body on him, and he bit his bottom lip as he watched me through heavy-lidded eyes. “Yours for the taking.”
Something flashed in his eyes then, and he grabbed my hips, stopping me.
“We shouldn’t,” he said, his breath catching in his throat. “You said you’re falling for me, and I can’t give you what you want, Remi. Doin’ this will only hurt you more in the end. Better to stop it now before it gets to that point.”
Is he serious?
“Why are you so confusing?” The tops of my ears heated, and my scalp prickled. My quickened pulse resulted from both lust and irritation. “We’ve proven we can’t stay away from each other, but you’re still fighting it. I don’t see what the problem is. Yeah, you say you don’t do relationships, but then you keep coming around. And it’s not just for sex, because here I am basically dry-humping you and you’re resisting. Something’s gotta give, Jay. This back-and-forth crap is making me crazy.”
“You’re right.” Jay moved me aside and got off the bed. “I’m sorry for confusing you. It won’t happen again.”
“Don’t leave.” I reached for him, grabbing his bicep before he could walk away. “Just tell me why you’re so against the idea of dating me. Of seeing where this could go. You’re not even giving it a chance.”
“Because it’s not who I am.” He didn’t look at me. Maybe he couldn’t.
“Bullshit.” I kept hold of his arm, even as my hand shook. “Someone hurt you, didn’t they? So you’ve walled yourself off from anyone ever hurting you again.”
We were a lot more alike than I’d thought. He didn’t need to answer my question for me to see the truth in his eyes.
Jay placed his hand over mine and gently removed it from his arm. That faraway look had returned, except now it had a layer of pain beneath it too. “You should get some rest.”
“Jay…”
“I’ll lock the bottom lock on my way out, but you should lock the top behind me,” he said, heading for the bedroom door and disappearing down the hall.
His Surrender Page 10
